Chapter 4: The borderline between a spy and a traitor is paper-thin
The return to the headquarters was more difficult than Alma has expected it to be. Not only was she actually nervous about her new role of a spy, but also, she hasn't been prepared for the aftermath of Katsura's apparently spectacular escape. One dead, nine in the hospital, in states varying from critical to serious, just about everybody else who has been inside the safe house singed and/or wounded and not a trace of the target: that was the result of Shinsengumi's raid on Katsura Kotarou's supposed hideout. It appeared that the Joui leader was done quietly clearing the raided locations.
It wasn't at all what Alma has expected when she has slipped the note into Katsura's comrade's hand, unnoticed in the crowd. She has never wanted her comrades to suffer for her choices.
Of course, Katsura hasn't sought shelter in the ramen restaurant or in Saigo's okama club, not that anybody really expected that last one to happen. He hasn't shown up anywhere the informant has suggested. The mission has been a complete failure for the Shinsengumi and a costly success for Alma. Nobody was really surprised when she claimed he hasn't come to Odd Jobs either and nobody questioned her words.
She also understood a bit better why Katsura, seemingly accepting her help, insisted that she does not attempt to contact him for a while and, above all else, avoids making any suspicious moves. He knew that the raid would have cost the Shinsengumi a lot. She couldn't help wondering whether he cared, but in the end it didn't matter. She, out of all people, couldn't condemn him for taking lives. Besides, she knew what awaited him if he was caught and that- That was not an option.
Lips pressed in a thin line, officer Alma Karma was waiting for the debriefing, three days after the raid. In front of her, commander Kondo was sitting, flanked by the vice-commander Hijikata and captain Okita. All around and behind her, all the officers that were in the state to attend were sitting. Right next to her sat the creepiest of them all: the always silent Saitou Shimaru.
One week ago, when they have gathered in the same place, everybody was chatting and joking. Hijikata had to threaten them with a bazooka for them to quiet down and listen to the commander. Alma remembered laughing with Hikari, the other woman in Shinsengumi's ranks. This time they waited for Kondo to speak in gloomy silence. It was the same silence that has weighed down everybody the day before as well, during Sata's funeral.
Kondo cleared his throat.
'Let us start by the good news,' he said and informed them that all the officers wounded in the explosion at the supposed hideout were going to survive. Alma didn't have to fake her relief at the news. She felt the atmosphere lighten a bit as some people went all "told you so" and nervous laughter. Kondo waited it all out, smiling slightly.
'What about the informant?' somebody from the back asked. A couple of officers seconded the question. Alma knew that most of the Shinsengumi believed by now that the informant was either Takasugi's or Katsura's trusted man, working to bring down the police. In front of her, Kondo exchanged glances with Hijikata and Okita.
'We have brought him in for questioning,' the commander stated, creating stunned silence. Somebody whispered a stunned "he hasn't run?" Alma gritted her teeth, looking down. Of course he hasn't run, after all he hasn't betrayed the Shinsengumi at all. This was possibly the weakest link of her plan, unless by some cosmic chance the informant really was a traitor.
Becoming aware of a gaze studying her, she looked up to meet the unsettling eyes of the first captain. Did he suspect anything? Why was he watching her like that? She barely managed to hold his gaze, hoping that she appeared slightly confused and not at all nervous.
'He hasn't run and he swears on his parents' graves that he has not betrayed us. He even went as far as saying that, regardless of all else, he has personal reasons for wishing to see Katsura dead,' Hijikata replied instead of the commander. It was well known that he was the informant's contact in the Shinsengumi. It has been the gossip of the month when they found out that Hijikata has been approached by a rebel, wishing to trade Katsura's head for a lighter sentence.
As relieved as Alma was for being able to shift focus away from Okita without looking suspicious, she didn't like at all what Hijikata was saying. If the informant couldn't be discredited despite leading the Shinsengumi into what appeared to be a trap, she would need to find out who he was and warn Katsura.
