Chapter 10: Henry
Regina had never believed in love at first sight. It seemed like a ridiculous notion meant only for fairy tales.
And then she sat in a room at the Boston Adoption Agency waiting in anticipation until they brought in the itty bitty baby who was to be her son and she knew instantly that she'd been wrong.
All it took was one look at his squishy little face for the surge of warmth to flood through her chest. This was most definitely love at first sight.
The worker put him in her arms and at first all she could do was stare in wonder down at him until he squirmed, fussing. She cradled him closer, rocked him gently until he settled. "Hi there," she whispered to him, lifting him higher so that she could press a kiss to the crown of his head, breathing in his sweet baby scent, "I'm your mommy. I've been waiting to meet you for a very long time."
xxxxxx
Babies could not be brought into the chemo suite. No one under the age of sixteen was allowed, actually. Not that Regina really wanted to introduce her son to her girlfriend while Emma was tethered to an IV pole. She did feel bad that Emma would have to endure the entire treatment alone but there wasn't much she could do about it.
Instead she texted Emma near the time she knew her treatment would be over and said she'd be waiting outside.
The one word response, Okay, came a few minutes later and Regina sighed, wondering what Emma was thinking right now. She doubted it was anything particularly positive.
Parked and waiting in the loading area in front of the cancer centre, she undid her seatbelt and spun in her seat, leaning awkwardly into the backseat to check on the baby in the rear facing car seat. He was sound asleep, his little chest rising and falling and she smiled contently, twisting her arm into an almost uncomfortable position, so that she could rub his arm. "You're going to meet someone really important soon," she whispered to him, "she doesn't know about you yet. So you're a bit of a surprise. I think...I hope...she'll like you."
Regina continued to watch the steady rise and fall of the baby's chest for a few minutes before her twisted position became too uncomfortable to hold. She righted herself in the driver's seat just in time to see Emma step out of the front entrance to the cancer centre.
Emma paused uncertainly at the entrance, looking around. She seemed to relax as she spotted Regina's car and started heading towards.
"Hey," Regina said, smiling as Emma climbed into the car.
"Hey yourself," Emma smiled back tiredly, leaning over to press her lips to Regina's.
The kiss was interrupted by sudden squealing from the backseat, not quite a cry but likely about to turn into one.
Emma pulled back her eyes wide with confusion, her head spinning to the back seat to try to locate the source of the sound. Seeing the car seat directly behind her passenger seat, Emma's head turned back towards Regina, the question written all over her pale, grey, face.
"The reason that I wasn't here today," Regina said carefully, "is that the adoption agency called this morning…"
"You got a baby?" Emma said as if she couldn't quite believe it.
As if wanting to confirm his presence, the baby chose that moment to begin full blown crying.
Regina twisted immediately in her seat to check on the baby. "Hey, hey, hey," she murmured, a hand reaching out towards him but he only wailed harder. Still twisted in her seat, she looked back towards Emma, "I think he's probably hungry."
"Oh," Emma still looked a little stunned, "Can you umm...feed him here?"
Regina shook her head, "I have to mix the formula."
Emma gnawed her lip, looking uncertain, "Should we take him to my place, then?"
"Yes," Regina agreed, twisting back in her seat, the baby's continued wailing making her chest ache.
Emma, still looking uncertain, asked, "Should I sit in the back with him?"
Regina couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips at the offer, worry about how Emma would react immediately beginning to fade. "If you want to," Regina answered.
Emma nodded, pushing the car door open and getting out. There was a momentary pause where she reached a hand out to support herself against the car, obviously dizzy, but before Regina could insist she sit back down, she seemed to have gained control of her balance because she was moving around the car and climbing in behind the driver seat.
In the backseat, Emma slid over so that she was in the middle seat, right next to the car seat. Regina watched through the rearview mirror as Emma leaned over the car seat, reaching a hand towards the baby and resting it on what Regina could only guess was his belly since she couldn't quite see. "Hey there kid," Emma murmured gently, "Are you hungry?"
Perhaps because he was startled by the sudden presence beside him, the baby's cries quieted and Regina watched a smile tug at the corners of Emma's mouth. Her heart swelled with fondness and love as she watched the scene through the rearview mirror. She stared a moment longer before doing up her seatbelt and pulling away from the curb.
After a few minutes of driving in silence, Emma looked away from the baby and caught Regina's eye in the rearview mirror. "What's his name?"
"Henry Daniel Mills," Regina supplied with a smile, "Henry after my father and Daniel after…" she hesitated. They'd only really discussed her first love vaguely.
Emma seemed to know though because her words with filled with understanding as she finished Regina's sentence for her, "after the person you lost back in Portland."
"Yes," Regina swallowed thickly, her eyes meeting Emma's through the rearview mirror once more, finding sudden comfort in the reassuring, understanding, look her girlfriend gave her.
Offering Regina a gentle smile, Emma tested out the name, "Henry," she said, letting the name resonate around the car a moment before she smiled wider, "I like it." She turned her attention back to the baby beside her, "What do you think, Henry? Do you like it too?"
The baby, of course, had no response, he didn't even make a sound, but Emma beamed, cooing at him, "Yes you do."
That same flood of warmth filled Regina's chest again.
xxxxxx
Regina lugged Henry in his car seat, detached from the base, along with a rather large diaper bag, which Emma offered to carry and was refused with nothing more than a look, up the three flights of stairs to Emma's apartment. Still, Emma managed to be more out of breath than Regina by the time they were standing in front of the door to her unit and she could feel the concerned eyes on her.
