p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0d6271d7befef074105a65e7d862a501"I park the car next to an extremely familiar car. When I look over and see the person in it, I freeze. It is my ex finance, Ronnie. I haven't seen him since I caught him with Reina. To make things worse, Reina is in the car with him. I stare for a bit, letting my mind wander./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c0752fe88482cb05158445423192be46"Nate puts his hand on my shoulder, "Everything will be fine. I promise, Y/N."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ea9801d44418fe6ca0ea22d4559d1b32"I snap out of my gaze and look to him. I nod and step out of the car, the boys following after. We make a beeline to the church, hoping Ronnie wouldn't notice us. Luckily, he didn't even look our direction./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7df65ea053de845acf711b505ad8faee"Once we made it inside, Mark went to go find a seat while getting noticed by Fangirls. Nate and I went to the back where Grace would be./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="97beb770d6f983456e746e1d796b3ce3"I found her in her beautiful white wedding dress having the last minute jitters. "Gracie, you love Josh, don't you?" She nods to me in response, "Then you have nothing to worry about. You made it to your wedding day and I doubt that Josh will back out now. I'm sure his brother is having the same talk with him."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4bb067ea7f042648b350043e73fcc43e"Grace smiles at me then comes to hug me tightly, "I don't know what I would do without you, Y/N." She lets go of me and frowns./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a9c64e4c1768c42ce280a6271ce4d537""What's wrong?" I ask./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a2b3fe8c964b123196f0c5fa9eb28099"She sighs and looks down to the floor, "After the honeymoon Josh and I are moving back to Cincinnati. But I am going to have to get rid of your contact info because the house we're staying at is close to Fred's place. The only way we can contact each other is through YouTube comments and maybe Skype."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="91f7cc0787b1663dc84f5e054dbe959f"I sigh sadly, "Gracie, you are doing what is best for you, Josh and your baby. I understand. Let's just make the best of today, okay?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="704aa5d422213d41d51a8f974e6337fc"She hugs me again and smiles./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8a24d735555e6fb089b8bb0a2b2e9b9b"After about thirty minutes, it's time to line up. Grace's sister, Rae, makes sure that everyone is in their proper place then gets into her place. Everyone walks down and the wedding goes smoothly. There are no interruptions except from the occasional crying baby./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7865c69ffab33ebbca0c5416374479f9"After the wedding everyone went to the reception area. Everyone is happy. Mark, Nate, Grace, Josh and a bunch of other of YouTube friends are all meeting fans and taking pictures with them. I am doing the same with the fans who come up to meet me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d4edb491c5fe2a8134227229feea559d"After a while of music coming through the speakers, Nate get up on stage and begins to play a cover of Set Fire to the Rain. Everyone cheers and Ronnie comes to sit next to me. I move my arms to try and hide the old scars on them even though the make-up was doing that already./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d44c5031acb1fc90a848c43f0576c978""Hey, N/N. You know, I never noticed before, but your friend is pretty good." He says./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b0e262413a43c287265782789858e3e"I look at him with a forced smile, "Well, maybe that was because you were too busy hating him all the time, Ron."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6eac9ed7280ed754542217ce56442ae4"After a few more really old covers from Nate, I ask a question that has been nagging at the back of my head for almost a year, "Why did you leave?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f82d533f3f9fedca4d4cee258b44e4c0""Because you are broken." He says, "How can anyone love someone so broken."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="185a489df121e25b7debd5e949cb9703"I look down, "I'm not broken-" I begin./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4bea8f2c8de2ea86eac06dcf8b86a55a""Oh really?" He begins to count the ways off on his hands, "You have depression, anxiety, hypersensitivity, insomnia, PTSD and not to mention ADHD. You're severely broken and no one will love you because of it."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fc5c44022d30f356a70c288fe9729f3a""I'm still here." Nate says from behind me. I didn't even notice the music end, "Gracie is still here. The reason you can't love her is because you're such an asshole and everything has to go your way! You don't love her because she wasn't perfect. Newsflash, no one is perfect."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f468ea5250711a82481d231f50082a1e""This guy is still around?" Ronnie looked at me, "Well, Nathan, you're fucked up for still being here."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d41eeb34048007f7401e17f4c92c0f84""I'm okay with that." Nate shrugs, "Because she is my sister."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="21195b7581ef9b393280dd5cba2a7fa6"I smiled when he said that. It was nice to see that he could call me his sister so easily even though I wasn't. It was the same way I called him my brother./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="394fb3cb8b9378468d8258fd311b67b0""No, she isn't, Nathan."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7b2c579ce2cc74cad271d3cf78190595""Well, she might as well be. We've been inseparable since we've met."