When Eli woke up, she was presented with a rather worrying setting. She was in a cell with a pounding headache.
Something had happened. Something big. Sure, things had probably gotten bad before, but she had never been locked up in a drunk tank.
She called upon the remnants of her memory and instantly regretted it when she felt a sharp pain, prompting her to bury her face in the pillow with a groan before there was a rather loud clang, feeling like it would split her head as the door slid open.
She raised her head to see a police officer looking at her with little sympathy as he gruffly instructed her to stand up and follow him out.
She hoped she had just caused a bit of a scene; maybe too much noise. Being drunk and disorderly in public was something she would prefer, rather than, well…
She trudged her way through the halls of the police station, gaze firmly trained downwards, she nearly bumped into the officer's back as he made way to allow her into what looked like an interrogation room. She hoped she was only being filled in on what she had done. She sat down and he sat down opposite.
"Do you remember what happened last night?"
Eli shut her eyes and let out a pained exhale, trying once again to reclaim those memories, but she shook her head, "I don't…"
"You," He sighed, "Assaulted the other resident of the apartment. The dispatcher told us that they were your significant other?"
Eli frowned and nodded.
"The victim was sent to hospital."
At that, Eli suddenly jolted with unpleasant energy and panic running through her, "What - Hospital…?"
"Mmhm."
No, no!
Her head screamed at her and she clutched her head in both hands, and like a scared child she wanted to double up in the corner and sink into the shadows to be left alone. A broken sob left her and her body began to shake.
Hospital…?
Her mind was in complete turmoil. She must have done something awful, terrible, monstrous -
Maybe she was a monster.
She tearfully looked up at the officer who appeared to have a sliver a pity on his face for the time being, but the mask steeled again as he finished off what he was writing.
"You were heavily inebriated on the scene. You were verbally abusive, but made no attempts to resist arrest, luckily for you. We have also received word from the hospital that the victim is stable and awake as well."
This was far too much for her to handle and this time, rather than her head splitting, she felt like her mind was breaking gradually under the pressure of what was being revealed to her.
After what felt like an eternity, she spoke with a wavering voice, "What… What happens now…?"
"You're going to be released for the time being until we get a statement of the victim's side of things. Do you have a place to stay other than your apartment?'
"My sister's, maybe…" She mumbled.
"We'll need a contact number and an address. When you give us this, you're welcome to use the phone we took off you for the night."
Eli nodded, still horribly shaken as she was taken to the main desk and made to fill out a few papers, and then, her phone was given back to her. She rubbed at her eyes as she exited to make two phone calls.
The first phone call she thought would be relatively simple, but the second would be another matter entirely.
"Hello? Onee-chan?"
"Hey, Alisa," She put on a smile that was more for herself than anyone else, "Is it possible for me to sleep at your place for a bit?"
"Is something wrong?" There was immediate concern in her voice, and Eli knew she couldn't hide this matter from her sister. She sighed.
"When I get there, I'll tell you in person what's happening. I promise. I just have to make a quick stop first, okay?"
"I… Understand, onee-chan. I'll see you soon."
"Yeah. See you soon."
She ended the call and let her arm fall to her side, glancing around the street and gathering herself. She knew this wouldn't be clean, even over the phone, but she rang the number.
"Nishikino hospital. How may I help you?"
"Is it possible to speak to Dr. Nishikino Maki, please?"
"She isn't busy right now; I'll see what I can do. Who's calling?"
She bit her lip, "Ayase Eli."
Maki was in the waiting room with the others gathered there. An uncomfortable silence reigned over them, as each of them had filed in and out to see one of their best friends.
But a nurse came up to her to break the silence, "Dr. Nishikino, there's someone on the phone for you."
"Who is it?"
"Ayase Eli."
The nurse appeared a little bit startled when everyone's head raised in a flurry of different emotions. From Nico, a glare, from Nozomi, a look that suggested she would break out in tears again, but most of them were asleep. They had been here all night after all. She noticed some of the gazes turn to her, and Maki put on a scowl of her own, "Alright."
She left the group, still feeling their eyes on her as she went behind the desk to take the phone.
"What?" She growled, "You better have a good reason for this call."
"Look, I-I was wondering if I could come to the hospital."
