Chapter 18: If feelings were seasons, would love be the spring?
It was a very peaceful place. There was a small, chilly wind that smelled of the upcoming winter and the sky was covered with grey clouds, but everything was calm and quiet. A small house stood by a lake, nestled into a rock. On the far shore and all around to the right, steep, tall mountains silently overlooked the elongated lake. The wind rippled the lake's surface and combed through the untamed grass growing on the flat shore left of the house.
Two men were standing next to the house, looking towards the lake and the steep slopes. They were dressed in worn but cared-for travelling clothes, wrapped in heavy coats that kept out the chilly wind. One had short, flame-red hair. The wind could only ruffle it while it entangled in the other's long, black ponytail.
'In the end, it's hard to say who won,' said one of them, his voice faint in the wind. 'Just like it's meant to be, if I am to trust the old man's records. Allen managed to calm the Earl and the Noah were- Well, they were not killed as such, but their vessels were disposed of or disappeared. But you know that, you went to fight with them after all. What should follow now is a calm era of waiting, before the next generation of Noah stirs things up or before the Order starts arming itself again. It will last years, perhaps as long as a century. What will you do?'
'If there is peace they don't need me,' the other replied gruffly. 'I left Mugen rammed in the ground anyway. I don't even feel the connection anymore. What will you do?' he asked back. A short, humourless laughter was carried away by the chilly wind.
'Nothing,' replied the one who spoke first. 'I'll stay here with you if you let me.'
'Do as you wish,' grumbled the second voice and another laughter, this time bright with happiness, was carried away by the chilly wind.
'I'll make lunch in that case,' said the first voice. The red-haired man moved to the small house, his footsteps light and springy. The black-haired man shook his head minutely, before turning away from the lake and the steep slopes.
Alma woke up with a start, sitting up in reflex. Her heart was racing, breaths coming in quick, shallow gasps. In her mind, the only thing she could see were the dark-blue eyes, looking straight at her. Him? What did he see? Did he see anybody at all? She had no way of knowing, but she had a feeling he did. In any case, his expression was nothing like she/he has ever known or expected, she found herself thinking, heartbeat and breathing slowing down gradually. The dark-blue eyes were no more sharp and cold, but softened in an inexplicable way. And he was smiling. It was small, but happy.
Yuu wouldn't smile like that at nobody.
She closed her eyes, burying her face in her hands as she curled up on herself. It wasn't by far the first dream she has had about Yuu, but for the first time, Yuu looked happy. It was all she ever wanted, so could she believe in it? She would, she wanted to, she decided and slowly straightened again, looking around.
She has fallen asleep on the hard floor and now that her thoughts were calmed, she could feel the results in aching bones and muscles. It didn't matter, it would go away faster than she could count to five, she figured, and pushed off the blanket completely. Briefly, she wondered who put it over her and couldn't help feeling grateful. The small, dark house on the outskirts of Edo was far from warm, but it was safe. She hoped.
Absent-mindedly, she started unwrapping the useless bandages. The previous night, in the castle of Edo, Mutsu has wrapped them around her when everybody else was busy with the fight, even though she saw her heal. There hasn't been much time for discussion, but the Kaientai's vice-captain promised to hunt her down if she ever did anything to hurt Sakamoto and then promptly lied to the Shinsengumi, informing them that, despite how it looked, Alma's wounds have been shallow and would heal fast. And then she was gone, with all of the Kaientai, before the Shinsengumi realized the traders shouldn't have been there in the first place, before Alma could thank her or ask why she has helped her.
The Shinsengumi suffered too many casualties, both in the castle and in a club in Kabuki-cho, to wonder about possible lies. Kondo merely nodded at Mutsu and Hijikata expressed his relief, before they both turned to the heavily wounded first captain, who was being carted away to the hospital, together with Odd Jobs' Kagura. They were both going to recover completely, she has heard and was glad.
The morning after the fight in the castle, she gave her report to Hijikata and Kondo, resolutely omitting the fact that she has actually died during the fight and the reason why Hikari has followed her. If they knew of either, they were better actors than she would have given them credit for. In any case, they were more interested in the fact that Hikari has apparently been a Kiheitai's spy than anything else. The only tricky moment of that conversation was when Hijikata demanded to know why she has thrown herself at Kamui in the first place.
Stifling a sigh, Alma focused on the only other occupant of the room, resting silently on the futon two steps away from her. The man who has gone by the name of Rampaging Noble during the war looked surprisingly gentle, fragile almost, drifting between sleep and unconsciousness.
For a moment, flashes of memories from the previous night mixed with the images of her dreams in her thoughts. She couldn't remember thinking before jumping to kick the red-haired Yato off his deadly course and that was what she told Hijikata and Kondo. She lied that she hasn't had the time to identify the Yato's target before she acted. They looked at her weirdly but accepted her words.