"I wish you had an elevator," was all Regina said.
"Yeah," Emma agreed as she pushed the door open and they traipsed into the apartment, discarding coats and boots.
Henry was crying again and Regina moved his carrier into the kitchen, lifting him out of the seat and cradling him close to her chest, rocking him as she used her other hand to open the diaper bag, fumbling through it as she continued to rock the baby.
Emma watched the scene with wide eyes for a long moment, hesitant and uncertain. But Regina seemed to be struggling to find what she was looking for and Henry was somehow shrieking louder now and Emma stumbled forward into the kitchen, "Can I help?"
Regina looked over at her, sighing in what seemed to be relief, "There's a bottle in there and a tin of formula. Can you dig it out?"
Emma nodded, rummaging through the bag and extracting the items. "Now what?" Emma asked uncertainly as Regina continued to try and calm crying Henry.
They read the label together and Emma followed the mixing instructions while Regina hovered at her side. Regina took the bottle as soon as it had been thoroughly mixed, adjusting Henry in her arms and bringing the bottle to his lips. He latched on and immediately quieted, cries replaced by the sound of him guzzling the formula.
Emma watched Regina watch Henry eat. Regina's face was filled with wonder and adoration, as if her world had been reduced to just him. The sight did something strange to Emma. There was the fluttering of fondness, her heart impossibly happy at the sight of Regina so content. But there was something else, something uncomfortable in the pit of her stomach that wasn't just nausea from the chemo and a tiny voice in the back of her head whispering unwelcome thoughts, telling her that Regina wouldn't need her around now that she had Henry to love. It was a ridiculous thought, she knew it, and yet her brain just continued to whisper it over and over. After all, Regina hadn't even told her about the adoption when she called this morning. That said something, didn't it?
As if finally sensing the eyes watching her, Regina looked up, a soft smile spreading across her face.
"He was hungry," Emma said, forcing herself to smile back.
"Yes," Regina nodded, her eyes dropping back down to Henry.
xxxxxxx
They ordered pizza for dinner. It had been Emma's suggestion, Regina agreeing mostly because Emma never suggested anything when it came to food, but Emma wasn't really eating, just poking at the piece she'd put on her plate, picking the toppings off.
Regina watched Emma worriedly from across the table, only looking away periodically to check on Henry who was asleep in his carrier at her feet. "Are you okay?" she finally asked.
Emma blinked slowly looking up from her plate and across the table. She shrugged, "I'm fine."
Emma didn't sound all that fine and Regina's lips pursed in response as she debated whether or not to push. "Was your treatment okay today?" she finally decided on a question.
Emma shrugged again, "Same old, same old."
Regina sighed, not so much at the answer but at Emma's suddenly distant tone. She wasn't sure what had happened between the car ride and now but her stomach knotted. She wanted to yell, wanted to force Emma to tell her what was suddenly so wrong, but instead she chose to remain silent.
Emma peeled more topping from the top of her pizza, discarding most onto the side of the plate and nibbling slowly on a single piece of pepperoni. "How come you didn't tell me about the adoption this morning?"
The question was so quiet that Regina barely heard it. She looked up and over across the table with eyes unable to contain her surprise. Was this why Emma was acting odd? She studied Emma carefully, wishing she could read her mind for just a second. "I didn't know if everything would actually go through. It just seemed...surreal. I didn't want you to have to worry about it. Not on a chemo day," she finally said.
"Oh," Emma said, tired green eyes giving little away, her forehead crinkling slightly. She was quiet for a long time, her attention back on the pizza she was tearing apart but not eating. "Would you have told me? If it hadn't turned out?" the question was directed at her plate, green eyes only looking up after she'd asked it.
Regina's heart clenched as she watched Emma. Emma was trying very hard to hide her feelings but Regina could see the hurt there now. Regina hadn't thought about how Emma would perceive her choice not to tell her about the call from the adoption agency. She was an idiot. "Emma," she sighed softly, "of course I would have told you."
Emma's eyes flickered almost hopefully then, as if she really wanted to believe that, wanted to believe that Regina did value her enough to share these sorts of things with her. "Really?" the question was almost timid.
"Yes," Regina said firmly, resolutely, wanting there to be no doubt.
"Okay," Emma breathed out. She picked up her decimated piece of pizza and took a small bite. "Okay," she repeated, her entire body finally seeming to relax.
xxxxxx
Emma ate half her piece of pizza, swallowed her next dose of anti-nausea medication down with a glass of purple Kool Aid mixed from one of the individual serving packages Regina had stock piled in her pantry, and then they headed into the living room.
Henry was awake again and Regina lifted him carefully from his carrier as Emma settled herself on the couch.
"Don't you want to take him home?" Emma asked.
Regina looked over at her, "There's no rush. He's a baby. It's not as if he's anxious to see his new home." She smiled at the words new home, that same wonderfilled expression she had when she looked at Henry taking over her features, like she really still couldn't believe this was happening.
Emma smiled too. This amount of happiness looked good on Regina, it somehow made her even more beautiful.
"Did you want to hold him?" Regina asked, motioning with her head down to the baby in her arms.
Emma gnawed her lip uncertainly, reaching up to tug down on the sides of the warm knit hat she'd put on earlier to try and ward off the cold that seemed to settle in her very core following treatment, "I...uhh…"
The happiness on Regina's face was replaced with hurt, clearly misreading Emma's hesitation and Emma rushed to fix it, "I've just…" she swallowed, admitting, "I've never held a baby before. I don't...you know...want to do it wrong." It was true. She generally got sent back from foster homes before the baby arrived. And it wasn't as if in her adult life she had any friends with children - it was hard to have friends with children when you didn't have friends. Babies were cute and all but they also seemed very breakable. Emma definitely didn't want to do something wrong and wind up hurting Henry.