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7a02aaddde30ffa514603a6761a104e5"The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I decide to speak up, "Guys, please don't make a scene. This is Gracie's wedding. Please."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="878139c1d586b2319ace54025a988dce"Ronnie flexes his fist and gives us menacing glare before walking away./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="be6f2febd56454e093f4c0b1038247ed"After that the night was enjoyable. It is fun and everyone is having a blast./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8e5d5af3ec946d41b84cc9fa36c289c8"As the night begins to settle down and people are slowly starting to leave, I get up on stage and tap on the mic to get everyone's attention./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7e846e507846e0851b1a984580dd4eba""Hello everybody." I begin, "So, I just wanna say congrats to Grace. She has a wonderful husband and has a beautiful baby on the way. I wanna say thanks to Josh for always making her feel safe and taking her so far on this relationship. You guys are perfect for each other." I picked up a guitar that was sitting on the side of the stage, "Hopefully, I won't get murdered tonight. And I will say sorry, right now, for digging through the internet to find this song. But, hey, it sums up their relationship perfectly. Even now."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6ff2a54bd264c65659647f05d89eb747"I start to strum the first few chords to the song and I see Nate's eyes go wide. I laugh slightly as the band picks up behind me. It was nice to see that they practiced the song for me. When I begin to sing the lyrics to the song, Nate cringes and then face palms. His fans, which have been there since the early days while he was Nathan Smith, cheer at the long lost song./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fce54a7fcef9fc8c89d9351c3ee5bcfd"Nate looks up at me with that nostalgic but annoyed smile and silently sings along with me with the chorus./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8b7703c132b81316acb060abba8e33e3"I finish the song and after all the cheering, I announce, "On twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tumblr, any social media you can find me on. The original song is linked to where you can download it. And, a cover of the song will pop up on my channel in a few weeks. Once again, congrats to Gracie and Josh Ribolt. Hope the two of you are like this forever."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f1f01d9e67a6cc752ed9a3e8077ab4f1"I hop off the front of the stage, doing a backflip, 'cause, why not? Mark walks up to me, "He had blackmail and you didn't tell me."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b27d79d405a4d2aba11edc461da0110a"I look at Nate and shrug, "I didn't tell you because he was going to post it because of this anyway."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="78a40baa3d844b008126602cd99d0810"Nate shows me the tweet with the picture and I laugh./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="049d4938167e95b85bbcadea0b1744ba"The night is truly amazing./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="ac0d3567ff8f083c31a1eacd17bd17af"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"ONE MONTH LATER/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="71e6e31040d80f9e0e39512a7366b73a"It's been a month since the wedding. Let's just say old habits die hard. Our rooms weren't our rooms anymore. If I fell asleep on the couch at the end of the day, I would wake up in Mark's bed with him when his alarm went off. If I actually fell asleep in my bed, Mark would crawl into bed with me at night and wake up when my alarm went off. Half of my clothes were in his room and half of his clothes were in my room. We had spare chargers for our phones in each other's rooms. The only things that stayed our own was the recording rooms and anything related to them, our bathrooms. If we wanted to be left alone, we'd close the door to the room that we were in./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4dfc197772683e20a21953a0f10dfb0b"It was just like college. Only we weren't in dorms and my bitchy dorm mate wasn't around anymore and Mark's dorm mate lived somewhere else./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b24e3f0662301306ddfb6bb7a7289729"I had also gone off my meds. Ronnie's words stuck in my head and, I really wanted to see just how broken I was. I couldn't be that bad could I?/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7c42bb6c07b29026c03271ddc88e3280"Even though I am off my meds, I am still able to record videos. They were on schedule, but not at the same time. I mainly recorded games, music and vlogs. I hadn't done a skit in a while or little random videos./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="79592079c5c4b0ea7d3ff98b17d94377"Today, is my day off. I sit at my dresser mirror, looking at myself in the mirror. The voices in my head won't shut up./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="3b71f05e6956b3b0209a6295c55b23fa"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"You're a whiny little bitch./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="fa340d520ad7c4718ca40f5c5030e3c6"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Nate pities you./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="3cad1b57643243c42ca6ceff38239332"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Mark hates you./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="c6880167fe5a4f545e95d1ad6b97b252"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"You got what you deserved./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b9685f8dffd6a292f92d7f919063c829"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"You're a slut./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="7be6deb5e6efa94e52b88c1b68db5897"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Gracie ditched you./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="316be2cea2d927b672d325de261b3781"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Ronnie used you./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="023f4bd03b9a21e1adc7973702d92c82"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Make everyone's life easier by ending it./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="dbcc2026e9821e2ae6d10ea1a10fdeaf"The voices in my head jumble together and never make any sense. The anxiety makes my heart beat so fast. I'm worried about everything I do./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="a4f4121b8639f24618606a33539c6f1d"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Was the video okay?