In any case, she was starting to become aware of the weird dynamics between the police leaders and the leader of the moderate Joui faction. When she has joined the force, she thought they were serious and she supposed they have been, at some point. However, by the time Daiki came along, they have long since been only going through the motions. The information Daiki brought spurred them on anew, but Alma was well aware that Kondo and Hijikata could have tried harder to intercept the unconscious terrorist in the castle of Edo, rather than focusing on the Yato carrying Takasugi away.
They didn't even try to detain Gintoki Sakata, in order to get answers. They seemed satisfied with the story of Odd Jobs getting hired by Jouishishi, not that Gintoki used the actual name of the organization. Truthfully, Alma started wondering, in the aftermath of the carnage in the castle of Edo, whether the Shinsengumi really wanted to capture Katsura.
A faint moan snapped her out of her thoughts. In half a second, she was sitting by the futon, brushing the long, black strands of hair off the frowning face. Such a similar face, she thought and for the first time that notion filled her with warmth rather than a dull kind of grief. She muttered something about being safe and the dark eyes fluttered open. Alma smiled warmly.
'Welcome back,' she whispered softly. Kotarou Katsura looked at her, surprise widening his eyes as he recognized her. After a moment, he turned his head to look around and frowned. 'It's a place Elizabeth found while you were staying at the Odd Jobs,' she explained and he looked back at her. 'She brought you here after escaping the castle of Edo. Takasugi got away as well, but he didn't manage to achieve anything, or at least nothing we're aware of,' she added.
'I see,' he muttered and cleared his throat. He opened his mouth and closed it, frowning slightly for a moment. Then he tried again: 'When did that happen?' he asked her. She had a feeling it wasn't what he wanted to ask in the first place.
'Last night, approximately 24 hours ago,' she replied promptly. He sighed and asked who else was around. Alma hesitated. 'I have only seen Elizabeth and another man, who didn't introduce himself,' she started. She decided to not mention that the said man nearly decapitated her when she showed up, before Elizabeth reluctantly informed him that Alma was safe. 'He's tall and half-bald, with a large scar on the left side of his jaw.'
'Yoichi,' Katsura muttered. Alma shrugged. He looked at her and she had a feeling he wanted to say something, but then he deflated and lifted his right hand to his face instead, taking time to look at the thick bandages around it. With hesitation, Alma told him that he has nearly lost his fingers and it would take a long while to get his hand back in fighting form. It wasn't the most dangerous wound he has suffered, but surely the most serious.
Katsura's face twisted in a brief grimace. Then, without a warning, he made to sit up and Alma rushed to press a hand on his chest, to stop him.
'No, don't move yet,' she said, trying to ignore the heartbeat she could feel under her hand. 'Between the shoulder wound and the cut on your side, you're bound to hurt yourself some more if you try. Would you like something to drink?' she asked, not very subtly changing the topic. Katsura looked at her in silence for so long that she had to look away.
'Are you on the run now?' he asked quietly. She couldn't quite identify the emotions in his voice, but there was possibly guilt. She shook her head and summarized the aftermath of her actions. She also told him that she has asked for some time to visit her village and that was why she could stay around.
'If you want me to stay, of course,' she amended, looking back at him nervously. Before he could reply, however, the door to the small room slid open and Alma was half standing, ready to charge before she realized it was only Elizabeth. She plopped back to the floor with a sigh, while the bizarre creature brandished a sign saying "This place is safe".
'Thank you, Elizabeth,' Katsura replied. He reassured his pet, really was it alright to call Elizabeth a pet, that he was alright and asked who knew about the safe house they were in.
"Yoichi, her and me," read the sign. Katsura laughed shortly, breathlessly and commented that even he didn't know the location of the safe house. Alma laughed, amused at the realization that he was correct. Elizabeth flipped her signboard around and then it read: "I don't like how she found out."
'I was very lucky,' Alma said at Katsura's questioning look. 'A few days ago, while you were recuperating in the Odd Jobs, Gintoki was out one day, searching for a runaway cat. He was in the neighbourhood and saw Elizabeth. So when earlier today I went to Odd Jobs and asked about you, he suggested I come looking here. It took me three hours of searching to catch a glimpse of Elizabeth and follow her,' she added the last sentence when she noticed the slightly alarmed look on Katsura's face.
Elizabeth flipped her signboard around to show them three dots. Alma wondered how she did it. She was pretty sure the board had only two sides and not only she has never seen Elizabeth actually write anything on it, but also it seemed that things disappeared automatically and at whichever speed Elizabeth wanted them to. She wondered if she was the only person to wonder about that and, if no, whether anybody has asked.
'Don't worry, Elizabeth, Gintoki won't tell anybody else and I don't think he'll come here himself,' Katsura reassured his pet and glanced back at Alma, asking her how Gintoki has fared the confrontation with Takasugi and, while he was at it, whether Kagura was alright.