Regina relaxed, smiling again, seeming amused now. "You just have to support his head. It isn't difficult. You'll be fine."
Emma still felt uncertain but she nodded, "yeah okay."
Regina smiled again, transferring Henry from her arms into Emma's and then sitting down next to Emma on the couch.
Emma swallowed thickly at the sudden weight in her arms, looking down at the baby whose head was now resting in the crook of her arm. He squirmed a bit and her eyes widened in sudden worry, she adjusted her grip, pulling him closer to her chest reflexively and he stopped moving. He was surprisingly warm pressed against her like that and she smiled, whispering, "Hi."
Henry looked up at her with wide almost curious eyes. It was as if she could see him thinking who are you? He'd looked at her the same way when she'd sat beside him in the car. Now though, it was as if she suddenly understood why Regina kept looking at him with so much wonder in her expression. Emma stared at him transfixed for several minutes, at his long eyelashes and chubby cheeks and the tuft of dark hair on the top of his head, before she looked over at Regina, "You know," she said, "he's got more hair than I do. I'm kind of jealous."
Regina rolled her eyes, laughter bubbling out of her chest, "You're ridiculous."
Emma just grinned. At least for the moment, the voice in the back of her head reduced to nothing more than a quiet, barely there, whisper.
xxxxxxx
Regina left with Henry when it became clear that it was time for Emma to call it a night.
Emma didn't wake the following day until long after the sun had risen. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, recalling the details of the oddly vivid dream. It wasn't the vividness of the dream that was odd - vivid dreams had become a post chemo staple - but the way the content of the dream had left an almost painful ache in her chest.
She'd dreamed she was standing in her living room watching Regina walk out the door to her apartment without so much as a glance back at her. And even just remembering it now felt like someone was twisting a knife in her gut.
"It was a dream," she growled out loud to herself, "stop being stupid."
She laid in bed a few more minutes before she forced herself to get up. She knew she had a narrow window today where she would feel well enough to do anything and there were things she needed to get done before she needed a nap.
xxxxxx
Emma wandered aimlessly around the baby store that Google had told her was popular. She browsed a rack of sleepers in complete confusion. What was with these sizes? Would Henry still be newborn? What did 3 months mean? Why wasn't there a 1 month? 6 months was definitely way too big, right?
Her complete bewilderment must have been obvious because a sales associate approached her, offering kindly, "Did you need some help?"
Emma looked over at her, rubbing the back of her neck, "Yes...umm...what size would a baby who is 3 weeks old wear? He's like…" she held out her arms to indicate his size, "this big ish."
The sales associate smiled, "I'd go with 3 months. That generally fits babies up to three months."
Emma's brow crinkled. That's what 3 months meant? They should have signs in this place. "Thanks," she returned the sales associate's smile.
"Of course," the sales associate nodded, adding, "If you need anything else let me know," before leaving Emma to make her decisions.
Emma considered the choices in front of her and eventually settled on a grey and red and white striped sleeper that reminded her of the hat Regina had picked out for her, and a dark blue sleeper with tiny dinosaurs printed all over it. Items in hand, she headed for the checkout counter but before she made it there she was distracted by a display table filled with plush toys. She approached the table, fingers reaching out to stroke the nearest toy and wow, she thought, it was perhaps the softest thing she'd ever touched. She contemplated the choices a moment, eventually snagging a bunny with floppy ears and soft brown fur and green glass bead eyes and heading the rest of the way to the front counter.
The same sales associate who'd helped her was at the cash register. "Did you find everything okay?" she asked as she began to ring items through.
Emma nodded, distracted by the gift bags lining the wall behind the counter, "Could I...umm...get a gift bag too?"
The sales associate nodded with a smile, "Of course."
xxxxxx
Emma made one more stop and then she was on her way to Storybrooke. It wasn't until she was parked in Regina's driveway that she realized that she hadn't actually called ahead. Or, perhaps, she had realized but it was easier to blame her increasing forgetfulness - what her oncologist had called chemo brain - than to admit the truth to herself, that the part of her brain that still continued to whisper that Regina wouldn't want her now that she had Henry had thought that if she called ahead, Regina might say not to come.
Feeling unexpectedly nervous now, Emma stood on the front porch and knocked on the door, gift bag in one hand, a bouquet of flowers that she'd picked up at her second stop, in the other.
It was a long time before the door swung open. Long enough that Emma was starting to wonder if maybe Regina wasn't home. Maybe she'd gone to work today? Emma had just assumed she'd be taking some time off because of Henry but maybe that had been a bad assumption/ She was lost in thought when the door finally did swing open and she startled.
Emma's first thought as she took in Regina standing in front of her with Henry resting against her shoulder, was that Regina looked frazzled. She was in the least formal clothes Emma had ever seen in her in - yoga pants and a loose fitting top. She wasn't wearing any makeup and her eyes looked tired. It also sort of seemed like maybe she hadn't brushed her today. Regina's expression was filled with confusion, clearly surprised to see Emma
"Hi," Emma said, rocking on the balls of her feet.
"Why aren't you at home resting?" was what Regina said back.
Emma frowned at the response. Was showing up here a mistake? Was Regina mad about it?
Perhaps because of Emma's frown, Regina added quickly, "Sorry...that came out wrong. Come in, come in." She moved over so that she wasn't blocking the entryway, making room for Emma to enter the house.
