The Firebird, the Horse of Power, and the Princess
Based on the Russian folktale and DBZ-ified.
Starring: Gohan, Goku, Vegeta, Videl, King Kai, Sharpner

A humorous Gohan/Videl fic.

Once upon a time there was a Tsar. He wasn't all that strong or powerful, but he was the ruler nonetheless because the law dictated that the ruler had to be blonde. No one knew particularly why he had to be blonde, but everyone followed the rule. Sharpner was really the only blonde that could be found. He was ill prepared for his rule and as a result, took his power for granted and acted like quite the jerk.

Nevertheless, he had a great many people in his employ. One of which was a young archer by the name of Gohan. Dark of hair and keen of eye, he was strong, very good with a bow, and honest and loyal as they came. In fact, Gohan was well known throughout the kingdom. Though it was mostly because of his horse.

His was a horse of power.

It was a great horse with a broad chest, eyes like fire, and hooves of iron. One of the last of its kind. There are no such horses nowadays. They had been eradicated long ago with the strongest men in the nation in a great war. It was said that they would sleep until mankind has need of them again, or when such a man was worthy enough to fight alongside them. I know this because my grandfather told me and he is much older than I, as I am older than you, so he should know.

Well, one day, long ago, in the green of the forest, the young archer went a riding on his horse of power.

"Kakkabrat, if I didn't know the woman would kill me, I'd kill you RIGHT NOW!"

Gohan rolled his eyes. "Whatever Vegeta."

Vegeta was the horse's name by the way. Don't ask why. It was his father's name or something like that. He was a horse with a fiery temper and no other man could handle him.

In any case, on this particular day Gohan and Vegeta were searching for something to appease the Tsar. They rode through the woods, thinking about what rare object would satisfy him. As they traveled, Gohan noticed something.

Gohan frowned. "That's strange." He looked around. "Why aren't the birds singing?" The forest was strangely quiet. Unnerved he shifted in the saddle.

Vegeta grunted. "Look there." He said gruffly, motioning with his head.

There, lying on the path before him was a large, golden feather the likes of which he'd never seen before. It was longer than his forearm and it glittered like fire in the bright sunshine.

Gohan's eyes widened. "Wow. That's got to be the biggest feather I've ever seen."

"Don't touch it." Vegeta growled, which was a little difficult to do as a horse. "That's the feather of the Firebird. Take it and you'll be sorry."

Gohan raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What, you gonna kick me again?"

"Brat!" Vegeta snapped at him. "It'll bring you misfortune!"

"Yeah right." He hopped off the horse's back and scooped up the feather. "Besides, we're out here looking for gifts for the Tsar. Pretty sure he doesn't want us coming back empty handed." He waved it in front of Vegeta's nose. "You know he's distracted by shiny things. Hopefully he'll like it this time."

Vegeta scoffed and shook his mane. "He's as much of a fool as you are."

"Oh pipe down." He marveled at the golden feather. "How bad could it be?"

He took the feather and rode back to the palace. They had traveled a great distance, but the voyage was short due to the speed of the horse of power. They arrived and he presented the golden feather to the Tsar.

"My Tsar, I bring you a feather of the Firebird." Gohan held out the golden feather.

Sharpner, the blonde, muscle-y Tsar, leaned in. "Oooooh… shiny…" He tilted his head. "Where's the rest of it?"

"Uh… rest of what?"

"The Firebird. Where's the rest of it?"

Gohan stared at him. "I… I just have the…"

"Well since you obviously can get a feather from it, I assume you can go and get the whole thing!" Sharpner scoffed in derision. "A single, pathetic, dirty feather is no gift for such a mighty king as me! Go! Bring me the Firebird by tomorrow or I swear by my blonde hair that you will no longer have a head sitting on your shoulders!"

Gohan gaped at his Tsar. "You're serious."

Sharpner grinned viciously. "Deadly."

The young archer was steamed at the refusal of his gift. No one had ever before gotten a feather from the Firebird before. It should've been an honor! Besides, he just found the feather on the ground. How in the world was he going to get the whole thing? Disheartened, he returned to his horse who was standing in the courtyard.

