The second day of the second term found me greeted by the Golden Trio and the news of ten Death Eaters escaping from Azkaban. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and I sat in silence at breakfast, shocked by the news. Rage that had died down over the break flared back up when I saw Malfoy and his fellow Slytherins having a bloody party at their table.
"The fucking tossers," Ron said through a mouthful of kipper. Harry didn't reply, only stared into space. I couldn't help wondering what he was thinking about, and was reminded of his supposed vision Malfoy had mentioned.
"Yes, well, they'll get what's coming to them soon enough," Hermione said in a brisk tone before disappearing back behind her newspaper. I felt awkward around the three of them and couldn't tell if it was because of my own doubts or because they really were pushing me away. Making some excuse about having left something in the dorm, I left breakfast but didn't head for Gryffindor Tower. I sat on the main stairs in the entrance hall with my chin resting on my knees. The Death Eaters' escape hit me harder than I expected. I knew those names. They had been ingrained in me since I could talk. Where were they now?
"Oh, hello there, Ellie," a soft voice from behind me said. I turned, already smiling and knowing who it was. Luna was the only person that called me by that nickname, but I actually liked it.
"Morning, Luna. How was your break?"
"It was quite wonderful. Daddy and I think we found a mating spot for Blibbering Humdingers."
I wasn't quite sure how to reply to that, so I nodded politely. More footsteps clattered down the stairs, and Neville came into view. He looked about as bad as I felt, and I remembered with a jolt that his parents had been tortured by the Lestrange bitch. But I wasn't supposed to know that, I couldn't know that without him understanding….
It felt even worse knowing that there was yet another person besides Harry that I could relate to but could never let know. I smiled at him and patted the step next to me. He sat down without a word. Luna and I settled on either side of him, our arms all intertwined. It was nice, the unspoken agreement to not talk, but to just sit and be together.
"Well if it isn't the chain of freaks," came a drawling voice.
Neville and I lept to our feet, pulling out our wands. We each shouted a jinx, our voices and spells intermingling so that Malfoy was knocked onto his arse. He clutched his face in pain.
"You'll fucking pay for this," he muttered as Crabbe and Goyle guided him towards the hospital wing. Neville and I regarded each other with interest. Neither of us were the kind to fight, so each of us knew that we were more provoked by Malfoy than usual. For a moment, I thought I saw understanding in Neville's face and was afraid he would ask the obvious question: what did the Death Eaters take from you? Instead, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and we waved goodbye to Luna, making our way to Charms. I didn't think I had ever felt so thankful for a simple gesture in my entire life.
The next couple of weeks passed in a blur of DA meetings and classwork. I knew Hermione could tell something was wrong, but she could also tell I wasn't prepared to talk about it. In truth, there were so many things I was concerned about that I couldn't have begun to explain. The escape of the Death Eaters was constantly in the back of my mind, fueling a slow burning fire that I knew was becoming dangerous. Harry had commented on both mine and Neville's increased performance during meetings, and I only hoped he didn't guess the cause. I was still shutting myself off from my trio of friends, because I had a feeling that if they chose to explain what they were keeping from me, I would have some explaining to do of my own that I wasn't prepared for. Malfoy still lurked in the corners of my vision, casting hexes at my turned back and muttering nasty things under his breath. I ignored him the best I could, but knowing his familial connection to the Death Eaters only helped build the fire as well.
The second Hogsmeade visit and Valentine's Day were only two days away, but I couldn't make myself be excited. This time last year I had a large group of friends and an incredible boyfriend, but now I had neither. Harry had a date with some Ravenclaw, Hermione was meeting a mystery person in the Three Broomsticks, and Ron had Quidditch practice. I was going to be completely alone.
"Eleanor….ELLIE."
The use of my nickname by someone other than Luna startled me out of my reverie. Hermione was standing next to my armchair looking exasperated.
"Eleanor, for Merlin's sake, would you snap out of it? We need to talk."
Harry and Ron were behind her, so I understood "we" included them as well. I followed her over to a back corner of the common room where they all sat down, looking furtive. I was becoming increasingly curious. Were they finally about to explain what had been going on?
They were. They took turns explaining Harry seeing Mr. Weasley being attacked, that they were a part of a secret group that was fighting against Voldemort, about Hagrid's mission to find giants, and that they hadn't told me before because they weren't sure how much of a risk I was willing to take or how I would react to the news. I looked at them in turn, trying to absorb what I had just been told. Part of a secret group? It couldn't be like the Order of the Phoenix, could it? That had ended even before my brother's life had.
"So….Harry can see into Voldemort's mind?"
