Chapter 9: When Everything Feels Like the Movies
Regina opened her mouth to apologize but Emma beat her to it.
"I...I'm sorry," Emma rushed out, a hand reaching up to run over the top of her head, her eyes still darting every which way instead of focusing on Regina.
Regina took a shaky breath and tried to calm her erratically beating heart. Why was Emma the one apologizing? "No," she said as evenly as she could manage, "I'm the one who should apologize. I shouldn't have...I'm sorry that I misconstrued the situation."
Emma shook her head rapidly, "No, no, no...you didn't..." she seemed to struggle with what to say. She sighed,"You didn't misconstrue anything."
Regina's brow creased at that. She didn't understand. If she hadn't misconstrued the situation then why had Emma pulled back?
"We can't do this," Emma's eyes still seemed tinged with panic but they finally stopped darting around the room and settled on Regina. Emma swallowed and added quietly, "I have cancer."
Regina brow creased further a moment, her lips pursing. What was Emma trying to say? There was only one conclusion she could come up with and it made her stomach twist uncomfortably. "I know, I'm sorry. I hope you don't think I was trying to take advantage of you. Because I assure you, that wasn't the case," she said carefully, her words sincere, truly apologetic.
"No," Emma shook her head, "That's not what I meant...I have cancer," she said it more firmly now, as if that was supposed to be answer enough.
Still completely confused, Regina was becoming frustrated and before she could stop herself she snapped out, "I know you have cancer, Emma. We met at the cancer centre."
Emma's eyes narrowed a moment and for a second Regina thought she was going to snap something back, instead she sighed heavily. "I'm sorry...I'm not saying this right…" she bit her lip, green eyes less panicked and more vulnerable now, "I have cancer. That means my life consists primarily of trips to the cancer centre, taking more medication than I can count on one hand, and sleeping ten or more hours a day…I'm not Emma, I'm Emma with Cancer. Do you know that I can't even think more than two days ahead sometimes? I try to picture the future and I just...panic. Four more months. I have four more months of this...this limbo. On really bad days, the only thing I can really do is wait for it to be tomorrow…that's what I'm looking at here. Four more months of waiting for it to be tomorrow…." Emma had barely taken a breath as she rambled but she paused then, as if collecting herself. She swallowed and when she spoke again, it was softly, her eyes pleading, "Don't you see? I couldn't offer you anything." A hand ran over her bald head nervously as she resumed rambling, "And, I know, I know, a kiss could just be a kiss...but it could be something else too...and I'd just ruin it...I can't...I mean...that's pretty clear, right? I couldn't be anything but a burden."
Regina softened, tension that had crept into her shoulders the moment Emma had pulled back easing. Her heart leapt hopefully and ached painfully at the same time. Maybe Emma did want to kiss her. Maybe Emma wanted more than to just kiss her. But Emma couldn't see herself properly. "Emma," the name was a whisper, soft and gentle, "Emma, Emma, Emma," she repeated, "You do realize that you've had cancer the entire time I've known you? Emma with Cancer is just Emma to me...the only Emma I know. And I'm not sure exactly what you think is different about the you right now versus whomever you were before your cancer diagnosis...but let me assure you that, if it wasn't clear, I like Emma with Cancer. I wouldn't spend so much time with you if I didn't."
"But I'm not…" Emma started to protest but Regina didn't let her finish.
"No," Regina said firmly, "If that but is a but I do not want to kiss you because this is much too difficult of a time in my life to be focusing on anything but my health, then go ahead and say that, because I would understand that. If it is a but I don't like you in that manner, then that's regrettable but something I would understand as well. But if you were about to say anything else regarding this ridiculous notion that I would consider you some kind of burden should a kiss turn into more than a kiss, then I do not want to hear it. How I feel about you, or would feel about you, is not a decision that you get to make, that is up to me."
Emma's eyes widened slightly, looking surprised, and Regina worried that perhaps she'd been a little too harsh with her words. But she had no intentions of taking it back. Regina was perfectly fine with not kissing Emma. She was perfectly fine with their friendship remaining nothing more than a friendship - disappointed, perhaps, but fine. But she was not even a little bit fine with Emma thinking of herself as a burden.
"I…" Emma sighed, "I don't know what to say."
Emma looked so uncertain, like she couldn't possibly understand why Regina wasn't just agreeing that she would be a burden in a relationship. Regina wondered if that was a common thought of cancer patients or if this, instead, was perhaps more related to Emma's years in the foster care system.
Regina sighed too. She knew what she wanted Emma to say. She wanted Emma to say okay, to accept what Regina had said. She wanted Emma to want her. But the moment that had nearly passed between them was gone. A kiss now would be awkward and forced, weighed down with the heaviness of the conversation they'd just had. It wouldn't be how Regina would want their first kiss to go. It wouldn't be how she would want any first kiss to go. So she buried her disappointment and shrugged one shoulder and offered an out, "Why don't we just finish the dishes?"
Emma blinked slowly, still looking uncertain, hands rubbing against the sides of her legs, but slowly she relaxed, her head bobbing out a yes. "Yeah, okay," she agreed, shuffling the few steps back to the sink.
They washed and dried in silence for a while until Emma broke the spell. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes focused intently on the pan she was scrubbing.
Regina wasn't exactly sure what the apology was for but it was with tenderness that she answered, "Don't be."
Emma looked over at her with hopeful, uncertain, eyes, "You're not mad at me?"
Regina shook her head, offering with the same tenderness, "Of course I'm not angry." It wasn't a lie. She wasn't angry, disappointed, more so than she wanted to admit even to herself, but not angry. How could she possibly be angry with anyone who looked at her the way Emma was looking at her right now?
xxxxxxx
The next twenty four hours were awkward. Or, at least, they felt awkward to Emma.
It wasn't that Regina acted any differently than she had previously, it was that Emma kept looking at her and thinking we almost kissed. It was that Emma kept looking at her and thinking I want to kiss you. But that wasn't an option. Regina might not think that Emma was a burden now but she would. Of course she would. And Emma had to protect herself from the inevitable fall had to protect Regina too. Because Regina might think she knew what she was getting herself into but she really had no clue.
Emma felt kind of bad that she bailed the second Billy called to say that her car was ready but she needed space. She needed time to think. Needed distance because she was pretty sure that if she was around Regina for just five more minutes she was going to cave and kiss her.
