Chapter 15

They talked all night. Only when the first glow of sunrise began to seep under the curtain did they feel exhausted enough to finally sleep.

But even then Lily couldn't sleep. She felt warm and protected in James' arms, who held her close in her narrow bed that barely contained them both. Her body calmed down after the first few minutes of uncertainty, realizing that there was nothing wrong with them sleeping in the same bed, because she had never felt more safe anywhere in the world, knowing that James loved her and would never hurt her.

She longed for those feelings to accompany her to sleep, but she couldn't stop thinking about what had happened the day before. The murderous expression in Dolohov's eyes when he aimed the killing curse at James. She couldn't help but turn her ear to the absolute silence of the Potter family house and wonder if it was the same silence that had been there last September, just before Mr. and Mrs. Potter where murdered.

The sun was already shining, its pale light burning Lily's weary eyes. It was too late to try to fall asleep.

"James?" She asked quietly. James lay very still, his breathing steady, and she couldn't figure out whether he was asleep or not.

"Yeah?" He replied in a voice that made it clear that he hadn't been sleeping either.

She turned to him. His weary face looked as though it had aged by ten years overnight, but when he smiled at her his smile was as young and sincere as ever. His hair stuck out in all directions in an almost shrewd way that in her eyes was beautiful.

"You're going to write to your friends today?" She asked, wanting to talk about anything at all, as long as it kept the thoughts away.

"Maybe in a few days," he said. Lily realized that he was still a little angry at them. "Closer to the full moon. I want to be with you alone for a while."

Lily excepted his decision. "Alright. But you know what that means – you'll have to help with the housework. Boredom is dangerous for you."

James didn't seem to mind. He put his arms around her, resting his head over her head on the pillow. It scared her a little that he didn't have a cheeky replay.

She thought hard what she could say to cheer him up. He must have felt her discomfort, because he sat up abruptly and stretched.

"These mattresses are plain abuse. I would've done something about it if I knew," he said, trying to make the atmosphere lighter while getting out of bed. Lily felt as if an internal organ had been torn out of her body. She sat up and watched him put on his shoes with a sense of emptiness.

"I'd better go before Mrs. Chambers gets up," he said, straightening his crumpled shirt and making an effort to straighten his hair.

Lily nodded, straining to hide her disappointment. She didn't want to think what Mrs. Chambers would say if she knew they slept in the same bed – she imagined her reaction like Petunia's would have been if she knew – and yet that saddened her.

She took a shower and changed from yesterday's clothes, in which she slept, and arrived at the dining room even before Madeline. She helped her cook, knowing that if she didn't work the fatigue of the sleepless night would get to her. She had just set the table when Mrs. Chambers entered. She replied to her good morning and ran back to the kitchen, afraid that her weariness would make her suspicious. But after a few moments she gathered the courage and decided that they should stop hiding. There was nothing wrong with her relationship with James, no matter what Petunia would have said.

Keeping the thoughts about her sister away, Lily returned to the dining room with a straight back. Meanwhile James had joined the meal, his hair wet in a gracefully way. Maxwell had chosen that morning to eat with them too. James smiled at her, but she couldn't smile back. She came and stood beside Mrs. Chambers's, who was just about to pour the tea.

"What is it?" She asked Lily when she stood there almost stupidly without saying anything.

Lily lowered her eyes to the steam rising from the teapot. Chains of words clashed in her head in an effort to find the right way to say what she needed to, and from fear of saying something stupid and illogical she found herself saying, "Me and James are in love."

James froze in the middle of buttering toast. Even Maxwell lifted his eyes from the morning paper to watch the scene. Mrs. Chambers looked confused for a moment, then her hands began to tremble until Lily had to take the pot from her. The housekeeper sat down carefully, not looking at Lily, who was beginning to fear she had made a terrible mistake. Then Mrs. Chambers began to cry.

James stood up and walked over to her while Lily watched in alarm. He bent down and put a hand on her shoulder, and she pulled him into a tight embrace, saying something in his ear that Lily couldn't hear over the tears.

"Don't cry, Mrs. Chambers, we're not getting married yet," he said in a nervous chuckle.

Lily didn't think her face could be hotter than they already were, but apparently she was wrong. She stared at James, whom felt her gaze and gave her an embarrassed smile over Mrs. Chambers' shoulder.

