It occurred to Celty that she probably should have asked for a key. After taking the elevator to the 16th floor, ignoring the staring from the man at the front desk, she now faced the penthouse door and silently debated her next course of action.

The lock wasn't really the problem.

It was the issue of hypocrisy. After berating Izaya for invading her privacy, what kind of a person would she be to stroll through his home while he wasn't there?

Well, it's not like I'm planning to use anything I find to blackmail him or anything. I'm not even looking! I'm doing him a favor. Well… I'm doing Shinra a favor. Celty reached for the door and tried the handle, testing the lock. To her surprise, the handle moved smoothly and the door opened easily. He doesn't even lock his door?

That seemed… odd. Not that the informant had ever been normal.

Pardon me… Celty mentally called out, pushing open the door and stepping inside. The apartment was nice. Spacious, tastefully decorated and expensive looking. It wasn't her first time here, but being alone in the enormous room made her suddenly aware of her surroundings. She moved quickly through the silent room, wondering how it's lack of occupants could somehow make it feel so cold and empty.

Celty walked behind the desk, noting two laptops and a desktop computer. Apparently the art of professional blackmailing paid well. Deciding on the laptop that was open on the desk, Celty quickly formed a knapsack of shadows and slipped the notebook inside, unplugging the power cable from a row of plugs under the desk.

A sudden noise made her straighten abruptly. It was faint, the sound of a step on carpet, perhaps, but definitely from above her. Celty scanned the loft area of the apartment carefully, her gaze wandering over the plentiful shelves of books. I'm sure it was nothing. She scanned the desk noting several different cell phones. Debating for a moment she scooped them all into the bag as well.

Shiffff!

That sound again. Feeling the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand up, Celty slowly turned around to look behind her.

Nothing. I'm getting paranoid. Ugh, time to get what I need and get out of here. Resolute, Celty wandered through the apartment before finding the bedroom. It held a similar feel to the rest of the house. Tidy without being minimalist. Expensive without being gaudy. A large bed with black covers and matching drapes dominated the back of the room. Two mahogany nightstands flanked the bed and a matching armoire stood next to the wall. It was a nice room, spatially pleasant and warm.

And it completely hid any personal effects.

A bit like its resident.

Shaking her helmeted head at the feeling that was almost like sympathy, Celty looked through the armoire, removing several sets of casual clothes and adding them to her shadow bag.

Even if Shinra is right, that doesn't excuse his shitty personality. I can't imagine being hated is truly better than being alone…

Celty glanced to the adjoining bathroom, wondering if she should grab any toiletries as well. Shinra had once assured her that the feeling of going several days without a toothbrush was really disgusting. Not having a head did have its perks, she supposed. Deciding she didn't really know where to look anyway, the dullahan stepped back into the hall. Maybe I'll stop by the convenience store.

She glanced around the room one last time, shouldering the shadow bag.

Her gaze fell on one of the bookshelves on the upper level and stayed there.

She wasn't sure why, but for some reason she felt drawn to it.

What is that…?

Celty hesitated. She had promised herself she wouldn't snoop through the informant's things but…

There's something behind there…

Celty hesitated, then moved towards the shelf.

-DRRR-

Izaya tipped his head back against the wall and let out a slow breath. He tried to ignore the thundering of his pulse and the clammy feel of his skin. He could already feel his hands trembling from the post-adrenaline high.

There was something off about Shizuo.

Well, that was kind of a given, considering his actions. Izaya was used to Shizuo's unpredictability, but even still he had been surprised when Shizuo had dropped him and fled the apartment. Seeing the blond in Shinra's apartment had surprised him, but it had been the same drill as always. He taunted, Shizuo reacted, Izaya dodged. But at the end there…

Something had changed.

For a moment Shizuo seemed to radiate danger , completely void of his usual rage. His head had blocked the kitchen light and he seemed to almost glow...

Time's up.