Vegeta looked at him and snorted. "Told you so."

"Shut up Vegeta." Gohan plopped himself tiredly on the ground. "There's no way I can get the Firebird. I don't even know how to find the dumb thing, much less catch it." He sighed sadly. "Finding the feather was sheer luck. I guess I'll be dead by tomorrow."

The horse rolled his eyes. "Warriors do not give up so easily." He butted Gohan roughly with his head. "Get up. We've work to do."

While the horse of power knew the young archer was very strong and skilled indeed, he understood that no arrow could bring the bird down. Instead, he told him to go into the kitchens and bring out as much food as he could find. He said that at midnight, should Gohan scatter the food in the field, he may lure the firebird out into the open. So the young archer did as he was told and at midnight, after scattering tons of food on the ground, loosed his horse into the field and climbed into a tree to wait.

"This is stupid."

"Don't question my logic!" Vegeta snarled before storming away to the edge of the food pile.

They waited for hours. Then, as the sun shot its first few rays into the morning sky, the Firebird, wings flashing and flaming in the sun, flew over the field.

Goku, the Firebird, looked down at the field and saw the food. "Hey look! Food!" He grinned broadly. "Finders keepers!" He swooped in and landed right on the top of the food pile. He eagerly started devouring it.

Gohan stared at the bird in surprise. "That worked?"

"HA!" Vegeta leapt over the food with a great bound and stomped on Goku with his iron hooves. "Take that!"

"WHAT?! Uh… I mean… SQUAAAWK?!" Goku flailed about, trapped under Vegeta's feet. As much as he struggled, he could not get away. "That's not fair! You can't attack me while I'm eating! That's cheating!"

"Suck it up Kakkarot!" Vegeta smirked triumphantly. "Just admit that I'm the superior warrior!"

"You fight dirty!"

"Third class clown!"

"Meanie weenie!"

Gohan rolled his eyes. He dropped from the tree and walked over to the struggling animals. "Would you two pipe down? Sheesh."

Goku looked up at Gohan as he flailed about. "Hey! I know you! I've seen you around before!" He tilted his birdie head at the young man. "You seem like a nice enough guy. Why'd you send this guy to catch me?"

"The Tsar wants you as a pet. I had to catch you or he'd kill me." Gohan sighed, pulling out a length of strong rope. "I'm sorry. I hate to do this to you."

"Seriously? That Tsar guy sounds like a jerk." Goku mused. He watched as Gohan tied him securely with the rope and stilled his movements. "Hey, if you let me eat the rest of the food, I'll come with you without you having to tie me up."

"Seriously?" Gohan asked, disbelievingly.

"Sure!" Goku smiled. "I'd love you help you out! I'm just too hungry to get this guy off me."

Vegeta scowled. "Idiots." He grumbled.

True to his word, the Firebird ate the food and allowed himself to be carried away by the young archer. The horse of power protested about having to carry the Firebird, saying it was beneath him, but begrudgingly obliged. Together, the three made it back to the palace before the deadline.

Gohan walked into the throne room, the Firebird slung across his back. The two great wings were like fiery shields that protected his sides. The tail feathers trailed behind him like a great cape of fire. He looked rather impressive, even with his clothes dirty from travel.

"That the Tsar guy?" Goku whispered to Gohan as they neared the throne.

"Yeah. See how he's blonde?"

"That doesn't make much sense." Goku shook his head. "He doesn't look very powerful."

Gohan ignored him. He cleared his throat and addressed Sharpner. "My Tsar, surely I have brought the Firebird as you commanded."

Sharpner looked greedily at the majestic bird. "How shiny! Well done, my bumbling archer! Now I may brag to all the other Tsars about my fabulous new pet!" He puffed out his chest proudly. "No girl would ever be able to resist coming over to see the fabled Firebird! I'll have all the princesses at my beck and call!"

Gohan rolled his eyes silently, but Goku spoke up. "Not Princess Videl."

