Raph's sure he shouldn't use the word "good" in this context, because, really, there isn't anything good about Leo's coma. But if he went out on a limb, he might say that the good thing about Leo's recent condition is that Raph looks after him, that Raph can spend hours sitting there on a stool and watching his brother.

Yes, it is hard at times, most of the times, actually, but it gives Raph time to think. Granted, thinking has never been his strong suit, but now that he's forced to think, it actually helps him to calm down. He can't walk around the bathroom and punch walls and cry out his anger although he wants to do that sometimes. He has to keep his anger down. For Leo's sake. And thus whenever Raph enters the bathroom a calmness comes over him, even if it just is the calmness of not being able to go berserk around here. He just sits down on his stool, watching Leo, hearing his calm breaths, and hoping he'll wake up soon.

It helps.

It helps with keeping his anger at bay about all the terrible things that have happened to them, their home, their father - the moments he thinks about Splinter are the moments his anger threatens to get the best of him, but never does -, and Leo. It helps with dealing with the fact that he and April now live under the same roof. Which is hard enough as it is. Yes, April has lived with them before, but that was at their lair, their home. Now they are here at April's place, her old home. Everything around here is hers, everything around here somehow reminds Raph of her, and while it was hard enough to deal with April living at the lair with them, it is so much harder to deal with living with April in a house where almost everything Raph sets his eyes own seems to have an invisible name tag on it, an invisible name tag saying "April O'Neil."

Raph catches himself thinking about how it must have been, living here, when April has still been a kid. The good thing is - and this time it really is a good thing - that Raph gets a hold on himself before these thoughts can sink in too deeply.

And if they do sink in, he can always leave the house and go for a walk in the woods. Or punch trees. Or run until his lungs burn and he has to stop.

That helps, too. But the most effective thing is watching over Leo.

Not to mention that Raph is really worried about him. It's been such a long time and Leo still hasn't woken up. Donnie even mentioned something that maybe they should consider that option that Leo will never…

Raph didn't let Donnie finish this sentence, and now, he doesn't allow himself to finish this thought.

Leo will wake up. Leo has to wake up!

This is Leo, his brother, and Leo is strong! Leo can handle this! He will find his way back to them. He has to, he simply has to!

Raph wants him to wake up so badly it hurts sometimes. Okay, it hurts all of the time, but Raph is so used to feeling pangs in his heart, to feeling his heart crack and shards of it breaking off, that sometimes, he doesn't even realize.

But he'd rather spend hours hoping, wishing, demanding Leo to wake up than thinking about April. Because there's a chance, no, there's this incontrovertible truth that Leo is going to wake up. And there's nothing, but lost hope when it comes to April. Him and April.

So, yes, he should worry more about Leo, think more about Leo, do more to help Leo and even if this means telling him over and over again that he's strong.

Unfortunately, his brain doesn't always listen. When he isn't careful, he even starts thinking about April when he's in the bathroom watching over his brother. He hates it, he hates it so very much, but sometimes, he can't stop himself.

But in spite of everything, this bathroom with his unconscious brother in the tub is the room where he thinks about April the least. And when these thoughts make their way from his heart to his brain anyway, he can stop them. Although, sometimes he even thinks about telling Leo about it, but then again, who knows what Leo is going to remember once he wakes up? He'd better not take that risk.

So he sits here, thinks a little less about April and worries a bit more about his brother.

It helps.

Raph?

The voice is gentle, although a bit concerned. And it's a voice Raph loves to hear, loves listening to. So he doesn't say anything just to hear it again.

Raph?

The voice is still gentle, but a bit louder this time. Raph wants to reply this time, but somehow, he can't.

Could she say his name again? Just once, please?

"Raph!" April says, and Raph wakes with a start.

"I'm sorry!" April says. "I didn't mean to wake you. It's just, dinner's ready, and Mikey asked me to get you, and I don't think you should sleep sitting on that stool, and … I'm sorry!"

Raph looks at her, his vision just focussing, and he realizes that she's knelt down next to his stool and looks at him with a little frown wrinkling her forehead.

He doesn't like the wrinkle at all, he doesn't like that she looks so contrite, but he likes that she's looking at him.

"I'm sorry," she says again.

And then she places a hand on his shoulder. It almost makes him jump, but he can fight it down just in time. It's a gentle gesture, and Raph enjoys it more than he should, the feeling of her smooth skin against his, the warmth radiating from her hand and spreading through his body. It feels … good.

And that's bad, really, really bad. But because he's still not one-hundred percent awake - or maybe, just maybe because it feels so good - he allows her to keep her hand on his shoulder for a moment longer before he shakes it off and gets to his feet so quickly, April jumps a little.

She looks at him with wide eyes, but he just shrugs.

"Let's go," he says and April nods.

He should probably help her up, but he doesn't. It's too risky. He can still feel the warmth of her hand on his shoulder, he can still remember how good it felt. Touching her again and be it only to help her up, he isn't sure he can handle that.

So he just turns around and leaves the room. He sets his feet on the ground with a little too much force, hoping his loud steps are drowning out the sound of his heart hammering in his chest.