He didn't know why those simple words caused his heartbeat to pick up. Something primal in him seemed to recoil, even at the thought. What time? Izaya wondered irritably, What am I out of time for? The strange part was, he felt like he should know. Like it was some half-remembered dream that-

"You alright?" Shinra stood above him, looking down with a surprisingly open amount of concern. He had a small cut above his eyebrow and two thin rivers of red ran down his cheek. Izaya forced a grin.

"I told you Shizu-chan was a monster," the informant smirked. Shinra frowned, but didn't reply, touching his cheek and examining his fingertips when they came away red.

"He can dress up as a human and pretend all he likes," Izaya continued, "but eventually everyone will see him for what he really is."

"Izaya, do you know what's been going on with Shizuo lately?" The question was surprisingly blunt for Shinra, as was the serious expression he fixed on Izaya. Izaya could feel the heaviness of the situation so he did the only thing he could.

He laughed.

"Shizu-chan is as much of a monster as he always has been! Perhaps it's not him that's different, but you're just now noticing!"

"Time's up," Shinra mused.

Izaya flinched.

Shinra noticed, studying his reaction.

"That's what he said, right?" Did he? That was out loud? It must have been if Shinra heard it but… The doctor was watching him carefully, gauging his reaction. "I wonder what it could mean?"

You know, don't you?

"Hey Shinra," Izaya stated casually, "don't you think it's pointless to ask questions you already know the answer to?" Shinra looked surprised for a moment before his face broke into a grin.

"Ah, I guess you're right," he conceded, wincing as he felt along his brow for the size and shape of the cut. Izaya waited but the doctor wasn't forthcoming with any more information. Keeping that to yourself, huh?

Noticing Izaya still on the floor, Shinra offered his hand to help him up. Ignoring it, Izaya braced himself against the wall, clenching his teeth as he slowly made his way back to his feet.

"Well, I've probably overstayed my welcome anyways," he shrugged, wincing slightly, "and I'm sure Namie has missed me greatly. I think I'll be on my way."

"Izaya..." Shinra sighed, a look of exasperation and… was that guilt? Interesting.

"Shinra doesn't seem interested in sharing with me. I'm hurt! I thought that's what friends did for each other!" The words were meant to be offhand and casual with the intention of furthering the doctor's guilt, but Izaya surprised himself with the bitterness in his voice. Where did that come from?

"Ah, but it's lying and keeping secrets that makes us human, right?" Shinra answered knowingly, smiling slightly. That bastard.

"You knew I was listening to you and Celty." Izaya's smirk didn't waver, though he felt his eyes narrowing.

"I assumed as much," Shinra shrugged, adjusting his glasses. It was frustrating how well the doctor knew him sometimes. "They say eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves." Izaya's grin tightened.

"Ah, but who can really trust a liar? Or perhaps Shinra is just ignorant? Why else would he say things that are so completely wrong?" They stared each other down, smiles pleasant despite the biting words and cold expressions. Izaya pushed away from the wall, swaying slightly before finding his balance.

"Well," he smiled, voice sickly sweet, "I think I'll be heading home now. Have you seen Celty?"

"She's not home right now," Shinra answered easily, matching Izaya's smile, "in fact, she felt bad enough that she offered to pick up some things for you. She really is quite thoughtful."

"From my place? Alone?" Izaya's smile fell to a frown and while it was childish, he couldn't help but feel like he'd lost. Shinra raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, alone. I'm pretty sure she can handle whatever strange fetishes you might have hidden."

"That's not…" Izaya grimaced before forcing out a completely fake grin again, "well, I suppose that's one more reason for me to not be here." Shinra studied him a moment, forehead furrowing before realization hit him. I knew he'd figure it out. He's way too sharp.

"When Namie came to work for you she brought…"

"Yeah."

"And you just left it in your apartment?" Izaya bristled at the incredulity in Shinra's voice. "Don't tell me you have it just displayed on a shelf or something."

"That would just be morbid," Izaya answered, trying to ignore the fact that Shinra was much more correct than he would care to admit. Shinra groaned and Izaya couldn't help but grin in response. "I guess I'll just call a cab then." He walked towards the door, but had only taken a few steps before feeling the painful tug at his chest and a warm wetness wash over his abdomen.