So, it was with both guilt and relief that she eyed the Welcome to Storybrooke sign in her rearview mirror as she headed back to Boston.
xxxxxx
Two days later, Emma sat across from August in a coffee shop a couple blocks from her apartment. She wiped at her nose with a napkin she scooped from the napkin dispenser on the table. "Ugh," she groaned, "My nose won't stop running all of a sudden. It's driving me crazy."
"Who knew nose hair had a purpose, huh?" August smirked.
Emma's nose crinkled, "What?"
"Your nose running. It's because you have no nose hair," August clarified, "Good times."
Huh. Emma crinkled her nose again, this time to try and ascertain if August was right. Without a mirror it was hard to tell for sure, though she supposed he would know and hair was hair. "Well...you learn something knew everyday," Emma shook her head ruefully.
"That's cancer for ya," August smirked, "teaching you things you didn't care to actually know."
Emma shook her head again, picking up her cup of hot chocolate and blowing on it carefully before taking a small sip.
"How are you feeling anyway?" August asked curiously.
Emma shrugged, "Tired."
August nodded knowingly, "Yeah, that's a given. When I was getting chemo, I slept more hours than I was awake."
Emma wasn't quite at that point yet, although she was close, and she could easily picture getting there. Every treatment was sort of like getting knocked to the ground and each time she stood back up she was starting out a little closer to the ground than she had the time before. She wondered if she would get to the point where she couldn't even get up off the ground at all anymore. She hoped not. Although it did sort of feel like that was where she was heading. "I just can't wait for it to be over," Emma sighed.
August hummed in understanding, taking a swig of his coffee.
Emma watched him carefully a minute, sipping her own drink. She set the mug down on the table, leaving her fingers wrapped around it, absorbing the warmth, "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," August agreed easily.
"Did you ever...date? When you were in treatment, I mean," Emma asked.
"I did…" his hesitation to answer was obvious and he eyed her carefully, "why?"
"I just…" Emma shrugged, not finishing the thought, asking instead, "Did it go well?"
August still seemed hesitant but after a moment where they just stared at each other, he said, "It didn't…"
Emma sagged in her seat. This was the answer she'd expected but it still left her feeling surprisingly defeated.
"But…" August continued, "that doesn't mean that it couldn't have gone well. With the right person. Rachel was just...she wasn't made of the right stuff. She wanted an easy life. Someone to take her to nice dinners and parties and who would pay for everything. She didn't want a guy who spent most of his time at the cancer centre or asleep. She didn't want to put up with me puking, or my steroid induced mood swings, or my sudden utter lack of a sex drive. She didn't sign up for cancer or chemo side effects and she hit the exit button as soon as it got too hard. I was mad about it at the time...but now...now I see that she wasn't the kind of girl you'd want around for the long haul. A girl you'd want around for the long haul though...she'd have stayed. Definitely."
Emma gnawed her lip as August spoke. When he finished, she couldn't quite sort out what to say.
Seeming to sense that she was at a loss, August waggled his eyebrows playfully at her, his eyes twinkling, "So are you going to tell me about this person you want to date but aren't sure about because you have cancer and it sucks or what?"
Emma's eyes widened, "I never said…"
August laughed, "Oh come on, it's written all over your face."
"It is not," Emma grumbled, which only made August laugh harder.
He took a large gulp of his coffee and set the mug back down, holding his hand up in a stop motion, "Wait. Let me guess," he grinned amused at her, "It's the brunette from the cancer centre? Regina, right?"
"How…" Emma trailed off, her forehead scrunched in disbelief. How on earth could he have guessed that?
August grinned even wider, his eyes twinkling almost mischievously, clearly pleased with himself. "It was pretty obvious the other day. The way you brightened when she walked into the lab. You were practically glowing. And her. Well I thought she was going to burn a hole right through me with her eyes when I gave you my number. It's all the signs of two people who are clearly very much into each other," he tapped his hands against the tabletop in a rhythm, "So, tell me. I'm right, right?"
Emma wasn't sure how she felt about how easily she apparently was to read but she admitted begrudgingly, "Yeah...you're right."
August grinned again before he sobered a bit, "So what's the problem?"
"I have cancer. Isn't that problem enough?" Emma sighed, "I mean, your relationship story wasn't exactly inspiring."
August shrugged, "Regina is a volunteer at the cancer centre. I'd say that that most definitely, without a doubt, makes her not a Rachel."
"Yeah...but…" Emma started to protest but didn't actually finish the thought.
"But what?" August eyed her with a knowing expression, "It might not work? How is that any different than any other relationship?"
Emma's eyes narrowed, grumbling, "It's a little freaking different, okay?"
"Yeah, okay," August conceded, "It is. You'll have less energy to devote to a relationship since most of your focus right now is consumed with getting through treatment. But...like I already said, Regina is a volunteer at the cancer centre, she'll have a pretty good idea what she's agreeing to. Don't you think you should let Regina decide what she's alright with?"
"That's what Regina said," Emma admitted.
"Wait," August's eyebrows arched up curiously, "You've already talked to Regina about this?"
"Sort of," Emma shrugged, not sure why she was admitting so much to August, but not trying to stop herself either. It was sort of nice to talk to someone who she didn't have to explain any of the cancer stuff to. She rubbed at her face and sighed, "We sort of almost kissed and I freaked out. And I said I couldn't offer her anything...because I have cancer and it's freaking true. But she sort of just disagreed and said I wasn't allowed to make decisions about how she felt about me that it was up to her. We haven't really talked about it since though. I think she thinks I rejected her. But that's not it...I just...she's freaking amazing ...she deserves the best. And whatever I am right now," she motioned to herself, "This is definitely in no way the best."
"I get it," August said carefully, "I really do. It's hard to wake up every day and look in the mirror and see a stranger. It's hard to wake up every day and know that it isn't over yet, that you still have months and months ahead of you. It's hard to know that even when it's over it isn't really over. You'll still be a person who had cancer. You'll still worry, a lot at first, and a little less over time, that you're going to become a person with cancer again. It's a lot. It's a lot a lot. It's a lot for you and, you're right, it's a lot to ask someone to take on. It takes someone special for it to be worth trying," he eyed her even more seriously now, "But if you think that just because you currently have cancer that that means you have nothing to give, nothing to offer to a partner, then you're selling yourself short. And, actually, as someone who's had cancer, as someone who has friends who will have cancer for the rest of their lives, I'm going to take offense to that."