Emma hesitated, feeling suddenly very uncertain, "I'm sorry I showed up without calling…"
"Emma," Regina sighed, bouncing Henry lightly, "I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Please come in already, it's cold out. That isn't good for you or the baby."
Emma gnawed her lip but she nodded, moving into the entryway and letting Regina close the door behind her. She kicked off her boots and then held up the items she'd brought with her, "I come bearing gifts."
Regina quirked an eyebrow at her, teasing, "You brought Henry flowers?"
Emma rolled her eyes but she couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled out of her and she relaxed, "No you goof, I brought flowers for you. That's what you're supposed to do, right? Bring people flowers when they have babies? Especially when they're your girlfriend. I'm pretty sure that's a rule."
Regina chuckled, shaking her head, but she was smiling brightly. "Thank you," she said as she leaned over to press her lips to Emma's.
Emma was cautious of Henry still resting on Regina's shoulder now between them, but she leaned in closer and kissed Regina back. Her mouth was already on its downward spiral to horrible land though, so before Regina could try and deepen the kiss, she pulled back.
Regina seemed to understand because she just smiled at Emma again, reaching up with one hand to try and smooth her hair, the other hand still holding Henry firmly to her chest. "I might have tried to brush my hair if I'd known you were coming. I know I look terrible. Henry was up all night. I barely slept."
"Stop it," Emma shook her head, "you look fine. Better than fine. Beautiful." When Regina quirked a disbelieving eyebrow at her, she shrugged and added, "Look. I'm bald. And I tried to count my eyelashes this morning and I'm pretty sure I only have like thirty two give or take a couple left. Also, I only have enough eyebrow hair left to make one good eyebrow. I'm approaching alien territory here," she wagged a finger playfully at Regina, "So I don't want to hear anything more about how terrible you think you look."
"Emma…" Regina started softly but seemed to think better of turning this into a serious conversation when that clearly hadn't been Emma's intent, instead she sighed softly and smiled, "Come on. Let's go to the kitchen, so we can put the flowers in a vase."
Emma nodded, gladly following Regina out of the entryway and towards the kitchen.
xxxxxx
The flowers got put in a vase and then they moved into the living room. Emma taking Henry from Regina while Regina opened the gift bag.
"You didn't have to do this," Regina told Emma has she held up one of the sleepers, a smile on her face.
"Oh come on," Emma scoffed, "As if I wasn't going to get the kid something. I mean...how else am I going to win him over? I'm dating his mom. He's got to like me." She looked down at Henry, who she'd settled on her knees, his little feet smooshed up at against her stomach, "You hear that kid? You gotta like me, okay?"
Emma was kidding, her eyes were doing the thing they did when she was joking, but there was something else in her expression. It was anything specific that Regina could really put her finger on, but it was something nonetheless, and it left Regina wondering if maybe Emma was at least a little serious. She wasn't sure how that made her feel. A part of her, the part of her that hadn't been sure how having a child would affect their relationship, was happy that Emma cared so much about Henry liking her, it was definitely a good sign for their future. The bigger part of her though worried about what Emma might actually be thinking. Did she think Regina was just going to leave her if she wasn't some kind of baby whisperer?
Henry gurgled up at Emma.
"Was that a yes?" Emma asked, the question directed at Regina not the baby.
"Emma," Regina shook her head, her voice not matching Emma's teasing tone, soft instead, "Of course he's going to like you. What's not to like?"
Emma just shrugged, ducking her head, and Regina didn't push. She pulled the next sleeper from the bag, admiring it, before she pulled out the plush bunny. She was surprised at how soft it was and she stroked its fur carefully.
"I didn't know what to get. Baby stores are way scary," Emma said, her voice suddenly so earnest, "I hope...do you like it?"
Regina looked over at her, the fond smile impossible to suppress, "It's great, Emma. This was...very sweet of you. Henry and I are very lucky." Regina's heart fluttered as she wondered how exactly her luck had turned around so quickly. In a few short months she'd gone from what many would likely call a recluse to a woman with a kind, sweet, girlfriend and a baby boy.
Emma didn't seem to know what to say, blushing slightly as she ducked her head to look back down at Henry, a hand reaching out to stroke his belly.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Emma's focus on Henry and Regina's focus on Emma watching Henry, until Emma looked up. "I...uh...need to use the washroom," she said, lifting Henry from her lap into her arms and standing carefully, turning to hand him off to Regina but freezing, her face suddenly ashen, her eyes slamming shut, and her voice high pitched, alarmed and urgent, "Take him, take him, take him..."
Regina sprung up, her heart hammering in sudden terror as she grabbed Henry from Emma, lifting him up and onto her shoulder as she simultaneously eyed Emma up and down, trying to figure out what had suddenly gone so wrong. She could only guess that it was a wave of dizziness, and her still hammering heart had her demanding in her firm mayor voice, "Sit down. Now."
Emma nodded wordless, eyes still shut as she stumbled backwards and dropped to the couch, head bending to rest in her hands which were propped up on her knees. She took slow, shaky, breaths.
Regina moved swiftly to deposit Henry in his chair swing, which she'd set up in the living room earlier that day, and then moved quickly back over to the couch. She sat down beside Emma, so close that their legs were touching, and she placed a hand on Emma's back. Worry still coursed through, twisting her stomach in knots, "What's wrong?"
"Dizzy," Emma mumbled between slow, still shaky, breaths.
Regina's lips pursed, the hand on Emma's back beginning to rub soothing circles.
