Chapter 12 – Erised

Emma was staring off into space one morning. It was her birthday and exactly one week before Christmas. She didn't like this time of year. While the orphanage tried to make an occasion out of birthdays and Christmas, they simply couldn't afford presents for all of them, so they held little parties, barely more than the average dinner time, really. Since Emma always hated the attention, she came to dislike her birthday.

Christmas on the other hand, she came to dislike because of it's association with family. Emma had never felt too bad about not having a family before now. It's all she'd ever known and she'd always been with other children in the same position, but it still didn't make Christmas any easier. She couldn't help but think about her family, who they were and how they could have abandoned her as a baby on the orphanage doorstep in the depths of winter.

The orphanage had obviously contacted the police and the social services but since she was left with nothing but the bundle of blankets she was wrapped in, there was nothing to go on. All attempts at finding her parents had proved fruitless. After a few days in hospital, to make sure she was fit and healthy, the orphanage, feeling a degree of responsibility, took her in.

To start with, Emma was only given her first name, chosen by one of the volunteers at the orphanage, in case her parents were ever found. As that became increasingly unlikely, she was eventually given a made-up last name. This all made her feel somewhat fake, an outcast, unwanted and being at Hogwarts made everything feel worse. She was surrounded by students who all, for the most part, knew who their family was and were excited to be able to go home and see them again. Emma would never get that chance. It made her upset and she'd never felt so alone.

Emma was on the verge of crying when she was brought back to reality by a jostling. Hermione had just sat down next to her and she was holding a small, red and flat rectangular object.

'Happy Birthday.' whispered Hermione, handing over the object.

Emma was confused and overwhelmed. The emotion that was cut short before came back and she couldn't help it when two tears ran down her cheeks. She held the object shakily in both hands, having no idea what to do.

'What's wrong?' asked Hermione, tentatively. 'I didn't think you'd want to make a big deal out of it, but we can if...'

'I've never been given a present before.' said Emma, quietly.

'What, never?' asked Hermione, shocked.

Emma only nodded, staring at the present.

'That's awful!' said Hermione, giving Emma a hug. 'Well, now you have. Open it!'

Emma opened the present very carefully trying very hard not to tear the paper. She was worried about upsetting Hermione. Inside the red wrapping paper was a rigid and weighty object. It wasn't until Emma folded over the last piece of wrapping paper that Emma could see what it was. A hard-back book labelled A-Z of Charms. A quick glance inside the front pages showed that it was a book with a large selection of charm spells, what they did and how to perform them.

Emma was crying freely now, a mixture of sadness from before and now of joy.

'Thank you, Hermione.' choked Emma, giving Hermione a hug. 'It's amazing.'

'I'm glad you like it.' said Hermione looking at Emma sympathetically.

It was clear that she found it appalling that Emma had never been given a present before.

Emma glanced through the book, slowly calming down and occasionally drying her eyes on the sleeves of her robes.

'I'll leave you to it.' said Hermione, quietly. 'I'm going to get some breakfast. See you in Potions.'

Emma normally enjoyed Potions and she had the advantage of not feeling the cold, unlike everyone else who were huddling around their cauldrons in the freezing dungeon. However, on both the morning of her birthday and the following Friday, the lessons were made almost unbearable by Malfoy.

'I do feel so sorry,' he said, without a hint of sympathy, 'for all those people who have to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas because they're not wanted at home.'

He was looking over at Harry as he spoke, smirking as Crabbe and Goyle chuckled, but Emma felt a stab of pain in her chest. She tried to focus on her potion and not let Malfoy get to her, but it was difficult. She still spent most of the lesson crying silently.

Emma knew Harry wasn't going home for Christmas, he signed up at the same time Emma did when Professor McGonagall came round the week before with a list of who would be staying. Ron and his brothers had signed up too as their parents were going to see an older Weasley brother, Charlie, who was working in Romania.

For Emma though, it wasn't a question of ever going back to the orphanage. It hadn't even occurred to her until Professor McGonagall had asked that she might have to. Hogwarts was her home now, and she'd do anything to stay.

After Potions on the Friday, the last day of term, Emma followed Hermione out of the dungeons and up toward the Great Hall. They had to stop when they found a large fir tree blocking the corridor ahead. Two enormous feet sticking out at the bottom and a loud puffing sound told them that Hagrid was behind it.

'Hi, Hagrid, want any help?' Ron asked, sticking his head through the branches.

'Nah, I'm all right, thanks, Ron.'

'Would you mind moving out of the way?' came Malfoy's cold drawl from behind, making Emma's skin crawl and her eyes sting. 'Are you trying to earn some extra money, Weasley? Hoping to be gamekeeper yourself when you leave Hogwarts, I suppose – that hut of Hagrid's must seem like a palace compared to what your family's used to.'

Now it was Ron's turn to fall for it. He dived at Malfoy, and just as he'd gotten hold of Malfoy's robes, Snape came up the stairs.

