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Chapter 4

October hit the castle as hard as the weather, cold and harsh winds blew through the corridors and extra fires were lit in the dungeons. James had spent so much time trying to keep track of Lily Evans' whereabouts the first month had flown by and before he knew it he was sat at the breakfast table on the eve of the first Quidditch match of the season.

"Come on, Captain" Sirius coaxed. He was sat beside James at the Gryffindor table, he was also wearing Quidditch robes but unlike James he had manged to shovel two rounds of toast and a fried egg into his mouth. "You should eat something."

James always had trouble eating on the morning of a Quidditch game. He was usually fairly self-assured when it came to his abilities, especially when it was something he was good at. This was different; there was nothing that managed to make him nervous quite like Quidditch, except maybe being around Lily Evans when her hair smelled like cinnamon.

"I don't know why you're so worried" Remus commented from the seat across from him. He and Peter weren't wearing Quidditch robes, but were clad in so much red and gold passers-by were stopping to take a second look before wandering past, slightly starry-eyed. Remus had somehow managed to charm his robes so they flashed red and gold, and several roaring lions pranced along the body. It was a clever bit of spell work, but did leave a person momentarily blinded if they looked at it for too long.

"Yeah" Peter agreed. He was not so handy with Charms, but not wanting to let down the Gryffindor team spirit had painted his entire face a dark red, save several gold stripes across his cheeks and forehead. James couldn't fault his enthusiasm, but he did look as though he was having a bad reaction to a rash. He barely seemed to notice the odd looks he was receiving from the Ravenclaw table as he shoved a forkful of beans into his mouth. "Didn't you say that new Chaser of yours is unbeatable?"

"Gwenog Jones" Sirius shook his head and looked slightly in awe, "She's only a third year, but she has to be the most talented Chaser I've ever seen."

Usually James would have been offended and attmpt to defend his own Chaser capabilities, but he was currently fighting his digestive system to keep down what little breakfast he'd managed to swallow. That and he actually agreed with Sirius, Gwenog had flown spectacularly at try-outs and he'd never seen a chaser so good outside of the Quidditch World Cup itself.

The boys were probably right; he had nothing to worry about.

"Good morning" a soft voice said cheerfully, and he looked up to see Lily Evans had taken the seat beside him. She had her Gryffindor scarf wrapped around her throat and her cheeks were slightly pink as though she had already been out on the grounds. She glanced around at the boys and while she did raise an eyebrow at Remus' strange attire she chose not to comment, most sixth year Gryffindor's were far too used to the various antics of the Marauders. James took a deep breath as his recently calmed stomach began to squirm again at the thought of Lily Evans watching him play the first Quidditch game of the season.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, taking a sip of her orange juice.

"A bit nervous" he admitted.

"Don't tell me I'm going to have to coach you into eating something too" Sirius interrupted, motioning to the fact she had yet to touch anything at the breakfast table.

Lily rolled her eyes, "You lot are obsessed with my eating habits" she accused.

"Maybe if you had any we would be" Remus put in.

Lily stuck her tongue out at him but took a bite out of a dry piece of toast before raising her eyebrows and turning back to James, "What do you have to be nervous about anyway?" she asked. "It's only Hufflepuff."

For someone who had never stepped on a broomstick Lily Evans had an unnatural obsession with Quidditch. She never missed a game, often she shouted herself hoarse cheering on the players and Remus had told James that on more than one occasion he had been forced to hold her back because she was so angry with a foul she was prepared to storm the pitch.

"The Captain is getting in the zone, Evans" Sirius chastised when James failed to answer, "Stop disturbing him."

"Right, sorry" Lily said, standing up quickly. "I only came to wish you luck anyway."

Sirius stood up and hopped over the bench; she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. "Good luck, Snuffles" she said quietly.

"I'll be listening for you, Ginge" Sirius teased before he released her.

James stood up beside them. This was a usual pre-match ritual for the two of them, and while James had attempted to hug her many times before she had always rolled her eyes or snorted scornfully before marching off. Today she turned to face him and she almost seemed nervous.

"Come on then, Evans" he said, holding out his arms and grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "If you want to cuddle me so badly I think I can let you."

He wasn't sure what he expected to happen, but it certainly wasn't Lily letting out a short nervous laugh before wrapping herself up in his arms. "Good luck, James" she breathed.

She was so close he could smell the cinnamon shampoo in her hair and feel every bit of her warm body against his. If he hadn't been in a state of shock he might not have let her go. Unfortunately Sirius chose that moment to pull on his arm and he had to leave Lily Evans and attend his first Quidditch match of the season.

Everyone had been right of course; he'd had nothing to be nervous about. James was sure Gwenog's first match would go down in Hogwarts history, as she manged to score 20 goals by herself. With the help of the other chasers and the seeker catching the snitch forty minutes into the game Gryffindor had beat Hufflepuff by a spectacular 410-50.

That amazing result was the reason an extremely rowdy after party was now in full swing in the Gryffindor common room. Almost all the Butterbeers Remus had managed to bring back from Hogsmeade had been drank, Gwenog had crowd surfed approximately three times and two chants had already been written about her and Sirius had managed to kiss two separate girls.

It was a typical Gryffindor party and James should have been in the thick of it, dancing with his friends and all the pretty girls and celebrating his first win of the season.

