Hey all – I hope I didn't make you wait too long for this update! Was my last week of school, so things got a bit crazy since I'm also working two jobs! Only one more week to get in final assignments and then I am finished and done university for life! Huzzah!
Before we start, I would like to say a something about mental health – if you don't want to read feel free to skip ahead to the chapter, but it's been weighing on my heart all week long. In the past week, two different people have come to me with concerns for mental health. One of my dear friends things he could be bi-polar, and another friend's son started having split personalities at the age of 7. In addition, I myself have been feeling quite low. I don't have depression, but circumstances that are out of my control just seem to be feeding negative emotions – I mean I literally sat in the shower last night for an hour and just stared at the wall. I'm not saying this for sympathy, but I want you to know that if you are reading this and you are struggling with your mental health that a) you are not alone in the struggle, b) you are loved by someone who has never met you, and c) it's not something to be ashamed about. I'm tired of social stigma around it – its ok to need help when life starts giving you shit, or even if life is good and you still find yourself in a trench. I hope you know that issues with mental health are common, and can be overcome – and most of all YOU ARE LOVED! Anyways, I had to get that out there. I hope you enjoy this chapter. 3
xoxoxoxoxox
Lexa had been drifting in and out of a light sleep for the past few hours as Clarke continued to sleep on her chest. She was acutely becoming more and more aware of the sounds of the waking camp around her, and increasingly felt she should get up and start getting ready for the day. But she didn't. She had just closed her eyes on last time, her fingers moving back to Clarke's wavy blonde hair as she breathed in her scent when a movement to her left caught her attention. Lexa immediately tensed – who dare enter her tent unannounced. Angrily she lifted her eyes only to find herself face to face with Clarke's mother.
"Doctor Griffin." The commander's authority seeped through her voice even in her intimate position, and she saw the Doctors shoulders square off just a little bit. Anger raged under the surface – unbelieving that her guards had just allowed the woman to walk in and find her like this. She would have to give them a good talking to later. Briefly Lexa considered quickly moving from her position underneath Clarke – but what had been seen could not be unseen and Clarke's wellbeing was more important than her pride in this moment. Besides, even though they were keeping their relationship a secret she figured Abby, being Clarke's mother and all, would have to find out about it sooner or later. Still, she dropped her hand from Clarke's head, straightened her back ever so slightly and narrowed her eyes, almost as if to demand an explanation.
"C-Commander." Abby stuttered. Beneath her mask, Lexa smiled. She was still Heda. "I'm sorry to intrude…"
"I see your journey here has treated you well?" The commander asked, pushing the obvious elephant in the room out of focus.
"Y-yes. It was lovely." Abby said, standing there awkwardly looking at the two woman, unsure what to do. Her eyes traveled to the bandage on Clarke's thigh – little spots of blood had started to seep through the bandage. She decided getting right to business was the best option. "What happened yesterday?"
"We were riding along Eaglesnest Pass when a snake spooked Clarke's horse. She was thrown off Spirit and down the hill. Truthfully we're lucky that only her back and leg were injured. We tried to clean it up the best we could, but Nyko said there were too many small rocks to treat it properly without Skaikru tools." Lexa explained, tightening her grip around Clarke's shoulders.
"Can I take a look?" Abby asked, feeling somewhat ridiculous that she felt she needed permission to approach her daughter. Lexa nodded, dipping her head towards Clarke's hairline, her free hand trailing up the blondes arm gently.
"Clarke…" She whispered quietly. "Clarke." Lexa repeated, a little louder. The blonde began to stir, blue eyes gently fluttering open.
"Lex…?" She murmured sleepily. Abby's heart tensed in her chest uncomfortably, lowering her gaze to her feet. Of all the things she had expected to see when she came to Arkadia, this certainly wasn't it.
"Your Mom is here to check on your wounds." Lexa whispered again, and out of the corner her eye Abby saw that it was Clarke's instinct to jump from Lexa's arms – preserving their privacy. Lexa however anticipated Clarke's movement and held her tighter – keeping her from unintentionally causing herself pain from the sudden movement.
"Hi Mom-" Clarke began. Abby could see that she was about to try and explain herself and cut her off.
"You know what honey, stay where you are. I think this is the best angle I'm going to get of your leg." Abby reassured Clarke, finally stepping forward to remove the bandage from her leg. The small tent left much to be desired when it came to surgical space – and Clarke would need something to hold onto if it was as bad as Lexa made it sound. Clarke nodded begrudgingly in agreement before looking at Lexa with annoyance and confusion in her eyes. How had her Mom walked in on them like this?
