Chapter 4 [Somewhere Else]
Steve slowly roused himself. Disappointment weighed his heart and soul down. If only such things could last forever. He sighed wistfully. His mind pondered the deeper ramifications of Peggy's intercession. I never thought she'd open up like that. Then again, the signs were there. A pained exhale escaped his lips. We were both so buried in our duty and the War that we let our own feelings slide. He shook his head. She really liked me for me. He recalled her piques of interest. While she still harped on him along with the other candidates, the "Drill Agent" still let her eyes sparkle into his from time to time.
Pride beamed from her face after he'd fallen on the grenade.
Compassion and Empathy allowed her to bond with him on that morning ride over to Erksine's lab in Brooklyn. Understanding and Warmth emanated from her toward him at that point.
Collaboration and Respect prompted her lecture after his show to 107th. "You were meant for more than this you know," she'd told him at that point.
Jealousy flared as she "field tested" the shield in Howard's lab.
Sympathy and Affection buoyed his spirits as she found him in a bombed out tavern. She put her hand on his arm and listened to him rant on. "To him, you were damn well worth it," she'd lectured at that point.
"You're not alone….not alone…not alone…." Her point echoed back to his ears from that point over and over again.
If she hadn't before that, she'd broken through his armor at that point.
And then there was That Kiss. Passion tingled on his lips. The taste of spearmint for some reason danced across his tongue. He felt alive from that more so than the Alpine chill….
…and her eyes…the twin north stars in his world…watching him until the clouds' curtain obscured them forever….
Maybe if I'd known how to talk with her, I might've been better. I never had a chance to learn before that! he protested to himself. Too bad I can't get a do-over! He rolled his eyes. If Philips is right, it's too late now.
A knock came from the far wall. Slowly the outline of a door formed and opened.
"Rogers? Hey! Great! You're finally awake!" Dum Dum Dugan greeted half-seriously. "Get dressed already! The guys are waiting!"
"Dum Dum Dugan?" Steve scratched his head at the next guest in his personal guided tour of sorts. He'd almost expected Erksine to be the next face from his past. He slowly rose from the bed and gingerly walked across the floor. "Great to see you. It's been a strange day." He extended his hand.
"Yeah. You can say that again. Glad you're finally almost there though. We've all been waiting," Dum Dum noted. He shook Steve's hand firmly in his own. "That alien creep really worked you over."
"So it's true then?" Steve studied his own hands' front and back. "It doesn't feel that way."
"It won't. Part of the nature of this place." Dum Dum set Steve's old army uniform on the chair. "Get dressed. There's a party in your honor."
"My honor?" Steve glanced skeptically at his friend and comrade. He ran his fingers along the coat and shirt in front of himself. He admired how the clothes felt authentic.
Dum Dum stuck a Cuban cigar into his mouth. Then he struck a match against the matchbook and lit the end. He puffed a couple of times on it. "Yeah. You'll see. I'll be outside. Folks know how you like to duck out of things like this. Do that and you'll be splat against the windshield, Bugs," he indicated. He coughed allowing a bit of joviality into his tone. Still he was making it clear that the Captain would be coming with him. He stepped out of the room and closed the door behind himself.
He rolled his eyes at the reference to his own observation from a past mission. Difference between taking that train and being at a party is pretty big. Back then, we were doing our duty. This just *isn't that*. He shook his head.
Realization finally blew its point home with that.
Maybe that's what Peggy meant. Life's more than just duty. Maybe I should give it a chance? He mused over the trip to the shawarma restaurant with the Avengers following their battle with the alien horde. He hadn't cared especially much for ethnic cuisine. Still the outing melted the ice between his teammates and himself. He'd discovered ties to them. He'd received Thor's personal thanks for dealing with the tesseract. Tony Stark hadn't been quite so caustic at the table. Natasha shared some cursory experiences. He had to admit that it felt great to be able to open up to them.
He felt alive for the first time really since he'd come back from the ice…..
He felt a part of something….
A brief glimmer before Duty's tide swept over him once more….
Give it a chance? He considered the olive and beige once again. He smirked knowing how dedicated his friends would be. "Might as well."