'WEASLEY!'

Ron let go at once.

'He was provoked, Professor Snape.' said Hagrid, sticking his huge hairy face out from behind the tree. 'Malfoy was insultin' his family.'

'Be that as it may, fighting is against Hogwarts rules, Hagrid.' said Snape silkily. 'Five points from Gryffindor, Weasley, and be grateful it isn't more. Move along, all of you.'

Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle barged roughly past the tree, scattering needles everywhere and smirking.

'I'll get him.' said Ron, grinding his teeth at Malfoy's back. 'One of these days, I'll get him.'

'I hate them both.' said Harry. 'Malfoy and Snape.'

Hagrid looked at the four of them, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Emma, all looking angry or upset.

'Come on, cheer up, it's nearly Christmas.' he said. 'Tell yeh what, come with me an' see the Great Hall, looks a treat.'

So they followed Hagrid and his tree off to the Great Hall, where Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick were busy with the Christmas decorations.

'Ah, Hagrid, the last tree – put it in the far corner, would you?'

The Hall looked amazing. It put the orphanage's decorations to shame, many times over. The walls were covered in festoons of holly and mistletoe, and there were twelve towering Christmas trees placed evenly around the room. Some were decorated with sparkling candles, others with lots of tiny icicles. It all got too much for Emma to handle at this point, so she sneaked away without the others noticing.

The next day, all the students who were going home for Christmas made their way down to the Entrance Hall and from there, the train station.

'Have you had any luck finding more about... you know.' whispered Hermione on the way down.

'Nicolas Flamel, you mean? Not yet.'

'No... well, yes.' replied Hermione, momentarily sidetracked. 'I meant about... you, too.'

'Oh... no, not that either.' said Emma, looking down, ashamed.

Hermione just frowned.

'I'll keep looking, don't worry. Have a good Christmas.' said Emma, giving Hermione a hug.

'You too, Emma.'

Emma was stood at the top of the grand staircase waving goodbye to Hermione as she disappeared into the crowd.

It was still early morning so Emma decided to catch up on some exploring while she had the whole castle nearly all to herself for two weeks with nearly limitless access.

Since she knew all the corridors of the school by heart now, she wanted to find out what was in every classroom, cupboard and office she'd never been in before.

After nearly a whole day of exploring, the sun long since set, she knew what was in every room between the Gryffindor Tower and the Library. As she expected, most were just boring classrooms. Some were filled with desks and chairs and clearly still in use, some were dusty and dilapidated and one, the last room she entered, was clearly out of use. The desks and chairs were all piled high against the side wall and they were covered in dust and cobwebs.

Emma turned to leave, thinking there was nothing out of the ordinary, but something shiny caught her eye. At the far side of the room was a single, lonesome mirror. It was beautiful. It had a gold frame, was as tall as the ceiling and was standing on two clawed feet. At the top of the mirror was an inscription that read Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi. She had no idea what that meant, but being curious as to why such a mirror would be in a disused classroom, she walked toward it to inspect it.

At first glance all Emma saw was a very large ornate stone bowl sitting on the floor just inside the mirror. It was filled with a very dark, nearly black liquid and it seemed to be rippling slowly. Behind the bowl was her reflection, but it was leaning over into the bowl, drinking from it, causing the ripples.

When Emma stepped forward again to see the contents of the bowl better, already half-knowing what it was, her reflection instantly reacted to her presence. It stood upright and glared at her with bright, almost luminescent green eyes and barred it's teeth at her. It was quite a shock for Emma, to see herself as Hermione once saw, but the liquid now covering the reflection's nose, mouth and chin and dripping back into the bowl was what really made Emma stumble backwards a step. Highlighted by her reflection's bright pale skin, the red from the blood was shocking.

Of course, now that she had seen the blood, and started thinking about it, she realised she'd forgotten that tonight was feeding time. Her thirst grew stronger and losing herself, she began edging toward the bowl in the mirror instinctively, carefully, wary of the other vampire defending it's food. As her reflection made a threatening lurch toward her, she jumped backward to defend herself and the bowl and her feral reflection vanished.

Confused and dazed, Emma looked around the room, thirst still tainting her thoughts. She shook her head a few times, trying to regain some clarity. She knew she had to feed, but couldn't remember how. It was driving her into a frenzy, her thirst was getting worse and worse every second, making it harder and harder to think. She tried to remember how she normally feeds.

'The bowl, of course.' she thought looking back to the mirror.

The mirror was empty and there was no sign of the bowl. This confused her even more. She began pacing side to side restlessly.

'How?' she thought, almost yelling in her head.

It was on one of her paces toward the door she noticed the floor and something clicked in her head. The tiles looked white in the dark, almost like ceramics. Emma bolted from the room as fast as she could toward the Gryffindor Tower, still hazy from the blood lust. As soon as she'd made it up to her room, she slammed the door behind her and checked her trunk. She could barely control herself long enough to warm the blood up using the spell Hermione had taught her, let alone make her way back down to the bathroom. Luckily, Emma was the only one from her room that was staying for Christmas, all the others had gone home. She downed the bottle in one.