Gingerly the doctor pulled the small stool that was next to Lexa's night stand and sat down. Her fingers nimbly reached for the bandage Nyko had placed the night before, taking care to remove it as gently as possible. As the doctor began to inspect the various wounds she let out a sigh – this was going to be a long morning.
"God Clarke, how did this happen?" She asked, even though she has just heard the Commander's version of the story.
"The hill I fell down had lots of gravel and roots and – " Clarke stopped short. She wasn't really sure what kind of explanation her mother was looking for. "You should have seen the branch the Commander had to pull out." Abby looked up the girls, eyebrows raised in question. Clarke was rambling.
"hmmm." She tutted under her breath, focusing on the wound again for a moment before looking up at Clarke again. "Well, the good news is that this is fixable, you'll be walking around in no time."
"And the bad news?" The Commander asked monotone.
"The bad news is I wasn't planning on doing surgery on my daughter in the middle of a camp this morning so I don't have any anesthetic."
"What is that?" Lexa asked, as Clarke let out a deep sigh.
"It means that we have nothing to numb the pain." The blonde answered for her mother, who nodded, confirming the answer to the commander's question. "Let's just get it over with."
"Clarke, this is going to hurt –"
"I know, Mom, but what choice do we have?" Abby let out a sign in agreement, there were no other options and nodded. Clarke adjusted herself against Lexa, bringing one of her hands to come around Lexa's forearm as a grip. Lexa in turn tightened her grip around the girl, preparing to have to hold her in place.
Abby reached into her bag and pulled out a number of tools including gloves and forceps, which she sterilized quickly with a small alcohol swab. "You ready?"
Clarke nodded. The look on Abby's face was already apologetic as she brought the forceps forward to retrieve the first rock. As the Doctor began to pull pebble after pebble from her daughter's leg, Clarke did her best to control her body but eventually the pain became too much and her body shook in the shock. Clarke let out an agonized groan when Abby had to cut away some newly formed flesh that was beginning to form over a larger rock – her entire leg jerking in protest at the sensation. Immediately Lexa's hand came to the top of Clarke's thigh, holding it in place with as much force as she could.
Abby looked up at the movement, to see that Lexa's forearm now had 5 claw shaped marks on it, each one oozing deep black blood. The Doctors eyes filled with question and concern, looking up at her Commander suddenly and with question. Lexa however, quickly shook her head, dismissing the issue till later. She doubted Clarke was even aware she had been gripping her that hard. Instantly Abby relented and went back to work on her daughter's leg, taking care to get the wound clean as she possibly could.
Clarke whimpered so quietly that Lexa was sure she was the only one in the room who had heard it. Tear had been silently falling down Clarke's face as her mother work – but she had been too afraid to let out a cry for fear of not being able to control her sobs if she let a single one out.
"It's okay to cry if you need to, ai hodnes." Lexa quietly whispered into Clarke's ear in trigedasleng feeling the wet patch that was starting to seep through her night dress. Clarke let out a small cry as she clenches her jaw together, the pain causing her to see specks of grey and black around her. For a brief moment Abby glanced up at the girls, as Lexa continued to whisper reassurances into her daughter's ear as her daughter trembled against her. Could Clarke understand the language now? Breaking herself free from her thoughts, she continued to work until she was satisfied that she had removed everything foreign from her daughter's leg.
"Ok, I think were done Clarke." The Doctor said, as she began to bandage the wound once again. Above her Clarke let out an audible sigh of relief as she finally allowed her body to relax. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I know that was awful."
"It's ok Mom, thank you." Clarke said sincerely, and Abby looked up noticing the tear streaks down her daughters face for the first time. Sometimes she couldn't believe just how strong Clarke had proved herself to be ever since they came to earth.
"We'll need to change it again before bed, and apply this medicine on it every time. I also want to get you some antibiotics if possible – that was left a little longer than I'm comfortable with." Clarke nodded in agreement, looking at the bottle of medicine her mother was showing her.
"Thank you, Dr. Griffin." Lexa said. The doctor was about to retort that she would always be willing to help her daughter, but upon seeing the look of sincerity on the commanders face stopped herself.
"Of course, Commander." Lexa nodded, and was about to speak again when the voice of a guard echoed through the tent.
