13BBY: Outer Rim Space

No one had ever asked Jyn how she felt after the events on Lah'mu. She had witnessed her mother's death, her father being taken away and had waited out in a makeshift bunker for hours, silently crying. When Saw had opened that hatch, she had remembered him from four years earlier when he had brought them to Lah'mu. He had been kind to her, and over the years, her parents spoke warmly of him. She had held on to seeing her father's face once the hatch had opened. Her heart had sunk deeper than she thought possible. As Saw had escorted her to his shuttle, she saw the burning of her homestead, the crop field already in ashes. She remembered the exact spot her mother had fallen. She was gone. Everyone was gone.

Jyn lay curled up in a ball, one of her toys held tight to her chest. She was lying on the hard floor of a transport carrier with Kenna sleeping a hand-width away. Jyn buried her face into the blanket, hiding her face as tears fell down her cheeks. Every time Kenna found Jyn crying over her parents, her friend would berate her, even going so far as calling Jyn weak. Saw had scolded Kenna for her harsh words, but he couldn't stop her words echoing in Jyn's mind.

For weeks, every time Jyn closed her eyes she kept witnessing her mother falling as smoke rose from her chest; her father shouting her mother's name, rushing over to her. Those flashing images caused Jyn to cry harder. She placed a fist into her mouth to keep herself quiet. Her body was shaking, trembling. There were times when she felt she was getting better; adjusting to this new reality. Then times like these hit her hard, causing her whole body to weaken, her mind reminding her of what had happened. It wasn't fair. That is what she kept telling herself over and over again.

Jyn jumped as she felt Kenna's foot kick her back.

"Wake up," Kenna mumbled.

Jyn quickly wiped her eyes, glad it was too dark for her companion to see her face. "What?"

"You were shaking," Kenna replied, rolling onto her back. "It was annoying me."

Jyn stilled, steadying her breaths. "Bad dream."

Kenna muttered incoherently, drifting back to sleep.

No one had told Jyn how to cope with loss; how to heal and move on from it. Saw had rescued her, taken her in as his own, but he never explained to her what losing someone truly meant. He had a war to fight, keeping on the move. He didn't have time to sit her down and explain how life was. Jyn was expected to figure it out on her own. It wasn't fair. Everything was happening so fast. She was being trained to fight, to build explosives and learn hand signals. These weren't activities her parents had prepared her for. The days of playing with her toys were over. She kept them packed securely in her bag, itching to get them out to play with. There was never time, and even if there was, playing with toys in the presence of Saw's partisans and Kenna wasn't the wisest thing to do. You had to look strong in order to survive and Jyn wanted to make Saw proud.

The next morning, Jyn rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she entered the crude mess hall. It was small, compact and noisy from Saw's partisans eating their breakfasts and trading gossip. Kenna had been sitting next to Saw, but got up as soon as Jyn approached. She moved over to the adjacent table, sitting herself between two soldiers in order to listen to their gruelling tales of battle. Jyn took Kenna's original spot next to Saw, gladly accepting a warm mug of blue milk.

"Kenna mentioned you had a bad dream last night," Saw spoke.

Jyn wiped her mouth with her sleeve. When she didn't reply, Saw continued. "Would you like to talk about it?"

Jyn placed her mug on the table and went to grab some cheese. "Just a dream about my mama."

She heard Saw sigh. "It is never easy, losing a parent."

"It's okay though," Jyn piqued. "In the dream, instead of my mama dying and papa being taken, you were there and rescued us all."

She looked up at Saw and smiled. It wasn't the truth, but she felt it was better to say that than explain she had been crying herself to sleep.

Saw returned her smile warmly. "Ah, my child..."

"You always rescue me from the bad people in my dreams," Jyn continued. "You make it better."

Saw wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into an uncomfortable embrace against his armour. "I fear you will be too good for this war. How I wish I could shield you from most of its atrocities."

"I'm not afraid," Jyn declared.

"I know, my child. I know."

"Do you think you will ever rescue my papa, like in my dreams?" It was a fool's hope to ask, but Jyn could not help it.

"Perhaps one day," Saw replied sadly. "We can never know what truly lies ahead."

"I'll find," she declared. "I know I will."

...

4ABY: Hosnian Prime

Jyn stood at the doorway to their bedroom as she watched Cassian pack. Kalei was in her arms, lazily kicking her tiny legs as she gazed around. Their daughter was only three weeks old and already Cassian was leaving. Jyn couldn't believe it. It was as if the galaxy had decided to play a cruel joke on her. Her husband was due to leave Hosnian Prime for Coruscant that evening. The duration of his stay there was unknown.