Emma listened attentively as August spoke. She tried to picture it from his perspective. Tried to imagine what she'd tell someone who wasn't herself. She saw what he was saying, she did. It just didn't make it any easier. "I don't know what to do," she admitted with a sigh. It wasn't completely true - she knew what her heart wanted to her do. Her head was the problem.
"You want my advice?" he didn't wait for her to confirm whether she cared what he thought or not, "I say go for it. Life is too short not to take risks."
It was perhaps the corniest advice she'd ever received but she supposed, as a cancer survivor, August was entitled to be a little corny. Maybe someday Emma would be spouting corny advice as well.
Emma's heart fluttered hopefully. Maybe she could do this.
xxxxxx
Afraid that she would lose her never if she waited, after Emma left the coffee shop, she climbed into her car and headed for Storybrooke.
It was just before lunch that she saw the Welcome to Storybrooke sign up ahead.
Deciding that she did not want to show up empty handed, she made a detour on her way to Regina's house.
xxxxxxx
Granny's dinner was packed, even more so than it had been a few days previously when Emma and Regina had had brunch there. Emma supposed it made sense since it was Saturday.
Emma stood uncertainly in the doorway a minute as the bell chimed and all eyes seemed to turn to focus on her. She ignored the stares and moved over to the counter, where Ruby was leaning chatting with someone sitting at the counter.
Spotting Emma, Ruby straightened and moved down the counter to stand in front of her. She smiled, "Emma, hi."
Emma smiled back, "Wow. Good memory."
"We don't get too many new faces in town. You're memorable," Ruby shrugged it off, "speaking of...I heard a rumour that you left town."
Emma's eyes widened at that. People had been talking about her? She didn't understand small towns at all. "I live in Boston, so yeah, I did leave," she explained.
Ruby nodded, "And then you just couldn't stay away because it's such a charming place and so here you are?" Ruby joked, grinning at Emma, her eyes twinkling.
Emma chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck, "Something like that."
"So what can I do for you?" Ruby asked, "Do you want to have a seat? Order some lunch?"
Emma shook her head, "I was actually wondering...do you do take out?"
"Yep," Ruby nodded, pulling out a pen and her order pad, "What can I get you?"
"Can I get two of whatever Regina orders most often for lunch?" Emma asked and then reconsidered, "Actually...what would that be?"
"Kale salad," Ruby provided without even having to think about it.
Emma's nose scrunched up in mild disgust, "Yeah okay, no...let me have one of those and one...umm...grilled cheese sandwich."
"Sure thing," Ruby nodded, "And don't worry, the grilled cheese doesn't come with fresh fruit."
Emma groaned, "I really am sorry about that hassle the other day."
"It wasn't a problem," Ruby waved her off with a hand. She eyed Emma curiously a moment, "Regina sure seemed to care an awful lot about your well being."
It was a statement that sounded more like a question, delivered in the way that Emma knew meant Ruby was looking for gossip - gossip Emma wasn't about to give her. Although Emma couldn't seem to stop the blush spreading across her cheeks as she shrugged noncommittally.
Ruby's eyes twinkled in delight, as if Emma had said everything she wanted to hear instead of nothing at all. She scribbled on the order pad, tore the sheet off the pad, and turned to move away from Emma, pausing to call back over her shoulder with a grin, "Your order won't take long."
xxxxxx
It really wasn't long.
Ten minutes later Ruby was standing at the counter in front of her with a white paper bag with the Granny's logo emblazoned on the side and two glass bottles.
Emma's order must have been shuffled to top of the pile to be ready so quickly but for the life of her she couldn't sort out why. Was this some kind of because she had cancer thing? She gave up trying to sort it out as Ruby set the items down on the counter.
"So Granny says that Regina likes root beer. I gave you two. On the house," Ruby's eyes twinkled.
Emma wasn't sure what was more surprising, the fact that there was somebody in this establishment who actually went by the name Granny or the fact that this Granny was apparently trying to help her woo Regina - if bringing someone lunch could be considered wooing that was. She wondered if her order being shuffled to top of the pile had less to do with her cancer and more to do with Regina. "Thanks," she smiled genuinely at Ruby.
She paid and collected the items, preparing to leave, a sudden flutter of nervous energy flooding through her as she realized that all that was left to do now was go to Regina's.
"Good luck," Ruby called knowingly as Emma spun to leave.
Emma didn't say so but she thought she could probably use the luck. "Bye Ruby," she called over her shoulder instead.
xxxxxx
Standing on Regina's front porch, bottles of root beer in one hand, the white paper bag in the other, Emma rang the doorbell and rocked nervously on the balls of her feet while she waited.
It was only a minute before she heard the padding of feet on the other side of the door, and then the door was swinging open.
Regina looked startled to see her, brown eyes wide as she stared.
"Hi," Emma grinned sort of sheepishly, ignoring the way her voice wobbled slightly with her nerves.
"Hello," Regina said back carefully, the surprised look on her face still there.
"I brought lunch," Emma held the bags up higher as if that would help make it clearer.
Regina just stared wordlessly a moment and then as if realizing she was doing it, she shook her head at herself and held the door open wider, "Come in."
Emma traipsed into the entrance way, Regina taking the items out of her hands so that she could remove her boots, and her leather jacket, and the knit hat from her head, a hand rubbing immediately over her head as if to smooth down non-existent hair.
Regina let Emma take back the paper bag but she kept the root beers as she led the way to the kitchen, setting the drinks down onto the table and moving over to the cupboards.
Emma set the paper bag on the table, rocking nervously as she watched Regina yank a cupboard door open. "I'm sorry that I showed up without calling...you umm...haven't eaten lunch yet have you?"
Regina paused what she was doing, her head spinning to look at Emma. Her expression was unreadable a moment and then a smile tugged at her lips. "No," she shook her head, "I haven't eaten." She turned back away from Emma to grab some plates and placemats and silverware. She carried those items over to the table, setting them down as she eyed Emma, quirking a slow eyebrow at her, "So you drove more than an hour to bring me lunch from Granny's?" Her tone was an odd mixture of amused and confused.
"Yes," Emma swallowed, helping Regina arrange the placemats and plates on the table. "Well…" she added, as she pulled the food out of the paper bag, handing the kale salad over to Regina, "that and other reasons." She pulled out the wrapped grilled cheese and set it on the plate she decided was hers, her gaze flickering up to meet Regina's.
"Other reasons," Regina repeated slowly, an eyebrow quirking high. Her breath seemed to hitch a moment and then she said smoothly, "And what, pray tell, are these other reasons?"