That whole night, Emma couldn't get the mirror out of her head. It had almost managed to trap her vampire nature in a blood frenzy, making it think that there was blood inside, impossibly out of reach. She laid down on her bed and wondered what the mirror might be. It obviously showed things that weren't real, even though it felt very real at the time. It must be a mirror magically enchanted to show the person something else, but what. Perhaps it was a trap, designed to ensnare magical creatures, or perhaps it showed someone the worst part of themselves, and being a vampire, it had unintended consequences. She didn't know, and that frustrated her. So, she had to find out.

As soon as it was four o'clock in the morning, she leapt out of the portrait hole and ran all the way back to the mirror room. She was scared that it was going to show her the blood bowl again, but now that she was fed, she knew she'd be able to handle it this time. She needn't have worried though. Looking into the mirror, she saw that the bowl was gone and that her reflection was standing just as she was. The only difference was that standing beside her reflection was a young woman.

Curious, Emma stepped closer. Apart from the mournful expression, the woman looked eerily like Emma. She had long, straight black hair and green eyes. She appeared quite short for her age and was little more than skin and bone in build. All features she shared with Emma. She also had pale skin, the dark shadows under her eyes as well as fangs. She was obviously a vampire too. At first, Emma thought this woman must be an older version of herself. The similarities were certainly very striking, however, something didn't add up. In the first vision from the mirror, her own reflection had changed, but this time, the woman was there in addition to herself.

Emma sat down, cross-legged in front of the mirror and thought about it. After a little while, Emma realised that this woman couldn't be her older self. Her face wasn't quite as round, her cheekbones more pronounced, her eyes not quite the same shape. All tiny little details that, while showed the woman wasn't Emma, clearly proved that they were definitely related in other ways. Perhaps, Emma thought, this woman was her mother, and that made her angry, or maybe it was just that she finally had a face to put her anger towards.

Having solved the puzzle of the woman in the mirror, she started trying to figure out the mirror itself. Glaring, and quite possibly hissing, at the woman again, she leant her head on her hands, looked at the floor and thought about the two visions it had given her.

It wasn't long before she put two and two together and realised it was showing her what she wanted.

'Is it really that simple?' asked Emma quietly, looking back at the mirror.

'So, you've realised what it does then?'

Emma jumped, turning to the voice, immediately expecting to be told off. It was Dumbledore, sitting on a desk by the wall.

'Uhm... I think so, professor.' said Emma, standing up and lowering her head timidly.

Dumbledore simply looked at her expectantly.

'It shows what I want, but...' paused Emma. 'It only shows one thing, so... I guess it shows what I want most?'

'Yes, exactly.' said Dumbledore, smiling. 'You understood that much quicker than most who have discovered this mirror.'

'Well, I had some help.' stammered Emma, embarrassed at the praise.

'Oh?' asked Dumbledore, smiling.

'It changed what it showed me. Last night, when I was hungry,' paused Emma, looking up at Dumbledore, but his expression didn't change. 'it showed me myself, drinking blood from a large bowl. It was horrible. It confused the vampire so much.'

'Yes, I did wonder if that was the case.'

Emma looked at him in shock, realising how much he'd seen. Ashamed, she turned to the side, facing the mirror and sat on the floor again.

'And now?'

'It's showing me, and a woman I think may be my mother.' said Emma glaring at the woman again. 'The vampire wants blood, and I want to know how I became a vampire. It's the only thing that makes sense.'

'Interesting. I've never seen or heard of it changing so suddenly like that.' said Dumbledore, moving to stand next to Emma at the mirror. 'I presume your mother is a vampire?'

'Yes, professor.'

Dumbledore nodded his head thoughtfully.

'So this mirror does show what we want?' asked Emma looking up at Dumbledore.

'Yes, quite simply, it shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts.'

'So the vampire is stronger than me then?' sulked Emma, instantly realising what that meant.

'Are you sure that distinction exists any more?'

Emma, confused, looked at Dumbledore, at her cross-legged reflection in the mirror and then at the floor. Emma had certainly noticed the she was spending less and less time each feed unable to control herself. She had thought that it meant she was just getting stronger than the vampire, but Dumbledore was suggesting that they were one and the same.

'I...' stammered Emma sulking. 'I don't know.'

'This mirror shows us neither knowledge, or truth, only desire. Remember that.'

Emma nodded again, glumly. There was a few moments of silence as Dumbledore let her contemplate that.

'Now, my dear, I believe you've quite thoroughly explored this part of the castle. Perhaps it is time to move on?'

At this, Emma finally smirked. 'Yes, sir.'

She knew she wouldn't be allowed to see the mirror again so she took her last opportunity to glare at her mother, waved goodbye to Dumbledore and then left.