'If this is true, it means Katsura has alternative sources of information,' Kondo said slowly. Such a subtle way of suggesting there was a traitor in the Shinsengumi ranks. All too aware of Okita's steady gaze on her, Alma forced herself to look shocked at the veiled accusation, following the general trend. Some of the officers, however, grumbled.
'That man is a traitor already and you'd rather trust him than us?' the one right behind Alma questioned, sounding angry. She turned to look at him because everybody around did that as well.
'Yamazaki has checked the man's background and, as far as we could tell, it conforms to his story,' Hijikata replied, focusing attention on himself again. 'Of course we cannot quite verify if he has really fought in the Kiheitai during the war, but he is just about old enough to have done so and he has left home to fight. And he sure as hell hasn't joined the Bakufu army.'
Alma took a deep breath. She desperately wanted to focus on the facts, knowing that she needed to forward them to Katsura as soon as possible, hoping it would be enough to identify the traitor. There shouldn't be too many ex-Kiheitai's ronin in Katsura's ranks, she wanted to think, but a voice in her head twisted the words: how many young men have gone to fight in the Kiheitai? Too many to expect anything, she answered herself and focused on Kondo's instructions, far too late to hear what they were supposed to do now.
'You're all dismissed except for Karma,' the commander finished. She gasped faintly in surprise, fear slowly blooming in her chest, steadily erasing all the other thoughts from her head.
'Serves you right for spacing out when the commander was talking,' Hikari joked lightly, patting Alma's shoulder before getting up from her place to leave. Alma looked down, pretending to be ashamed, as she tried to calm her racing heart.
Did they know already? Was she that pathetic of a spy? What if they have suspected her after the other two tip-offs she has made and there has been somebody else assigned to the Odd Jobs? Okita's gaze still hasn't left her and seemed to be the confirmation of her worst fears. She tried to remember where he was assigned, but came up blank.
In the short time it took the officers to clear the meeting room, she managed to completely convince herself that she has been caught. What now? She discarded the ideas of escaping and- Gods, if they found her guilty, which she was, and sentenced her to death, they were going to find out her best kept secret! And that would complicate things infinitely.
Just the very thought made her feel sick.
'There has been some changes and we need to take you off the case,' Kondo said. His words and his soft tone took their time to filter through the terror Alma was drowning in. She finally dared to look up at her superiors and Kondo physically flinched. 'Are you alright? You look like you're about to faint.'
'I'd say puke,' Okita countered in a flat tone. 'What got you so nervous, Karma? Guilty conscience?' he asked. They knew, she thought, when Okita smirked. 'I knew it was a mistake to send a little girl like you to Odd Jobs. That bastard charmed you and you forgot to look out for Katsura, right?' he said. She opened her mouth to reply but had no idea what to say and closed it without making a sound.
Wait, what? That wasn't what she has expected him to accuse her of.
'This is neither time nor place, Sougo,' Kondo admonished his subordinate sternly. Alma swallowed thickly and turned to Kondo.
'Why are you taking me off the case?' she asked in a weak tone. Perhaps she could play her reaction off as horror at being an inadequate officer? Or should she pretend to have been smitten by the White Demon? That is unless they were about to tell her that she was under arrest for aiding a terrorist and contributing to the death of an officer. She really hasn't thought her strategy through, has she?
'You see, that Kiheitai's deserter originally gave us a fake name,' Hijikata started hesitantly. A foreboding feeling made Alma shiver slightly. Why were they talking about the Kiheitai and not about Katsura? Why was Kondo looking so troubled? Why was Okita looking away, appearing minimally remorseful? What was wrong with- She lost whatever train of thought that might have formed in her head when Hijikata spoke his next words:
'Yamazaki unearthed his real identity and found out that our informant is Daiki Ito, your adoptive, older brother.'
The words hit her like a hammer and she physically staggered. All coherent thought left her brain as she tried to understand the meaning, the real meaning, of what Hijikata has said. Her brother was alive. Her brother has abandoned her and mother. Her brother- Somehow she couldn't feel what she always thought: if her brother was the kind of scum who has survived the war but decided to abandon his anguished mother, she wanted nothing to do with him. Instead, there was a confusing mess of relief, happiness and fear.