"You tore your stitches," Shinra stated drily, gesturing to his chest. Izaya glanced down and sure enough, the oversized navy T-shirt was starting to darken with his blood.

"It's fine," Izaya replied, smiling to avoid grimacing at the pulling sensation as he continued walking.

"With that much bleeding? I doubt it." Shinra moved to block the informant's path and the stare-down resumed.

"It will stop on its own," Izaya countered, pushing past Shinra.

"Mm," Shinra agreed, "death is by far the most effective way to stop bleeding." Izaya grit his teeth. He wasn't sure how serious Shinra was, but he could already feel a rivulet of blood trailing down his leg. He didn't need to be a doctor to know the bleeding was pretty bad, but his wounded pride refused to back down so easily.

"I don't need your help, Shinra." Part of him knew he was being a complete asshole to the only person in the world willing to call him a friend, but he was tired of being poked, prodded and kept like a prisoner. He hated being injured, weak and not in control. He was fed up with this whole damned situation and unfortunately for Shinra, the doctor was in the line of fire.

But Shinra was frustrated too apparently.

"Really?" The doctor asked, sarcasm coloring his voice, "Well I'll try to keep that in mind next time someone brings you here on the brink of death." For the first time since Izaya had known him, Shinra raised his voice. "I'll tell them 'no, he doesn't need my help' when you bleed all over my floor. I'll say 'he's fine on his own' when your lungs collapse and your heart stops and your skin turns blue and any licensed doctor would have called time of death five minutes ago because there's no way to bring you back at this point. I'll say 'It will heal up on its own' instead of spending a combined forty three hours on stabilization and restorative surgery to make sure all your bones heal properly without further complications. I'll tell them to drop you off at some third rate emergency clinic, or better yet, your place so you can die all on your own without anyone's help!" By the end of his rant, Shinra was nearly shouting as he glared at Izaya, pushing his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose with a huff of breath.

This was normally the moments Izaya lived for. Seeing the reactions of his humans when faced with difficult situations. Normally it filled him with a pleasant warmth and an excited buzz in the back of his head. So why was this different? Why did his stomach clench at the heated words and a large lump form in the back of his throat? Even when humans spat poisonous words of hatred at him he would grin, giddy from the knowledge that he had evoked such powerful feelings.

So why did he have trouble even meeting Shinra's eyes now? Why did the thought that the doctor might hate him as much as all other humans fill him with dread? Izaya swallowed, finding it surprisingly difficult. Finally Shinra's steely gaze faded and his shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry," the doctor sighed, "that was uncalled for."

Izaya shrugged, trying to muster up a grin.

"I just… I really am trying to help you, but you need to trust me." Shinra sighed in exasperation. "I can't tell you everything right now, but you know I'm your friend, right?"

"Of course," Izaya replied, smiling tightly. Shinra looked at him for a moment, then full out stared before a look of realization seemed to wash over him.

"No, you really don't get it…" Shinra said slowly, almost thoughtfully. Izaya fought the urge to frown, irked by the fact that Shinra seemed to think he knew something about him. "You really don't understand. Izaya, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. You're wondering why I would help you without asking for anything, why I would bother talking to you in middle school," Izaya didn't like the way his stomach seemed to clench a little tighter with every word Shinra was saying. He tried to pass it off as a pain response from the blood still staining his shirt, but the words sounded hollow even to himself.

"You don't understand why I jumped in front of Nakura when he tried to stab you," Shinra continued, "after all, you've never done anything for me, really, so why should I risk my life for you?"

If Shinra is so smart, why hasn't he been able to figure that out before? Izaya tried to keep his smile in place; it felt like the only thing still holding him together. The buzz in the back of his mind that normally came from reveling in the reactions of his precious humans seemed to double and quadruple until it obscured his thoughts. He was vaguely aware of the fact that, in an ironic twist of fate, he was now on the receiving end of an 'inconvenient truth'.