"Times are so terrible..." Mrs. Chambers said in a choked voice, breaking away from James to wipe her face with a handkerchief. "After what had happened to the master and the lady... The thought that something else will happen keeps me up at night... I'm so happy to know that the Potter line won't end with you, James..."

James made an effort to elicit a reassuring smile for Mrs. Chambers, although Lily saw that her words were weighing on his heart. It made her feel bad, because the part that disturbed her the most was the suggestion that soon they would have children together. Their made her realize that they actually never spoke about the night James' parents were murdered.

Mrs. Chambers soon calmed down. She hugged Lily and told her she was happy for them, and didn't mention the job at all. Madeline, who had joined during the bout of crying, also hugged her; And even Maxwell, who had never even spoken to Lily, shook her hand with a fraction of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

Happiness and relief filled her up like a balloon, keeping her alert and smiling all day long. She did her chores vigorously, the fatigue not bothering her at all, and even went out of her way and did things Mrs. Chambers didn't ask from her. In the afternoon, after finishing all the work sooner than expected, she took two bottles of cold Butterbeer and went out into the garden behind the kitchen, where James volunteered to replace the summer herbs with tufts of magical plants that suited the winter.

Although the summer was almost over the day was very hot, even as the sun was setting. James was kneeling on the ground, his sleeves rolled up and his shirt sticking to his back with sweat. Lily stood in the doorway for a few moments, knowing that as soon as she moved he would notice her presence. She just wanted to look at him for a moment without him smiling or saying anything, to see him as he really was. And even though he wasn't laughing, doing nothing but digging in the ground with concentration, she loved what she was seeing.

She thought again about what Mrs. Chambers had said that morning. She tried to place them at a different time and place – a little older, in a house that belonged to both of them, and little children were running about in the afternoon light...

She repressed the vision. They were too young – they were practically children – too young to think of such a future. She scolded herself. She had to concentrate on her studies and N.E.W.T.s, not to think about a wedding.

She started walking toward him. As she had expected, he noticed her and smiled. He sat down on the ground with relief and took a Butterbeer gratefully, sipping it thirstily. Lily sat down on the cultivated ground beside him, sipping from her own bottle in silence.

After a few long moments where non of them spoke, James said, "I think we should acknowledge the Hippogriff in the room."

"Don't you mean the elephant?"

"I know what I mean, and don't try to change the subject, young lady." He leaned back on his hands and looked directly at her. "You're stressed out because of what Mrs. Chambers said."

Lily shrugged, avoiding eye contact. "She talked as if we were going to get married and start having children every minute now, isn't that stressful?"

James shrugged too, but somehow he didn't look too nervous. He seemed to find it quite amusing, for some reason. "That's probably how it was when she was young. My parents got married as soon as they finished school."

"It's a very young age to get married," Lily said. Her parents met when they were much older than that, and even Petunia, who ever since she was a girl had dreamed of a perfect wedding, had already passed the age of twenty on her wedding day.

"When you know, you know. You know?" James replied, then took a long swig of Butterbeer to hide his embarrassment.

Lily was struck by his remark. She noticed that James had stacked the tubs of old plants in a bucket and decided to use it to end the conversation.

"Where should I put these?" She asked as she got up and picked up the bucket, leaving no room for argument.

James must have felt nervous too, because he didn't try to stop her. "Just throw it in the shack."

Lily went there immediately. She felt James' gaze on her back and tried to ignore it. She told herself to stop cultivating unfounded expectations and concentrate on the present, but no matter how hard she tried to think about Hogwarts and her N.E.W.T.s, she couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to spend her life with James, for better or for worse.

She walked around the shack and put the bucket on the ground to open the heavy trailer door, when she had an uneasy sense that she wasn't alone. She turned with her wand drawn and the breath clutched in her chest. She tried to speak, but no sound came out. He had cast a silencing spell on her. She couldn't shout or cast any spell without her voice.

Severus, in his same worn coat, dark hair falling over his pale face, looked like a figure from a recurring dream. He had found her exactly when she hadn't been expecting it. Her initial panic was replaced by solid fear.

"I'll remove the spell only if you promise not to shout," he said in a steady, sombre voice. "I just want to talk."