"Right," She leant a hand on the desk, "We better get a few things straight then. Firstly, you're coming here at your own damn risk. I, nor the hospital are going to be held responsible for what Kotori may do, Umi may do, Rin, Nico, anyone."
"A-alright…" She answered a little bit shakily.
"Secondly," Her hand found a pen to fiddle with, "I made it very fucking clear to Hanayo that I didn't want you within any of the walls of this hospital. You should thank her for the fact that I changed my mind about that. She wants to see you, if you come here."
There was an audible sigh from the other end of the line.
"And finally, I'm going to be in the room whilst you're with her. If you ever dare lay a hand on her without her permission-"
"You think I'm going to hurt her…?"
"I don't know. But after last night, I'm not sure if I know you any more."
There was an uncomfortable silence for a second, but it appeared Eli had no way to argue.
"Look I… I understand how you all feel towards me right now, I-I know you're all angry and you would all probably sooner hit me than listen to me, but please - please understand that that isn't me."
"... I know that much. You're sober right now, but you have to understand that when you're drunk, you lose control. And you made the decision whilst sober, the completely fucking idiotic decision, to drink. And look, I get it. Addiction. You and me are in the same boat in that respect. You know what the difference is though?" Her voice hushed to a harsh whisper, "I am trying to change. I have been trying to change for the past few months. And it is bloody difficult, but I had to, for the sake of not only myself, but the people I love. That is what sets us apart."
Maki felt a small pang of guilt when Eli sighed shakily, as if collectively, and she couldn't help but sigh as well.
"You're free to come here. But Eli."
"Yeah?" She sounded pitiful.
"You need help."
There was a pause.
"I know," She choked, "I've known it for a long time."
With that, Eli hung up. Maki understood that she probably didn't want to talk either. But she assumed that she was on her way, so Maki also shouldered the burden of telling the others 'the news'.
She handed the phone back to the nurse before she made her way back over, running her hand through her hair. Everyone seemed to be awake now as well. Great.
"Well ah… For those of you that don't know, that call was from Eli. She's coming here."
There was a flurry of emotions and Maki didn't care to try and analyse them all. But it was obvious there was a lot of internal conflict, even from the ones that had appeared to have little sympathy for Eli.
"But, good news. Hanayo doesn't appear to have any serious injuries, she can be released today. I just want to run a few more checks on her before she can be released with no problems."
Maki glanced towards Kotori, who did brighten up at the news, but not by much. In fact, her expression hardened again before she wordlessly got up and left through the automatic doors of the hospital. Many gazes followed her, but no one tried to stop or question her, other than Umi.
Outside, it had started to rain, but fortunately, Kotori and Umi remained dry from the cover above the doors.
"Kotori."
Kotori grunted in acknowledgement, but she didn't turn to face her, instead, she stared into the rain.
"Don't do anything that you might regret."
"I just want to talk to her."
"You think I believe that?" Umi said, leaning on the wall beside her.
Kotori rolled her eyes, "You got me."
Umi sighed and looked to her, "I know you're angry. We all are."
"You won't understand how I feel right now."
Umi seemed a little bit stunted at that, "I don't follow that… We're all in the same situation here, we all feel similarly… Don't we?"
"Let me see if I can put it into perspective for you." Kotori turned to clasped her hands together with a sigh.
"Think about this; Honoka never got together with you. And instead, she got together with Eli," Kotori took a deep breath, "You spend year after year, through every μ's meetup, through every day of those feelings that won't go away, looking, and not able to say anything to her. That's bad enough, right?"
"Kotori… You mean you-"
"Then," She cut her off impatiently, "Honoka ends up hospitalised in this very same situation. And you know you would have treated her better."
"I'm… I'm sorry, Kotori. I-"
"No," She shook her head, waving her hand dismissively, "It's okay, it's not your fault. But please, understand, this is different for me."
"I, well… I still don't want you doing anything rash."
"Words only. Maybe something else, but mostly words. Don't worry Umi-chan."
Umi didn't like the sound of 'something else', but she accepted it nevertheless, turning herself back around and stepping back through the doors to be back with the rest of them once again.
Eli supposed that even the weather was punishing her now. With the rain lashing against her, she didn't even have a coat, but in taking whatever shelter she could, she eventually found herself standing close to the hospital, and even with what waited within, she pushed towards the cover outside the doors to sort herself out.