Emma swallowed thickly, her heart suddenly hammering loudly in her chest, her nerves mounting, butterflies fluttering uncomfortably in her stomach. "I…" she started but didn't continue, swallowing again as she took one step and then another, moving closer to Regina until they were practically toe to toe.
Regina's eyes widened, her pupils dilating as her eyes darted down to look at Emma's lips and then back up to meet her eyes.
Emma swallowed one last time, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips, and then she was leaning forward, closing the gap between herself and Regina until their faces were only inches apart. Her eyes fluttered shut as she closed the remain gap, pressing her lips gently against Regina's.
Regina had been standing perfectly still up to that point but she moved then, leaning into the contact, her lips pressing more firmly, insistently, against Emma's, one of her hands reaching up to cup Emma's cheek.
When Emma finally pulled back she was a little breathless, probably because she'd completely forgotten that breathing was a necessity, and she was grinning like a dopey fool.
Regina, looking a little breathless herself, said, "Can I presume that that was the aforementioned other reasons?"
Emma nodded still smiling the same dopey smile, "It's all I've been thinking about for days." Truthfully she'd thought about kissing Regina long before the almost kiss in this kitchen three days previous.
Regina's lips twitched into a coy smile, "And was it worth the hour drive?"
Yes was the answer on the tip of Emma's tongue. Of course the answer was yes. It was worth a drive twice as long, quadruple as long. Yes was the truth but Regina's coy smile was doing things to her insides, good things, so instead of saying yes, she waggled her eyebrows up and down, "I dunno...it's hard to say...maybe we should try it again so I can say for sure."
Regina rolled her eyes, reaching out and smacking Emma's arm playfully but then she snagged that same arm and tugged Emma gently towards her, wrapping her arms around Emma's waist, their bodies pressing together.
Emma's own arms looped around Regina's neck, as their lips met for a second kiss. Emma sighed contently into the contact, the sigh replaced with a moan of pleasure as her lips parted to grant Regina's tongue access to her mouth.
"Well?" Regina asked with a quirked eyebrow when they finally parted, her arms still wrapped around Emma's waist.
Emma was smiling dopily again, "Definitely worth the drive."
xxxxxx
Emma's grilled cheese was completely cold by the time they finally sat down at the table to eat the lunch she'd brought - not that she cared.
She ate small bites of the sandwich, watching Regina across the table, her heart fluttering happily.
She wasn't sure what this was. What this would become. And she definitely still wasn't completely sure it was a good idea, not with the whole cancer thing going on. But she decided that, at least for the moment, she wasn't going to think about any of that. Instead she was going to think about how great of a kisser Regina was. At least for the moment, she was going to allow herself to be content.
Seeming to sense that she was being watched, Regina looked up from her salad and across the table. "What?" she asked curiously.
"Nothing," Emma shook her head with a smile.
xxxxxx
Sometime later they were curled up on the couch, the TV on but with the volume turned down low, Emma's head in Regina's lap, her eyes getting droopier and droopier despite a continued stubborn insistence that she wasn't tired. Regina was pretending to believe her, all the while tracing gentle patterns on Emma's arm, hoping the soothing motion would lull her into a clearly much needed nap.
Regina still couldn't quite believe that Emma was here. After Emma's somewhat hasty departure from Storybrooke, she'd spent the last two days waiting for a phone call, or worse a text message, from Emma saying she didn't want to see Regina again. A large part of her had fully expected Emma to withdraw completely from the friendship they'd built over the last two months. No part of her had expected the opposite. No part of her had expected Emma at her front door. No part of her had anticipated Emma in her kitchen kissing her.
"You know," Emma's voice, laced with tiredness, interrupted Regina's thoughts, "we might need to worry."
Regina's brow crinkled as she looked down at Emma, "Worry about what?"
"About the twist. There's always a twist in cancer books and movies. I mean, at the very least someone has to beat the odds and live when everyone thought they were going to die," Emma explained, her voice sounding oddly serious, "And there are no odds for me to beat. The odds have always been in my favour. So...that doesn't bode well for us. Like. The twists are always awful. Someone almost always dies. Half the time it's not even the person with cancer."
"I can't tell if you're trying to be funny or if you're being serious," Regina eyed Emma skeptically, "Plus wasn't that guy August at the cancer centre just making fun of you the other day for not having seen any cancer movies? When did you become such an expert? "
"Of course I'm not being serious," Emma said, even though she still sounded much too serious for that to be completely true, "And I'm not an expert...I just did some research…"
Not sure what to say to that, Regina just quirked an eyebrow at Emma who sighed softly and closed her eyes.
They sat in silence, Regina continuing to trace circles on Emma's arm, thinking she might be finally falling asleep.
"I just…" Emma broke the silence, her eyes blinking back open to stare up at Regina, "whatever this is...we aren't tempting fate are we?"
Regina eyed her carefully, "I didn't think you believed in fate."
"I don't," Emma agreed with a soft sigh but she still looked troubled.
"Emma," Regina said carefully, seriously, "this isn't a movie, this is real life. There doesn't have to be a plot twist."
"Yeah," Emma sighed sleepily, "I know."
"Do you?" Regina quirked an eyebrow down at her.
"Mmhm," Emma nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips in what Regina was sure was the most adorable way possible.
"Good," Regina smiled fondly, fingers still running gently along Emma's arm.
Emma's eyes fluttered shut and this time they stayed closed, her breathing evening out as sleep finally claimed her.
xxxxxx
Emma ended up spending the night.
Regina was pretty sure that the rumour mill at Granny's turned that into much more exciting gossip than it actually was - Emma had actually spent the night in the guest room, the same room she'd slept in earlier in the week. Ruby seemed to have speculated something different, however, when Regina and Emma walked into the diner for breakfast the following morning. Or, at least, that was what Regina assumed the eyebrow wagging expression Ruby shot at Emma, not at all conspicuously, was about. A suspicion that seemed to be confirmed when Kathryn called her later that night after Emma had headed back to Boston once more.
Kathryn didn't waste anytime getting to the point, "I thought you told me at Christmas that Emma was just your friend."
"I did say that," Regina confirmed non-committally.
"So, why then is it that I'm now hearing about how this Emma has spent multiple nights at your home in the last days?" Kathryn asked.
"And where pray-tell did you hear this?" Regina asked, although she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.
"Frederick and I had dinner at Granny's tonight. Ruby had all kinds of things to share." Regina could practically hear the smirk in Kathryn's voice as she continued, "Emma doesn't sound much like just a friend to me..."