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="4eba469b20ede34853b9c790584bd228"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Did I edit it enough?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="d2ab999cdc5da5d2ebd5158e66f4ea81"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Will the fans like it?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="774839ab5e66cd17a8701cc3c952faed"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"What if I forgot to edit something out?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="6587640db58d0298ad001d29b8da0589"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Should I go downstairs and talk to Mark?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="2d8fa143842bdd2e4caa6439640b5001"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Should I tell Nate what is going on?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="909f2eb3aa95f41dbfa5231f1fff9beb"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Should I go downstairs in general?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="4f4cbcb3ef89822d927295b7a1953d7f"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Can I do anything right?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="32b75205095d9b485364e7fc74298fb7"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Or am I just in the way?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="469d67ebaf7fd633f4338a9cf207335e"The hypersensitivity and lack of sleep added on to this and is just tearing me apart. I think I'm losing my mind and I'm having trouble trying to find a way out of this mess./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="68d1df882cdc229f8eb8d3fe72ec36cc"The flashbacks are worse./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="1bd938610fca6f3c1e4c61480c5386d4"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When my family died./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="9ed11188ddd28a24079cc8df20c4bc44"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When the orphanage ignored me./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="22c00a3bd865ca615715c50db9446252"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Fred adopted me./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="e3955e0e734d829dce9fe05aab616340"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When I was bullied in school./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b5b61ec2d31b7c4ae44a6911b389a0df"I pick up an old razor that I almost forgot exists. With every flashback, three cuts./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="e853e12967be00eab46e3bd63041f813"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When I became Fred's slave./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="007c1377161c7182e8e594170f7d06b5"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Slash, slash, slash./span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="c568d5b5d26471ee31a95cccdbb182d9"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Fred beat me./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="950941cdc45bb42c0ca983c0c4390eb3"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Slash, slash, slash./span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b5e5ff7c7d9f1a852e91a058cd6fc298"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Fred took my innocence./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e05cfde320088d9368397851c84477db"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"Slash, slash, slash./span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b2c321149583fb71f310f60a1e1501e0"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Ronnie left me./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="46e1893acc34648448cea9fafcca914b"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"Slash, slash, slash./span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b3416cfdf5e2e089704d3156d1e290ad"Pain starts to settle in and good memories come along./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="1a25f0417eb39dd54c7cd99ae8ed698a"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Meeting Mark./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="406695449594c2ed7af14504eabceba6"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Hanging out with Gracie./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="22fce59e4cf92a4e292d8a631bcf67af"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Moving to Los Angeles./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="de7e6d0a3d9156bc4d709def046eaee6"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Meeting Nate./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="eda4c2e26057c36a9e1511b25c92d73d"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Nate rushed to save me last time this happened./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="ad1ceb0a69cd024d057ed1e4fadbd81f"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Gracie learned about all my disorders./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="20bf0a31a6a56c7ed16f266e01b3c89b"I start to cry, realizing what I've done. I don't scream, knowing that will alarm Mark. He doesn't need to see me like this./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b9c19d64673bcd961ac86fa8a4f81055"I begin to feel anger towards myself. I start to throw things around my room. Anything, everything I could physically lift./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="33892c70922d68258565e7c2c8b4927c"After a while, I calm down and lay on my bed. The blood was still gushing out of my arms and legs due to the thinness of my blood from hardly eating for the past month./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fdcf823b48e50e78e6b3bf458a221704"Mark knocks on my door, "Y/N, are you okay?