Who are we? Mal, who are we really? Inara asked leadingly.
Mal stood in Inara's doorway puzzling over what River had just told him. He had a hundred things on his mind. Inara's existential crisis was not one of them.
"Inara. I got no answers for you. I just have to deal with what's if front of me. And right now that's…"
"Right now, Mal – right now that's me."
Inara spread her arms open before him presenting herself, with her big brown eyes, flowing silky hair, long supple body and pleading face. This was not the Inara he was used to seeing though, her neck was bruised, her eyes red and puffy from crying, her spirit struggling to stay in control. She was undone, with no airs and no pretenses, small and vulnerable and everything he'd ever wanted. He could feel his head quickly starting to spin and just as quickly reined himself in.
"What do you want from me Inara?" Mal sounded resigned. "I got soldiers queuing outside my door, assassins attacking me'n mine, and not a clue as to why. A world of hurt is waitin to come down on us and – I'm not sure this is the best time."
Mal turned to leave.
"Just look at me Mal, look at me and tell me, before we're both dead, why are we doing this – who are we supposed to be? "
Mal stopped. She just might be right. There might not be another chance. He tried to push all the other concerns out of his head. Focus just on this one thing. For the first time he thought about, not who they were, but who he wanted them to be. The answer was clear to him.
"You know I can't give you what you need." Mal pointed to the luxury around him. "This is all I have. You deserve more than this."
"I don't want more." She retorted.
"I do." He snapped, then softened. "I can't give you the assurance of more than a day at a time. You deserve more than that. You deserve a future."
"I've changed, Mal. I can't pretend anymore. Before I could, before all this, but I can't do it anymore. I don't want this, the trappings and the fictions. I want something real. I need something real." Inara looked around at her cabin and waved away all of the things. Then she reached out her hand to his face and lifted his chin, looking deeply into his blue eyes. "I can't run from it anymore. I need you. Mal. I want you. Just you."
She leaned slowly in to him, put her forehead to his. It felt right, warm and safe. Nothing was missing. He was closer to her than he had ever been. She could feel his breath; almost taste his lips, the moment welling in her chest and she felt whole.
"Inara." Mal hesitated. "I lost something in the war, back in Serenity Valley, a part of me die there. I've gone about half my life since looking for it and the other half running from it. I don't know if I will ever get it back. I don't think I can. This is all I've got left." He motioned to the ship.
"You're the only man I know that can face anything, any challenge, any fear, anything. Everyone on this ship has faith in you. Why is it so hard for you to have faith in yourself?"
Mal paused for a moment before he answered her. This wasn't a question that was new to the man. Trust was something he'd had no trouble at all with. It was something he could build, something others could earn. But faith. Faith is something that could only be lost. The only thing Mal had faith in … was death.
"A man we once knew told me that there was nothing left of him to see. He had lost faith in the only thing he had to hold onto. When it was gone – there was nothing left. There's only so many time a man can go through that before there is nowhere left to go. But out there, out in that sky, there is always somewhere. Somewhere to lose yourself."
Inara put her hand to his mouth before he could say more. "Or find yourself. You can find yourself out there if you look. I know. I did. Mal, you have to have faith in something. If it can't be God, if it can't be you – then let it be me."
"Lord knows the heart is willing – the body is willing."
Inara kissed him lightly on the lips. "I am willing."
"It may take some time for me to work it out. I got some issues, you know that, and some pressing problems."
"I'll be here."
Mal turned to leave. She touched his arm. "Mal." He stopped and they stood in silence for a moment. "I love you."
He turned took her in his arms and kisses her, long and slow and gentle, leaving her with wide eyes and breathless. "I have always loved you." He replied.
River stood in the doorway of the engine room watching Kaylee tuning and trimming, adjusting and tweaking. She didn't want to interrupt the engineer as she worked ans mumbled to herself, so River just stood in the door.
Kaylee was lost in thought, trying to work away her worries and fears, wondering when the bad was coming, wondering how the captain was going to get them out of this mess and wondering what it would take to make Simon feel at home on her Serenity.
She knew that he loved her, well as best as she could believe it. The engineer wasn't exactly sure she deserved someone as important as Simon, or someone as – just all around good. She wanted him – oh God she wanted him, but didn't want to keep him from his calling. He was a healer and the Verse needed him, but she didn't want to lose him either.
Her wrench slipped and she skinned her knuckle on the Pelling plate. The tool clattered to the deck. Kaylee just hung upside-down in the engine block and quietly cried.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid." She mumbled. Working on Serenity generally soothed her nerves and doubts, but it wasn't working tonight. Perhaps it was the impending doom that encircled her precious ship. Perhaps it was the thought of loosing Simon. Or perhaps it was just time to cry. After a minute, she took a deep breath, dried her eyes and went back to work.
Kaylee caught sight of River between adjusting the Nav shield coupler driver and double-checking the new Asperator installation.
"River?"
"I…" River just stood with a sad look on her face, wringing her hands and crying.
Kaylee stopped her fussing, pat Serenity lovingly, then walked over to the girl and hugged her.
"I know, Honey. I know – I love her too."
The doctor was in his infirmary, restocking the new supplies and getting ready for the firefight he knew could not be long in coming. The captain entered in a hurry, but he seemed to step back into their conversation from an hour earlier without so much as a beat missing. Simon had also been thinking on it since they'd last talked and picked up seamlessly.
"So if what you're thinking is correct…"
"I think it is." Simon assured.
"What's Loe after?"
"An Empire, I would guess." Simon looked into Mal's eyes to see his reaction. "That's what he and my father always argued over. A Core Empire leaving the rim to its own devices, Reavers, pirates, you know - Patience and the like. Dissolve the Alliance in favor of a single unified imperial government."
"Ha," Mal pondered the thought for a moment. The independents had fought and gave their lives to break away from the Alliance. Mal had fought that fight and lost. A decade later the Core planets are trying to kick them out and the only thing standing between Loe and his Empire, between freedom from the Alliance for the border planets, was Serenity? The Irony was not lost on him.
"Who's his next obstacle?" the captain looked at the doctor as if he were an expert at these matters, someone whose opinion he respected. "Who is he afraid we are working with?"
"Most obvious is Prime Minister Blackwell, but he's too sick to be a long term treat. Maybe Admiral Burton, though he is not the biggest threat. From what my father has said I'd say Minister of Commerce Jacobs. Only Jacobs could stop him from taking over and making his Empire."
Mal nodded. The port lock suddenly made sense to him as well. Things were falling into place and he didn't like his choices.
"A brave new world." Mal looked almost wistful.
"I'm not sure we'll live to see it." The doctor reminded.
"Well, dying for a better world ain't exactly Plan-A." Mal retorted.
"What exactly is Plan-A?" The doctor said. "If you don't mind me asking."
"Getting out of here before all these folk decide to kill us." Mal said. "And that, good doctor, is your sister's job."
Captain Low hesitates as an ensign handed him a status sheet. There was distress on his face as he read the paper. Still, he calmly made his way to his quarters and switched on his private VidCom.
"Brother, I have just learned a Federal Strike unit arrived from the 12th fleet just an hour after yours. They have orders to take the Firefly's crew in for interrogation."
The Minister raised an eyebrow. "Take them out, Brother." He said calmly. "Take them all out - Now."
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