Headache was the reason why Sara woke up. Slowly she raised her upper body on the bed in sitting position.
"What's the time, SAM?" She rubbed her eyes. Cold was crawling under her skin. The feeling of freezing had not left her still.
3 pm, Sara. Said the artificial voice in her head.
Sara looked around but the room was empty. Lexi was not there anymore. Maybe it was better. Sara tried to pull herself up on her feet but they felt heavy. It felt like her body was not hers anymore.
"SAM. How long until we reach Voeld?"
28 hours, Sara. I recommend to use the time for a good rest.
"Easy to say, hard to do." Said Sara ironically and moved towards the shower. She just stripped on the way. She did not care about anything right now.
There was usually a limited amount of water available, so her activity did not take long. She missed long and purifying showers on Earth. If Liam asked her what she missed, she would definitely say long showers. Without a continuing stream of water, she did not even have a strength to cry.
With a towel around her neck she got out and moved directly towards the closet. She did not notice that someone was sitting on her bed.
"Hmmm, nice view, Ryder…" Said Peebee watching her, legs crossed, looking like willing to seduce anyone interested.
Sara nearly had heart attack and jumped…. "Fuck… Peebee…. what…" it took her a minute before she realised she was still naked and furiously grabbed anything resembling a shirt from the closet.
"Relax, Ryder. I've seen you naked... Remember?" Said she playfully and walked towards her. "But, if you need help…" She touched her arm with only a one finger. Sara looked at her, but similarly as with Lexi, she did not feel a thing. The cold super-skin was too thick. Her soul was too tired. Sara sighted.
"I'm glad to see you are ok now." She turned her back to Peebee and started to get dressed. Again, slowly. The first shock disappeared and with it all the feelings resembling a healthy human being.
"Oh, come ooon. You're like a granny now. And, I'm the older one here." She poked Sara, but no reaction. Lexi was right. Sara was broken. Her voice was empty.
Sara was silent, just staring at the corner. She did not know what to say… When she zipped her pants, she turned and looked at Peebee.
"I'm sorry Peebee. For everything. But... don't waste time here with me. I'm not the best companion now." Peebee crossed her arms on her chest.
"You owe me, Ryder. Do you hear me?" She said with a raised voice. Sara looked at the floor. She felt too weak to face Peebee. She just wished to go out on Voeld, to shoot some Kett, do some good and be useful.
"I'm talking to you so look here, you boring human." Said Peebee strictly which made Sara to look at her again.
"You owe me more than simple 'go away, don't care'… I'm not buying your miserable and depressed look. I'm not buying you just GAVE UP." She articulated the last two words with a strong force.
Sara looked at the side, then at Peebee again. She was here to cheer her up, not to scold her. Not to remind her how she fucked it all up.
"I'm… I'm sorry…" Said Sara quietly.
"Yeah, you already said that... let me see… thousand times? To everybody? You are even capable of saying sorry to some Kett ass. Next time, let's say sorry to Archon, shall we?" Said Peebee and Sara raised her hand and rubbed her eyelids…
"What's the deal, Peebee? What do you want me to do? This is not a joke... nothing is a joke. Not even your feelings I hurt… It's just too much sometimes, ok? I just... I just want to be alone now." Said Sara and walked towards her table with intention to work.
Peebee grabbed Sara by the hand, turned her towards her and slapped her face hard. Sara could only feel the force and how everything got blurred so suddenly…. Peebee slapped her.
"Good advice you gave me last time... Just to slap you when you do something fucking stupid." Peebee was looking at her shaking with anger. Sara looked at her surprised.
"Everyone on this ship is worried about you because… because you are an ASS! Hear me clearly, Ryder? YOU ARE AN ASS!" She shouted at Ryder staring at her quite amazed by Peebee's behaviour.
"You chose to carry that weight by yourself. That is selfish Ryder. I know it well, because I'm the same…" Peebee looked at the side, her hands closed in fists.