"At least say you'll be back before I leave for Chandrila," Jyn said, trying her best to keep the desperation out of her voice. "We promised Bodhi."

Cassian zipped up his bag at the end of the bed. "I should be back by then." It wasn't a good enough answer, and he knew it. Sighing, he slung the bag over his shoulder, walking over to his wife, kissing her deeply. "I promise I will be back before then."

Jyn inhaled his scent, something she used to do during their time together on Rogue One. Cassian kissed Kalei on her forehead. "Don't let her grow too much while I'm gone."

Jyn managed a small smile. "No promises. She has already grown quite a bit."

Cassian gazed fondly at his daughter. "I will set up a secure link once I'm on Coruscant. Contact me if anything goes wrong. If Kalei gets sick..."

Jyn quietened him with another kiss. "We'll be fine. Leia is going to be staying for a few days, and Nydo is more than capable of helping around the house. I've got this."

"I know." Cassian kissed her again. "I just hate leaving at a time like this."

"The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be home."

Cassian nodded. Jyn stepped aside and followed him to the front of the apartment. Kalei squirmed, beginning to whine as her hunger started to settle in. The sound of Kalei whimpering caused Cassian to pause at the door.

"Let me hold her before I go."

Jyn handed Kalei over, who cried out from the movement. Cassian shushed her, holding her close to his chest. It was turning out to be harder than Cassian originally thought. Jyn could handle herself, he knew that. But it was Kalei he was going to worry over the most. He didn't want to miss anything, but he had to keep telling himself that she was still too young. He had time.

As Kalei's whimpering started to develop into a full blown tantrum, Cassian gave her one last kiss before handing her back to Jyn. It broke his heart to have to leave his home to the sound of his daughter crying.

After Cassian was out of sight, Jyn sat down at the kitchen counter in order to feed Kalei. Nydo was buzzing around the kitchen, preparing the evening meal. Leia was due to arrive tomorrow around midday and stay for four days. Jyn was looking forward to the company, even making plans to venture out into the city with Leia. They both had been so consumed with work, and Jyn being pregnant that neither of them had the proper opportunity to explore the city they lived in. They were going rectify that, and to be honest, Jyn was looking forward to the distraction. She hated sitting around at home, and with Cassian going back out into the thick of it, well that made it even worse for her.

Kalei's small hand gripped firmly on Jyn's shirt as she fed eagerly. Jyn ran a finger along her hairline while her daughter watched. It felt strange to have such an innocent life being dependant on her. There had been so many times when Jyn could barely take care of herself. Having a child had never been a thought that crossed her mind. When she and Cassian had married a year and a half ago, they never discussed bringing life into the galaxy. How could they? Their job had been to take life away from the galaxy.

"Dinner will be ready in ten minutes," Nydo said, whirling over to her. "Would you like me to bathe Kalei while you eat?"

"Yes, thank you." Nydo was no K-2. Cassian had said that straight from the get go. It had been four years since her husband's best friend had perished on Scarif, and yet Cassian refused to replace him with another droid. He had only allowed Nydo to join the household after learning the droid was also a nanny. At first, Jyn was reluctant to allow Nydo to hold Kalei, let alone perform maternal duties. Eventually, Jyn and Cassian had become so sleep deprived, they had practically handed Kalei over to Nydo so they could have a whole afternoon to catch up on their sleep.

Kalei loved bath time. Jyn could hear her delightful noises while Nydo bathed her in the refresher. Jyn smiled to herself as she brushed her hair. While Jyn was sorting through some baby clothes gifted by Leia, Nydo came in with Kalei wrapped in a small towel.

"Would you like me to put her to sleep?"

Jyn swept the pile of clothes to the floor. "No, thank you. Bring her here."

Nydo placed Kalei on the bed and left. Jyn unravelled the towel allowing Kalei to wriggle around in the nude. Jyn removed the kyber necklace from around her neck and leisurely swung it around over Kalei. The crystal sparkled in the light of the bedside lamp. Jyn beamed as Kalei watched fascinated.

"This belonged to your grandmother. Her name was Lyra." Jyn gently touched the top of the crystal on Kalei's nose. Her daughter blinked. "She was the bravest woman I ever knew. It took me a long while to realise that. She would have loved you."

Jyn had been filled with so much hate over the years; rage, anger, despair, confusion and resentment. Cassian had changed all that. Of course it took her months to realise it. When Cassian had first kissed her she had been completely taken by surprise. It was a heat of the moment kiss filled with passion, longing and frustration. She had agonised over what to do with his actions, but once she let go, everything fell into place like a puzzle yearning to be complete.