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a0877bcc68ac7601a79835d8500a9b3d""I'm fine." em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Help me./span/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="32d0ac715167f386aa667176362681b5"There is some shuffling on the other side of the door and I hear a few rattles before he goes down the stairs./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f7a0649af1de41363a5f03bdd9c62f12"The rattles! I forgot that I left my pills on the bathroom counter! Well, now Mark knows just how broken I am.../p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0f6f6b5416a836065f933e4857c31c9a"-/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="991922e74a1ef95548742257334e2f86"I don't know how long I zoned out. Seconds? Minutes? Hours?/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a9862a8e30a89843a261748ad114a179"It must have been an hour at least. My new scars have stopped bleeding. There are people talking downstairs. One leaves and the other comes upstairs./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="83dd4e799302f13ac6ffc15ec91ebbc2"The person doesn't even bother to knock and walks right in. When I see who it is, I begin to cry once more. Nate doesn't say anything, he just hugs me and lets me cry until I cant no more./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="adaaa6e1029566b34dba9114dc3957b5"Soon after I calm down, Nate carefully pulls me out of my bed and takes me to dress my wounds. He is quiet while cleaning the cuts on my arms and legs. When he is done, he pulls me into a hug./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="928c0f4ab02148c0eecdbe6d60ccdf8b""You know this hurts me too, right?" He whispers into my ear. He pulls out of the hug and kisses my forehead./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c02fc3c5e39c8b8547a1e5026c59fa71"There was nothing behind it. We both knew that. It was an I'm here for you. As a brother/sister thing./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c01c1b25c934f79cea25322051afc85a"I look at him, "I just wanted the voices to stop... I want it all to stop."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b0cf950a363a3d6a99f90352db170d22"I can hear Mark walk into the apartment and up the stairs. When he reaches the landing he looks at Nate. Nate nods and goes downstairs./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9078699aeedef05a8511c791a9026129"Mark hands me a prescription bag full of my refilled bottles. I take each bottle out of the bag and take the medicine. After about ten minutes of Mark keeping a close eye on me, he speaks./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="34b0318b7081fef117fbfa6946d01404""Y/N, why didn't you tell me any of this?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4b849c9383b3cf5885f239cc85619037"I look at him in the eyes, "When I first got diagnosed, Fred told me that if I ever told anyone about all this, they would leave me on the streets." I start to explain, "My depression made me believe him. My anxiety made it impossible to tell anyone. So the people who know, found out. Gracie found out because her mom was my doctor and she asked her to watch over me. Nate found out because I forgot to put them away. Ronnie found out because he went snooping through my nightstand. How'd you find out?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="33f9ac7ca7af45c492af90f70c1c4ef9""They were falling out from the cabinet behind the mirror. The first one I saw was the ADHD one. But everyone knew that you had ADHD. But another fell out, and that one was for depression. I went to go put them away, but then I saw the rest of them. I didn't know what to do after I read all the info on them and saw that you missed the refill almost a month ago. I figured your brother knew, so I called him."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="03a3a19a51777b2ec62f69278ca83ba8""Thank you, Mark. You did the right thing by calling him." I smile, "And thank you for getting my meds."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="09eb25ce23595e0e57b1f224d39f6968"I hug him and he hugs me back./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3c02c65b75b5a2b362edda74d66d0c9e""I guess this is a bad time to tell you that I'm going back home for the holidays."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b65de8a120cf3fcdb36a46bc916533c"I slightly laugh into his ear, "I'll be fine. Trust me."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b65de8a120cf3fcdb36a46bc916533c" /p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b3241017da38904d1f558bf96d8684db"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Words: 2335/em/span/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="14e640d83b2eae667b9776a4b4538b11"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Published: Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at/em/span/spanspan style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;" 2:/span/em/spanspan style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"55PM/span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="e05648dac7b07c02d7f88fd24df9a569"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Need to talk to someone? Message me!