It was a few minutes before Emma lifted her head from her hands, her head tilting to look over at Regina, green eyes filled with horror, "I'm so sorry...is Henry…"
"Henry is fine," Regina rushed to reassure her, her hand still rubbing Emma's back.
Emma still looked horrified, "I didn't think...I should have…what if..." she gulped, looking visibly nauseous.
"Emma," Regina interrupted, her voice firm, "I was right there. And Henry is absolutely fine."
Emma looked like she was going to protest but must have decided against it when Regina shot her a look that said she wasn't going to win an argument about this.
"Are you okay now?" Regina asked, still worried.
Emma nodded slowly, her eyes sliding shut a minute and reopening as if she was testing it out.
Regina eyed her seriously, "Did you mention this to your oncologist? It seems to be happening a lot lately." She remembered the way Emma had reached for the car when she was getting out of it just yesterday, along with a half dozen other incidents that she could bring forth if she really thought for a minute.
Emma sighed, "Sort of…"
Regina quirked an eyebrow, "Sort of? What does that mean?"
"Well…" Emma sighed again, "turns out that my red blood cell count took a bit of a nose dive. I asked Belle, the nurse, if that could cause dizzyness. She said it could definitely be a contributing factor."
Regina swallowed, watching Emma carefully. She wished Emma had told her this before. Maybe she would have if Regina had been at the cancer centre with her this week. Guilt wasn't particularly helpful though, so Regina sighed, and asked, "What are they going to do about it?"
Emma shrugged, "Nothing? I mean...it's not, like, low enough that I need a transfusion or anything."
"And it's because of the chemo?" Regina prodded, wanting more details.
Emma nodded, offering nothing else.
"So...is it going to get worse?" Regina still wasn't satisfied.
"I don't know," Emma shrugged, "I didn't ask."
Of course Emma hadn't asked. Regina pinched the bridge of her nose, surprised at the sudden thought that popped into her head - she wished she'd been in the room when this was discussed, wished she'd had the opportunity to ask her own questions and get the facts first hand.
"It's not a big deal, Regina," Emma said.
Regina shook her head but she didn't refute Emma's claim. What argument was she supposed to use here anyway? Instead she rubbed Emma's back once more, "Do you want to try to stand again?"
Emma sighed, "Yeah."
This time Emma lifted herself from the couch incredibly slowly and Regina watched with bated breath. "Okay?" she asked when Emma was completely upright and there were no visible signs that she was dizzy.
Emma nodded and then made her way carefully out of the room, pausing at Henry's swing, where Regina could swear she heard her whisper sorry.
xxxxxx
Regina wanted Emma to stay for dinner, or possibly longer, but Emma had left her anti nausea medication at home, and, so, a few hours after she'd arrived, Emma prepared to leave again.
"Bye kid," Emma said in the entryway, bending to kiss the baby in Regina's arms on the top of his head before straightening back up.
"I'm worried about you driving," Regina said, not for the first time, eyeing Emma carefully for some sign that she should try and force her to stay. She was sure that they could get Dr. Whale to write a new prescription for Emma's anti-nausea medication if she were to stay. But would the pharmacy be able to fill it? Would they carry the medicine that Emma needed?
Regina's thoughts were interrupted by Emma waving her off with a hand, "I'll be fine. I've still got a few hours of energy left in me for today."
Regina still didn't feel convinced, or maybe she just didn't want Emma to leave, but she conceded with a soft sigh, "Alright. Just...let me know when you get home. Please."
Emma chuckled, as if Regina's worry was amusing to her. Her eyes twinkled as she leaned over and kissed Regina gently, "I promise."
xxxxxx
Regina didn't relax until she got the text message that Emma had made it back to Boston and was now apparently curled up on her couch about to take a nap. Even then, the worry didn't complete leave her. Regina couldn't help but think that she would have much preferred if Emma had stayed. She liked it better when Emma was close, when she could see that she was okay, when she could take care of her. Regina hated the thought of Emma alone in her apartment. She couldn't deny that what she really wanted was for Emma to stay here with her and Henry. But she also couldn't deny that it was much too earlier in their relationship to suggest that to Emma. She was pretty sure that would be considered rushing things by almost anyone's standards. It would certainly scare Emma, right?
Henry squirmed in her arms, distracting her from her thoughts.
"Hi," she whispered down to him, the soft smile inevitable as he blinked up at her. "You wouldn't mind if Emma stayed here with us, would you?" she cooed at him.
Henry, of course, said nothing.
xxxxxx
Two days later, Regina was once again wishing that Emma was staying with her and not in her apartment in Boston but for a different reason - she cursed the three flights of stairs as she climbed her way to Emma's apartment with Henry in his carrier and the diaper bag over her shoulder. She was exhausted, barely having slept for three days straight, Henry waking frequently, and the climb with the carrier seemed even worse than it had been on Wednesday.
Emma's door was, once again, unlocked, and with a shake of her head, Regina walked into the apartment, looking around for her girlfriend, not surprised when the main living area was vacant. Based on the last time she'd been here on a post-chemo Saturday she was expecting to find Emma in her bedroom. She brought the carrier with her into the bedroom, where, sure enough, Emma was curled up on her side.
Green eyes blinked confused over at her, "Regina?"
Regina's brow crinkled, not sure she understood Emma's confusion. She set Henry's carrier down on the floor and approached the bed, a hand reaching out to stroke the top of Emma's head, "Hey."
Emma still looked confused but she sighed contently as Regina stroked her head.
"I suppose I didn't call," Regina said out loud, still trying to sort out the source of Emma's confusion.