Kalei gurgled as she continued to watch the crystal. "So many people who aren't here would have loved you. One day, when you're old enough to understand, your papa and I will tell you stories of them."

Jyn placed her mother's necklace on the bedside table. She picked her daughter up and walked the short distance down the hallway to the nursery. Dressing Kalei in a cotton-white jumpsuit, she sat down in the chair and prepared for an evening of rocking Kalei to sleep.

...

0ABY: Rogue One – Destination Delta Base

Jyn sat cross-legged on her bed with the velvet pouch on her lap. She was thinking over her reaction earlier after she and Cassian had returned to the shuttle. It wasn't like her to fall out of her shell so easily. It wasn't her that she was afraid of, but rather the rest of them. Rogue One had been a larger team. She hadn't known them all that well, but they were still a team. Her team. Now only seven of them remained. If these imperialist were looking for her, then her presence on Rogue One made them all a target. She didn't know what she would do if Cassian, Bodhi, Rostok or any of them were to be targeted. She couldn't leave; she had made a commitment. She thought of Cassian. She wouldn't put it past him to go find her if she did eventually leave. People whispered on how she was changing, but no one spoke of the change in Cassian. He was different to the man she first met on Yavin IV. It was like he was finally allowing himself to have character.

Jyn opened the pouch, removing the datapad and holochip. She had promised Cassian not to turn either of them on until they reached Delta Base. A precaution, he had said. Jyn didn't buy it. The suspense was killing her. Hearing footsteps, she prepared herself for Cassian to come into view and start lecturing her. Instead it was Bodhi. He had his goggles off with his flight suit unzipped revealing a black shirt underneath.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Fine."

"We aren't being followed, if that's what you're worried about."

Jyn shook her head. "I wasn't worried."

"Cassian was," Bodhi remarked. "Still isn't convinced."

Jyn remained silent, running her fingers over the velvet material of the pouch. "Bodhi, can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

Jyn patted the spot next to her, indicating him to join her. It was cramped, having two people in one bunk, but Jyn didn't care. "How did you... how do you cope with what happened on Jedha?"

Bodhi frowned, silent as he thought. "I try not to think about it too much. I figure time will make it all feel less painful. Sometimes in my dreams I'm back there before the city was destroyed. I'm at home, eating my mother's cooking." Bodhi smiled to himself. "She was a great cook."

Jyn smiled warmly. "My mother liked hiking. On Lah'mu she would take me on day long hiking trips. I loved it." Jyn's smiled waned. "It took me months to get over her death. I used to cry myself to sleep every night."

"Your father spoke of her once," Bodhi said. "When I told him I was from Jedha and that the city was being stripped of its kyber, he spoke of her love for the jedi."

Jyn bit her lip. "She used to tell me stories about them."

They remained in companionable silence as they thought of their mothers.

"It gets easier," Jyn finally said, turning to Bodhi. "Losing your family. It gets easier."

"I know," Bodhi replied softly. "Helping your father; helping you – it made me feel like their deaths weren't for nothing. If I keep fighting, staying with the rebellion. I'm not just doing it for me. I'm doing it for them; for your father."

Jyn smiled. "You make me feel close to him."

"I didn't know him that well," Bodhi admitted.

"I spent years telling myself he was dead. It was the only way I learned to cope."

"Are you still angry with Cassian?"

Jyn tensed, relaxing a bit after realising she wasn't. "Not him. I learned it was Draven who ordered the attack. Makes sense. Mothma apologised to me at the council meeting. Didn't think it would help hearing her say those words, but it has. The acknowledgement."

Bodhi slowly nodded. "I think she is a good person. She wants peace."

Jyn laughed bitterly. "I don't know how I would cope in a galaxy at peace."

"Peace isn't such a bad idea," Bodhi said. "I can see the appeal."

"I don't think I was born for peace."

Bodhi shifted to get up. "Maybe that's because you were raised by Saw."

Jyn remembered his time as a prisoner of Saw's. "Yes, well... you do have a point there."

Bodhi stepped out into the corridor. "If you're not fighting for peace, then what are you fighting for?"

Jyn refused to look at him. She shrugged. "For years it was survival, anger and because I had to find a way to live. Now... now I don't know. I want the empire gone, but... I'm not used to being part of something bigger than me. It's been a long time. I've been on my own for a long time."

"You'll never be alone again," Bodhi replied. "We have your back."

Jyn smiled up at him. "Thanks."

"We'll be arriving at Delta Base in a few hours."

Jyn lay back, resting against her pillow. She placed the datapad and holochip back into their pouch. This wasn't about her anymore. This was about the future of the galaxy.