"I WAS the same… I'm trying to change… and you know why? You fucking retard?" She looked at Sara uncappable of speaking.
"Because of YOU! you idiot…. You showed me that someone can care…so much.. for fucking everybody… You opened the door for me as a total stranger… to this ship to this amazing crew, because you've known we can get along. You fought for us here. To get along. You laughed at all my jokes and supported me, got my Poc… fought for everybody all the time. And you dared to hide your feelings from us all. Even from me... From the doc…" She pushed a finger to Sara's chest.
"So…. don't… don't dare to be alone… Don't fucking dare or I kill you myself….!" Sara's eyes were wet a little from this dramatical and honest act. Peebee's words touched her tired soul with a caring force and she was amazed. Just too amazed to even move, that was how much those words meant for her.
"I…. I…. okay…" Was all Sara could say. Peebee was looking at her long too minutes before she released that finger away from Sara which in a way allowed Sara to breathe again.
"Hmm. There we go. Better attitude. So, obey and be a good Pathfinder. The crew is waiting for you at the Coom room." Said Peebee and smirked. Never underestimate a good slap from a woman.
IIIIIIIIIIII
Sara walked the stairs up to the meeting room. Peebee was following her like an abductor making sure she would not run away. Sara did not know what was going on. Everyone was waiting there… What was happening?
Lexi was standing in the corner watching the situation. It was a good choice to send Peebee for Ryder. Now the others needed do their part as well. Drack, however, needed to be first. He was the reason of the first mental breakdown and Lexi knew, his words would have a great effect on Sara. He was standing very close to the stairs and he immediately grabbed Sara by the arm.
"It's time to talk, kid…" Said Drack and gently pushed Sara closer to everyone… She looked very puzzled. Her eyes looked tired despite the long sleep she had because of the sedatives. Peebee walked towards the doctor and stood next to her. A psychological effect, so Sara could see, they were on good terms.
Drack stopped and look at Sara. He was the oldest member of this crew, a father and someone who was down for a long time before a small Krogan baby girl was delivered to him. He knew how to care and he could be very gentle.
"Ryder…. kid… Our dear doctor told us, what was happening on this ship all along…" Sara gulped… what meant all? She looked at everyone a bit worried. Drack's grasp intensified a bit.
"Calm down, kid. It's ok… I know how you feel. I'm sure everyone here can understand what to feel like a shit means… Now, I just shoot worthless weaklings, but you know that I was nearly forgotten... and gave up." Drack said and Sara looked at him. Yes, she remembered. It was Kesh who gave him strength to fight again.
"Doctor and Peebee told us about your breakdowns, Ryder." Said Cora, and walked towards Sara. Sara looked at her and sadly smiled. Cora should have been the Pathfinder. She would be better.. she is more experienced and…. but Cora continued.
"It was stupid, Sara… You made us worried." Said Cora. It was the first time she called her by her first name with such a caring tone.
"We really know everything… Peebee nearly delivered some juice details, buuut we survived." Said Gill and smiled looking a bit disgusted by his own fantasy.
Liam someone appeared behind Sara and hugged her around her neck like a big brother.
"We're cool, you know. Who'd say you're such a nymfo, Ryder." Sara was suddenly red in the face and she looked at the two Asari. Lexi was deep in facepalm and Peebee looked like wanting to kill Liam very slowly. He just laughed.
"Protect me, Ryder… your exes want to skin me alive…" He was still laughing and Peebee could not hold and started to ran after him. The whole effect was dipped in disaster, but the good one. Watching Peebee trying to get to Liam who was hiding behind Vetra's tall figure made nearly everyone laughed.
Including Sara. She felt like a rejuvenating laugh completely dominated her brain. She touched her belly and tears just ran out when Liam was shouting Heeeelp and Peebee mumbling something like a psycho...
She was not able to stop the laugh and she did not want to… All of them grouped there because they cared for her… She realised it and love started to fill her body with warmth she thought was long lost.