"I didn't think...with Henry…" Emma didn't really complete the thought but what she was trying to say was clear.
Emma hadn't expected Regina to show up because Regina had Henry to take care of. The sudden understanding broke Regina's heart a little. Especially because she actually had considered that it would be much easier to stay home, but she'd also remembered the promise she'd made to herself just two weeks ago that Emma wouldn't be alone on a post-chemo Saturday, remembered how sick Emma had been, and she'd immediately packed up everything she needed and loaded Henry into the car. She'd never been deterred by things that were difficult before. It was how she'd become mayor at such a young age, after all.
"Well, I'm here," was all Regina said. It was firm and reassuring.
Emma smiled, her eyes blinking shut.
Regina smiled too, fondly, but then she couldn't help but frown, "If you weren't expecting me, why did you leave the door unlocked?'
Emma's eyes snapped open, looking confused again, "The door was unlocked?"
"Yes," Regina confirmed.
"Oh," Emma's brow furrowed, "I must have forgotten to lock it after I came back from the store yesterday…"
"The door has been unlocked since yesterday," Regina quirked a disapproving eyebrow at Emma.
Emma squirmed under the scrutinizing gaze, "I guess…"
"That isn't very safe, Emma," Regina couldn't help but chastise.
"I didn't do it on purpose," Emma grumbled, "stupid chemo brain."
Regina sighed but she let it go, stroking Emma's head once more, "Can you watch Henry for a few minutes? I've got to go down to the car to get a few more things I brought for him."
"Sure," Emma agreed.
Regina kissed her chastely, knowing that Emma would only allow the quick connection of their lips, nothing more, at this stage of her post-chemo recovery, "I'll be right back,"
xxxxxx
The portable playpen she'd brought for Henry, along with another bag filled with groceries and a few other items, was awkward to lug up the stairs and Regina sighed with relief when she was finally back in the apartment.
Regina put away the groceries and left the portable playpen in the living room for now before she went back to the bedroom to check on Emma and Henry. She froze in the doorway, overwhelming warmth flooding through her at the sight she was greeted with.
Emma was lying on her back on the bed. She had removed Henry from his carrier and settled him so that he was sleeping on her chest. She had one hand protectively resting on his back, the other folder over her lower abdomen, just under his feet, and her eyes were closed.
Regina couldn't help but pull her phone out of her pocket and snap a picture, wanting to capture the moment that still had her heart fluttering happily.
The flash must have startled Emma because her eyes blinked open, her head turning to look over at Regina. "I wasn't sleeping," was what she said, as if she thought Regina was about to get angry with her.
Regina just smiled at her, walking over to the bed. She stroked Henry's cheek with one finger, bending to press a kiss to his head, before she turned her head so that she could kiss Emma too.
"He was fussing," Emma explained when Regina pulled back.
Regina nodded, smiling again, "Well, he isn't fussing now…." the smile turned into more of a teasing smirk, "I suppose those outfits and the bunny you bought him must have done the trick...he clearly likes you."
Even though Regina was obviously teasing her, Emma just smiled, "Good."
xxxxxxx
Regina set Henry's playpen up in the bedroom, lifting him off of Emma's chest and transferring him carefully into the playpen, before climbing up beside Emma in the bed.
Emma rolled over onto her side, curling back up into the ball she'd been in earlier, the position much better for controlling the angry ocean in her belly. It also made it easier to rub her aching shins - not that rubbing them really helped but it distracted from the pain a little bit at the very least. "I'm sorry I smell," she mumbled as Regina shuffled closer to her in the bed.
Regina eyed her like she was crazy, "What?"
"I think my pores are oozing out chemo," Emma explained. It was a common problem she had on the days after a chemo treatment, although today for some reason it felt worse than usual. She could smell herself, the awful chemical like smell, Regina must be able to too.
Regina was still eyeing her like she was crazy though, "Emma, you smell like soap. That's it."
"Oh...well...I had a bath earlier…" Emma's brow crinkled, "Are you sure?" That couldn't be right, could it? What was she smelling, then? Maybe it was the taste awful taste in her mouth making her think she smelled bad?
Regina chuckled, somehow amused by what Emma was sure was a serious problem, "I promise you don't smell, Emma."
"Oh…" Emma repeated. Still not completely convinced but allowing herself to shuffle closer to Regina and settle her head on Regina's chest.
One of Regina's arm draped over Emma's back and she yawned slowly, "I'm so tired."
Now that was something Emma understood. "Let's sleep," Emma suggested.
Regina hummed her agreement and within minutes they were both in dreamland, where they stayed until Henry woke screaming, needing to be fed two hours later.
xxxxxxx
Regina wanted to stay overnight at Emma's apartment but sitting up in her bed, Emma shook her head vehemently. "You were just telling me how Henry is having a hard time falling into a routine. Sleeping somewhere that is not his home isn't going to help." The statement was punctuated by a look that exuded stubbornness.
Regina's lips pursed. Emma wasn't wrong. Emma was probably actually right. But that didn't mean Regina liked the idea of leaving Emma here alone. Her stay here last week had taught her that Sunday was just as bad as Saturday for Emma. The same thought she'd been having for days - that she wished Emma would just come stay at her house - naggled its way to the forefront of her brain but she quickly squashed it back down. "What will you do tomorrow?" Regina asked carefully.
"Lie on the couch and wait for it to be Monday?" Emma offered, her tone teasing, but her eyes serious.
Regina sighed, "What if you need help with something?"
"Regina," Emma shook her head, "I know how to take care of myself. I've been doing it my whole life."