She brushed her hair back with her fingers, grimacing at the cold slickness before attempting to fix her ponytail.
But before she had a chance to do so, she felt a harsh slap on her cheek, that burned in stark contrast to the numbing of her skin. Whilst still in shock, she glanced up to see someone she didn't expect.
"Kotori…?"
"You have a lot of nerve coming here, you know that?" She said, taking a step back with a glare, her hand clenching by her side.
Eli thought it was probably best to begin her slew of apologies she would likely be saying a lot of today.
"Look, Kotori, I'm sorry-"
"Sorry does me a lot of good, thanks," She said with an eye roll, "It doesn't matter what my feelings are in all this… They never have really mattered anyway."
Eli didn't quite understand what she meant by that, but she looked towards the doors, now a little bit hesitantly. She was about to speak, but Kotori cut her off.
"Go inside. I just need some time…" She said, walking to the edge of the hospital cover and gazing towards the rainy sky.
Eli rubbed her eyes, brushing her hands across her soaking clothes as she went through the doors.
When Maki had seen Eli approach and be stopped by Kotori's rather harsh slap, she nearly winced for Eli, but she stood and quickly went back to Hanayo for a moment.
Pulling up a chair, she fiddled with her hands in her lap, "Hanayo."
"Mm?"
"What exactly do you intend to do? When questioned by the authorities?"
Hanayo looked like she hadn't been wanting to think about that, so Maki persisted.
"You know they're doing to ask you what you want to do. Whether you want a court date, whether you want to press charges. Anything like that."
"I… I want Eli-chan to go to rehabilitation. That's all…"
Maki sighed through her nose, but not out of frustration. That was an answer befitting of someone with Hanayo's benevolence. She let her expression soften, "What if Eli doesn't want to go?"
Hanayo paused to look away, whilst Maki shook her head, "I'm sorry, but… If she doesn't go, I think you should get Eli sentenced."
"I-I can't do that to her… She needs help."
"Be that as it may, do you really want to just drop the charges…?"
"I'll think about that when I talk to her… I want to see how she acts and how this has all affected her… Then I'll decide."
Maki couldn't really argue and she knew that adding to stress was a bad idea, so she nodded respectfully, "Eli's arrived. I think the others want to have a word with her though."
Immediately, Eli was greeted with stares stabbing at her and burning holes in her side. She didn't want to turn around, but found herself having to. She knew she must have looked in a pitiful state, drenched, tired and still a bit hungover, but that didn't seem to deter some of the malcontent she was sensing from the group.
The first thing she noticed was that neither Nozomi nor Rin had bothered to look at her. Maybe they couldn't muster up the courage to. And Eli understood the situation they were placed in. Both of their best friends were in dire need of help and they hadn't noticed until it was too late. But she couldn't dwell on that, not when Nico and Umi had both risen up from their chairs.
She only took a few steps closer, but the proximity felt uncomfortable still. Like she didn't belong. Not anymore.
"I'll admit, you have some stock, coming here," Nico said, folding her arms, "What are you here for?"
"I… I just wanted to see her."
"And you think you deserve that privilege?" Umi spoke up, raising an eyebrow. That caused Eli to flinch.
Eli found her voice after a small pause, "With all due respect, Umi, I think that Hanayo's the one who makes that decision."
Umi acquiesced to that, "Then you should count your blessings you hurt the kindest one out of all of us. I wouldn't be so quick to forgive."
Even Nico seemed surprised at that, but she seemed to rule it off as more of a thing said in the heat of the moment as she turned back to Eli.
"I would wait for Maki-chan to come back before you head in."
They fell into silence after that, Nico and Umi going back to their respective partners whilst Eli stood. It didn't feel right sitting with the rest of them.
But she was glad to find that Maki came back through quickly enough. Even if the atmosphere darkened a little bit. Maki merely shrugged and waved her over in a disgruntled fashion, Eli following, staring at her feet in shame.
"Few things before we go in."
Maki turned to her outside Hanayo's room with a steeled expression, "I'm going in with you, but I won't say a word. And lastly," Maki sighed.
"Listen to what she has to say. Take in every little detail. Listen and look at what you did to her. Face the truth head on and make the right decision. For the sake of all of us."