/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Follow me on Twitter- RandomFandom94/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Find me on Snapchat- RandomFandom94/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Find me on Archive of our Own (AO3)- RandomFandom94/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Find me on DiviantArt- RandomFandom94/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /strongemWattpad- RandomFandom94/em/strong/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c0752fe88482cb05158445423192be46"Nate puts his hand on my shoulder, "Everything will be fine. I promise, Y/N."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ea9801d44418fe6ca0ea22d4559d1b32"I snap out of my gaze and look to him. I nod and step out of the car, the boys following after. We make a beeline to the church, hoping Ronnie wouldn't notice us. Luckily, he didn't even look our direction./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7df65ea053de845acf711b505ad8faee"Once we made it inside, Mark went to go find a seat while getting noticed by Fangirls. Nate and I went to the back where Grace would be./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="97beb770d6f983456e746e1d796b3ce3"I found her in her beautiful white wedding dress having the last minute jitters. "Gracie, you love Josh, don't you?" She nods to me in response, "Then you have nothing to worry about. You made it to your wedding day and I doubt that Josh will back out now. I'm sure his brother is having the same talk with him."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4bb067ea7f042648b350043e73fcc43e"Grace smiles at me then comes to hug me tightly, "I don't know what I would do without you, Y/N." She lets go of me and frowns./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a9c64e4c1768c42ce280a6271ce4d537""What's wrong?" I ask./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a2b3fe8c964b123196f0c5fa9eb28099"She sighs and looks down to the floor, "After the honeymoon Josh and I are moving back to Cincinnati. But I am going to have to get rid of your contact info because the house we're staying at is close to Fred's place. The only way we can contact each other is through YouTube comments and maybe Skype."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="91f7cc0787b1663dc84f5e054dbe959f"I sigh sadly, "Gracie, you are doing what is best for you, Josh and your baby. I understand. Let's just make the best of today, okay?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="704aa5d422213d41d51a8f974e6337fc"She hugs me again and smiles./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8a24d735555e6fb089b8bb0a2b2e9b9b"After about thirty minutes, it's time to line up. Grace's sister, Rae, makes sure that everyone is in their proper place then gets into her place. Everyone walks down and the wedding goes smoothly. There are no interruptions except from the occasional crying baby./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7865c69ffab33ebbca0c5416374479f9"After the wedding everyone went to the reception area. Everyone is happy. Mark, Nate, Grace, Josh and a bunch of other of YouTube friends are all meeting fans and taking pictures with them. I am doing the same with the fans who come up to meet me./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d4edb491c5fe2a8134227229feea559d"After a while of music coming through the speakers, Nate get up on stage and begins to play a cover of Set Fire to the Rain. Everyone cheers and Ronnie comes to sit next to me. I move my arms to try and hide the old scars on them even though the make-up was doing that already./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d44c5031acb1fc90a848c43f0576c978""Hey, N/N. You know, I never noticed before, but your friend is pretty good." He says./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b0e262413a43c287265782789858e3e"I look at him with a forced smile, "Well, maybe that was because you were too busy hating him all the time, Ron."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6eac9ed7280ed754542217ce56442ae4"After a few more really old covers from Nate, I ask a question that has been nagging at the back of my head for almost a year, "Why did you leave?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f82d533f3f9fedca4d4cee258b44e4c0""Because you are broken." He says, "How can anyone love someone so broken."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="185a489df121e25b7debd5e949cb9703"I look down, "I'm not broken-" I begin./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4bea8f2c8de2ea86eac06dcf8b86a55a""Oh really?" He begins to count the ways off on his hands, "You have depression, anxiety, hypersensitivity, insomnia, PTSD and not to mention ADHD. You're severely broken and no one will love you because of it."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fc5c44022d30f356a70c288fe9729f3a""I'm still here." Nate says from behind me. I didn't even notice the music end, "Gracie is still here. The reason you can't love her is because you're such an asshole and everything has to go your way! You don't love her because she wasn't perfect. Newsflash, no one is perfect."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f468ea5250711a82481d231f50082a1e""This guy is still around?" Ronnie looked at me, "Well, Nathan, you're fucked up for still being here."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d41eeb34048007f7401e17f4c92c0f84""I'm okay with that." Nate shrugs, "Because she is my sister."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="21195b7581ef9b393280dd5cba2a7fa6"I smiled when he said that. It was nice to see that he could call me his sister so easily even though I wasn't. It was the same way I called him my brother./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="394fb3cb8b9378468d8258fd311b67b0""No, she isn't, Nathan."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7b2c579ce2cc74cad271d3cf78190595""Well, she might as well be. We've been inseparable since we've met."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7a02aaddde30ffa514603a6761a104e5"The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I decide to speak up, "Guys, please don't make a scene. This is Gracie's wedding. Please."