Chapter 12: Scars are like wordless diary entries, except you can't throw them out when you want to forget

After two days of supervision, Okita completely left the task of patrolling to her and Alma decided to use it to visit the Odd Jobs every day that she was assigned to that particular route. There was nobody really verifying the hours officers left and returned and it was expected that things might happen during the patrols, delaying the return. She knew also that Gintoki's house was not under permanent observation. Still, she dared not stay too long, both to not repeat the situation from that first day and to not draw attention to the fact that she was in good relations with the man who used to be the White Demon.

All the same, at least in the Odd Jobs, her antics have not remained unnoticed. Already at her third visit, Gintoki merely looked up, smirked that infuriating, knowing smirk and went back to reading his JUMP. Alma showed herself to the bedroom and did her best to not blush when she emerged, few minutes later, because the look Gintoki was giving made it clear what he thought and he couldn't have been more wrong if he tried.

At her fourth visit, she found Gintoki up and about, carrying a tray. He visibly paused on his way somewhere when she opened the door. When she greeted him politely, he glanced down at the tray and, as soon as she has taken off her shoes and stepped up, he gave it to her.

'If you're gonna come anyway, make yourself useful,' he mumbled. Alma looked down at the tray to see a bundle of bandages, some gauze, a salve, a sponge and a small bowl of steaming water. Eyes widening as she realized what he wanted her to do, she looked up at Gintoki, but he was already walking back to the sofa and somehow the words of protest got stuck in Alma's throat. After all, she found herself thinking, she could help.

Without a word, she made her way to the bedroom door. Once there, as she has been taught when she was a young girl, she kneeled to deposit the tray on the floor and, not getting up, slid the door open. She felt ridiculous for acting like a housewife while wearing a Shinsengumi uniform. Or perhaps what bothered her was wearing the Shinsengumi uniform while repeating motions engraved into her mind when she was learning how to be a good wife. Of course, at the same time, she was well aware that it was the safest way of getting through the door with a tray.

'Took you long-' Katsura started and trailed off abruptly. Alma looked up at him and forgot all her previous thoughts.

He was sitting up on the futon, looking better than the previous time she has seen him. Very obviously, he was waiting for Gintoki to come and change the bandages, because he has removed the yukata from his shoulders, letting it pool around his waist, where it was probably still tied. She hoped it was, she thought idly, feeling her cheeks burn. He too, frozen in the motion of undoing the bandage on his right arm, blushed.

'Ah, I apologize for this,' he said awkwardly. Alma cleared her throat to answer, but ended up mutely picking up the tray, taking it to the bedroom and kneeling again to put it down and close the door purely on auto-pilot. It was the easy choice. In the meantime Katsura pulled the yukata up his left shoulder. She wanted to tell him he really didn't need to, but of course she would never utter those words.

'Gintoki got lazy,' she said instead, when she came up to the futon and placed the tray on the floor one more time. Katsura laughed shortly, quietly. He looked vaguely uncomfortable and it occurred to Alma that she was wearing a Shinsengumi uniform. Perhaps it made him weary? She glanced at him, unsure. 'If you'd rather he do it, I'm sure-'

'No, no, don't worry,' he interrupted her. 'If you don't mind being roped into his task, I certainly don't mind not listening to his complaints for once,' he added with the tiniest of smiles twisting the corners of his lips. Alma puffed a small laugh and he seemed to relax somewhat.

'Alright then. I hope my fingers are not too cold,' she warned and took over the undoing of bandage, glad to have something else to focus, other than his face and kind expression. It was disturbing her for the silliest of reasons, because he was not Yuu, so of course he had different character and expressions.

He remained perfectly motionless and watching her as she worked. She could feel his gaze on herself, glad that her hands didn't shake. What was that stupid, nervous reaction, she thought with irritation, but took care to show neither the sentiment nor her thoughts. Uncovering the gauze, she hissed at the sight of the scabbing gash.

'It will leave a scar for sure,' she whispered mournfully, surprised when Katsura snorted. It didn't sound overly amused though, she though. She looked up at him questioningly. He didn't look amused either, but didn't seem bothered in the least.

'One more won't change much,' he pointed out wryly. Before she could stop herself, Alma glanced at his exposed right shoulder and torso. Of course, she thought numbly, humans who have gone to war got injured and their injuries scarred. 'Don't look so stricken, there are worse things in the world than scars,' he added softly. Alma nodded.