Maki paused for a second, "Eli, I still love you. You know we all do. We're all just in a difficult place right now and none of us are just going to forgive and forget. It's going to be a lot more complex than that. But we'll get through it." She knew it was a much different tone she was taking that she had done not too long ago.
Eli managed her first smile, albeit a weak one. Maki then turned and opened the door.
"Hanayo?" Maki said quietly, only poking her head around the door before pushing it open and letting Eli in afterwards. Whilst Maki leant against the window frame, Eli took her place in her chair, avoiding looking directly at Hanayo for the time being, instead, staring at her fiddling hands.
"Eli-chan." Hanayo said, without an ounce of hatred in her voice. Not that Eli was expecting there to be, but it floored her so much so that she raised her head and only just managed to hold back a flinch.
She knew that plenty of mornings she had woken up to a pounding headache and Hanayo injured in some way should have been wake up calls. But she had always failed to heed those calls, continuing when she knew she needed help, when she knew what it did. And now she was face to face with what was her biggest alarm bell of all. And if that didn't get through to her, she didn't know what she would do.
She could feel Maki's harsh gaze on her, but no words came through. Eli weakly smiled, "Hello."
"You came here to see me?"
"Of course I did. You thought I wouldn't?" Eli said softly.
"No… I'm happy. I'm glad you're here."
Eli's heart fluttered at that. But she knew that Hanayo shouldn't be hers, not after what she had done.
"Eli-chan… I'm sorry, but… I don't think we can be together any more."
Even if Eli knew it was coming, it crushed her to hear those words. Hanayo deserved better than what she had been giving her, so she accepted that Hanayo knew she needed to get out of this relationship. Even Eli could admit it was toxic.
"I understand." She said simply, fiddling with her hands before looking back to her.
"I'm so sorry… I know this shouldn't have happened, but I let it… Is there anything I can do to make it up to you…?"
Hanayo's face softened, and her smile faded, "I want you to get help. Go to rehabilitation. Then you'll have made it up to me."
Eli swallowed uneasily as she mulled over that option. She knew she had a problem. She knew she needed help. But she couldn't help but feel like she was somehow taking advantage of Hanayo's generous nature, in the sense that she deserved to be locked up for what she'd done. But the selfish part of her wanted to take that offer.
But at the end of the day, this wasn't about what she thought was selfish. She was sure that Hanayo would derive no pleasure, quite the opposite in fact, from seeing her punished by the law. This was what Hanayo wanted, and it was the very least she owed her.
"I'll do it," Eli said with only a small pause, "If I can make it up to you, I will."
"Eli-chan… This isn't about me."
"Huh?"
"This is about you. All I want is for you to get some help, not for me, not for everyone else, but for you. You need to do this, so you can get better, not do this because you were forced to do it."
"What if… What if I'm just taking advantage of you…?" Eli sighed, "What if I'm just doing this to not get punished and I don't get better and I just relapse? Not even by accident…"
"I know you wouldn't do that. The Eli-chan I know wouldn't do that."
Eli sniffled, running a hand through her still damp hair. But she couldn't take any more and she finally broke down, not able to care about her personal image as sobs left her, wracking her body.
Maki felt a pang of guilt. Not only did she now feel like she had invaded a private and delicate conversation, she felt bad for how she had been treating Eli in her mind.
Somehow she had managed to forget along the way that Eli was still her friend. Someone who had helped get her out of her shell. And someone she had judged all too harshly.
In hindsight, she should know what she was going through. Alcohol; cigarettes, whilst not directly the same, could still cause similar behavioural issues. She still had little sympathy on the grounds that she was trying to change herself, but she knew it was difficult and she wouldn't hesitate to give Eli the help she needed. Although sceptical about Eli's willpower, Maki seemed to have the closest situation to her. And if she didn't offer any support, what kind of a friend was she?
Maki carefully made her way over, placing a hand on Eli's shoulder which caused her to jump in surprise, but she stayed with her head in her hands.
"Eli. Come on. Hanayo just needs a little bit more rest, then she'll be discharged. I'll find a rehabilitation centre, okay?" She said softly, seeing Eli let her arms fall as she stared downwards, but she nodded, "I'll call you when I find something for you."