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="878139c1d586b2319ace54025a988dce"Ronnie flexes his fist and gives us menacing glare before walking away./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="be6f2febd56454e093f4c0b1038247ed"After that the night was enjoyable. It is fun and everyone is having a blast./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8e5d5af3ec946d41b84cc9fa36c289c8"As the night begins to settle down and people are slowly starting to leave, I get up on stage and tap on the mic to get everyone's attention./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7e846e507846e0851b1a984580dd4eba""Hello everybody." I begin, "So, I just wanna say congrats to Grace. She has a wonderful husband and has a beautiful baby on the way. I wanna say thanks to Josh for always making her feel safe and taking her so far on this relationship. You guys are perfect for each other." I picked up a guitar that was sitting on the side of the stage, "Hopefully, I won't get murdered tonight. And I will say sorry, right now, for digging through the internet to find this song. But, hey, it sums up their relationship perfectly. Even now."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6ff2a54bd264c65659647f05d89eb747"I start to strum the first few chords to the song and I see Nate's eyes go wide. I laugh slightly as the band picks up behind me. It was nice to see that they practiced the song for me. When I begin to sing the lyrics to the song, Nate cringes and then face palms. His fans, which have been there since the early days while he was Nathan Smith, cheer at the long lost song./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fce54a7fcef9fc8c89d9351c3ee5bcfd"Nate looks up at me with that nostalgic but annoyed smile and silently sings along with me with the chorus./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="8b7703c132b81316acb060abba8e33e3"I finish the song and after all the cheering, I announce, "On twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tumblr, any social media you can find me on. The original song is linked to where you can download it. And, a cover of the song will pop up on my channel in a few weeks. Once again, congrats to Gracie and Josh Ribolt. Hope the two of you are like this forever."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f1f01d9e67a6cc752ed9a3e8077ab4f1"I hop off the front of the stage, doing a backflip, 'cause, why not? Mark walks up to me, "He had blackmail and you didn't tell me."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b27d79d405a4d2aba11edc461da0110a"I look at Nate and shrug, "I didn't tell you because he was going to post it because of this anyway."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="78a40baa3d844b008126602cd99d0810"Nate shows me the tweet with the picture and I laugh./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="049d4938167e95b85bbcadea0b1744ba"The night is truly amazing./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="ac0d3567ff8f083c31a1eacd17bd17af"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"ONE MONTH LATER/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="71e6e31040d80f9e0e39512a7366b73a"It's been a month since the wedding. Let's just say old habits die hard. Our rooms weren't our rooms anymore. If I fell asleep on the couch at the end of the day, I would wake up in Mark's bed with him when his alarm went off. If I actually fell asleep in my bed, Mark would crawl into bed with me at night and wake up when my alarm went off. Half of my clothes were in his room and half of his clothes were in my room. We had spare chargers for our phones in each other's rooms. The only things that stayed our own was the recording rooms and anything related to them, our bathrooms. If we wanted to be left alone, we'd close the door to the room that we were in./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4dfc197772683e20a21953a0f10dfb0b"It was just like college. Only we weren't in dorms and my bitchy dorm mate wasn't around anymore and Mark's dorm mate lived somewhere else./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b24e3f0662301306ddfb6bb7a7289729"I had also gone off my meds. Ronnie's words stuck in my head and, I really wanted to see just how broken I was. I couldn't be that bad could I?/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7c42bb6c07b29026c03271ddc88e3280"Even though I am off my meds, I am still able to record videos. They were on schedule, but not at the same time. I mainly recorded games, music and vlogs. I hadn't done a skit in a while or little random videos./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="79592079c5c4b0ea7d3ff98b17d94377"Today, is my day off. I sit at my dresser mirror, looking at myself in the mirror. The voices in my head won't shut up./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="3b71f05e6956b3b0209a6295c55b23fa"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"You're a whiny little bitch./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="fa340d520ad7c4718ca40f5c5030e3c6"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Nate pities you./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="3cad1b57643243c42ca6ceff38239332"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Mark hates you./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="c6880167fe5a4f545e95d1ad6b97b252"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"You got what you deserved./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b9685f8dffd6a292f92d7f919063c829"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"You're a slut./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="7be6deb5e6efa94e52b88c1b68db5897"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Gracie ditched you./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="316be2cea2d927b672d325de261b3781"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Ronnie used you./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="023f4bd03b9a21e1adc7973702d92c82"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Make everyone's life easier by ending it./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="dbcc2026e9821e2ae6d10ea1a10fdeaf"The voices in my head jumble together and never make any sense. The anxiety makes my heart beat so fast. I'm worried about everything I do./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="a4f4121b8639f24618606a33539c6f1d"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Was the video okay?