Chapter 13: Before I return to white, let us hide in the rain

They were standing opposite each other in the dark, hidden from everybody's eyes somewhere near the living quarters of Kadara. It was not only a lack of any artificial light in the side street, but an evening reaching the port. Lexi did not remember how they got into this position. There were only glances of memories where she grabbed Sara's hand and directed her away from the market. And while holding each other, she could only recall intensity of her own pacing heart.

Now, they were standing here looking at each other. Sara was too close. Too close to any of her previous professional barriers. The two-step distance was enough for her to think straighter than before, no eyes to follow up their every move. But why was Sara so silent? Why she was staring at her like that? What happened before was a mistake they should never again repeated and the most logical thing Sara could do was to go back to the Tempest and Lexi would return 20 minutes after her. Yes, that was the most logical thing to do.

A drop of wet substance disturbed her thoughts. Logic was exchanged with panic when she felt another and another one. It started to rain. Lexi jumped close to Sara. She stretched her hand to the sky and created a barrier which was supposed to protect them. Suddenly, she could feel Ryder's hand on her wrist pulling her hand down. Lexi looked at her puzzled.

"It's ok. No more radioactivity, remember?" Doctor did not seem convinced at first, but it was logical. The vault mechanism worked fast and most of the radioactivity came from the planet's core than the clouds. She completely forgot about it in a fear Sara would get hurt. This was supposed to be the first purifying rain on Kadara. Slowly, but finally, she let the barrier disappear and small drops started to crop their bodies in a high density.

It was refreshing. It felt so natural and she noticed Sara raised her head to face the sky and closed her eyes enjoying this wonder of nature. Lexi followed her example and turned to the rain. She felt how rain was covering her body and the cloth of the black dress was sticking to her shapes. The whole experience felt so rejuvenating and she thought of herself as being free and somewhere distant, maybe back at Milky way, when she was only 100 or so, young and boundless.

Something fell on the floor. She feared to open her eyes, but the sound repeated. Lexi realised that this was not a memory and the Pathfinder was standing right in front of her. Still, she refused to open her eyes and face the reality of mixed feelings and strong desires, but then she chose to be vulnerable. Surely, Sara would understand that this was not the way and….

Everything went silent. Ryder's bare hand touched her face. It was the sound of her gloves falling on the ground. Her fingers traced her skin and moved away the rain drops although another took their former position immediately. She opened her eyes and saw Ryder exploring her with both eyes and touch.

It was an electrifying feeling. Sara's fingers were sending multiple sensations into her whole body and she was only touching her face. It was hard to resist and when Sara raised other hand and explored her hips shaped by the wet dress, a moan escaped Lexi's lips. She did not know whether she was glad for Sara's armour or disappointed.

"Sara… please…" Said she quietly. She wanted more of her touch, her lonely heart desired it, nearly cried out loud for it, but. "This is not right…"

"I know… but, I'm tired of doing everything is expected from me as a Pathfinder. For once I want to do what I feel…. is right… I just want to be Sara now." The honesty and simplicity of her answer surprised Lexi and filled her with sadness. There was a lot of pain hidden in those words. She remembered how she cried in her embrace when she needed to make a choice which was against all her personal feelings. It affected Sara so greatly that it nearly crushed her personality. Lexi was sure that this was only a start of the all difficulties waiting for this young woman and could better understand Sara's commitment to everybody on the Tempest. Why she did not want anybody to worry about her.

It was Lexi who closed the distance between them and kissed her this time. Their lips connected in understanding, but the kisses continued in passion. Sara pushed Lexi's body to the wall in a bit painful act, but Lexi's desires were aroused to the great extent. She felt how Sara's hands were exploring her body with hunger, making her crazy. She did not care that someone could discover them there any minute. They were drinking each other's loneliness hidden in the thick rain. If the Pathfinder wished to be only Sara this night, she wished to be only Lexi in black.