He wasn't supposed to feel this way.

"My life would be so much simpler if I completely cut you out."

Izaya recalled a moment back in high school, when he'd still been practicing parkour and had miscalculated a jump between two buildings. He'd managed to snag a railing on a fire escape on the way down, suffering only minor bruises, but that moment of weightless falling when his entire body had gone cold and his heart had leapt to his throat had stuck with him.

He felt it again now.

"That's what you're thinking, right? You're just waiting for me to figure it out?"

Smile. Laugh. Play it off like it's nothing.

"So you finally realized it after all these years, Shinra?" Izaya forced himself to laugh, but Shinra didn't take the bait.

"Because that's not true," the doctor continued as if he hadn't spoken, "I helped you because I care about your wellbeing. I'm your friend." Shit. Shinra was giving him that serious look.

Izaya prided himself on being able to spot lies. He'd always had a tough time with Shinra, but all of his instincts told him the doctor was being honest right now.

And that didn't make sense.

Because Izaya knew what 'friendship' amounted to in the real world. He'd torn enough of them apart for his own amusement to know what a fragile thing it really was. And by all accounts, Shinra should have grown disgusted with him a long time ago.

The man was a mystery.

And that was interesting.

What are your real motivations, Shinra?

Because there was no way it was as simple as the doctor had claimed. He was Orihara Izaya after all; he didn't have friends like all his humans did. He didn't feel the same way they did. Humans lied. Shinra lied. Izaya lived for the truth.

"So, are you going to bleed to death on my floor, or are you going to trust me?" Shinra asked, his tone light.

"Will trusting you make the bleeding stop?" Izaya smiled. It wasn't entirely genuine, it rarely was, but it was as close to real as he'd come for this conversation.

"It's probably the second most effective way," Shinra replied, matching Izaya's mostly genuine smile.

-DRRR-

"Yodogiri-san would like to speak with you,"

Jirou looked up from files he was going over to see a woman in a professional-looking suit, hair partly swept up standing in front of him. She spoke softly, not quite meeting his gaze.

I've seen her before I think… Suddenly the words she'd spoken hit him.

"Yodogiri-san?" he asked, trying not to let the nervousness he felt into his voice.

"Yes," the woman replied softly, waiting politely, but insistently.

"N-now?"

"Yes," she repeated. Swallowing thickly, Jirou stacked the papers he was working on in a neat pile and stood up, pushing his chair back into place.

"Did, uh… did he say why?" Yodogiri Jinnai didn't usually waste his time with lowly office staff like Jirou. Eiji's taunting words about nobody actually getting 'fired' echoed through Jirou's mind as he fumbled to straighten his tie.

"Something about the finances," she replied, leading him towards the back area where the elevator to the penthouse suites was.

Oh god. They've figured it out! They know everything! They're going to torture me and kill me! He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. No, that's not possible, there's no way they could trace that money back to me unless they knew exactly how much and what day…shit.

He had been played like a fool.

He had been a complete idiot to think Eiji wouldn't backstab him the moment he got the chance. A slow-burning anger replaced the fear as the woman led him to the elevator and into a well-furnished office. Jirou finally recognized her as Yodogiri's secretary. Kujigiri? Kujiribe? Something like that I think…

"Um, so where is Yodogiri-san?" Maybe he could convince the boss that Eiji had tricked him into taking the money. Of course, Eiji still had those emails that Jirou had sent. But Jirou knew Eiji had been passing along information as well…

Ah hell, if I'm going down, the least I can do is take that bastard with me.

"Actually," the secretary said, placing a hand on Jirou's shoulder, "Yodogiri-san won't be joining us today."

"What?" Jirou frowned. He suddenly flinched as a sharp pain radiated from his shoulder. What was that?

That hurt…

What?

Oh.

Mother says it's alright.

What?

Everything I know?

Of course, mother.

I love you.