Their shock was almost comical. I cursed inwardly, remembering that not many people at all used his name. That was bound to raise some questions. And sure enough, Harry asked almost immediately, but I deflected, saying I guess them saying it had rubbed off. He and Ron seemed convinced, but Hermione still looked confused. Damn having made friends with the smartest witch in the year. I knew I owed them explanations, especially after them being honest with me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was too shameful and too raw. I still had so many questions, but ones that I couldn't ask without giving away too much. Was the Order back? Was that why my mother had been so eager to come back to Britain?
Harry and Ron said their goodnights and wandered off to their dorm, and I realized that Hermione was talking again.
"….Rita Skeeter on Saturday. Harry doesn't know yet, but if she knows what's good for her, she's going to tell his side of the story. That's why we came to you to explain tonight. We want you on our side and prepared for the backlash that's going to come. But if you don't want to be around as often now that you know what danger surrounds us, or don't want to be friends with us at all anymore, we understand. But….please think about it. It's been so nice having you to be close to, I haven't had a female friend like you in ages," she finished, staring at me slightly teary eyed. My heart warmed immediately. How had I been so obtuse before? They were protecting me, not shutting me out.
I hugged Hermione tightly.
"This fight is important to me too. I'm not going anywhere."
She beamed at me, and we walked arm in arm up to our dorm. She had no idea just how important this was. I wouldn't miss having the opportunity to be smack in the middle for anything.
Saturday morning I was sitting in the common room, watching Harry nervously try and smooth his mess of black hair and Hermione waiting impatiently for an owl. When it came, she yelled loudly and told Harry to meet her at the Three Broomsticks, and I knew Rita had replied. She had asked me to come with her, but I thought the meeting should stay between people directly involved. She looked disappointed, even more so when I told her I wasn't going to Hogsmeade at all. There were other people I could have gone with, sure, but I had been struck by a sudden inspiration: Snape had known my family, and with everyone else gone, I could go talk to him without a chance of interruption.
The moment the trio set off to their respective destinations, waving goodbye, I sprinted down to the dungeons, arriving very much out of breath. I knocked on the door, and a moment later it opened, Snape staring down at me through a sheet of greasy hair.
"Eleanor. Why are you not in Hogsmeade with your little friends," he asked, putting as much contempt into his question as possible.
"I need to talk to you."
"Oh? What could possibly be so important that you skip a day of delightful merrymaking, and on Valentine's Day, no less."
His mouth twitched, disdain not even disguised.
"My family. Why did you know them? Did you know my brother because of the Death Eaters or the Order of the Phoenix?"
Snape's eyes and nostrils widened, and he yanked me by my collar into the room, slamming the door behind him.
"What did you just say?"
"You heard me. Are you a Death Eater, or are you in the Order of the Phoenix? Malfoy told me you were a mentor to my brother, so you had to have been in one or the other."
His face had gone white. "You would do well to never speak of this again. As much as you think you are entitled to information, you are not. My relationship with your brother is none of your concern. Now get out, and do not ever attempt to question me about this again."
He shoved me out of the door and closed it back quickly, almost catching my cloak in it. I stared at it in shock, and considered knocking again. No, my life was worth more than making him even more angry than he was now. Disappointment welled up inside me. I just wasted a chance to go to Hogsmeade for nothing. I wandered back through the halls, wondering if it would be possible to sneak to Hogsmeade after all.
"Don't tell me you've been off snogging again."
I turned and was shocked to find Malfoy smiling at me. I frowned, disconcerted.
"I've been to see Snape, so I'll let you work that out for yourself."
He let out a laugh, and I stopped trying to hide my surprise. He was being too nice after months of antagonization. He had to just be trying to get me to let my guard down. I was sure that a few jabs to his ego would make him snap, and then I could be on my way. I wasn't in the mood for a drawn out confrontation.
"Why aren't you and Pansy off snogging to celebrate today?"
He rolled his eyes. "I can snog her whenever I want. Plus I'm getting tired of her constant bitching. I needed some time alone."
"Cocky bastard," I muttered under my breath. He raised his eyebrows, and I asked, "If you want to be alone, why are you standing here talking to me?"
He tilted his head, appraising me. "You know, that's quite a good question."
What was he playing at? No hexes had been fired, no horrid comment about my dead family, no half-blood put down. I wondered vaguely if he had received a Cheering Charm. Our eyes locked together as he took a step towards me. I stood my ground. I didn't know what he was on about, but I was tired of hiding and running away. A little voice in the back of my mind reminded me everyone was in Hogsmeade, and that if he hexed me, it would be hours before someone found me. Another step put him directly in front of me, just as close as he had been the night of our first big argument. His eyes, now molten silver, didn't look away. Neither of us spoke, and I couldn't actually tell if I was breathing. After minutes, or seconds, I don't know, he leaned towards me.
"I'm sorry."
And then he kissed me on the forehead. And then he walked away.