"Heda, Yoan here to see you." He announced. Lexa immediately removed herself from Clarke, who fell to her side and curled up into fetal position the sobs she had been holding back finally taking over her body as she shook. Lexa threw a concerned glance down at Clarke, almost able to feel how fast her lovers heart was beating in her chest even through their distance apart.
"Enter!" She called as she stood, her posture easily slipping into that of the Commander of 13 clans. A slight handmaiden entered the tent, a bundle of clothing folded neatly in her hands. She paused for a moment at the sight before her.
"Everything okay here, Heda?" She asked casting a quick glance at Clarke as she stroked the fabric in her hands nervously.
"We will be fine, Yoan – thank you for asking."
"It's time to get ready for this afternoons formalities Heda." The handmaiden reminded gently.
"Of course. Yoan, would you please gather Clarke's things from her tent and have them brought here. She will be getting ready here this morning."
"Of course." The woman feebly place the fabric she was holding on the table and turned to leave but not before bowing ever so slightly. "Heda."
"Clarke, do you really think it's wise to attend this afternoons celebrations?" Abby immediately protested.
"I don't have a choice, Mom." Clarke explained as she regained control of her body, suddenly feeling the strength to pull herself into a seated position. Gently she rested against Lexa's headboard. Abby was about to protest again when Lexa spoke up.
"The formalities will not last long this afternoon – just a welcome to all the clans and then a short welcome to the 13th clan. After that Clarke can leave the celebration as early as she feels she needs to."
Abby looked between the two women – clearly there was no winning this one.
"Alright, as long as you promise to rest as soon as you feel you need it." She said. Clarke nodded, and Lexa nodded as well, confirming that she would reinforce it. It was then that she was drawn back to the black blood Clarke had caused to surface on Lexa's arm.
"Commander, your arm." Abby gestured.
"It is nothing."
"Please let me clean it at least." Although she hesitated, the Commander nodded not wanting to dispute a kind gesture. Lexa sat down at the end of the bed were Clarke lay, across from Abby.
"I'm sorry," Clarke spoke up, "I didn't realize I had hurt you."
"It's fine, Klarke." She acknowledged as the doctor took her forearm and gently cleaned away the smeared blood.
"Your blood, it's black…" Abby stated shakily, certain that there was something wrong.
"Yes, blood of the Commander. It is how we choose our people." Lexa answered simply. There was too much history to go through at this moment.
"So it has always been this way?" The doctor asked, curious what on earth medically could make blood that color.
"Yes, ever since I was a child. When a nightblood is found, they are brought to Polis to start training for their duties as Heda." It was as brief of an explanation as she could give right now, and they didn't have time for the full story.
"Hmm." Abby murmured as she tied a bandage Lexa thought was completely unnecessary around the wound. To their left the flap of the tent moved and they heard the guards announce that Yoan had returned with Clarke's things.
"Enter!" She commanded and the handmaiden reappeared.
"Your things Waneda. Yiitza will be here to help you prepare shortly." Yiitza was the handmaiden that Lexa had assigned to Clarke ever since she had stayed in Polis.
"Thank you, Yoan." Clarke replied kindly, as the woman began to turn her attention to the clothing she had brought Lexa earlier.
"Thank you for everything Doctor Griffin. I'm sure you want to get yourself settled before this afternoons celebrations." Abby recognized the dismissal and stood to leave, but not before going over and pulling her daughter into a long hug.
"I love you sweetheart, I'm glad you're ok." She said, placing a kiss on her daughter's hair line. Clarke hugged her back, not wanting to let her mother go for as long as she could. Despite everything they had been through these past months, she had truly missed her.
"I love you too, Mom." Abby smiled, cupping her daughters chin in her face for a moment before turning and walking out of the tent. As Abby retreated, Lexa longed to go to Clarke and wipe the long tear steaks from her eyes – but Yoan was still in the room. The brunette waited till the handmaiden had turned her back from the couple before reaching out and squeezing the blondes hand in affection.
Xoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
WoooW! How was that yos!? Haha. I hope you enjoyed that – I wasn't sure if I should play out Clarke's pain a bit more – but eh. I like how it turned out so that's what really matters.
Anyways – please let me know what you think, and I will be forever obliged to you! You all are A-W-E-S-O-M-E.
Up next: The celebration begins, Lexa and Clarke's inhibitions are lowered due to booze and painkillers, and all (most?) of Abby's questions get answered.