And with that, he began to change clothes…..
[Four Minutes Later—Outside]
[A/N: References to "Iron Ceiling" from Agent Carter Season 1]
Steve straightened his tie and jacket. He inhaled a deep breath and turned the knob not knowing if the door would open or not.
Much to his surprise, the door actually swung open allowing him his exit.
"Guess this is for real," he presumed while stepping out the door. The wafting cigar smoke cinched that point for him.
"You bet it is," Dum Dum affirmed. He arched an eyebrow at Steve. "That thing still fits at least."
"It's been only a year since I last wore it…since the ice," Steve shrugged. "Haven't put on any weight."
"You haven't had any fun," Dugan corrected him. "Come on, Rogers. Time to fix that." He led Steve down the hall and toward a rather nondescript oak door. He raised an eyebrow. "Just make sure you try to have fun tonight."
"Try? I've drank with you fellas before," Steve argued calmly.
Dum Dum puffed on his cigar again. "Yeah you drank with us like a team leader. You always have strategy on the brain." He shook his head. "You really get off on being a buzz kill. You know that?"
"Excuse me?" Steve stared at his friend while trying to get the other's point.
"Everything about you is work, work and more damn work. You even dragged Peggy down into that mess," Dum Dum observed.
"What? It wasn't my fault what happened! Blame the Red Skull and Hydra for putting us in that position! You know that!" Steve countered.
"Yeah. I remember what we all discussed around that table. I get that the direct approach was the only way to clear out those Hydra creeps. I'm not arguing that you had to stop the Skull. Fine. You know me. I'm all for a good fight." Dum Dum rubbed Steve's arm. "Look. I know you had to put the damn plane down. The way we all heard about it you had to do it. I just wish you could've let Peggy find Stark or someone to talk you down. I respect you, Cap. Really. I get it. So did Peggy even if it broke her heart."
Guilt slammed into Steve's heart. "I thought she understood why I needed to do it. The Valkyrie's autopilot was locked in on New York. I couldn't let anything happen. That's why we were fighting. Sometimes we need to sacrifice for the Greater Good."
"Yeah we do. The idea was good. The plan and execution stunk worse than a vat of manure during a heat wave. I still think you could have landed that damn thing. We all missed you. Peggy most of all," Dum Dum relented ever so slightly.
Realization dawned across Steve's brain. It burned away Duty's haze over his perspective. Another sharp pain bit through him. Lament and Regret buffeted his sensibilities. "I knew it'd be hard. But we were in war. I…I…." He rubbed the back of his neck while struggling to digest much less cope with these new insights. For a minute he pondered the next thing. Then he started again, "I just had this dream where she spoke to me." He bowed his head. "This is so nuts."
"Lot of things up here can be that way. So you saw her in a dream? That can happen. What did she say?" Dum Dum supposed still hoping to get Steve to open up some more.
"She talked about how she'd been with her husband and kids. Then there was some guy named Daniel Sousa with the SSR. I guess he helped her to open up. You ever meet them?" Steve inquired while trying to piece things together.
Dum Dum shrugged. "She never mentioned Sousa to me. He might've been the guy she'd been dating for a while after that. Reggie and the kids came later. So did her niece, Sharon. You know her as Agent 13." He mulled over that point. "I do remember how those SSR guys treated her. Peggy though never gave an inch. She pressed on."
Steve nodded allowing his admiration to show clearly on his face. Pride beamed from his eyes at his love's resolve in the face of adversity. "That's Peggy for you. I read up on her accomplishments with SHIELD. But what happened?"