-DRRR-

Shizuo tipped his head back against the wall and let out a slow breath. His lungs burned and his legs hurt in a way they hadn't for years. Even while chasing Izaya he couldn't remember the last time he had pushed himself this hard. Without meaning to, he'd run nearly to Shinjuku without stopping, only slowing when his legs had threatened to give out from under him.

The Calm wasn't his voice.

The anger wasn't his voice.

There was something inside his mind that had been whispering to him since he was young. The realization shook him. He'd fought who he was for so long. Tried controlling his anger, his temper, his strength. He'd hated himself, fought with himself, forgiven himself and finally found a way to accept himself.

And now he found out that had never been him.

Or had it? Where did it end and Shizuo begin? The Calm wasn't him. That much he was certain of, but how much of that violent person who threw vending machines and ripped out traffic signs was Shizuo and how much was… whatever that thing was? Maybe he wasn't really violent. Maybe he didn't actually have a temper like a fuse on dynamite.

Maybe he didn't really hate Izaya.

That thought hit him nearly as hard as his initial realization. He slid to the ground, shirt catching and tearing slightly on the rough surface of brick behind him. Shizuo sat hard, unmindful of the snow that cushioned his fall and seeped into the bottom of his pants.

He thought back to that first day he'd met Izaya. The bastard had been sitting there, smirking like he'd seen something especially entertaining and Shizuo had never known such hate. Other people pissed him off, but Izaya…

Hate him. Kill him. Destroy him.

The thoughts had to be his own, because who else could be inside his own head? And if he couldn't trust his own instincts, what could he trust?

Shizuo ran a hand through his hair, sighing in frustration. Everything wrong in his life had always pointed back to Izaya, as though the informant existed for the sole purpose of making his life miserable. But…

But what if that had just been a convenient scapegoat? It was easy to blame someone you hated for anything that went wrong. It was much harder to admit that your way of thinking might be flawed…

Part of him insisted that this was all some convoluted plan concocted for god-only-knew what reason by Izaya himself. The irony of that thought forced a dry chuckle past his lips.

The whinny of a horse made Shizuo look up. Celty had pulled over next to him carving a neat tire track in the ankle deep snow. She flashed her cell phone at him, worry evident in the tight curling motions her shadows made.

Shizuo? Did something happen? Are you okay? What-

"I'm fine," the bodyguard sighed, pushing himself to his feet with a wince. He dusted the un-melted snow off of his pants as Celty tapped out another message.

Really? What are you doing all the way out here? Are you sure you're fine?

No actually, he wasn't sure he was fine. He'd just found out he had been hearing voices in his head since he was a kid. What was fine about that? Shizuo hesitated, not sure how much he should tell Celty. Would she think he was crazy? Would she believe him?

The absurdity of his situation suddenly hit him and he let out a small chuckle.

Shizuo?

He was worried that a headless fairy from Celtic mythology that rode a motorcycle inhabited by the spirit of a long-dead horse would think he was strange for hearing voices in his head. Still chuckling, Shizuo patted down his pocket until he found the carton he was looking for. He lit the smoke and took a deep pull before turning to Celty who had her head cocked in an almost comically questioning manner.

"Hey, if I tell you something, will you promise not to think I'm crazy?" he asked smiling. Celty hesitated a moment before replying.

Depends what it is.

Shizuo grinned. He could really respect Celty's honesty. His grin faded as he wondered how to describe the voice in his head.

Wait.

Celty didn't even have a head. Would she understand the concept of hearing a voice in her head? Well she must still have a mind. Shizuo mused, she still talks and thinks like a normal person… agh! I'm starting to think like that crazy doctor now.

Shizuo?

"Ah," Shizuo scratched the back of his head, running it through his wet hair, "the thing is… I just realized I might not hate Izaya… well… not as much as I thought I did."

?

"I mean, he's still an asshole. And nothing excuses the fact that he sent a bunch of gangs after me and got me arrested and made me lose my job and-" Shizuo could feel the restless anger start to flood his veins. Kill him. Hurt him. Destroy him. He pushed it down and was surprised to find his mind clearing. Not like The Calm where some other part of him seemed to take over, but rather it was just Shizuo. Huh. That's kind of weird. It was as though the knowledge of the other 'thing' inside his mind made it easier to suppress it.