"Oh shut up," Regina grumbled as Kathryn laughed on the other end of the phone.
xxxxxx
January turned into February on the day of Emma's next chemo treatment.
There was nothing quite like a chemo treatment to take the sails out of, well, everything. Not that that was all that surprising. But, still, Emma had sort of hoped that the giddiness of a new relationship - if relationship was the right word for whatever was going on between her and Regina - would be a good combatant for anticipatory nausea.
It was not.
By the time that Regina's volunteer shift was over and she was pulling up a chair to sit beside Emma's recliner, Emma's stomach was churning unhappily.
Yet, when Regina's fingers laced with hers, squeezing tightly, she couldn't help but smile.
xxxxxx
"So I was thinking," Regina said in the car on the way to Emma's apartment after her treatment, "I could drop you off and then run out and pick up a few things and come back to make dinner."
Emma lifted her head from where it was resting against the window to eye Regina curiously, "You don't have to make me dinner. I won't even be good company. Last time you came over after chemo I slept through an entire movie and then went to bed at 9 o'clock."
"First of all, I wouldn't be making dinner for you, I'd be making dinner for us. And second of all, you're still good company even if you're asleep," Regina said.
Emma eyed her skeptically but before she could say anything Regina's cellphone started ringing.
The cellphone was hooked up to the car through Bluetooth and the caller ID flashed up on the car's display screen - Mother. No thank you, Regina thought to herself and hit the reject call button on her steering wheel.
"Did you just hang up on your mother?" Emma eyed her like she was a little crazy.
"I'll call her later," Regina shrugged indifferently.
Of course Cora Mills being Cora Mills meant that she wasn't about to just accept that Regina didn't want to talk to her. Less than a minute had passed before the phone was ringing again.
"Just answer it," Emma supplied helpfully.
Regina tsked but after the third ring she hit the accept button on the steering wheel. "Hello mother," she greeted.
"Regina darling," Cora's voice filled the car, "Why must you always sound so disappointed that I'm calling."
"That isn't true," Regina shook her head even though Cora couldn't see her.
Cora made a tsking sound but she didn't refute Regina's claim. "Anyhow," she said, "I'm calling to wish you happy birthday since I couldn't say so in person since you refused to cancel your volunteer shift at that cancer centre and come to Portland to have dinner with me."
Regina groaned at the same time that Emma said, "It's your birthday?"
"Who is that?" Cora asked.
Regina resisted the urge to groan a second time. She also managed to suppress a sigh. "That is someone from the cancer centre. I'm driving her home."
There was a long pause where Regina could practically hear the wheels turning in Cora's head. "Is that part of your volunteer duties?" she finally asked.
"No…" Regina did sigh then, "Emma is...a friend."
"I see," Cora said, "Well hello Em-ma. I'm sorry my daughter wasn't polite enough to introduce us."
Emma's eyes widened and she actually gulped before she said, "Hello Mrs. Mills."
"Mother, we've really got to go," Regina interrupted before Cora could get any ideas about asking Emma any invasive questions, "We're arriving at our destination."
"Very well," Cora sighed, her voice taking on a surprisingly tender tone, "happy birthday darling."
"Thank you," Regina said sincerely before hanging up.
"Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday!" Emma practically shouted as soon as the phone was disconnected.
Regina pulled up in front of her apartment building, putting the car in park as she shrugged a shoulder, "It's not a big deal."
"Yes it is," Emma insisted, "You should let me take you out to dinner."
Regina quirked an eyebrow. She didn't flat out refuse at first, instead reaching over and gently cupping Emma's cheek, stroking her skin softly with the pad of her thumb. Regina was fairly certain she would never get used to the horrible grey tinge Emma's skin took on after chemo. It made her look so unwell. There was no way Emma was up for sitting in a restaurant right now and they both knew it. "Emma," Regina said finally, her voice serious, leaving no room for debate, "All I want for my birthday is to cook dinner for you and sit together on your couch. It's my birthday. Shouldn't I get what I want?"
It was an ace of an argument and, sure enough, Emma sighed softly and agreed. "Yeah okay..." she nodded, "can I at least come with you to the grocery store?"
"Emma," Regina quirked an eyebrow, no argument needed. If Emma wasn't well enough to sit in a restaurant, she certainly wasn't well enough to walk around a grocery store.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Emma grumbled in defeat.
Regina couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her as she leaned over and peeked Emma quickly on the lips. "Go upstairs and lie day grumbly, I won't be long."
"Hey, I'm not grumbly," Emma whined playfully as she opened the car door and got out.
"Sure you aren't," Regina smirked.
xxxxxx
Emma waited just inside the main door of her apartment building for a few minutes, long enough for her to be sure that Regina would be gone, and then she stepped back outside. She considered hopping in the bug, heading for a bakery and picking up a really nice cake, but discounted the idea as soon as she had it. She was much too sluggish to be driving right now. And Regina would kill her if she found out she had. No. Driving was definitely out. As was walking more than a block or two, which only really left one option - the corner store one block over.
The walk took painfully longer than it should have and by the time she was pushing her way through the entrance to the store, Emma was practically gasping for air. She wandered the few aisles trying to decide what to grab - this convenience store was by no means a bakery. Eventually she settled for a box of individually packaged brownies, the kind intended to be lunch snacks, a can of whipped cream, a little thing of rainbow coloured sprinkles, and some birthday candles. An outrageously overpriced sixteen dollars later, she was leaving the convenience store with the items safely stored in a plastic bag, and walking back to her apartment building.
By the time she made it up the three flights of stairs and into her own apartment, twenty minutes had passed and she knew she probably wouldn't have much longer before Regina was back.
Emma dumped the items out of the bag and onto the counter and grabbed a plate out of the cupboard. She tore into the box of brownies, removing each and every one from their individual packaging, stacking them on the plate until they formed a flat pyramid of sorts. Then she took the can of whipped cream and covered the flat pyramid in a layer of fluffy white whipped cream. She used the rainbow sprinkles to decorate the top and then added a few candles.
"Tada," she said out loud to the empty apartment when the makeshift cake was finally done. It wasn't great by any means. The exact opposite actually. But hopefully the effort would, at the very least, amuse Regina.
xxxxxx
It only took Regina a little over a half an hour to get what she needed at the grocery store and return to Emma's apartment building. Balancing two bags of groceries carefully, she knocked on the door to Emma's apartment and waited.