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="4eba469b20ede34853b9c790584bd228"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Did I edit it enough?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="d2ab999cdc5da5d2ebd5158e66f4ea81"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Will the fans like it?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="774839ab5e66cd17a8701cc3c952faed"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"What if I forgot to edit something out?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="6587640db58d0298ad001d29b8da0589"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Should I go downstairs and talk to Mark?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="2d8fa143842bdd2e4caa6439640b5001"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Should I tell Nate what is going on?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="909f2eb3aa95f41dbfa5231f1fff9beb"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Should I go downstairs in general?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="4f4cbcb3ef89822d927295b7a1953d7f"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Can I do anything right?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="32b75205095d9b485364e7fc74298fb7"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Or am I just in the way?/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="469d67ebaf7fd633f4338a9cf207335e"The hypersensitivity and lack of sleep added on to this and is just tearing me apart. I think I'm losing my mind and I'm having trouble trying to find a way out of this mess./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="68d1df882cdc229f8eb8d3fe72ec36cc"The flashbacks are worse./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="1bd938610fca6f3c1e4c61480c5386d4"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When my family died./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="9ed11188ddd28a24079cc8df20c4bc44"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When the orphanage ignored me./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="22c00a3bd865ca615715c50db9446252"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Fred adopted me./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="e3955e0e734d829dce9fe05aab616340"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When I was bullied in school./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b5b61ec2d31b7c4ae44a6911b389a0df"I pick up an old razor that I almost forgot exists. With every flashback, three cuts./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="e853e12967be00eab46e3bd63041f813"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When I became Fred's slave./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="007c1377161c7182e8e594170f7d06b5"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Slash, slash, slash./span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="c568d5b5d26471ee31a95cccdbb182d9"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Fred beat me./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="950941cdc45bb42c0ca983c0c4390eb3"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Slash, slash, slash./span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b5e5ff7c7d9f1a852e91a058cd6fc298"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Fred took my innocence./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e05cfde320088d9368397851c84477db"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"Slash, slash, slash./span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b2c321149583fb71f310f60a1e1501e0"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Ronnie left me./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="46e1893acc34648448cea9fafcca914b"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"Slash, slash, slash./span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b3416cfdf5e2e089704d3156d1e290ad"Pain starts to settle in and good memories come along./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="1a25f0417eb39dd54c7cd99ae8ed698a"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Meeting Mark./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="406695449594c2ed7af14504eabceba6"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Hanging out with Gracie./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="22fce59e4cf92a4e292d8a631bcf67af"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Moving to Los Angeles./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="de7e6d0a3d9156bc4d709def046eaee6"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Meeting Nate./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="eda4c2e26057c36a9e1511b25c92d73d"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Nate rushed to save me last time this happened./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="ad1ceb0a69cd024d057ed1e4fadbd81f"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"When Gracie learned about all my disorders./em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="20bf0a31a6a56c7ed16f266e01b3c89b"I start to cry, realizing what I've done. I don't scream, knowing that will alarm Mark. He doesn't need to see me like this./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b9c19d64673bcd961ac86fa8a4f81055"I begin to feel anger towards myself. I start to throw things around my room. Anything, everything I could physically lift./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="33892c70922d68258565e7c2c8b4927c"After a while, I calm down and lay on my bed. The blood was still gushing out of my arms and legs due to the thinness of my blood from hardly eating for the past month./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fdcf823b48e50e78e6b3bf458a221704"Mark knocks on my door, "Y/N, are you okay?