The blonde Tsar paused. "Princess who?"

"Princess Videl." Goku said again, oblivious to the 'shut up don't make it any worse' look Gohan was shooting him. "You know… great big palace beyond the sea… silver rowboat with golden oars… fabulously wealthy father… that Princess Videl?" Goku shook his feathered head. "She wouldn't be so impressed by me."

Sharpner put a hand to his chin. "Fabulously wealthy father, did you say?" He smirked in thought. "Well then, archer, seeing as you brought me this king worthy gift, go out and fetch me that princess to match it! Bring her back here by tomorrow or end up looking at yourself from a new angle!" He drew a line across his neck and shook with laughter.

Gohan glared at the bird in irritation. Goku smiled sheepishly and shrugged his wings. "Whoops."

Frustrated beyond belief, the young archer returned to the courtyard where his horse waited for him.

Vegeta snorted at the angry look on Gohan's face. "What happened?"

"Stupid bird baited the Tsar!" Gohan slapped his forehead. "Now I have to go kidnap a princess or die on the morrow! What kind of stupid, selfish, idiotic…" He rambled off into quiet grumbles.

Vegeta chuckled in a horsey fashion. "I told you so! It'll only get worse from here!"

The Tsar supplied the young archer with rare gifts of jewelry and clothing to bestow upon the princess to persuade her to come. The blonde was under the impression that no girl could resist such things. He also gave him a bottle of what he claimed to be the purest water from the springs in the castle for her to drink. Gohan was curious about this, because you could buy bottled water anywhere, but did not disobey his monarch. He saddled his horse and rode as fast as he could to the sea.

They arrived at the beach about mid-day. Water was as blue as sapphires stretched out as far as the eye could see. On the horizon, they could barely make out the little rowboat that contained the princess.

Gohan looked down at the diamonds and jewels and dresses in his hands. "How is this supposed to attract a princess?"

"What a foolish attempt at flattery." Vegeta scoffed. "This princess is attracted to power."

"Power?"

"Set up an arena." The horse ordered, trotting away to a grassy knoll. "Begin training."

"Training?" Gohan looked aghast at his horse. "How in the world is training supposed to get the princess?"

"Just do it!" Hollered Vegeta. He then bent down and started noshing on grass as horses are wont to do.

Gohan sighed. He put the dresses and gems off to the side and etched out a circle in the sand. He removed his leather jerkin and shirt and began some warm up exercises. He moved into a fighting stance and went through his katas.

He was so focused on doing his normal routine that he failed to notice the little rowboat drawing closer and closer. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a cheerful voice.

"What style is that?"

Gohan turned to face beautiful blue eyes, raven hair, and a beatific smile. He stared at her, breath stolen away. He realized he was staring and a blush suffused his face. He brought a hand up to scratch the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Oh, well it's… it's a mix Kame style and Demon hand."

"Really?" Curiosity shone in her eyes. "I practice the Satan style myself."

"Oh?" Gohan smiled back at her. "You do martial arts?"

She blushed a little before nodding happily. "Yeah!" She held out a hand. "Name's Videl. Nice to meet you."

He took her hand and shook it. "Gohan. Nice to meet you too."

"So Gohan…" She smirked up at him slyly. "Wanna spar?"

Gohan spared a glance over at his horse. Vegeta gave him the smuggest smirk and he rolled his eyes. He turned back to Videl and grinned. "It would be my pleasure Princess."

They sparred for well over half the day. They laughed, they played, and all in all had a lovely time. The two young people barely noticed the passage of time for they were so wrapped in each other's presence. It was growing dark when they finally came to a stop.

"Man!" Videl panted. "You're stronger than I thought!"

Gohan grinned. "You're not so bad yourself!"

She bopped him on the shoulder good naturedly. "Shut up. You didn't even break a sweat." She flopped back on the sand. "I haven't had so much fun in a long time!"

"Same here." Gohan settled beside her. He looked a little nervous. "Princess Videl…"

"Please, just Videl." She beamed at him.

