Passageway

Chapter 19

It was Friday night of that week when Dotty sought out her daughter to talk. As they sat in the family room Dotty inquired, "Other than the boys mishap with Lee's ball, how is everything with the two of you?"

Amanda shrugged responding, "Okay, I guess. Nothing happened at work. It was actually a normal day."

Dotty shook her head and queried, "I think you know what I'm asking here, Dear. Has anything been resolved as far as-"

Amanda sighed and commented, "Mother... I know you mean well, but no. Besides, with the boys and work we've been a bit distracted lately. But if this is your way of telling me you still want to petition-"

Dotty held up a hand and remarked, "Uh, no. I realize I may have gone a bit overboard with that notion but as your mother and their grandmother I do have a right to be concerned, don't I?"

Amanda patted Dotty's arm and nodded responding, "Yes. I understand, Mother. But Lee and I are going to make sure we're all safe, and-"

Dotty nodded and answered with a wave of her hand, "Yes, Darling. I get that, but what about you and Lee? I mean, you can't stay at a stalemate forever-"

Amanda got up from the couch and stated irritatedly, "I know, Mother! Look, you know both of us have been going to therapy, right? Just because we're not at a place you want us to be doesn't mean we're not trying! Now please, can we drop this?"

Dotty sighed and nodded wordlessly as Amanda came to her and gave her a hug and kiss replying, "We know you love us and want the best for all of us but we have to work through our problems before Lee can come home, okay?"

Dotty answered, "Yes, Darling. Now about Lee. I wondered why he kept his old apartment even after you married-"

Amanda responded, "Because of the Agency, Mother. Not anything else, all right?"

Dotty commented, "Oh, for heaven's sake! You didn't think I meant Lee was seeing other women, did you? No. I just thought it was strange that he kept it, that's all. But I should have realized after you told me about your career and all, that-"

Seeing the look on Amanda's face she hugged her and swallowed hard stating, "I'm sorry. I guess it will take some time to get over the case and-"

Amanda bewilderedly answered, "Get over? As in"get over" being raped?!"

Dotty tried to speak but Amanda responded angrily," I will never get over that, Mother! I only just recently stopped having nightmares about it! How could you say that to me? Our problem stems from the guilt we're both feeling about that time! Lee feels it because it was the one time in our lives together that he couldn't save me! And mine is due to the fact that I was pregnant and miscarried and even though it wasn't Lee's child after all, I still ache from the loss! No woman should ever have to go through that no matter what the situation!"

Amanda sighed and gulped commenting, "I'm going up. I'm tired, Mother. I'll see you in the morning."

Dotty stated as Amanda headed to the landing, "It wasn't your fault, Darling! Do you hear me? It was not your fault!"

Amanda whirled around and wept openly yelling, "Then why do I feel this way?! Why?"

Dotty went to her and holding her tightly she rocked her and gently stated, "Because you're a wonderful mother and if there had been any way possible to avoid that tragedy you would've. And my darling girl even though it wasn't Lee's child, it was a part of you that's gone, hmm? And somehow you feel that if the child had survived, Lee somehow wouldn't have been accepting of it, right?"

Amanda nodded and gulped answering tearily, "Because it didn't come from an act of love. From our love! It was violence, pure and simple."

Dotty swallowed hard shaking her head as she hestitated asking the next part but went ahead responding, "Sweetheart. I know you'd never usually consider this at all but at the time was there any part of you that actually thought about abortion? Only because of the way the child had been conceived?"

To Dotty's surprise Amanda nodded as she pulled back a little wiping her eyes and answered quietly, "Yes. Lee and I discussed it and he told me that no matter what I decided, he'd stick with me because he loves me."

Amanda sighed as she went to get a tissue and Dotty smiled faintly stating, "Always knew that man was special."

Amanda nodded as she wiped her eyes and blew her nose and answered, "Yeah. So, you understand now that we're still not all the way healed yet, right?"

Dotty came to her and stroked her back gently responding, "Yes, Dear. As long as you haven't given up on each other totally, I know you'll be all right eventually."

Amanda commented with a hug, "Thank you, Mother. I love you."

Dotty kissed her and replied, "I love you too, Precious. Sleep well."

Things were definitely better between them and Amanda hoped that soon, she and Lee would be on the right track as well...

TBC