'I know,' she whispered, picking up the sponge and dipping it into the warm water. A faint, prickling feeling told her that disinfectant has been mixed into the water and she nodded to herself in approval. She started washing the healing wound thoroughly and as gently as she could. 'I heal real well, so I have no scars,' she added, as close as she could get to admitting it was impossible for her to scar, even if she wanted.

'That's not necessarily bad. Some of those are memories of really nasty events,' he replied. With the corner of her eye, she saw him touch one of the scars on the side of his torso. 'Of course, they are also the luxury of survivors, so I'm not going to complain too much,' he added in a light tone. She knew it was fake, because of how his fingers were digging into this side. 'Besides, it's not true: you have a scar on your nose,' he pointed out.

'It's true,' Alma replied, surprised both to have forgotten and to have spoken out loud. She looked at him with wide eyes and he looked back with an eyebrow raised in question. 'You must think I'm a complete lunatic now,' she mumbled, blushing. Amused, he assured her he didn't and she told him she didn't even know how she got that scar. It has always been there, she said.

Except, she was pretty sure in the first life she hasn't had it, she thought, but didn't say it. She couldn't say it, so she fell silent and focused on her task. By the time she finished washing the wound, his hand fell from the scar, which she could see was a jagged cut, either inflicted with a serrated weapon or perhaps ripped open after being sewn. She was curious, but knew better than to ask. Instead, she applied the salve generously, wrinkling her nose slightly at the smell. Obviously noticing, he muttered that at least she was going to leave afterwards, while he was stuck with the stink and it made her laugh quietly.

When she put the gauze against the wound, she didn't have to say anything for him to keep it in place, even if it was probably going to stick to the salve. Accidentally, their fingers brushed and she looked up at him, startled.

He was looking down at his arm. Nonplussed for a moment, she took in the pale face that was absolutely scar-free and the long hair falling in cascades over his shoulder. She could get used to how that relaxed expression softened the features that were both achingly familiar and painfully foreign.

When he moved his head to look at her, she quickly turned to the bandages, picking them up with hands that were almost not trembling at all. She could feel his gaze on her and pretended to be completely focused on the task of wrapping the bandage around his arm, securing the gauze. By the time she was finished, his gaze was gone and she risked looking up briefly, before gathering the dirty bandages. His head was facing the far wall, but his eyes had a faraway look to them.

'Why are you helping me?' he asked. She blinked in surprise: it was only now that he was wondering about it? Surely he must have already found some answer since he has allowed her to help for so long! But when he looked at her there was genuine curiosity and perhaps a hint of confusion in his expression. 'As a Shinsengumi officer, you are helping an enemy and risking your own life and career in the process. As a sister to a member of the Kiheitai, you're helping somebody who could and would cut your brother down. Why?'

'I-' she started and paused, biting her lower lip. What could she say? She didn't want to lie, hell, she wasn't sure she could lie, when he was looking at her like that, so intent, with those warm, brown eyes. She sighed. 'My adopted brother abandoned me and mother after the war. To me, he died. The man held by the Shinsengumi is merely a traitor and a dangerous terrorist, who will get what he deserves.'

'Don't say that,' he scolded her sharply, frowning. Now that expression and tone were much more like Yuu. She smiled sadly.

'Of course, I don't quite think that. However-' she hesitated again. 'My real family has died a long time ago. My real brother, the person who was the most precious to me in the whole world and beyond it, he looked exactly like you,' she admitted. 'Well, he had dark blue eyes. I couldn't protect him. No, in fact all I ever did was hurting him and now he's gone and I can never make things right again,' she whispered. Feeling tears well in her eyes, she blinked rapidly to dispel them, but they fell anyway.

'It's stupid, but I thought, I think, if I can help you, maybe I can make up for that,' she admitted, feeling the blush warm her cheeks once again. She startled when he reached out to wipe away the tears from one cheek. The touch of his hand left a burning trace on her skin.

'It's stupid,' he agreed, but there was no malice in his voice, only kindness. 'In exchange for your help, I will gladly help you find solace if that is what you seek, but is this really enough? If the Shinsengumi find out there will really be no coming back, not to their force, not even to normal life in Edo. What will you do? Flee? Join the rebels?' he asked.

'I haven't thought that far ahead. I think I wouldn't mind,' she answered. It seemed to surprise him. It seemed to surprise him even more when she put her hand over his, pressing it slightly against her cheek, but that one surprised even her so she couldn't blame him at all.