He smiled back briefly. His smile faded as he sighed. "Videl, I have a confession to make." He shook his head. "I wasn't just training on the beach for fun. I was sent here to ask you to come back with me. My Tsar wishes to meet with you."

"Your Tsar?" Videl's brow furrowed. "Why didn't he come himself?"

"Because he's the Tsar." Gohan said bitterly. "He deems it too beneath him to ask you himself. Honestly, I'm to bring you back or be beheaded by tomorrow."

Videl was shocked. "Seriously? What a jerk!"

"I know right?"

"Listen, why don't you speak to my father? He'll be able to sort this out." Videl offered. "Besides, that's no way to treat a great guy like you." She blushed a little and looked away.

Gohan felt heat rise in his face. "Thank you, I'd appreciate that."

"No worries." Videl got up and stretched. "Hey, do you have something to drink? I'm super thirsty after sparring for so long."

"Sure." Gohan walked over to Vegeta and pulled out the water the Tsar gave him. Vegeta watched him suspiciously. "The Tsar sent this water along with me as a gift for you. Something about it being the purest spring water from the castle wells."

"Huh." Videl shrugged, not caring in the slightest. "I guess he's not all bad." She popped off the cap and chugged the water down. She wiped her mouth and recapped the now empty bottle. "Well, I'd better get going." She smiled. "You coming?"

Gohan grinned. "Yes ma'am!" They started towards the boats. Suddenly, Videl let out a loud yawn.

"Man." She said, stretching. "I guess that spar really wore me out." She yawned again. "Gohan, you might have to row me home…" Her eyelids closed and she started to fall.

"Videl!" Gohan leapt forward to catch her. He held her in his arms and turned to his horse. "Vegeta! Something's wrong!"

The horse trotted over. "She was not that weary from your spar." He sniffed her and frowned. "She's been drugged."

"Drugged?!" Gohan exclaimed. "You mean Sharpner drugged the princess?!"

He was incensed by the Tsar's audacity, but there was little more Gohan could do than take the princess back to the castle. He cradled her gently in his arms as they thundered back the way they'd come. Nestled up against his chest, she looked like an angel in repose. His heart yearned for her in a way that he didn't quite understand.

Eventually he reached the castle.

Gohan carried Videl as if she were fine porcelain as he viciously kicked in the doors to the throne room.

Sharpner looked over from the caged Firebird he was staring at. "Oh good. You found her." He didn't seem all that enthused until he looked at her face. He whistled. "Daaaaaaaaaaang but she's fine. Guess this will work out after all." He ignored Gohan's ire and snapped his fingers at the other servants. "Sound the trumpets! Ring the bells! The princess and I will be married today!"

Gohan stared in astonishment as his fellow servants ran about, sounding trumpets, banging on drums and ringing every bell they could get their hands on. Videl shifted in his arms and he turned his attention to her.

"Gohan?" She cracked her eyes open and mumbled sleepily. "What's going on?"

"Videl." Gohan looked at her mournfully. "I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry? What's all that noise about?" She perked up fully and Gohan set her down. "Where the heck are we?"

"Hey babe!" Sharpner exclaimed. "You're awake! You're in my palace now. The trumpets and bells are merely rejoicing at the news of our wedding!"

"Our WHAT?!"

"Our wedding." Sharpner smiled smugly. "We're getting married."

"Heck no!" Videl shook her fist angrily at the Tsar. "Who in their right mind would wanna marry you, ya creep?!"

"How dare you!?" Sharpner shouted angrily. All the servants stopped making their 'joyful' noises and stared at Videl.

"I dare plenty! You have no right!"

"Right?! I have PLENTY of right!" Sharpner flexed his muscles. "I am handsome, charismatic, and above all, I am blonde!" He glared hatefully at her. "That makes me the Tsar! Marry me, or your home kingdom will be the enemy of this nation!"

Videl was stunned. "You… you…" She shook with anger. She turned to Gohan. "Can't you do something?!" She whispered angrily.

"He's the Tsar." Gohan shook his head, his anger turning to sadness. He pleaded with her. "Please, don't get yourself killed. I wouldn't be able to bear it."