Regina's lips pursed again. She didn't want Emma to have to take care of herself anymore. That was the point.
"Seriously," Emma said when Regina didn't immediately speak, "please take the kid home so that he can sleep in his own house. You don't have to worry about me. I promise."
Regina sighed again but she felt herself nodding in agreement.
xxxxxx
Five days later, once Emma was fully recovered from her last chemo treatment, or as recovered as she was going to get, because there was no such thing as fully recovered anymore, she headed back to Storybrooke.
It was a planned visit, so she was surprised when someone other than Regina opened the front door. An older woman who eyed her suspiciously, "Hello, may I help you?"
"Umm…I...uhh..." Emma stammered under the scrutinizing gaze, hands rubbing nervously against the side of her pants.
"Mother!" Regina snapped from somewhere inside the house, "Let her in."
The woman, Regina's mother apparently, arched her eyebrows, but she held the door wider so that Emma could come into the entryway.
Regina hurried the rest of the way into the entryway, Henry in her arms, mouthing sorry to Emma.
"And who praytell is her," Regina's mother inquired.
"This is Emma," Regina explained her posture rigid.
Emma watched the exchange curiously as she pulled off her coat and her boots and her hat.
"Emma…" Regina's mother said carefully, "your friend from the cancer centre?"
Emma twitched uncomfortably at the way Regina's mother said friend. She hung up her coat and waited for Regina to respond. If Regina didn't want her mother to know they were in a relationship, Emma could play along.
"Actually…" Regina swallowed hard, "mother...Emma is my girlfriend."
Regina's mother's eyebrows arched impossibly high at that revelation but when she opened her mouth to speak all she said was, "I see." She turned her scrutinizing gaze back to Emma, looking her up and and down twice before she held out her hand for Emma to shake, "A pleasure to meet you, dear."
Emma's eyes darted over to Regina, worried that this was some kind of trap, but Regina just looked baffled. Emma swallowed, turning her gaze back to Regina's mother and accepting the handshake, "Nice to meet you too ma'am."
Regina's mother recoiled a bit, "No need to call me ma'am. My name, Cora, will suffice."
Emma swallowed again, nodding her head, "Cora, got it."
Cora's lips tugged into a tight smile and then she said, "Well I'm going to make myself a cup of tea," and with that she spun and left Regina and Emma in the entryway.
"I'm so sorry," Regina rushed out once Cora was gone, "she just showed up. I called to tell her about Henry but I didn't expect to just...show up here."
Emma shrugged, "She's your mother, Regina. Of course she'd want to meet her grandson."
Regina just looked bewildered, "Yes, well...I'm not sure about how I feel with her in the same house as you. She has a historic record of disliking my significant others and treating them awfully."
"Oh come on," Emma laughed, joking, "I have cancer, she has to be nice to me. It's, like, one of society's rules."
Regina just quirked an eyebrow.
Emma laughed again, shaking her head, "Seriously? What are you worried about? What's the worst that could happen?"
"Emma Swan," Regina hissed, "Are you trying to jinx us? Who says things like that?"
"Regina Mills," Emma's eyes twinkled, "Are you really the kind of person who believes in curses?"
Regina groaned but she followed Emma out of the entryway and towards wherever her mother had gone.
xxxxxxx
The afternoon was surprisingly pleasant. Cora seemed enamoured with Henry, and beside a few sly remarks, she was surprisingly nice to Emma as well. Regina was just starting to think that maybe Emma had been right when, of course, she was proven wrong. She should have known better than to let her guard down.
She'd left to make Henry a bottle and when she turned around she was surprised to find her mother standing in the kitchen with her.
"Just making more tea," Cora said, holding up the mug as if that proved her point. She glided over to the counter and plugged the kettle into the wall. Only then did she turn to stare at Regina with calculating eyes that Regina knew meant she was about to say something that Regina wouldn't like. "So how long have you and Emma been seeing each other?" It was a much tamer question than Regina had been anticipating.
Regina studied her mother carefully, her guard up, but she couldn't figure out a reason not to answer, "We've known each other a few months. And been in a relationship...for a few weeks."
"A few weeks," Cora repeated, her expression filled with disapproval but she didn't say anything else right away, focusing on adding a new tea bag to her mug.
Regina's jaw tightened as she measured out the formula powder carefully, waiting for whatever Cora would have to say next. She knew her mother, she knew that she would have more to say.
Sure enough, after minutes of silence, Cora added, "And you think now, with a new baby, is the right time for a new relationship?"
Regina sighed, looking over at her mother. Why couldn't she just be happy for Regina? Why couldn't she just be supportive? "It isn't ideal timing," Regina admitted tensely, because there was never any sense in lying to her mother. Still, she was not willing to let her mother shake her and she added firmly, confidently, "But when is the timing ever ideal? Emma is sweet and kind. She's a great person and she's surprisingly good with Henry. Henry and I are lucky to have her."
"Regina," Cora shook her head, the disapproval on her face still present, "She has cancer."
"I know that mother," Regina snapped in annoyance as she added water to the bottle.
"Do you?" Cora quirked an eyebrow, "You have a newborn. Taking care of a baby is difficult enough as it is. Why on earth would you want to add having to take care of an adult on top of that? Why would you chose a difficult relationship?"
"It's not…" Regina started to protest but Cora cut her off.
"Don't lie about it Regina."
