Sixteen

Hear me

And if I close my mind in fear

Please pry it open

See me

And if my face becomes sincere

Beware

Hold me

And when I start to come undone

Stitch me together

Save me

And when you see me strut

Remind me of what left this outlaw torn

It was his fault that Zack had died. After all, wasn't he supposed to be protect him as his boyfriend? Except he hadn't.

CCTV footage actually showed that he had been killed while Dean was covering the back with John while Zack, was covering the front of the warehouse - just a mere two feet away - before it had happened.

He had shut himself away from everyone even though a part of him was actually crying out for someone to help him. Bitter, moody… he started to push everyone away so that he didn't have to feel the pain all over again should they be gone too.

That was when he had a dream about Zack, looking at him with worry. Captain Calaway had actually gone out of his way - despite being from another division - to reach out to him and recommended that he see a therapist and so he went.

Throughout the whole thing, Dwayne and John were true friends, there by his side. They comforted him, held him when he felt the grief overwhelmed him and saved him. Until he had met Roman, he didn't feel like he deserved to be happy anymore.

Losing Roman would be like losing Zack except this time it'd be the bleeding of his soul and the pain would probably consume him and then…

As he stood at his late boyfriend's grave, all these thoughts ran through his mind.

He felt a gush of wind then.

Zack.

"Uh hi, Zack. It's been a while huh?" he said aloud. "I'm sorry I haven't visited you soon. I was busy. I fell in love. Can you believe it? I sure as hell as don't. It's funny you and I never had a word for what we had. We just went through the motions. I did something stupid to him and I guess you reap what you sow, right? It's been years but the fear is still there that I'll lose him the way I lost you. I'll just go back and apologise to him and then leave him to move on with his life."

"Now that's not right is it?"

Glenn was standing behind him with a sad smile. "You know that would make him sad. Zack. To see you living your life in fear. When once upon a time, you relished on walking on dangerous grounds."

"I can't believe it's almost close to five years already," Dean remarked.

"Where's the boyfriend?"

"Ex boyfriend."

"Nah."

He looked at Glenn puzzled. "I left him at-"

"Bill's. I know. Bill called me. Said your boyfriend was worried about you. He would have come here but I have Mark there to talk to him."

"Why?"

"Dean, I love you like a son. And I know it tears you up - still tears you up how it went down in the warehouse - but there was nothing you could have done. Zack was not wearing a kevlar. He took the risk and went out there and you will not believe how angry I was at him for doing that. John told me you had pushed him to wear it but he was being cocky that day."

"But he told me he had."

"Yeah. You had left the room by then. John saw him remove it and told him to put it back on. But you guys were being pressed for time. Dean, it was not your fault. I'm saying this to you as his father. It was his choice and he paid the price for it." Glenn ran a hand through his hair. "You could not have saved him that day, Dean. That's the thing with life. You have to take a risk with it. But calculated risks. Trying to prevent it is fine but some lines you don't cross. We care about you, Mark and I. But I'm telling you that you need to let go."

"But I have let him go."

"Not that way, Dean. Your control. This need to prevent the same thing for occurring again. Just leave it be. When you face that road again, you deal with it. Until then, just live. Where's that Dean who says to hell with it and just seeks out the danger? You used to give me and Sarah goosebumps with some of those crazy stuff you pulled."

Dean found himself smiling, like he was looking at an old long lost friend.

"All we want is to see you go on with life and not look back on that part of your life again. Can you do that?"

"I… I'll try."

For Roman, he would try.

"Zack almost lost his life twice before he was finally killed that day." Mark laughed without humor. "It's crazy but I wasn't sure who was the wilder one between Dean and him. Except when it came to police work, Dean took safety more seriously. Zack had his moments."

Roman listened before looking at the CCTV footage on the Captain's phone. Roman had called John to inform him about his auburn haired boyfriend. John had shown up with Captain Calaway at the doorstep instead.

On the screen, Dean and John had their shotguns - Roman wasn't sure - covering the back and Zack, the famous Zack, was covering the front. Then something caught the Samoan man's attention."Where's his-"

"Vest? He wasn't wearing any," Captain replied

"Why?"

"This is strictly between you and me. His father knows as well so… the three of us. Zack always felt he had to one up Dean."

"But why?"

"I'm not sure. But trust me. It wasn't because of Dean trying to egg him on. Dean takes safety and precaution very seriously. He will not go into any call of duty without a bulletproof vest at the very least. But he did - still does - like to do crazy things… try to play mind games with the criminals, leave silly gags to throw them off. But from what John has told me, Zack had this competition with him since their training days. Always had to show he could be faster, tougher… Dean was not aware of this though."

He watched Zack suddenly collapsed. Dean had turned around and checked him briefly before running after the man.

The footage ended there.

John walked in with a glass of water, one hand rubbing his face. "Those first few times scared Dean. Zack didn't wear kevlar for those close calls and Dean always covered him and saved him. Then… then on that fateful day, we were in the locker room. Dean nagged at him to remember to put on the kevlar - underneath or above - it didn't matter. He told Dean that he had. So Dean left to check on some things outside; I can't remember why. I saw Zack remove the vest as I was leaving the room. I told him to put it on back. He said he was going to wear it underneath…" John trailed off.

"Is it true?" Roman asked. "Did he always feel he had to do better than him?"

"Well, Dean and him were neck to neck in most things. But he didn't take it seriously. Not even as a friendly competition. To Dean, work was work. He wanted to work with his team mates. But Zack… even them dating, he felt like he had a trophy boyfriend. They were brothers but when they went out, I always noticed him putting his arms around Dean like he was just a prize."