"Well the Commandos and I didn't see Peggy for a couple of years after the war. She went back to the States. We were on the eastern front dealing with the new threat in town—Stalin and the damn Soviets. They took over right where the Nazis left off. We had to deal with them in much the same way too. It was because of that we crossed paths with Peggy over something called Leviathan. Her bosses dared her to contact us. Well of course, she did. I couldn't say no. We owed it to her and you both. We met up just west of the Polish border." Dum Dum sighed. He didn't hide the concern from the other man. "She was just so grim. She'd lost her fun! Yeah she kicked ass and proved herself to those SSR jackasses. But really? She called me a wanker! She told me to cut the Wahooing! She threw a damn cigar out of the truck! It was a bloody freaking Cuban! I mean really?" He shook his head. "Part of the deal was for her to get me a bottle of bourbon. Well she did. I figured I'd drink and she'd toast and watch. Well she downed hers and got all somber." He shook his head. "I told her I missed you too. She didn't bite but just retreated into herself and that glass. I knew she was hurting. We were in a firefight with the Reds later. I told her to get out and asked what you would've said to me if I left her behind. She'd said, 'He'd say listen to Peggy.' Then she mowed those Reds down like ducks in a shooting gallery."
Steve frowned. He knew Peggy would roll her eyes at some of the Commandos' antics during the war. Often times she'd groused to him or Philips (when he was in a mood to listen) about those things. Then he'd heard her concede that 'boys will be boys' and, with a roll of her eyes, go back to her business. Like him, she'd share a table with the Commandos and break bread. She might even sip a half glass of beer. Still he'd never known her to brood over a glass of Bourbon or to outwardly snap at Dum Dum like that. The thought of Peggy going sad, mourning and dark gave him pause. He leaned against the wall and looked at the white above that passed for a ceiling. "I had no idea."
"No you really didn't. You were always into those suicidal charges." Dum Dum took a thoughtful puff from his cigar. "Do you know how often you blundered into someone sights? Then one of us would pick that sniper off." Seeing Steve stiffen, he nodded stepping back a bit. "Yeah we should do that stuff for each other. And you did enough times for us too. But we don't need to be jumping right into the damn machine gun nest either! Barnes talked about how you used to do that stuff as a kid back in New York. Well you kept doing it. You just didn't care if anything happened to yourself, Chief." Dum Dum puffed again on that cigar.
"I was looking out for everyone though," Steve clarified. He struggled to keep his voice even.
"Oh you did that. Still did you have to keep trying to blow yourself to Hell and back? Hey I was a soldier too. As I said before, I get it. Still my job here, along with getting you through that door there, is to drive some more sense through that thick skull of yours. Maybe you have something to prove. Maybe you had a sense of duty to Uncle Sam. Fine. Just remember you affect the rest of us. We actually care about you, Rogers, not Captain America or the war or the points on the map. Whatever. Those are important. But you are too, Steve Rogers." He pointed at Steve's chest. "So are you. I don't know about your time in Brooklyn. That's between Barnes, you and maybe Peggy if you shared any of that with her. I care about our friendship and time together as comrades. We all do! Okay?"
Steve sighed. He could definitely see himself as working with a group or being around them. He'd respected the Commandos. That's why he recruited them for his crusade against Hydra. He'd fought alongside, sat with, broke bread and toasted the others. Still he had to wonder how much he had really opened up to them all. He'd thrown himself into the fire so maybe they might not have to take that spark onto themselves. He wondered how far he'd really gone at that point. "I guess I didn't think my life mattered…that it was the job."
"Well you do matter. Remember that. And what good's the job if you can't relax once in a while? Have fun already!" Dum Dum insisted. He led Steve to the door. With a quick turn of the knob, he opened it.
From the other side, the sounds of merriment could be heard. Music blared. Laughter and some off-key singing could be heard. Various cooking odors wafted forth to them.
Steve hesitated. He still digested his friend's advice. His nerves flared and locked his feet into place. He started to instinctively turn away.
"Oh no, you don't! In you go, Bugs!" Dum Dum declared. With a mischievous smirk, he added, "Someday you'll thank me for this, Cap." He shoved Steve over the threshold. Then he puffed on his cigar and waited. He worked his cigar some more and listened intently.
"WOW! I can't believe this!" Steve exclaimed from inside.
About time he learned about the other side of life! Yeah those Avengers taught him some of it. Still they aren't us. Now maybe we can get him *drunk*? Dum Dum chuckled at that thought. With a bit of spring to his step, he crossed the threshold and stepped into the frivolity therein knowing that there was a frosty glass full of frothy malted pleasure with his name on it too.
Let the gala begin…..