It was only a minute before the door was swinging open. "Hi," Emma greeted with a tired smile. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a different warm knit hat than the one she'd had on in the car on her head.
Regina quirked an eyebrow at her attire, "Cold?"
"Yeah," Emma admitted, grabbing the bags from Regina and carrying them into the kitchen, depositing them onto the counter.
Regina pulled her coat off and hung it in the closet, taking her boots off next, before following Emma to the kitchen. Her eyes immediately landed on what seemed to be a lopsided pile of whipped cream, topped with sprinkles and candles. She quirked a curious eyebrow at Emma, "What is that?"
Emma looked up from where she'd been pulling things out of the grocery bags and beamed at Regina, "It's a cake."
"It's a cake," Regina repeated in disbelief.
"Mmhm," Emma nodded, "A brownie and whipped cream cake. They're all the rage. Didn't you know?"
Regina barely contained a snort, "I guess I missed that memo."
Emma laughed happily at Regina's reaction.
Regina shook her head, an amused smile tugging at her lips, "Where did you even get the ingredients to make this?"
"The corner store," Emma explained.
"You walked?" Regina quirked an eyebrow.
Emma nodded and then added quickly, "It wasn't far."
Regina considered chastising Emma for what she thought was probably a bit too risky of a choice but she couldn't bring herself to do it, not when the reason had been this impossibly sweet gesture. "Thank you," she said instead, moving over to Emma and wrapping her arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug, mindful not to knock the blanket off of Emma's shoulders. She nuzzled her face into the crook of Emma's neck, not particularly caring that Emma smelt vaguely of saline and hospital antiseptic.
"You like it?" Emma practically whispered, soundly oddly shy.
"I love it," Regina answered.
xxxxxx
Regina sent Emma to lie on the couch while she worked on cutting up vegetables to make stir fry.
Emma had been lying on the couch all of five minutes when suddenly blankets were being kicked to the floor and her warm hat was ripped from her head and added to the pile, followed quickly by her socks.
Regina watched the display with confusion and mild alarm. "Are you okay over there?" she asked.
Emma groaned, sitting up on the couch so that she could see Regina, her face filled with annoyance, as she practically hissed, "Hot flash."
Regina noticed that under Emma's still grey skin, there was now the slightest tinge of red. She quirked an eyebrow and repeated Emma's words curiously, "Hot flash?"
"Yep," Emma confirmed with an exasperated sigh, "It seems my new trick of the week is chemo induced menopause. Or, well, I think chemo induced menopause has been a thing for a while. But the hot flashes are new since like Monday. Fun times."
Regina's eyes widened in surprise at that, hesitating as she tried to decide what the best response might be.
"Still sure you want to be my girlfriend?" Emma joked, filling the sudden silence - although her tone was perhaps a little too self deprecating for it to completely be a joke.
Regina knew what to say then, smirking slowly, "Oh so I'm your girlfriend now then am I?"
Emma's eyes widened in sudden horror as she finally realized what she'd actually said. "I...uhh...I…"
Regina didn't let the stammering go on long, cutting it off with a laugh, "Oh stop it. I was just teasing you."
"Huh?" Emma's brow crinkled making her looking adorably confused.
Regina paused her chopping, regarding Emma carefully before offering as nonchalantly as she could manage, "If you would like to use the title girlfriend….I could be agreeable to that."
Emma's lips tugged into a grin, "I could be agreeable to that too."
"Are you making fun of my word choice?" Regina quirked an eyebrow, setting the knife down and moving from the kitchen into the living room, stopping in front of the couch.
"Who me?" Emma's grin widened, "Never."
"You're impossible," Regina shook her head as she leaned down to press her lips to Emma's. Her breath hitched as Emma reached up to tug her down onto the couch beside her, tangling a hand in her hair and deepening the kiss.
They were both breathless when they parted and Emma shivered.
"You okay?" Regina eyed her carefully.
"Yeah, just cold again," Emma shrugged, "Hot flash is over, I guess."
Regina nodded her understanding, standing up and reaching for the items in the pile on the ground. She handed Emma the hat and the socks and held onto the blankets until Emma had put the other items back on. "Lie back down," Regina urged and Emma did as instructed. Regina covered Emma carefully with the blankets, smoothing them out with her hands. Satisfied, she pressed a kiss to Emma's forehead and then moved back to the kitchen to finish getting dinner ready.
xxxxxx
They had dinner followed by the makeshift cake, Emma insisting on lighting the candles and singing Happy Birthday before they could eat it.
Later, after Emma had fallen asleep with her head on Regina's shoulder and woken with a start not once but twice, Regina said, "I should go, so you can get to bed."
Emma looked like she was going to protest but she conceded with a sigh. "I'm sorry this was how you had to spend your birthday," she mumbled, sounding half asleep.
"Emma," Regina hummed softly, reaching for one of Emma's hands and lacing their fingers together. She raised their joined hands and pressed a gentle kiss to Emma's knuckles before lowering their arms back down so that their joined hands were resting in her lap. "I wish today hadn't been a chemo day because I wish that you didn't have any chemo days. I hate that you have to go through this…" she squeezed Emma's hand, "But, honestly, getting to spend this birthday with you puts it pretty high up on my list of best birthdays. It's right up there with the year that I turned four and got the barbie castle that I so desperately wanted."
Regina could see the emotion flashing through Emma's eyes, could see how much Regina's words seemed to mean to her. Emma swallowed thickly squeezing Regina's hand which was still joined with hers once and then she smirked, "Barbie castle, huh?"
Regina chuckled, not at all surprised that Emma had deflected the conversation away from the serious, as she has a tendency of doing when she was feeling vulnerable. "It was the Evil Queen edition. I was quite thrilled with it."
Emma tipped her head back and laughed.
xxxxxx
They had their first disagreement three days later over the phone.
"I was thinking I would come by today," Regina suggested just before lunchtime.
Emma was curled up in her bed, wrapped in every blanket she owned and she had no intentions of moving any time soon, except to maybe go take a warm bath to help with the aching in her bones. "No," she spit out immediately at Regina's request.
"No?" Regina sounded puzzled.
"It's just...not a good day," Emma mumbled. Regina had never actually seen Emma on a really bad day and Emma preferred to keep it that way.
"Not a good day how?" Regina asked for clarification.
Emma sighed deeply, choosing her next words carefully, "I just wouldn't be good company..."