Eli stood, but before she turned to leave, she steeled herself.
"Hanayo, I swear to you that when you next see me, I'll be clean. I… I never want to drink again."
And with that, she left with Maki. But she wasn't finished with her apologies yet, so she stopped by the group and although she was mentally exhausted, she faced them all.
"Everyone… I know that this situation is all my fault. And I know that the last thing I deserve is your sympathies, but I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry…" She let out a shaky sigh, not wanting to look at the faces around her, "I promise to you all, not just Hanayo or to myself, but to everyone that I'll come back clean… I'll be staying at my sister's and then going to a rehabilitation clinic as soon as I can. I'll see you all whenever I see you."
She glanced at everyone around her, seeing that their expressions were, although tired, they seemed to have calmed and some even reflected forgiveness, but some did reflect scepticism. But she didn't want to dwell on anything too complicated, and she sent a weak smile Maki's way before she headed through the automatic doors of the hospital and to her sister's.
When she was done, Maki groaned and sat herself down heavily, rubbing her eyes as she soon felt the soothing sensation of someone placing a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see it was Nico.
"I'm sorry…" She said, running a hand through her hair, "Haven't slept all night… And Eli was… Really a mess. I think… I think I judged her too harshly."
"You should really go home soon," Nico said, "Rin, you can take care of that right?"
"I have to stay," Maki cut through, "Until Hanayo's discharge. Then I'll go."
Nico and Rin exchanged a look, but otherwise said nothing. But they all sat in quiet, as Maki lethargically stood back up and went behind the front desk to make arrange everything needed to discharge Hanayo from hospital.
Eli hesitantly rang the doorbell of her sister's apartment with a permanent pit of dread in her stomach, knowing that she would have to explain everything to her sister, with no honeyed words or sugar coating. And she had no idea how she would take it. Maybe she would kick her out and not let her stay, and she would deserve it.
But Alisa opened the door to her with a bright smile, jumping into her embrace, "Onee-chan! I haven't seen you in a while!"
"Hey! How have you been?" Eli said, squeezing her fondly before pulling away.
"I've been just fine! How about you?"
"It's… Going to take a while to explain everything that's been happening." Eli's smile was bittersweet, and Alisa let her inside with no more than a word, sensing the mood.
Eli wearily sat down after realising how long she had been spending stood up, "Alisa… I have something to confess… Something I've had to accept in a really unpleasant way…"
She collected herself whilst her sister remained respectfully silent.
"Alisa… I'm an alcoholic. And that's not even the worst part." She said, feeling her words threaten to catch in her throat, not able to even bare looking Alisa in the eye, "I'm an abuser too. I-I did something terrible last night I should've known it would come to this… But I didn't stop. I would say I couldn't, but… I feel like that would just be me making pathetic excuses for myself."
Alisa had stood from her chair across from Eli and instead went to sit right beside her, putting her arm around her as Eli's body shuddered.
"Onee-chan…" Alisa mumbled as she rubbed her shoulder.
"I-if you want to kick me out, go ahead… I know I'll deserve it…" Eli wiped her eyes with her sleeve, "I'm… Going to rehab soon though."
"Rehab?" Alisa questioned quietly as Eli nodded.
Alisa sighed before she decided it was time to speak after a bit of comfort.
"I know it must be difficult to admit, right? And you're trying to get help so… You know, you're my sister and I still love you, no matter what. So you have my full support on this."
Eli let out a shaky sigh, rubbing her nose, "God… I really don't deserve any of you… Or any of your forgiveness…"
"Don't say that. You need support and you deserve it. If I didn't support you, what kind of a sister would I be?"
Eli finally raised her head to face Alisa, who was wearing a careful expression. She knew Alisa wouldn't want to hurt her, no matter what kind of internal feelings she was having.
"... Okay… Thank you so much. It… Really means a lot to me that even after what I've done people are still willing to help me. I don't know why though…"
"Because we're your friends and family. The love I have for you is unconditional, and whilst I can't speak for the friends you have, I'm sure they feel the same way," Alisa stood to go and make them both a drink, "I don't know the full story, but… I'm sure any animosity will pass. And if you're trying to better yourself, then there's no more they can ask for."
"Yeah… Thank you, Alisa."