But he wasn't.

He was sat nursing a bottle of Firewhiskey and mulling over the conundrum that was Lily Evans. He had spotted her earlier, she had been wearing a floaty green dress and something shiny on her lips and he didn't think she'd ever looked so beautiful. She had been dancing with Sirius the last time he had seen her, then when he turned to ask her for the next dance she had disappeared and he hadn't seen her since.

So now he was sat like a surly teenager with a crush. There was no point in pretending, every room was just brighter with her in it. He sighed as he stood up, downing the remainder of the whiskey from the bottle and abandoning it on the chair.

He was manoeuvring across the dancefloor when he was accosted by Mary McDonald.

Mary was tiny, her head barely reached his shoulder and he could just see over her mountain of blonde hair. She was pretty, in a perky sort of way, and James might have been able to see why Peter liked her so much if his brain wasn't so full of a certain redhead. Mary's blue eyes widened when she spotted him.

"James!" she squealed, throwing her arms around him and deafening anyone in a five mile radius of them, "You played so well today."

"Thanks, Mary" he said, awkwardly patting her on the back.

"You're thinking about Lily, aren't you?" she accused, pointing at him and swaying slightly under the influence of too much of Sirius' fruity concoction. He made some sort of spiked punch for every party and after drinking two glasses, dancing on all the tables then throwing up the contents of his stomach into the Gryffindor fire place at Peter's birthday party last year, James had always avoided it.

"How could you tell?" he asked.

"You have that face" she said, spreading her arms wide but not elaborating. "She likes you though, you know?"

James laughed, "I think you're drunk, Mary" he teased.

Mary shook her head, "I'm right" she said simply, "But you're intense, it scares her."

James' eyebrows furrowed, "Is she okay, Mary?" he asked.

Mary shook her head sadly, "Her parents died, James" she said simply, "Of course she isn't okay."

"Where is she?"

Mary shrugged, "She said something about fresh air."

"Excuse me, Mary" he said, moving past her towards the portrait hole. He passed Sirius who was dancing with his third lady of the evening, he waved at James as he passed but made no move to follow him. As he crossed the empty floor in front of the portrait hole he noticed Peter sleeping soundly on one of the armchairs, snoring softly. All the red and gold paint from earlier had been cleaned from his face, however two third years boys seemed to think he liked using his face as a canvas and were scribbling on his cheeks with their quills.

James rolled his eyes but smiled as he exited the portrait hole.

It might have been a more sensible idea for him to bring the Mauraders Map with him, a useful invention he and his friends had created last year. It was a map of the entire school and had labelled dots of all the teachers and students in their various locations. But James had drank too much Firewhiskey to be thinking sensibly, and Mary had said she had gone to find some fresh air.

He wasn't really even sure why he was looking for her. If she had wanted company she would have no doubt asked Sirius or Remus or even Mary to join her. Yet here he was, stumbling down the corridors in search of Lily Evans.

She was like a magnet and he just couldn't help being attracted to her.

He found her outside. She was sat in the courtyard with her knees up against her chest, a lit cigarette held between two fingers on her right hand and blowing smoke rings out of her mouth.

Lily Evans was smoking now?

The world had definitely turned on its head.

"Since when do you smoke?" He asked, walking across the yard to take a seat on the stone bench beside her.

She rolled the cigarette between her two fingers, "Since when do you care?" she challenged, taking another puff.

"I might have a strange way of showing it, Lily" he defended, "But I've always cared about you."

She mulled over that for a second, taking another long drag from her cigarette.

"Sirius introduced me to my first smoke at the fourth year Halloween party" she admitted.

"I'll kill him" James breathed.

Lily laughed at this, "It wasn't his fault" she said softly, "If it was anyone's, it was yours."

James' eyebrows knitted together, "Mine?" He asked.

She laughed bitterly, "You'd just told me I was more boring than History of Magic with Professor Binns and I was dying to prove you wrong."

"Oh come on Lil" he said softly, bumping his shoulder against hers, "I was so in love with you back then I was afraid my tongue stopped working when I was around you."

She smiled and shook her head as she flicked the butt of the cigarette across the yard, "Sirius was going for a smoke when he found me out here and offered me one" she laughed at the memory, "I pretty much hacked up a lung."

"Bet he found that hilarious."

"He was pretty amused" she agreed, "and it's safe to say that rather put me off smoking."

"So why the sudden change of heart?"

"I stole that one out of Sirius' pocket" she admitted, grinning to herself. "Thought I'd try rebellion again."

"Rebellion doesn't suit you" he told her.

She glared at him, her eyes as hard as emeralds, "You still think I'm boring" she accused.

"I think you're a lot of things, Lily Evans" he told her softly, "You're beautiful and kind and smart and brave." He sighed, shaking his head with amusement, "But I've never once been bored in your presence."

She stood abruptly and turned away from him, "I have to go" she said suddenly.

"Why won't you let me in, Lily?" He shouted after her, "Why won't you let me help you?"

She stopped just short of the door and turned to look at him with those big green eyes, her red hair blew softly in the wind and she sighed. "I want to, James" she said, so quietly he would question himself later as to if he'd even heard it.

Then she turned and disappeared and he was left alone again to mull over the conundrum that was Lily Evans.