"Okay fine," Regina snapped, slamming the bottle she was shaking down on the counter, incredibly angry now, "Is the fact that Emma has cancer difficult? Of course it is." She wasn't about to stand here and let Cora cut up her relationship with Emma, especially not on the basis that Emma had cancer, but the rant she was preparing died on her lips, her eyes widening in horror, as she spotted Emma standing at the entrance to the kitchen, Henry in her arms.
Emma was pale, her eyes wide and unfocused, "I...uhh...sorry…" she said, looking everywhere but at Regina and Cora, "Henry spit his pacifier on the floor. I just wanted to rinse it. But...uh...I'll come back…" She spun and nearly ran out of the kitchen.
"Emma!" Regina called after her, starting to follow but pausing to spin to face her mother, a finger raised threateningly in her direction, "Stay in here."
For once, Cora had the good sense not to say a word and to do as she was told.
xxxxxxx
Emma had Henry settled in his swinging chair by the time that Regina caught up to her. Emma was still beyond pale, her focus remaining on Henry, nudging the chair so that it would swing gently, and refusing to look over at Regina.
"Emma…" Regina said impossibly softly, stopping only an arm's length away from her.
Emma still didn't look over at her and Regina noticed then that her entire body seemed to be shaking. Actually, Emma was looking increasingly unsteady on her feet and, worried, Regina said carefully, "Will you sit please?"
"I'm fine," Emma snapped, green eyes finally turning to look over at Regina. Regina was expecting anger but the overwhelming expression on Emma's face was sadness.
Regina sighed, her heart clenching painfully, "Emma...what did you hear?"
Emma stiffened, the flash of hurt in her eyes unmistakable. "Enough," she finally said, trying so hard, and failing, to seem unaffected.
"So then you heard me tell my mother how lucky Henry and I are to have you?" Regina prodded, wanting to make a point.
Emma stiffened even further but the sudden flicker of uncertainty in her eyes told Regina that Emma clearly hadn't heard the entire conversation, only the part that had been so easy to misinterpret.
Emma was still shaking, her entire body vibrating, and Regina was worried about that maybe more than anything. Regina tried her previous request again, "Will you sit please? So we can talk?"
Emma swallowed, her posture still rigid, but she bobbed her head once and shuffled slowly over to the couch, dropping down. She still looked impossibly sad, defeated almost, and her gaze dropped to the floor, as Regina settled onto the couch beside her.
"I'm sorry..." Regina started, reaching over for Emma's hand, sighing when Emma flinched and moved it out of reach. "Would you look at me for one second?"
Emma took a shaky breath but slowly she looked up from the floor, green eyes locking with brown ones.
"Thank you," Regina whispered. She took a careful breath and then she said, "I want you to hear the rest of what I was about to tell my mother when you walked in. I was going to say that of course the fact that you have cancer is difficult. Watching someone you..." she hesitated, the word love popping into her head but sticking in her throat. She knew right then, with absolute certainty, that it was true, that she did love Emma. But she didn't want to say it like this. Didn't want Emma to think she was only saying it to try and fix the mess she'd made. She swallowed thickly and started again, "Watching someone you care about suffer is awful. There is very little that is easy about this relationship, Emma. Not your cancer. Not the fact that I just adopted a baby. Not that I have to consider Henry in all of my decisions from here on out. But I don't care. You know why? Because there might be very little that is easy about any of this...but the only thing that matters, is. Choosing you, wanting you. It's so easy. And it doesn't even matter why. It's just is. It's something that I know without any thought. You're the person I want to spend all my time with. You're the person I want to tell everything…" Regina paused, taking a breath, "And I know, I know what you're thinking...I didn't tell you right away about the adoption agency calling...but I wanted to. You're the only person I cared to tell about Henry. You're the only person I care to tell about anything. Emma...I…" Regina was out of things to say, she didn't know how much more convincing she could be and so she just pleaded with her eyes for Emma to believe her, to believe what she was saying.
Emma's expression was almost unreadable for so long that Regina was shocked when her lower lip began to tremble and tears filled her eyes. "I…" Emma swallowed, "I don't want things to be difficult for you."
"Emma," the name was a whisper as Regina reached a hand out to gently caress Emma's cheek, relieved when Emma didn't flinch or pull away. She cupped Emma's cheek, running the pad of her thumb across soft skin over and over and over again, "things aren't nearly as difficult as they would be without you."
A single tear spilled over, rolling down Emma's cheek and Regina caught it with the pad of her thumb as Emma's eyes fluttered shut to prevent any more from escaping. Regina leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to one eyelid and then the other, smiling softly when green eyes, still shiny with unshed tears, fluttered back open to stare at her. "I'm so lucky to have you," Regina told her, her thumb resuming its previous gentle pattern against Emma's cheek.
Emma shook her head, reaching up and snagging Regina's wrist, stilling the motion and tugging the hand down so that she could press a kiss into Regina's palm, "I'm the lucky one."
Regina blinked slowly, just staring at Emma a long moment, before she offered an alternative, "Perhaps we're both lucky."
Emma just shrugged, smiling slow and soft.
Regina returned the smile and then leaned in to press her lips to Emma's, softly and urgently all at the same time. She reached up to cup Emma's face once more, this time so that she could pull her close, closer, and then even closer, wanting this kiss to erase any doubt Emma was still feeling, wanting it to cement her words in Emma's brain so that she wouldn't doubt again.
She chose Emma. She wanted Emma. She loved Emma. Even if she hadn't quite said that last one yet.
Regina sighed in relief when Emma's hand reached up to tangle in her hair, deepening the kiss.
The kiss lasted until Henry started crying and Regina realized that she'd definitely forgotten about the bottle she'd been preparing for him.
xxxxxxx