Lily nodded vigorously, her inability to speak making her helpless. He reversed the spell and she immediately asked, "How did you get in here?"

Severus shrugged. It frightened her even more. It wasn't like him not the boast in his talents.

"We'll talk inside," he said, opening the door with a sharp pull. When Lily shrank back and wouldn't go in, he added somberly, "You owe me, Lily."

The fear turned to anger. She marched into the shack with a valid step, and as soon as Severus closed the door, she slammed at him – "I didn't ask you to take the blame."

Inside the shack it was dark when the door was closed. Severus' figure lurched in the darkness, and she couldn't see his face clearly. His tone was indistinguishable when he said, "And yet you let me do it."

Lily couldn't believe her ears. "I told the truth to everyone who would listen," she insisted, "I told Dumbledore and Professor Slughorn. But no one in the Ministry cared. They wanted it to be you. They wanted to interrogate you." She breathed for the first time since the beginning of her sentence. A ball tightened in her chest as she asked him, "Is it true that you're a Death Eater?"

The last sentence was the only one that provoked any response. He began to move, circling the red car that was gleaming in the dim light like a great lady-bug. He studied the Muggle object with obvious distaste in the light of a lonely beam that slipped behind the door.

"Are you ashamed of that?" She demanded to know, anger and a burning longing overwhelming her.

"Of course not," he replied immediately, furiously.

"So why won't you say it?" She replied, knowing she was annoying him, hoping she could break the shell and find the boy she once knew.

"I'm a Death Eater!" He raised his voice, startling her. "I'm a Death Eater, and I'm proud of it." A faint tremor passed through his voice and disappeared immediately. "Are you happy now?"

Lily felt an urge to cry but pushed it away. She told herself that she had known it for a long time.

"Why, Severus?"

Her soft question must have done something to him because he turned his back on her and looked at a display of alarm clocks.

She wanted to tell him he could tell her anything. Then an angry voice inside her told her that nothing he said could make her hate him any more. She pushed it away with a feeling of shame.

"So why are you here?" She said instead, eager to end the painful conversation.

He turned to her. "I know it was you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Yesterday, Potter broke into Antonin Dolohov's house," he said, "But there was someone else with him. Dolohov saw the intruder before he stupefied him. He said it was a girl of Potter's age, and his description was detailed. Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange think it could have been you, but they're not sure."

Lily didn't say anything. She stood very straight, tightening her grip on the wand. Severus' appearance frightened her even before, but at that moment she thought for the first time that he might have come there to hurt her.

"I saw the two of you," He said in a very different tone. "In the garden."

Lily knew he was talking about James. she kept silent.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation, quietly but confidently.

He looked like there was something he wanted to say, but he kept silent. Lily watched him anxiously, waiting for him to dare say something nasty, dare he call her names again.

"Stay away from him," he said at last. "They're going to retaliate. You don't want to be around him when it happens."

Lily was shocked by the coldness in which he spoke of revenge.

"Why are you telling me this? You know I'm going to tell him we talked," She demanded to know, trying the keep her voice from trembling.

Severus shrugged. Out of nowhere he told her, "If you come with me I'll make sure they won't hurt you."

The offer was made in a hushed, soft voice. Lily was mute with shock. She had suspected for a long time that Severus had loved her but was too scared to say anything. Now this offer confirmed what she had feared – that she was breaking his heart.

Lily kept silent for a long while. A simple refusal couldn't pronounce how this sudden offer made her feel, and she couldn't say how she felt without hurting his feelings – that she could never see him as more than a friend, no matter what he tried to offer her in exchange for her heart.

Severus lost his patience very quickly, apparently understanding the meaning of her silence by himself. Abandoning the watch display sharply, not looking at her even for a moment, he said, "On your head be it, Evans."

At that moment the door swung open. James was saying something, Lily couldn't hear what, and before she could react Severus cursed him.

James managed to duck behind the door with extraordinary speed. Lily took advantage of the opportunity to stupify Severus, but he brushed her curse with dexterity. James came out of his shelter and fought back; The red car came alive with a growl and sprang forward, forcing him to jump aside again to avoid being run over. Severus took advantage of the breach and fled. Lily ran after him without thinking twice.