What in the bloody name of Merlin had just happened? I sat in the common room that night, barely listening to Hermione and Harry as they recounted to Ron and I what was said in the interview. All I could think of was my encounter with Malfoy that afternoon. Why the sudden gentleness? And why the fuck a kiss? I hardly noticed Harry and Ron leave to go to bed. The moment they disappeared up the winding staircase, Hermione turned to me with a wary look on her face.
"Okay, what happened today? You look like you've been Confunded, and you've touched your forehead more times than I can count."
I hesitated, knowing that what I was about to explain was ridiculous and made me seem suspiciously concerned with Malfoy's behavior and feelings. I launched into the explanation anyway, catching her up on all our encounters and ending with that afternoon's. Her eyes widened throughout my story. From an outsider's perspective, it had seemed like Malfoy simply chose me as a bullying target. No one had known about any of our conversations.
"Ellie, I have no idea why he's changed his attitude all of a sudden," Hermione said reluctantly. I could see the wheels starting to turn in her mind and knew she was going to become determined to solve this mystery. I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, and told her I was going to bed. I walked up the stairs and left her by the fire. The only thing I knew for certain was that we would both be thinking about Malfoy all night long.
Far more quickly than seemed possible, April had arrived, leaving less than eight weeks until exams, but I could hardly concentrate on my schoolwork. Malfoy had gone back to ignoring me, and it was making me angrier with every passing day. He had apologized, but for what? The way he had been treating me? For knowing that he was going to start pretending as though I didn't exist? I knew I had more important things to worry about than a fucking git like him, namely Umbridge and her increasing reign over Hogwarts. It was becoming harder to have DA meetings, even with the help of Hermione's coins. They had quickly become my favorite thing about the days that passed, providing me an outlet for my anger while allowing me to help other people and prevent the same issue that had gotten my brother killed.
After a particularly rough Defense Against the Dark Arts class and barely eating dinner, I got to the DA meeting early. I entered the Room of Requirement to see a bright silver stag cantering around the room.
"Hullo, Ellie. Just practicing for the meeting. We're going to do Patronuses tonight."
I grinned in excitement. I had been wanting to try this for a while. My smile faltered for a moment, however, as people started filing in the room. What happy thought was I going to use right now? I took a deep breath and concentrated on my brother's laugh as we played in the backyard as children. A bright shape flew from my wand, filling me with pride. Soon the room was glowing from the light of shining animals, and I watched fondly as my peacock floated around me. This was one of the best lessons so far. A warm happiness filled me and my Patronus glowed brighter in response.
Suddenly the door opened, and a small house elf made his way over to Harry. He seemed to be punishing himself for something, and people gradually got quiet in order to hear the conversation. Harry suddenly looked stricken.
"Is she coming?"
I knew immediately he meant Umbridge. We all looked at each other in horror, dreading the elf's response.
"Yes, Harry Potter, yes," he yelled, and we froze. Harry whirled around.
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? RUN!"
People flooded out the door, and I was swept along with them. I tried to fight my way back to Harry, but the everyone was moving too quickly. Hermione popped out of the crowd and grabbed my arm. "Eleanor, come on, we can't help him now. We have to hide."
I aimed towards the girls' bathroom, but Hermione kept tugging me further away. "No, that'll be too obvious, we have to get to the library."
I nodded, and we joined Ron who had appeared by Hermione's side, panting. I looked behind me one last time, desperately trying to find Harry, when I saw a familiar white blond head sprinting towards the commotion. Malfoy cast a spell at Harry that caused him to fall and skid across the floor. He called to Professor Umbridge, who came waddling around a corner. Hermione gasped, and Ron pushed us flat against the wall so we wouldn't be seen. Umbridge's fat mouth was spread in a smile so wide her face looked distorted. She led Harry off to Dumbledore's office, telling Malfoy to round up any others he could find. He nodded curtly, and turned in our direction so quickly we didn't have time to hide.
Time stopped as we made eye contact for the first time in months. Ron cursed under his breath, knowing we were caught.
"There's a girl hiding in here," came the shrieking voice of Pansy, who had been sent to check the bathrooms as Hermione had correctly guessed. Malfoy backed down the hallway towards her, never breaking his stare.
"I can't find anyone else up here, Pans. Let's check the library."
He finally turned his back and we breathed out a collective sigh of relief.
"Why the bloody hell did he just cover for us? That slimy git would never pass up an opportunity to fuck us over," Ron sputtered, sounding bewildered.
"Oh, I have a few ideas," said Hermione, eyeing me in a way that made a blush creep up my face. Ron didn't notice her tone of voice or the way she looked at me, but continued muttering about a "loathsome wanker" and something "bloody confusing" as we made our way back to Gryffindor Tower to wait on Harry. I couldn't help but laugh at Ron's reaction, having felt that same confusion over the last few months for myself.