"No different than his other boyfriends," Bill added. "And boy have I heard it all. Had three boyfriends before you. First one was a guy named Adam Cole; dated him in freshman year. Adam and him didn't work out because Adam was always interested in Dean's wealth more than anything. Took Dean's gifts to him and gave it to another guy. Then he met Zack and you know that deal. And Seth… well you know Seth too. Cheated on him."

Mark's cell phone rang then and he answered it. Roman looked at the video again. What a life to have led. How could he ever trust anyone after the crap he had been through?

"That was Glenn. Dean left for the hotel," Mark informed him. "Just letting you know."

"Thank you." He handed the phone back to Mark. "I need to talk to him."

When he went back to the hotel, he decided to wait for Roman to return. That is if Roman ever returned. With his luck, his boyfriend probably packed his bags and left. When it was eight and there was still no sign of him, he started to wonder if this was the end for both of them.

No point in trying to speculate.

His eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep on the sofa bed.

He felt kisses on his face and his eyes slowly opened to find Roman smiling at him tenderly. Like he was the best thing in the world.

When really he was starting to doubt himself.

Roman deserved better; better than what he could offer. "Sorry I was late," the Samoan said. "I went out to get you something."

"You didn't have to," he said, slowly getting up.

"But I wanted to." Roman took out a box. "I think I love the fact that I get to wake up beside you every day. And how since you've entered my life, you've brought me happiness. You took me in and you pampered me. I don't think I've ever been pampered before. But I don't love you for all those reasons. Just as you said you love me for being a beautiful person, I love you because you are a beautiful person. You stood up for me and saved me: from a miserable life in a bakery to giving me the chance to recover and to move on and find things that make me happy. So I got you this."

He opened the box and nestled in the middle of it was a stainless steel ring.

"It's a promise ring," Roman explained. "When we first met, we just connected. Everything just felt natural. It just fell into place. I know you're scared of losing me but Dean, I'm scared of losing you too."

That took him by surprise. "Why?"

"Because anything can happen to you at anytime. It's a high risk job. I'm not Zack, Dean. I don't break promises. I bought you this ring because I want to promise you that I will love and protect you too. That I trust you won't track me unless it's absolutely necessary."

"You were right though; you should delete it, Roman."

"Nah. I'll keep it. But give it at least twenty four hours before you use it. I really don't want the whole SWAT team on the look out for me when I may have accidentally fallen asleep on the chair in the locker room."

Dean laughed tearfully. "I thought you were done with us. I was prepared to just let you go."

"Done with us?" Roman caressed his face. "I don't think so. And even if you had let me go, I would have hunted you down and brought you back home. Because that's where you belong… with me. I think we'll be okay… no. I know we'll be okay now. How about it, Dean? You don't have to wear it now since you're undercover but you know when this whole thing is over…"

"I'll wear it right now."

His boyfriend placed the ring through his finger and the auburn haired man stared at it in awe. "Looks good on you," the chef said.

"Wanna seal it with a kiss?" Dean grinned.

Roman laughed. "I have something better in mind."

Dean found himself being lowered back down on the bed before Roman's body covered over his and soon they were ravaging each other's lips. Dean's arms hooked over his boyfriend's neck as the kiss became intense.

"I'm going to show you how beautiful I think you are," Roman muttered.

"You are?"

Roman growled and removed his t-shirt before trying to take off Dean's, pulling it over his head. Dean then pulled him down eagerly and their lips met in a passionate kiss. This was new. Roman being in control and just taking charge of him. "Dean," Roman murmured as he trailed a kiss down his neck.

Dean gripped Roman's shoulders. Yeah. He could get used to this. "Roman."

"Still think you're not beautiful?"

"..."

Roman kissed him thoroughly and Dean felt himself soar. This was blissful, just being in the Samoan man's arms this way. His hair tugged impatiently at Roman's hair but his boyfriend merely deepened the kiss.

Clothes were discarded soon after and Dean sank into his boyfriend's warm embrace once more. "Do you want it raw?" the chef asked.

"I can take it."

"I love you," Roman said softly before he thrusted in.

Dean arched his back in response. "I love you too," he gasped.

His boyfriend seemed pleased with the answer as he moved and he whispered loving words into his ears, vowing his love and care. Dean was moved by just that alone as he clung onto his love, telling Roman how much he loved him and needed him.

He felt Roman trembling as he came soon after and Dean allowed himself to let go as well. Gentle kisses were placed on his forehead before Roman pulled out and laid beside him. "Still think you're not beautiful?" Roman teased him.

Dean smiled at him tenderly. "Nope."

They showered together and fooled around a bit in there before Dean called the reception and said they didn't need a turndown. Once they had changed into casual clothes, they took a lift to the car park where Dean decided to bring Roman to a cafe called Next Door and ordered some assorted croissants and espresso and just chatted.

Because Roman had said he was worried about Dean, the auburn haired cop gave him access to track him down too. When Roman asked if Dean had any restrictions, he replied that he hadn't, that he trusted Roman.

And he did with all his heart.

Two weeks ago, Dean had shown up at Spice and met Roman Reigns and although his mind was slow to catch up then, his heart and soul knew he had found the one for him.

Damien seemed to be in a pissed off mood during breakfast the next day in the summit room.

"Jon, I'm disappointed," he said as he stirred his mug. "You didn't even call me. I mean what are we? Are we not together?"

"Nope," Dean said. "I have a boyfriend and when this whole business deal ends, I will go back to my boyfriend."

Damien look upset. "Am I just a cheap fuck?"

"Ummm… Damien, we haven't fucked yet."

"I know but I can't wait. Damn it, Jon. Why are you stringing me along? Is it because of that pastry chef?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I know, Jon. I know you were there when Adam tried to get frisky with your crush, the pastry chef."

A/N Dun dun dun… Damien knows. How much? Well…. Thank you for the favorites/follows/reviews. Weekend is almost upon us. :-)