She was vaguely aware of three pairs of eyes watching her as she tried to pull herself together.
'We cannot rule out the possibility that he is a particularly gutsy and devoted agent of Takasugi or Katsura and hasn't run after the last raid because his job wasn't finished,' Kondo explained quietly and she nodded, to let them know that she understood. She couldn't be expected to remain unbiased when her brother's life was on the line. 'Just as we cannot prove that he isn't exactly who he claims to be: somebody who wants to stop being a rebel and is looking to get a deal,' he added and Alma knew it was supposed to be reassuring.
She wasn't sure if she was reassured, but she sure had enough time to calm down. It wasn't like Kondo to weave such a complicated plot just to trap a traitor. And it wasn't like any of them to use such personal information to trap anybody. If they said the informant was Daiki then she believed them, in a sort of numb manner, because the fact that Daiki was alive hasn't sunk in properly yet.
'We're not going to announce the relationship between you and the informant to the others, so it's also convenient that you have decided to change your name before joining the force,' Hijikata added. She too was glad for that. 'You will be reassigned to Okita's patrol squad. It's a fact that we need somebody competent there to organize the patrols, since Okita will mainly deal with trying to flush Katsura out of hiding. Can you deal with that?'
'Of course,' Alma replied, forcing herself to sound calm and reassured. Idly, she wondered if they could have given her a more perfect task for what she really needed to accomplish. Except, of course, she would no longer be able to warn Katsura of any future raids.
'I knew I can count on you,' Kondo said with a smile and Alma fought to smile back. One day, she knew, the commander would find out the truth and would be disappointed and she realized that she was sad to think about it. 'I'm sorry that you have to find yourself in such a situation. If there is anything we can do to help you, don't hesitate to tell us.'
'Thank you, commander, I'm sorry that I, uh- That I nearly caused a scene just now,' she mumbled in reply, feeling her cheeks warm in a blush. To think that she has panicked so much without any real reason for it! 'And that I haven't listened to you earlier,' she added for a good measure.
'You're not the first or the last one to not listen,' Kondo laughed. Alma was sure that Hijikata muttered something about seppuku under his breath.
'Seriously though: what were you thinking to get so horrified? Did you really fall for that annoying perm-head?' Okita asked, appearing torn between amusement and amazement. She should be the one amazed, she thought, if only at how lucky she was that her superiors provided excuses for her themselves. All the same, she didn't really want to appear attracted to the man who has once been the White Demon: it could lead to trouble further on.
'I, uh, it's stupid,' she stammered. What was she supposed to say? A half-truth sounded good and not too risky, considering she has somehow been correct: 'I really spaced out when the commander was talking earlier, thinking-' she paused and swallowed. Gods, her adopted brother really was alive, wasn't he? It wasn't easy to assimilate. 'Well, about my brother, I don't know why, I mean-' she faltered. 'I know why. You said Kiheitai's survivor and he has-'
Her adopted brother wanted to kill the man she has sworn to protect. If that wasn't bad karma coming to haunt her for assisting a wanted terrorist, she didn't know what was. How awfully ironic, she thought miserably, looking down, abandoning all attempts to explain herself. She had no idea how she was going to deal with that situation.
It occurred to her that when she denounced Daiki to Katsura, the other would most likely get rid of the dangerous traitor. She couldn't do that, she couldn't sell out her own, admittedly adopted, brother. Just as she couldn't let Daiki have his way. Whatever happened, Katsura Kotarou was going to survive it. And maybe if she managed that she wouldn't feel so guilty for hurting Yuu so badly in that other, dark world.
'Alright, alright, we get it,' Kondo said in a soothing tone. 'Take the rest of the day off. If you want, you can go to see Ito, but for obvious reasons we cannot allow you to stay alone with him.'
'Of course,' she agreed. 'I'll want to talk with him, just not quite immediately,' she admitted in a small voice. She needed first to wrap her head around the fact that he was alive, that he has been alive all that time when his mother, her adopted mother, cried herself to sleep every evening. Kondo seemed to understand and dismissed her without further comments. And she left without delay.