"SAM, locate an empty quarter and then delete all your logs since the incident at the market… with my authorisation…. reason – for the best mental health of the Pathfinder." Said Lexi towards Sara who stopped kissing her in amazement.

Of course, Dr T'Perro. Authorization confirmed. There was a short silence. Location marked.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

They found an empty room. SAM informed them that the owner was away on another planet, so no disturbance was expected. Still she asked SAM to lock the door. They were both wet, although Sara was still protected by her armour.

Lexi felt like she was doing a huge mistake but she also wished to forget about everything for a moment. About everything and everyone. Maybe she believed Sara understood that back on the Tempest nothing like this could happen again. Maybe it was the spirit of Kadara, or this black dress which made her rebel as well. She stepped closer to Sara and started to un-touch the chest plate. She felt like a young and inexperienced Asari silenced by the lover's stare.

Sara let her do what she wanted, still amazed by the recent development. Maybe this was only one time romance. She was not sure what to expect or what she felt beyond strong urge to make Lexi relax under her body. It could be a huge mistake for sure, but now she did not care. She wanted Lexi since that moment on Nexus.

Soon, Sara was stripped of most of the armour and could finally feel the warmth of another body. Lexi raised her hands and entwined them around Sara's neck, only to pull her back on her own lips. She could not hold herself anymore. Sara only now realised how a good kisser Lexi was. With such a huge age difference between them it was quite expected. Sara pushed parts of her armour away to have more space and embraced Lexi close to her own skin. With her fingers, she found the back zip on Lexi's dress and moved it down. Doc shivered in realisation of what was going to happened and rested her face on Sara's arm. It was a vulnerable gesture and it intensified after Sara stripped her arms, her chest and let the wet dress slip down to her ankles. Lexi's breath deepened. There was no way back now.

"You are so beautiful…." Said Sara finally and traced Lexi's shapes from her back down to her hips and belly. She breathed on Lexi's neck and after hearing a quiet moan she sucked on it hardly. She wanted to taste this woman in her embrace and enjoy every moment as the last. Yes, it could be the last one not because of death but circumstances. It was a different feeling she had with Peebee. One originated from an urge of loneliness the other from understanding. Two different women, two different worlds and different feelings they created inside her heart.

Lexi's skin smelled fresh from rain and she could not hold herself anymore. She pushed Lexi to the bed and let her fall on the mattress. She quickly got rid of the rest of the armour to be in her underwear. She needed to feel Lexi's body in full without any obstacles and explore those feelings growing in her heart. When she kneeled on the bed to her, Lexi raised and kissed her again. There was a strong need in that kiss. Sara was not alone in this confusion. They both needed it for whatever reasons.

Yes, Lexi needed this so much it frightened her. But the warmth of the Sara's kisses calmed her down and made her strip Sara of her bra. She touched those soft breasts enjoying the warm skin under her fingers. There were few scars she already knew. Remembrance of the hard battles Sara fought every day to protect them all.

Sara stopped kissing Lexi for a moment and looked at her. They were both kneeling on bed opposing each other and they were both afraid to say anything. Lexi smiled… It was not a smile promising anything, but giving enough assurance to Sara in this moment. Lexi raised her hand to Sara's lips and touched them gently. Sara closed her eyes. It was a caring touch, warm, calming….

"Make me yours, Sara… Please... I want to forget… I need to." She said and when Sara looked at Lexi again, there was a trace of pain she did not know. It reflected something or someone. She knew so little about the doctor. Only that she loved white lilies and would rather sacrifice her own desires than to endanger the mission. This was the vulnerable side of Lexi, the unexplored universe of nearly 3 centuries of life she did not know anything about. Ryder realised that despite this might have been the only time they got their bodies so close, she wanted to know who Lexi was and what she needed to go through. She wanted to be her good friend and protect her from whatever past haunting Lexi at night. She wished to say it, to describe her urge to be there for her, that this was not only about sex but about trust… and so much more… Rather than words, she kissed her fingers tenderly and pushed Lexi in bed, committed to fulfil her every desire.