There was no love in her eyes for the Tsar. However, when she looked at the young archer, her eyes filled with tears. He captured her heart, for not just anyone was fit to ride the horse of power. He was all she hoped for and more.

She sighed heavily and looked at Gohan with a sudden longing. Then she froze, an idea churning in her mind. Gohan watched curiously as she schooled her features into a princess-ly look and turned back to the blonde Tsar.

"Your Majesty, forgive me for my earlier words, but I cannot marry you."

Sharpner was temporarily mollified. "And why not?"

"My wedding dress." Videl spread her hands. "It was hidden years ago at the bottom of the sea under a great stone. If I cannot wear that dress then I shall not marry anyone at all."

"A dress?" Sharpner scowled. He thrust a finger at Gohan. "Go get it then! You heard what she said! At the bottom of the sea! Quickly! Or I will have your head served to the Firebird on a platter!"

Goku, who was in the cage against his will, made a face. "Gross."

The young archer despaired. It was already impossible to get the dress at the bottom of the sea from under a huge stone, but even if he got it she'd still marry the Tsar. Wearily he dragged himself back out to the courtyard and leaned up against his horse, pressing his forehead into the great horse's side.

Vegeta growled, but bore the weight of his charge. "What is it now?"

"There's no way I'm getting out of this one." Gohan's voice was muffled. "I die if I attempt to get the dress, I die if I can't get the dress." His shoulders slumped in defeat. "And even if I somehow do get the dress, she marries him. I couldn't live with that."

Vegeta snorted. "Why not?"

"Because I… Because I lo-" Gohan stuttered. He'd fallen in love with her.

The horse of power whinnied. "You've got to be kidding me." He sighed. "Come, brat. Let's get your woman a dress. It's all downhill from here anyways."

He leapt onto the horse of power and went thundering back to the beach. The young archer kept his thoughts on the task ahead. He tried hard to push aside his doubts and worries about how he would be able to accomplish this feat. The more he thought about it, it seemed all the more impossible. They reached the sea and he stared sadly out over the water, thinking about Videl. His horse, however, studied the shore.

"Well well." Vegeta smirked. "What have we here?"

Crawling along the beach was the biggest lobster in the world. It was blue and had long antennae. It was really the Tsar of all lobsters. It was majestic in a way, but more than anything, it would've probably tasted good with butter.

Vegeta casually placed himself between the lobster and the sea. The lobster trundled by and as if by accident, Vegeta stepped on his tail with his powerful iron hoof.

"AAAAAGH!" King Kai, the lobster, howled in pain. "You jerk! Get off my tail!"

"No." Vegeta smirked evilly.

"It hurts so bad!" King Kai thrashed around. "You're the worst!"

Gohan looked down at his horse, frowning in disapproval. "Vegeta, let the guy go. He hasn't done anything."

Vegeta growled warningly, but King Kai piped up. "Yeah! The kid's right! I didn't do anything!" He whined. "Let me go!"

"Fine!" Vegeta snarled. "Pathetic weakling, if you value your life then you will do as I say!"

"Let me go first you ingrate!"

Vegeta trod a little harder on the lobster's tail before releasing him. King Kai rubbed his sore tail woefully and looked up at the big meanie of a horse.

"Whaddaya want from me?"

Vegeta sneered at the lobster. "At the bottom of the sea, beneath a great stone, lies the dress of the Princess Videl. Bring it to us."

"Alright, alright. Jeez." The lobster dusted himself off. "But first you have to make me laugh."

Gohan looked curiously at the lobster. "Make you laugh?"

"Yeah. Ya see, I don't do work for free." King Kai shrugged. "If you can make me laugh I'll do it gladly."

Gohan tilted his head to the side in thought. He snapped his fingers. "Do you know the famous martial artist Bruce Li?" The lobster nodded. "What's his favorite drink?"

King Kai shrugged his little crustacean shoulders. "I don't know."

"WattAAH!"

Silence. Vegeta wanted to facepalm, but couldn't because he was a horse.

"Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffhahahahahahahahahahaha!" King Kai laughed uproariously. "That is so STUPID! AHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahaaa!" Eventually his laughter dissolved into disproportionate giggles. "Okay… heehee… okay… ahhhhahahahah… okay… I'll get the dress for ya." He sniggered. He put a claw to his mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Soon, lobsters from all across the sea crawled onto the beach, clambering over each other in their haste to answer King Kai's call.

"Alright you lot. Go get the dress or whatever." King Kai waved a claw and the lobsters hurried back onto the sea. A few hours later, they dragged an ornate sea chest up onto the shore. King Kai handed the chest to Gohan and scuttled back into the sea with his brethren.

Once the dress was in his possession, the young archer turned the horse of power about and ran for the palace. The princess was waiting for him when he arrived.

"You… you found it." Videl looked up at him in awe. "How did you…?"

"Lobsters." Gohan grinned ruefully. "Don't ask."

She giggled lightly at him before quieting. He passed her the chest and she said, "Thank you." Love colored her words, making them soft and heartfelt.

He met her gaze and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. His heart ached in his chest as he watched her leave the room to change. When she returned, he couldn't help himself. His jaw dropped open.

She was fairer than spring itself.

Videl caught his eyes and smiled. "How do I look?" She asked him shyly.

Before he could answer, Sharpner burst into the room. He took one look at her and laughed. "Wow! You're one smokin' hot babe!" He smirked at her lecherously. "Let's not keep you waiting then!" He turned from her and called to his servants. "You there! Serving idiots! Get me my wedding cloak! Fetch the royal priest! Let's get this show on the road!" He turned back to Videl and offered her his hand.

She looked at it like it was the doody that her dog might've left on the carpet.

Sharpner's grin shrank. "What's the matter babe? Got cold feet?"

Videl shook with restrained anger. She whirled to Gohan and whispered, "Do you trust me?" Gohan, though surprised, nodded. He did indeed trust her. She smiled and turned back to Tsar Sharpner. "I'm afraid I cannot. The man who brought me here must do penance for taking me away from my kingdom."

Gohan swallowed nervously. This wasn't going to end well.

"Oh? Is that all?" Sharpner smiled condescendingly at Videl. "What is his punishment to be?"

"He's supposed to do battle with my-"

"Boiled alive it is!"

"WHAT?!" Videl's shocked exclamation startled everyone. "I didn't say-"

"Filthy Servants!" Sharpner snapped his fingers. "Prepare an iron cauldron and boil me some water."

The princess tried to rectify the mistake, but the Tsar could not be swayed. He held no gratitude in his heart for the valiant young archer. He was dead set on throwing him into the hottest boiling water he could get. The servants prepared a mighty fire into the center of which was placed a large cauldron. The fire roared in intensity, the water seethed and bubbled. His soldiers surrounded the young archer and prepared to throw him in.

"Hold up!" Gohan protested. "Wait just a second!"

"What do you want, knave?" Sharpner complained, irritated.

"My Tsar, I will not complain about my penance." Gohan set his jaw. "However, I ask that you let me see to my horse before I am thrown to the water to die."

"Your horse?" The blonde Tsar put a hand to his chin. "That's no problem, seeing as I get it once you're dead." He waved his soldiers away. "Go say goodbye to your pony. Be quick about it."

The young archer crossed the courtyard and met with the horse of power. He reasoned that even if he was condemned to die, he could at least let his horse of power free to return to his wife. Bulma, his mate, would be angry if he was taken by the Tsar.

"CALL ME A PONY WILL HE?!" Vegeta was inconsolable. He stamped and reared ferociously. "Insufferable FOOL! I'll tear him apart! I'll water the ground with his blood! I'll-"

"Yeah yeah." Gohan patted the horse's side sadly, despite the bucking. "I'll miss you too."

Vegeta stilled. "Brat…You're not leaving."

"Yeah, I am." Gohan sighed miserably. "I'm going to be boiled alive. Not quite how I wanted to die." He smiled regretfully. "We'll never again be able to race the wind and do battle with our enemies. It wasn't so bad, you know?"