She shouted his name, calling him to stop. It didn't affect him. He moved quickly and her curses missed him. Soon he jumped over the fence and Apperated with a pop; Lily's curse passed where he had been a split second before. She remained staring at the trees in shock and fear.

James caught up with her, clutching her hand. "You're alright? Did he do something to you? You're shaking – "

Lily forced herself to pull it together, to forget about Severus and concentrate on what was really important – his warning.

"They're going to take revenge on you," she said sharply, panting. "The Death Eaters. he told me."

James didn't panic. When he spoke he sounded like a completely different person; "I need you to run to the house and check all the runes. Do you know how to do that?" Lily nodded quickly. "Good. Find Madeline and Mrs. Chambers and tell them to go to the study. When you're done go there, too. Don't leave that room until I get there."

Lily barely nodded for the second time and he was already rushing toward Maxwell's cabin, sending his Patronus ahead of him, a huge silver stag.

Lily ran to the house without delay. By the time she reached the back door she could hardly breathe, but somehow it didn't bother her. She burst in and startled Madeline. She gave her James' message and ran to the hallway, sipping the stairs, and began to move her wand on the walls, muttering the old spells she had learned in Ancient Runes class.

The runes that protected the house revealed themselves in an oval-blue glow that spread along the walls, the ceiling and the floor like a vast net, which Lily followed resolutely, searching for fragments and injuries. She ran along the corridors, through the rooms, up the attic and down to the basement, checking the kitchen and the dining room and the staff rooms. By the time she had finished a layer of sweat she covered her body and damp hairs stuck to her forehead. Only when she was sure she hadn't forgotten any corner in the house did she let glow die and turned to the study with a jog.

Madeline and Mrs. Chambers sat very close on the couch opposite the empty fireplace. Lily tried to check the runes there too, but an electric current stabbed her hand through her wand. Then she began to walk around the room uneasily, unable to sit down and relax, or to answer the other women's questions.

Relief washed over her when James came in, Maxwell limping with his hand on his shoulder. Mrs. Chambers attacked them with questions.

"We found a big breach in the runes around the fence, but we were able to fix it," James replied with cool composure. To Lily he said, "I don't know how he did it, they're supposed to be impenetrable."

"Who? Who was it?" Mrs. Chambers inquired.

"Come on, sit down," James told Maxwell, who for some reason to take a seat in an armchair in front of the fireplace, and summoned one of the chairs from in front of the table for him. The gardener sat down, trying to hide his exhaustion, and James summoned a glass of water for him.

"Who breached the defenses?" Mrs. Chambers wouldn't let go.

"No one," was James' stiff reply. He passed his wand on the wall and to his command a complex network of runes flashed in all the colors of the rainbow. Lily had never seen such runes, so complex and ancient, as if a skilled hand had painted them with a brush. By the look for the runes that room was the safest room in the house, that was why James gather them there. He stopped at the throne with the stag's head behind the desk and studied the runes.

Only when he was sure that the protections were intact did he say with a much softer voice, "The house isn't as safe as we thought it was. The Death Eaters are going to come back. I want you all to go somewhere else. You too, Lily," he stressed as Lily opened her mouth to protest.

"What about you? Don't you dare say you're going to stay here!" Mrs. Chambers shuddered, her face turning white like a chalk.

"I'm staying," he announced without hesitation, putting his hand on one of the stag's wooden antlers. "I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me running away."

A terrible commotion arose in the room when all four of them started talking at the same time, telling him it was dangerous, foolish, that they won't abandon him, but James wouldn't hear it.

"Go pack up your bags now," he ordered in a tone that Lily had not yet heard him use.

No one moved.

"We should ask Dumbledore for help," Lily broke the tense silence.

"No," James said emphatically. "And there's no we. You're leaving within the hour."

Lily was offended by this statement. "They're looking for me too," She chose that moment to reveal the information she had previously decided she would spare him, because she knew it would cause him suffering. "Dolohov saw me."

James turned away, as if to hide his face from those around him. His reaction was unreadable, and it was startling, but Lily didn't let it paralyze her. Without saying anything, she went to the fireplace and took a handful of Floo powder from the box on the mantelpiece before she lit the fire with a spell.

James noticed her actions. "Don't – "

Lily didn't hear the rest of the sentence.

"Headmaster's office, Hogwarts!"

She threw the powder into the fireplace and walked into the green flames.