In their gym's changing rooms, she changed into a sky-blue kimono decorated with images of cranes flying above a lake, not wanting to be immediately recognized as a police officer outside the headquarters, even if she wasn't going to risk going to Odd Jobs. No, she just wanted to find a peaceful place where she could sit and think for a while, straighten out the new facts and figure out a way to keep everybody she cared about alive.
She even had a particular place in mind, one of her favourite spots in Edo in this time of the year, where she would rarely be disturbed. The shortest way to go there, from the Shinsengumi's headquarters, led through some of the busiest areas of Kabuki-cho, but she didn't mind. Perhaps she could even buy some mitarashi dango on the way, because now that her emotions have calmed she realized that she has missed lunch, worried about the debriefing.
Just thinking about it made her stomach growl, demanding to be filled. Really, her eating habits were hardly appropriate for a lady, she thought, which was perhaps alright, since she was no lady. She could have been, maybe, if Daiki had come home from the war.
She sighed. It wasn't likely that she would be able to think about much else that day, she realized, stepping onto the busy street. Her favourite dango shop was just two junctions away and then she could turn directly towards the river.
Noticing the Shimura siblings walking down the street, she abruptly turned into the nearest alley and literally walked into a Buddhist monk who was going the opposite direction. With a small, surprised gasp, the monk steadied her and Alma looked up at him, close enough to easily see the face hidden by the large, rice straw hat.
For a moment, she forgot where she was. For a moment, she was sure the eyes looking at her were sharp blue, because the warm, brown eyes had no place on that face. Then reality came crashing in and she realized that the person steadying her with a surprised expression on his face was not Yuu but Katsura.
'Are you alright, miss?' he asked her in that polite tone of his, so different from Yuu's usual way of speaking. Not that she knew much of how Yuu usually spoke, Alma thought sadly. Then she forced herself to focus on reality and noted the bruise on the pale cheek and the split lip. She frowned. Then she realized what the biggest problem was and pushed the fake monk back into the smaller alley.
'What are you doing out in the streets?' she hissed, upset that he was putting all her efforts in jeopardy.
'Ah that,' Katsura muttered, seemingly unperturbed by the danger he was in. Alma fisted her hands on his black clothes, gritting her teeth. 'I think it was a high time I give Gintoki back his private space. He was very clear he wanted it,' he admitted. In a flash of understanding, Alma realized where he had the bruise and split lip from. 'But don't worry, I have other places where I can hide and anyway-'
'You don't get it, do you?' she hissed, not letting him finish. 'The Shinsengumi won't easily let it slide that you have killed an officer the other night. We know of all your hideouts and safe houses, all of them. Unless you have any the existence of which you haven't shared with anybody,' she told him and gritted her teeth again, because she couldn't tell him everything. She had to find a way to neutralize Daiki without- Without any permanent damage.
Katsura looked at her carefully. She held his gaze even though she didn't like it. It was far too caring and understanding for the penetrating quality it had. She felt like Katsura could read her thoughts, like he understood her inner turmoil, like he already knew who the traitor in his faction was. Slowly, she felt herself calming down.
He was the first to look away.
'Very well,' he said with a sigh, prying her fisted hands off his clothes and straightening them. 'I believe I can easily enough bribe Gintoki with food and anyway, he has had enough time to cool down,' he paused and glanced at her. 'I would invite you for dinner, but I think things need to calm down or you risk drawing unwanted attention.'
'I know that,' she muttered, looking away. As though she wanted to come! Who did he think he was for suggesting something like that anyway? 'Just stay somewhere safe, I'll find a way to keep you informed.'
'Thank you and I'm sorry for that officer,' he replied solemnly. She whipped her head around to look at him, to gauge if he really was as honest as he sounded, but he was already walking away. She watched him go for a moment and then turned around and headed straight home.
That night, she dreamt about Yuu. He was in a dimly lit cavernous room, fighting the Noah she/he vaguely remembered, protecting a badly wounded red-head she/he has never seen. Alone. Why couldn't she be there for him?
She woke up confused and sad and all the more desperate to succeed in this world.