She didn't know the details about the fight with Takasugi, but she has been to the hospital, where Gintoki and Kagura were and she told Katsura about the visit. It seemed to please him to hear that Gintoki only had a shot wound and some minor scratches and that Kagura would fully recover from her fight with Kamui. Then it occurred to her that Elizabeth was still hovering in the doorway and she glanced at the creature. Katsura followed her gaze and asked what the matter was.
The creature hesitated, looking from Alma to Katsura and then back again. It had no expression whatsoever, but Alma could swear it was glaring at her with dislike. She didn't like the feeling and although it was not enough a reason for her to quit Katsura's side, she would like to clear the air between them, whatever Elizabeth's problem was. She found out very soon, when Elizabeth lifted the signboard again.
"What are you?" it read. Alma flinched. It didn't say "who", it said "what" and she had a sinking feeling she knew where it was going. Already, her thoughts were racing, full of excuses and denials, but she knew it would mean nothing if Elizabeth has seen. Her fears were confirmed when the creature flipped the sign around and it read: "I saw you die in the castle."
Despite herself, Alma winced, painfully aware that there was no easy way out of the situation as it was. That Yato has snapped her neck and it wasn't the kind of thing you could say "it was not what it seemed" to. That it has happened during the fight was already advantageous, because it limited the amount of eye-witnesses, but Alma has expected somebody besides Hikari has seen. She has tried to mentally prepare herself for the situation, but no amount of reiterating discussions and arguments diminished the overwhelming fear.
She could feel Katsura's eyes on her and kept her gaze lowered to her lap. She could also feel the unblinking eyes boring into her, waiting for a reply. And she knew that sooner or later she would have to speak up, but she had no idea what she should say. There was no way anybody would believe the truth. There was no lie convincing enough that would allow her to continue her life at their side.
'I have never asked you that, have I?' Katsura said quietly. Eyes widening as she looked at him, Alma held her breath. Did he really mean that? He was looking at the inexplicable creature that communicated with sentences appearing on a sign board. And Elizabeth flinched under that steady gaze and stared back at Katsura for a long while. Twice, she lifted the signboard halfway up and then lowered it again. Finally, when she lifted it the third time, it read: "No, you haven't."
The corners of Katsura's lips twitched up a bit. Elizabeth flipped her signboard around: "If she betrays you, I'll bash her head in."
'Fair enough,' replied Alma, who had no desire whatsoever to betray Katsura. 'Just make sure I really did betray him and it's not part of some elaborate plan,' she added. Katsura laughed shortly, nearly soundlessly. Alma was sure that Elizabeth was glaring at her, trying to incinerate her with those unblinking, unnatural eyes. Finally, she flipped the signboard around again.
"Yoichi is making katsudon, I'll bring you some."
Talk about unexpected, Alma thought, too stunned to react before the creature turned around and left, slamming the door shut. She blinked at the closed door, wondering whether she dared to eat anything Elizabeth brought or if she should worry about poisoning.
'Elizabeth wouldn't do something like that,' Katsura assured her and she felt herself blush, realizing that she spoken out loud. At least, she thought, mindful to keep her mouth shut, he interrupted her before she could finish her thought: it wasn't like a little poison would kill her permanently. 'She is a very kind person,' Katsura added. Alma raised an eyebrow, still looking at the door Elizabeth slammed closed behind her.
'I saw her bashing people's heads in with that signboard,' she pointed out. She was awfully efficient as well, Alma has seen. Katsura countered that surely they have deserved it and Alma didn't bother telling him that if she had betrayed him, she would be one of those who deserved their heads bashed in. Instead, she sighed and shook her head, clearing the memories of the fight in the castle from her thoughts.
'Alma,' Katsura spoke softly. She looked down, straight into his warm, brown eyes. It occurred to her that she could drown in their depths happily and never surface again. They were looking at her with caring and concern and she was unable to look away. 'I will not ask anything, but if at any time you feel like you need or want to talk, I'm there,' he said. She felt her eyes widen for a split of a second, before they started filling with tears and she had to blink rapidly or she risked starting to cry.
'Back to your question from before,' Katsura changed the topic abruptly, his tone more energetic. 'You're welcome to stick around for as long as you want. That being said, if I might, I would suggest you don't endanger your position in the Shinsengumi anymore. It is very advantageous for me to have such an excelled spy in the force.'
She laughed, breaking eye-contact to wipe her eyes. There was a warm feeling spreading inside her and she was unable to tell whether it was a side effect of that warm gaze or simply because it felt exhilarating to know that at least one person didn't care whether she might or might not be a human being. Katsura continued talking for a while, pretending to not see the few tears that escaped her eyes. And Alma wondered if that was how real happiness felt like: pure, untainted by mourning, unafraid.
It was a nice feeling, she decided and smiled.