"Emma," there was a hint of irritation in Regina's tone, enough that it was clear that she was displeased with Emma's evasiveness, "why don't you want me to come see you?"
Emma wasn't sure what Regina was trying to imply - maybe nothing - but the irritation in Regina's tone must have been contagious because Emma's response was snappish, "Look. I feel like shit, okay? I'll be better in a few days. You can visit then. Or I'll come see you."
There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a sort of confused, "That's all?"
Even more irritated now, Emma snapped out, "Yes that's all."
"Oh Emma," Regina said in the way that meant Emma had missed something. Emma could practically hear Regina shaking her head, "Of course you don't feel well. I know that. You had chemo three days ago. I thought I could come help out. Make you something to eat. Maybe do a load of laundry for you?"
It was Emma's turn to be silent for an extended period. "Looking after me isn't your job," she finally said, "I'm fine."
"Emma," Regina sighed softly, "I know it's not my job. But could you consider for one second that maybe it's something that I want to do? That maybe coming to see my girlfriend and helping out in whatever way I can while she's not feeling well is something that might be important to me."
Emma was silent again, this time not able to find a single thing to say.
"Are you still there?" Regina asked when more than a minute had passed with no response.
"Yeah," Emma said quietly.
"Well…" Regina said carefully, "can I come over?"
"I…" Emma gnawed her lip, "yeah, I guess so."
"Okay," Regina sounded pleased.
"O-okay," Emma agreed, sort of puzzled about what exactly had just happened.
"Did you want me to bring anything specific?" Regina asked.
"Umm...no," Emma shook her head even though Regina couldn't see her.
"Alright, I'll be there in a few hours then," Regina said, "See you soon."
"See you soon," Emma repeated back, hanging up and eyeing her phone still puzzled for a long moment. She supposed as far as disagreements went, it actually wasn't much of one. Although, she couldn't quite figure out how Regina had gotten her way so easily.
She hoped that she wouldn't regret letting Regina see her like this, at her absolute worst.
xxxxxx
Emma had texted her to tell her that the door was open for her and to just come in. Regina wasn't sure how she felt about Emma leaving her door unlocked but she said nothing about it - although she did make sure to lock the door behind her once she was in the apartment. She put away the few grocery items she'd brought with her, and deposited a bag of a few other things she'd brought on the table, and then she went to find Emma.
She found her girlfriend in her bedroom - thinking the word girlfriend still brought a ridiculous surge of warmth to her chest. She approached the bed where Emma was snuggled under a mountain of blankets, the room dark save for the light filtering in through the cracks in the blinds. "Hey," she said softly as tired green eyes blinked open to stare up at her. Emma was as pale as Regina had ever seen her but at least her skin seemed to have lost the horrible chemo day grey tinge. Regina reached down and ran a hand tenderly over the top of Emma's head, the only part of her really accessible, "How are you?"
"M'kay," Emma mumbled sleepily.
Regina smiled gently down at Emma, running her hand over her head once more, as if smoothing non-existent hair. She leaned down planning on kissing Emma gently but Emma twisted her head out of the way before their lips could connect. Regina quirked a curious eyebrow at her.
"Sorry," Emma mumbled, looking embarrassed, or maybe worried, "My mouth is….a nightmare."
Regina wasn't one hundred percent sure what nightmare meant but she said certainly, "Don't be sorry." She eyed Emma tenderly as she continued to stroke her head, "Can I get you something?"
Emma shook her head.
Regina pulled her hand back to regard Emma seriously. She quirked an eyebrow at her, "Have you had anything to drink today?" She had a suspicion she knew the answer.
Sure enough, Emma mumbled a sheepish, "No."
Regina shook her head at her, "You're supposed to be keeping yourself hydrated."
"But my mouth is gross," Emma whined, sticking her bottom lip out and pretending to pout, "I hate water."
Regina couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her mouth at the ridiculous yet adorable expression on Emma's face. She shook her head again, "What about something other than water?"
"I don't really have anything but water," Emma admitted.
"I could go get something," Regina offered.
"But you just got here," Emma said, shuffling a little in the bed so that the blankets pulled even tighter around her.
Regina shrugged a shoulder, "It's either I go find something else, or you have some water."
Emma heaved an exaggerated sigh, teasing, "Who invited you here anyway?"
Regina smirked, "I invited myself actually."
Emma laughed lightly, grimacing as she did so, as if the motion had upset some kind of balance, and for a moment she slammed her eyes shut.
Regina subconsciously held her breath while she waited for Emma to open her eyes back up. When green eyes were looking at her again, she quirked an eyebrow, "So? What will it be? Water? Or do you want me to go get something else?"
Emma blinked slowly. "Water," she finally sighed.
"Good girl," Regina smirked, bending down and pressing a kiss to the top of Emma's head before leaving to room to head back to the kitchen.
xxxxxx
Regina poured a glass of water. She left it on the counter and dug through Emma's cupboards, thinking she might be able to find something to add to the water that would help. Maybe sugar or honey or something. It was a long shot, so she was surprised when at the back of the pantry, she found something perfect. Stirring it in, she paused long enough to grab her book out of the bag of things she'd brought, and headed back into the bedroom.
Regina set the book on the nightstand and held the glass out for Emma, "Here, have a some of this."
With a groan, Emma slowly pulled herself into a seated position. It was only then that Emma seemed to register that something was up with the glass of water Regina was holding. Green eyes widened, "Why is is purple?"
Regina couldn't help but grin at Emma's reaction, "It's Kool Aid. I'm not sure why you had an over sugary drink intended for children in your cupboard...other than to confirm my suspicions that you eat like a child...but I thought it might help if the water had some flavour."
"Hey…" Emma whined at Regina's light teasing but she reached for the glass, taking a couple of sips, before looking up at Regina as if to say satisfied?
"Well?" Regina asked curiously.
Emma seemed to consider it a moment, "It is better than water."
"Good," Regina smiled, "you should drink some more."
Emma groaned but she obliged, taking a large gulp before handing the glass back to Regina.
Regina settled the glass on the nightstand and then stood somewhat uncertainly on the edge of the bed. "Would it be alright if I sat in here while you nap?" Regina asked carefully, her eyes flickering to the book she'd set on the nightstand. She wanted nothing more than to sit with Emma but she wasn't sure if that was what Emma would want. Maybe Emma would prefer to nap alone?