Vegeta snorted. "You give up too easily."

"At least you'll be free." Gohan reached up to unfasten the saddle. Vegeta shied out of his way.

"Don't be stupid." He growled. "You're a weakling to be giving up now."

"Vegeta." Gohan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I don't have time for this. I'm going to set you free and then I am going to die."

"You're no warrior!" Vegeta snapped at him. "You cannot even face death head on! Turn and face it like a man!"

Gohan grit his teeth and tried to hold on to his patience. "Shut your face! I'm trying to do the honorable thing here!"

"There is nothing honorable in trying to prolong the inevitable!" Vegeta skipped out of his reach. "You will die like the pathetic scum that you are! You couldn't even protect your woman!"

"Vegeta!" Gohan's eyes burned in anger. "Take that back!"

"Your woman will suffer at the hands of that fool! Just imagine her anguish once he controls her father's kingdom!" Vegeta smiled ruthlessly. "You will be powerless to stop him when he uses her then casts her aside like an old rag!"

"SHUT UP!" Gohan screamed. A power, hidden within him, started to seep around the edges of his mind. An unnatural wind blew around him furiously, but he remained oblivious to it.

Vegeta looked at his young charge in satisfaction. "Go. Run fearlessly into the cauldron. Prove me wrong!"

"FINE!" Gohan spun about and charged back into the courtroom. He threw himself into the cauldron of boiling water, ignorant of the gasps and shouts of alarm from the servants in his rage. They watched as the flames engulfed him. He was lost to view as the water bubbled up around him, covering his body completely.

"Woah." Sharpner's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "Didn't expect that." He turned back to Videl who he had been shamelessly flirting with. Her hands covered her mouth and tears filled her eyes. "Now, where were we?"

She turned away from him. "You're a monster."

"Nah." Sharpner grinned, pulling her close. "I'm a Tsar."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!"

Imagine their surprise when the young archer leapt from the cauldron and ripped the Tsar away from the princess. All who saw him cried aloud in wonder. The dirt and grime from the outdoors were washed away. His handsome features were plain to see. Even more astounding was the fact that his hair was now blonde.

Golden spikes of hair waved in the wind filling the room. Turquoise eyes drilled into the Tsar, daring him to move. Power practically radiated from him.

"It's… It's not possible!" Sharpner stuttered. "You should be dead!"

"Look!" Cried one of the servants, pointing to Gohan's head. "He is blonde! Far blonder than the Tsar!"

Sharpner's eyes widened. "No! It cannot be! There's no one in the kingdom blonder than me!"

Gohan ignored him and instead took Videl's hands in his own. "I love you Videl." He said softly. "Will you marry me?"

Videl looked into his eyes and marveled. She sighed in happiness. "Yes."

"No! Not fair!" Sharpner threw a tantrum. "I am the Tsar! You're supposed to marry me!" He pointed at Gohan. "You tricked me! You used bleach in the cauldron! That's how you got so blonde! You're a cheater! Guards! SEIZE HIM!"

The servants looked from one to another. There was a man blonder than the Tsar. A man who was able to ride the horse of power. A man who brought back the great Firebird alive. A man the princess evidently loved. A man who actually cared for his fellow servants. They turned away from Sharpner and whistled or checked their watches.

"AAAAARGH!" Sharpner tore off his shirt. "I'll show you! I'll become blonder than that guy!" He turned and charged towards the fire and the cauldron. The onlookers watched in horror as he threw himself into the boiling water.

Needless to say, he didn't come back out.

So how'd the story end? They threw out the Sharpner soup and made the young archer into the new Tsar. His first decree was to throw out the notion that only a blonde could rule the nation. The people knew then that he was the proper choice of a leader. He married the beautiful princess and lived many years with her in love and good fellowship.

As for the horse of power, the new Tsar built him a stable as grand as any palace for him and his family. They still ride together in battle and the horse still bickers with the Firebird. In other words, they all lived happily ever after for the rest of their days.

The End.