"Okay, so I think I do still hate him," Shizuo amended, taking a long drag on his smoke and blowing a thin stream that made the still falling snowflakes dance. "but maybe… maybe I've been overreacting a bit. I don't think I want to kill him."

What happened?

Celty knew the right questions to ask; Shizuo would give her that.

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure, but I realized there's something… like a voice inside my head that just tells me to hate him and to get angry and shit." Shizuo shrugged helplessly, "Like I said, it sounds kind of crazy but… I realized I've been hearing it since I was a kid."

Celty was quiet for a moment, tapping her chin to show she was thinking.

Well, it's not really that crazy. Anri-chan hears Saika's voice in her mind constantly. Actually, I wonder if it could be something like that?

"Who's Anri again?" Shizuo frowned, the name sounding vaguely familiar.

The girl who hangs out with Mikado? She has glasses and goes to Raira?

"The bunny suit girl?"

Uh, yeah. That one.

"Huh," mused Shizuo, snuffing the butt of his smoke, "and she hears voices in her mind?"

Yes, that's how she described it. Though she constantly hears…uh… 'I love you'

"So not exactly the same then," Shizuo snorted.

Well, the voice she hears is Saika, a cursed sword that she possesses.

"Cursed sword, huh?" The blond squinted at the phone screen, snowflakes making colorful spots appear on the surface. Celty carefully wiped the screen before hesitantly tapping out another message.

So, you think that this voice is what hates Izaya then?

"I dunno," Shizuo sighed, "I mean, the bastard has given me more than enough reason to hate him, but maybe… maybe that hate was a little unwarranted in the beginning." He thought again of their first meeting. Izaya had pissed him off with his very existence but if Shizuo was entirely honest, he supposed existing wasn't really a good reason to hate someone.

Shinra once thought you could be friends.

Shizuo couldn't help but laugh at that.

"No way," he chuckled. Celty waited a moment as Shizuo turned his gaze up to the sky, contemplating. "Though," he finally added, "maybe we could have at least civilly ignored each other." After a long moment he continued, more to himself, "maybe even gotten along occasionally." Celty let him ruminate on that thought for a while before finally typing a message.

You know, it's not too late.

Shizuo snorted.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure it's too late now," he replied drily, "we've been trying to kill each other for so long, we wouldn't even know what else to do. I think it's best if I just never see that louse again. As long as he stays out of Ikebukuro I won't become a murderer and he won't become a corpse. Win-win."

Shinra told me what happened that night. While I was gone.

Damn Celty was blunt sometimes. Shizuo sighed in frustration, reaching up to adjust his sunglasses before remembering they were in his pocket, protected from the snow.

It had been a confusing night. Because nothing involving Izaya could ever be simple. As much as Shizuo didn't want to recall it, his mind seemed to have other ideas…

Shinra's eyes widened with panic, looking up from what he was doing to the wailing machine.

"Shit…he's crashing…"

A/N: This chapter fought me. Thank you all so much for your encouragement! You guys are the greatest! You're the reason this chapter exists at all. I don't normally do this but…

JustAReader: I feel privileged you took the time to review! (And your English is better than some native speakers I know)

Ame: Glad to hear it!

Reader: Thank you! Your interest means a lot!

Tearsarelikeraindrops: Thanks! Good to hear you're interested!

Kir: I'm sorry this chapter took so long, I'm going to (optimistically) try to update weekly

Tsubasa: Thanks! It means a lot that you're interested and I'm glad I've managed to keep the characters true to form. I find Izaya especially difficult.

Anon: Honestly, there's nothing that brings me more joy than knowing I've managed to evoke an emotional response in my readers with what I've written. Thank you so much, I will do my best to update regularly.

Hanatus: I'm so glad you've enjoyed it! I hope this chapter lives up to your expectation!

Everyone else from previous chapters: Thank you so much for your continued support! Really, you guys are the best!