And now we come to the elephant in the room.

Eric.

As I have said before, I have read Corwin's memoirs. I have even forced myself to peruse Merlin's meandering narratives. I know what has been written of me- and of Eric.

I believe the kindest thing that Brother Corwin had to say of me was to call me "Eric's creature." I suppose there are a number of different ways that can be taken- that I was totally without wit or will of my own. That my loyalties were so completely aligned with Eric that I would happily sell out anyone but him. Or …

Or that I was Eric's lover.

Father had always made it among the strictest of laws that the Royal Family of Amber should not engage in incest. It's a strangely moral action from such an immoral man, but I suppose that even Father had his limits. That is the most favorable thing that can be said about him, I suppose.

It is also possible that he feared that the possible child of such a union might be so powerful that it could overthrow him in spite of all his guile and power. Or that we might give birth to a monster which would threaten Amber itself. I do not know.

Father made his laws, but controlling the hearts of his children is another matter.

Even Corwin admitted in his autobiography that his feelings for Deirdre were not entirely platonic. Did they ever cross that boundary that Oberon had set? I do not know.

I suspect not, however.

Corwin was always too arrogant about his conquests to keep silent if he had actually succeeded in bedding her. At the very least, he would have long ago stopped writing those melancholy songs he would sing when Deirdre would be surrounded by so many of her ardent admirers. He tended to lose interest in a woman once he accomplished the act- perhaps the main reason that Deirdre would never give into his entreaties.

Beyond Corwin, it is has never been a secret to anyone who knew how to look that Julian was inappropriately fond of Fiona. (And as an Amberite- especially a female Amberite- you learn early how to look.) At best, Fiona tolerated his adoration- which didn't mean she wasn't above using it to her advantage at need.

Some believe that Delwin and Sand abandoned Amber because they were not content to remain just brother and sister. I do not know as I have not spoken to them in years- and I was already a grown woman when they were born.

And now we come to Eric and myself.

By now you must have come to the conclusion that I was infatuated with Eric. If that is your conclusion, then you are correct. He was my Prince Charming, my rescuer, and when I needed someone to keep watch over me, he was there.

I was also fourteen.

Eric was handsome … the most handsome of all my brothers. (Though I admit that I am not without bias.) He was more a dashing stranger than a brother to me … until the night of my rescue we had probably not exchanged a dozen words. It is impossible to feel someone as family when they are strangers to you.

Now Random … Random was younger than me, and we had often been forced to take classes together. I have no problem thinking of him as my brother … and hence there is no possibility I would ever find him remotely attractive … even if he didn't look like a weasel-faced punk.

So yes … my feelings towards Eric were totally inappropriate at that point in my life. I would have done anything he asked of me- anything. If he had asked me to go to his bed I would have joyfully assented with all my heart.

But that never happened.

Not when I was the young girl you are reading of now … and rumors to the contrary, not in all the long centuries since.

There is a reason for that- but probably not the one you suspect.

After Gerard had left me to attend to his party, I had made inquiries and discovered that Eric had returned and was currently in his quarters. I made up my mind then that- just in case I did not live through my attempt to walk the Pattern- I would have some more pleasant memories than those my attacker had left me.

So I bathed. Dressed myself in what my naivete believed to be a provocative style- and made my way to my brother's quarters. I could easily disrobe if the occasion called for it- and I rather hoped it would. I was positive that I could seduce Eric … reward him for my rescue, if you will.

Oh, I smile now to think of that foolish girl I was.

I boldly knocked on his door. I even posed myself in the doorway to look as enticing as possible …

But Eric was not the one who opened the door.

The boy- young man, really- was rather handsome. And shirtless. His hair was all tousled and his lips were bruised and swollen from kissing. There were marks on his neck as well- (I was too young then to recognize a hickey when I saw it)- and his breathing was quite hard.

I did not know his name, but I recognized him as one of the stable boys.

"I thought – Eric-?"

"Flora?" Eric came to the door. He was also shirtless. "What are you doing here?" He quickly pulled me into the room. "Dennis, I told you not to open the door ..."

"I beg your pardon, Your Highness..."

"Never mind. I think you had best go now. I need to speak with my sister."

"Yes, Your Highness." The boy quickly dressed and- after a quick peek- left the room.

"Flora-" Eric had donned a shirt as well.

I knew then that my childish dreams of sharing Eric's bed would remain just that … a dream. Even if he were not my brother- even if he did not think of me as a sister, as a child- he would never be able to make my fantasies come true.

I also knew that this was a dangerous secret I had discovered. Father would never allow any son of his who craved only a man's touch to take the throne. He was intolerant that way.

If Corwin should learn of this than all of Eric's dreams would turn to ash.

I looked at the worry on Eric's face- and I touched his cheek. I quickly kissed him on the lips- one time, because I knew it would only be that one time. "Don't worry, brother dear. Your secret is safe with me. I will never betray you."

And that, dear reader, is why those rumors that I shared Eric's bed- that I was Eric's creature- were never overly rebutted by Eric or myself. While Father would never approve of incest, he considered it much less a sin than homosexuality. One would be frowned on; the other would bar Eric from the throne.

And because of that- because of my supposed romantic interest in Eric- I was able to steer away the young ladies who were intent on sleeping with the handsome Prince of Amber. I could provide an alibi for those times when Eric engaged in another liaison with one of his many lovers.

I do not regret what I did.

Random, fortunately, is far more liberal in such things than Father. One of the many things that makes him such a good king.

(And I will gut you like a fish if you ever tell him I said that.)

Eric smiled fondly at me and ran a hand through my hair. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." I had felt my heart break a little, but I forced that away. I was out of tears. "I came here to ask you for a favor."

"Oh? What sort of favor?"

"Gerard is throwing me a birthday party tonight." I smiled at him. "I would like to ask you for a birthday present."

"What would Her Royal Highness like?" Eric seemed amused … and grateful.

"I want to see the Pattern. As soon as possible."

"The Pattern?"

"Yes. You know the thing that gives us power over Shadow?"

"Flora … you are far too young to walk the Pattern! You'd die!"

I was gratified to see the concern in his eyes. "I just want to see the Pattern, brother." A white lie.

"Very well, little sister. I will take you to to see the Pattern." He smiled at me briefly. "You might want to change. I wouldn't want to give Dworkin a heart attack."

"Very well. We can stop at my quarters and I'll slip into something a little less comfortable and then we'll beard the Patternmaster in his den."

Eric smiled and hugged me suddenly. "Don't worry, Flora. I'll always keep you safe."

"I know," I said.

And for as long as he lived, Eric did his best to live up to that promise.