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a0877bcc68ac7601a79835d8500a9b3d""I'm fine." em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Help me./span/em/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="32d0ac715167f386aa667176362681b5"There is some shuffling on the other side of the door and I hear a few rattles before he goes down the stairs./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f7a0649af1de41363a5f03bdd9c62f12"The rattles! I forgot that I left my pills on the bathroom counter! Well, now Mark knows just how broken I am.../p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0f6f6b5416a836065f933e4857c31c9a"-/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="991922e74a1ef95548742257334e2f86"I don't know how long I zoned out. Seconds? Minutes? Hours?/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a9862a8e30a89843a261748ad114a179"It must have been an hour at least. My new scars have stopped bleeding. There are people talking downstairs. One leaves and the other comes upstairs./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="83dd4e799302f13ac6ffc15ec91ebbc2"The person doesn't even bother to knock and walks right in. When I see who it is, I begin to cry once more. Nate doesn't say anything, he just hugs me and lets me cry until I cant no more./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="adaaa6e1029566b34dba9114dc3957b5"Soon after I calm down, Nate carefully pulls me out of my bed and takes me to dress my wounds. He is quiet while cleaning the cuts on my arms and legs. When he is done, he pulls me into a hug./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="928c0f4ab02148c0eecdbe6d60ccdf8b""You know this hurts me too, right?" He whispers into my ear. He pulls out of the hug and kisses my forehead./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c02fc3c5e39c8b8547a1e5026c59fa71"There was nothing behind it. We both knew that. It was an I'm here for you. As a brother/sister thing./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c01c1b25c934f79cea25322051afc85a"I look at him, "I just wanted the voices to stop... I want it all to stop."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b0cf950a363a3d6a99f90352db170d22"I can hear Mark walk into the apartment and up the stairs. When he reaches the landing he looks at Nate. Nate nods and goes downstairs./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9078699aeedef05a8511c791a9026129"Mark hands me a prescription bag full of my refilled bottles. I take each bottle out of the bag and take the medicine. After about ten minutes of Mark keeping a close eye on me, he speaks./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="34b0318b7081fef117fbfa6946d01404""Y/N, why didn't you tell me any of this?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4b849c9383b3cf5885f239cc85619037"I look at him in the eyes, "When I first got diagnosed, Fred told me that if I ever told anyone about all this, they would leave me on the streets." I start to explain, "My depression made me believe him. My anxiety made it impossible to tell anyone. So the people who know, found out. Gracie found out because her mom was my doctor and she asked her to watch over me. Nate found out because I forgot to put them away. Ronnie found out because he went snooping through my nightstand. How'd you find out?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="33f9ac7ca7af45c492af90f70c1c4ef9""They were falling out from the cabinet behind the mirror. The first one I saw was the ADHD one. But everyone knew that you had ADHD. But another fell out, and that one was for depression. I went to go put them away, but then I saw the rest of them. I didn't know what to do after I read all the info on them and saw that you missed the refill almost a month ago. I figured your brother knew, so I called him."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="03a3a19a51777b2ec62f69278ca83ba8""Thank you, Mark. You did the right thing by calling him." I smile, "And thank you for getting my meds."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="09eb25ce23595e0e57b1f224d39f6968"I hug him and he hugs me back./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="3c02c65b75b5a2b362edda74d66d0c9e""I guess this is a bad time to tell you that I'm going back home for the holidays."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b65de8a120cf3fcdb36a46bc916533c"I slightly laugh into his ear, "I'll be fine. Trust me."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="0b65de8a120cf3fcdb36a46bc916533c" /p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b3241017da38904d1f558bf96d8684db"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Words: 2335/em/span/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="14e640d83b2eae667b9776a4b4538b11"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Published: Tuesday, August 1, 2017 at/em/span/spanspan style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;" 2:/span/em/spanspan style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;"55PM/span/em/span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="e05648dac7b07c02d7f88fd24df9a569"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Need to talk to someone? Message me!/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Follow me on Twitter- RandomFandom94/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Find me on Snapchat- RandomFandom94/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Find me on Archive of our Own (AO3)- RandomFandom94/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Find me on DiviantArt- RandomFandom94/em/spanbr style="box-sizing: border-box;" /strongemWattpad- RandomFandom94/em/strong/p