Emma followed Regina's gaze to the book, eyeing it a moment and then looking up at Regina with soft green eyes. "Sure," her lips twitched into a smile as she shifted over in the bed, making space for Regina at the same time as she shuffled back out of her seated position and back down so that she was lying on her side, curled up in a tight ball. "Turn the lamp on," she added, "So you can see your book."
Regina nodded, turning on the lamp on the nightstand before climbing up into the space that Emma had made for her.
"Here, take this," Emma said, reaching up and pulling the pillow out from under her head and handing it over to Regina. "Take it," she repeated more insistently when Regina didn't immediately grab it.
Hesitantly, Regina reached for it, settling it between herself and the headboard, quirking an eyebrow at Emma, "And where are you going to put your head?"
Emma shrugged, shuffling her body a little closer to Regina.
Oh Regina thought, suddenly understanding Emma's intention. She smiled fondly, as she opened her arms, "Come here," she said softly.
Emma smiled again, shuffling even closer, staying curled up in a ball but settling her head on Regina's stomach. She pulled the covers tightly over them, covering Regina's lower half and all of herself except her head.
Regina smiled, settling an arm over Emma's back.
"Mmm..." Emma mumbled sleepily, pushing her head further into Regina's stomach, "this is nice."
Regina just smiled fondly, running a hand tenderly over Emma's back, until green eyes drooped back closed. She never did reach for her book, content instead to watch Emma sleep. Eventually her own eyes grew heavy and she joined Emma in dreamland.
xxxxxx
Regina woke from the nap with a start, confused for a moment, until she got her bearings. The amount of light flickering through the blinds slats was significantly less now and a glance at the alarm clock on Emma's nightstand confirmed that it was nearing dinner time. She hadn't realized she was tired. She stretched carefully as she eyed Emma who still seemed to be sleeping.
The movement must have woken Emma though, because within a few minutes she was shuffling, making soft grumbling sounds, and then green eyes were blinking open, her head turning to look up at Regina's. "What time is it?" she mumbled.
"Dinner time," Regina answered.
"Mmm…" Emma made an unintelligible noise at that, her eyes fluttering back shut.
Regina rubbed Emma's arm, "I was going to make pasta for dinner. What do you think?"
Emma didn't say anything but the way she stilled was answer enough.
The reaction confused Regina. She knew Emma liked pasta and she'd thought soft noodles would be easy to digest. "Do you not want pasta?" she asked carefully.
"It's fine," Emma mumbled, green eyes opening to look up at Regina once more.
"Emma," Regina said seriously, waiting for the real answer.
"It's just...my mouth...pasta sauce will hurt," she admitted quietly.
Regina sighed softly, glad Emma had admitted the issue but wishing she hadn't had to pry it out of her. She rubbed Emma's arm again, "What if I don't put any sauce on it? Just noodles and butter?"
"Oh," Emma's eyes widened, although Regina wasn't sure if the surprise was do to the suggestion or Regina's easy concession. "Yeah, okay," she agreed.
xxxxxx
Emma ended up eating her bowl of plain noodles in bed. Although Regina wasn't sure they should count the literally only four mouthfuls Emma consumed as eating. She was somewhat alarmed when Emma begrudgingly admitted that this was the most she'd ever eaten on a post-chemo Saturday. Regina's heart ached painfully picturing Emma on all of her previous post-chemo Saturday's, so sick and so alone. She vowed to herself then that Emma would not spend another post-chemo Saturday alone.
After dinner, Regina did the dishes and a load of laundry, while Emma had a bath, apparently her second of the day. Then they watched a movie - well, Regina watched the movie, Emma watched thirty minutes of the movie and her eyelids.
Sometime later they found themselves curled back up together in Emma's bed. They hadn't really discussed it but at some point the understanding that Regina would be spending the night had passed between them.
"Goodnight Emma," Regina whispered in the dark.
"Night, 'Gina," Emma mumbled back, an arm flinging out and settling across Regina's waist, pulling her closer.
Warmth flooded Regina's chest and she was reminded of her previous thought - yes, there was no way she was leaving Emma alone on a post-chemo Saturday ever again.
xxxxxx
The Wednesday of Emma's next treatment, the first of cycle number four, Regina's phone rang just as she was getting ready to leave. She considered ignoring it for a split second but then with a sigh she moved from where she was putting on her coat in the entranceway over to the phone, picking it up.
"Good morning, Regina speaking."
Regina's eyes widened in surprise as the voice on the other end of the phone began to speak, her heart rate immediately increasing.
"Yes, hello, this is Carol from the Boston Adoption Agency calling. We've just had an adoption fall through for a three week old baby boy…"
Regina could barely keep up as the voice on the other end of the phone continued to provide details. Her mind was racing. A baby. This was it. After all of those months of waiting, she was going to bring home a baby. Her heart soared and excitement bubbled in her chest. A baby. She could hardly believe it. It had begun to feel like it would never happen but now it was. She was going to be a mother.
"Ms. Mills?" The voice on the other end of the phone interrupted her racing thoughts.
"Sorry," Regina swallowed, "Could you please repeat that?"
"I know it's short notice but would you be able to come to our office today? We need to place the baby today."
"Yes, of course," Regina agreed without a second thought, "I can be there this morning."
"Wonderful," Carol said before hanging up.
A baby boy.
Regina grinned in a way that she was sure made her look like a buffoon but she couldn't care less. She was downright giddy.
She quickly made a mental list of everything she needed to do, and all of the things she had to gather, before she could head to Boston.
It occurred to her immediately that at the top of the list had to be to call Emma - she wasn't going to make it to Boston in time to bring Emma to the cancer centre now.
Amongst the excitement and anticipation, a new feeling settled in the pit of her stomach, something like uncertainty. What would Emma think? Would she be excited for her? They'd spent so much time talking about Emma's cancer and how that would and wouldn't effect them but they'd never really talked about this. About what Regina becoming a mother might mean to them. What if it was some kind of deal breaker for Emma?
Regina shook her head at herself. She was being ridiculous. Emma knew that she was in the process of adopting and if she had reservations about that she certainly would have brought them up.
Still, she gnawed her lip as she dialed Emma's number, and by the time the phone had rang a second time she'd decided that she would just say that something had come up and that if Emma could take a cab to the cancer centre, she'd be there to pick her up later. There was no sense telling Emma about the baby until she actually had him. After all, what if she went to the adoption agency and the whole thing fell through? Emma didn't need to be worrying about that, not on a chemo day. Yes, she decided, it was best to wait until later to tell Emma her news.
xxxxxx