'Really now, and I was wondering what took you so long,' drawled a voice from the doorway. Alma jumped away from Katsura, as though burned. Certainly she was blushing so hard she was sure her face could catch fire. Katsura, on the other hand, looked unperturbed. 'Take an advice from a man who's seen more women fail than he can count: when you're flirting with that idiot you have to spell it out in big letters first. Otherwise it passes right over his head.'

'Seriously, Gintoki, what-' Katsura started.

'I have no idea what you're talking about,' Alma said very fast, very loud. Leaning against the frame of the open door, Gintoki laughed out. When had he come? Gods, this was embarrassing, she thought, jumping to her feet, straightening the non-existent creases of her uniform. 'The patrol tomorrow will be done by Hikari. Be careful. She seems to really believe in captain Okita's idea that Katsura's hiding with the White Demon. There is a chance she will insist on searching the flat.'

Gintoki didn't seem worried. Neither did Katsura, and so Alma left them, pretending that she wasn't running away from Katsura's puzzled expression and Gintoki's mocking smirk. She had the patrol to finish after all! And the following day, Hikari returned from the patrol bruised and furious. She yelled at everybody around and threatened to arrest the Odd Jobs' boss for harbouring dangerous creatures. Only in the evening did Alma manage to get a coherent story out of her.

It appeared that Hikari arrived right on time to be trampled by the giant dog, Sadaharu was his name if Alma remembered correctly, which was apparently eager to go for a walk. The dog was swiftly followed by the little girl working in Odd Jobs and Hikari has just managed to get up when Kagura collided with her full force. The girl shouted apologies over her shoulder and ran and Hikari stomped into the flat angrily. Inside, everything was wrecked and a bloodied Odd Jobs' boss told her that Sadaharu didn't like fur trimming. He also easily allowed her to look through the flat to her heart's content, but other than him and a traumatized teenager there was nobody.

Needless to say that the friendship between Hikari and Alma, who couldn't resist telling Okita the story, was irreversibly broken and the story became the joke of the headquarters. Her excuse that Hikari never said to keep it secret didn't seem to have any influence on the situation. Indeed, the last time they talked was when Hikari demanded that Alma changes the patrol rotas in such a way that she never had to return to the Odd Jobs. And since it was a last minute change, Alma felt justified in putting mainly herself on that particular patrol: to not disturb the others if not necessary, she has told Okita when he asked.

The following day, she went back to the Odd Jobs to find a very self-satisfied Gintoki Sakata, sitting on one of his two sofas, chatting with the equally self-satisfied Tatsuma Sakamoto and Kotarou Katsura. They wouldn't tell her what was going on and so, reassured that Katsura was doing well and definitely not wanting to repeat any of the experiences from her previous visit, Alma bid them a good day and finished her rounds in record time.

She returned to the headquarters to find it in an uproar. It appeared that somebody, nobody has seen whom, has managed to slip a note into Hijikata's pocket. Needless to say that the vice-commander was not amused at being outsmarted like that, but the content of the note was what pissed him out the most. Once she got to read it, Alma had to admit she understood, not only Ginotki's and others' good mood, but also Hijikata's fury.

"The Kiheitai and Yakuza's Hoshi group are planning an attack on the castle of Edo. The exact date is not known, but it might be on Saturday evening. The Yakuza are going to try and distract the Shinsengumi. Try to keep focused. And beware: there is most likely a Kiheitai spy somewhere within your organization."

The note mocked the Shinsengumi in perfectly calligraphed hand-writing. It mocked them because it told them of things they have not managed to find out themselves and it mocked them outright with the little "try to keep focused". Finally, it mocked them for having a spy in their ranks and Hikari immediately said that just for it was fake.

'He's just pissed that he hasn't noticed the spy in his own organization and is trying to destabilize us,' she insisted stubbornly, but she seemed to be alone in her point of view. "He" being none other than the elusive Kotarou Katsura, because Yamazaki has recognized the hand-writing as belonging the infamous terrorist, Hijikata and Kondo were prepared to thread carefully.

'Even if it is a fake note, shouldn't we alert the castle and put up guards around the castle grounds?' Alma asked hesitantly. It seemed the worst they risked was being bored. Hijikata, Okita and Kondo exchanged glances.

'I wish it was as easy as that. But even if we consider the note true and not a ploy to divert our attention, while Katsura, or even the Kiheitai, does something else, there is another issue with the place and time of the planned attack. You see, the biggest problem here is that Saturday night we have to guard the Shogun, because Matsudaira is taking him for a night out,' Kondo said.

Oh, thought Alma.