The Fool of the World and the Flying Ship
Based on the Russian fairytale and DBZ-ified.
Starring: Krillin, Android 18, Dr. Gero, Android 17, Goku, Vegeta, Tien, Yamucha, Piccolo, Master Roshi, and Popo

A humorous Krillin/Eighteen fic.

Once upon a time, in a monastery high in the mountains of the eastern wilderness, there lived a group of monks dedicated to martial arts. There were dozens of monks at the monastery. Some of them masters, all of them students of the great kung fu lifestyle. As it was, there among the monks was a young monk who was kind and never did anyone any harm. He was strong and took to martial arts like a duck to water. There was only one problem.

He was the smallest monk. Ever.

Short even as a child, he never broke the 5 foot barrier. On top of that, his face lacked an essential feature. A nose. Short and no nose. This made him the target for disdain, condescending glares, and ignorance. Even though he was very skilled despite his height, he was perceived as weak. The other monks mistreated and picked on him quite harshly.

It always seems to happen like that. The youngest or the smallest receives the harshest treatment. However, this is a story that shows that God loves and cares for those people and turns things to their advantage in the end.

Now it happened that the Tsar of that country sent messengers out to every part of the world, even to a great city like ours, to say that he would give his daughter, the princess, in marriage to anyone who could bring him a flying ship. Yes, a ship with wings that could sail this way and that through the blue sky as easily as another ship could sail on the ocean.

"Well. This is certainly exciting." Said the wizened old head monk as all the younger monks practically burbled over with excitement. "Would anyone like to go and take the Tsar up on his offer?"

"But master," one young monk said, "isn't it impossible to build such a boat?"

The old monk smiled in a grandfatherly sort of way. "Nothing is truly impossible."

"But what about getting married? Aren't monks not allowed to…"

"To achieve mastery in martial arts is to gain mastery over yourself. If you so choose to obtain this mastery here, then we will assist you." The old monk smiled cheekily. "And if you choose to find mastery over yourself with a wife, then you will have to find out how she does it."

The monks laughed and continued chattering animatedly. In the end, most of the monks deigned to stay and train with the monastery. However, there were indeed a few who wanted to go out into the world to try to find/build this amazing ship for the Tsar. Being thought of as strong, brave, and intelligent, they were blessed by the monastery. They were given gifts of fresh fine clothing, backpacks full of tender cooked meats, soft white rolls of bread, and bottles of fine vodka for their journey.

Before the choice few monks left, they were given a great ceremony and sent off by the head monk himself. They were reminded to think of the monastery once they had become royalty. Together, the group set off merrily on their adventure, confident in their kung-fu and cleverness.

And what eventually happened to them? I don't know, for they were never heard from again.

Krillin, the littlest monk, watched this all with wide eyes. He had longed to get away from the monastery and learn from another master, but never had the opportunity. Orphan that he was, the monastery and poor treatment was all he had known. He had nothing to his name and nowhere to go. Perhaps this was a chance to leave and make a better life?

After the pomp and ceremony had finished and the monks were again going about their daily training, Krillin approached the head monk.

"Master," he bowed before the old man, "I would like to go as well."

"You want to go out into the world?" The head monk looked down his nose at the short man.

"Yes master." Krillin said, swallowing nervously. "I believe my training would be greatly benefited by learning from other masters."

"The prospect of a princess does not interest you?"

Krillin blushed lightly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah… w-well I'd like that, but I'm sure that focusing on my training is more important."

"Ha! As if the princess would like a bald, nose-less midget!" A fellow monk called out maliciously behind him.

The head monk didn't say a word. Krillin felt the back of his neck burn as a rush of anger flooded his body. He took a few calming breaths, bringing his feelings under reign before looking the head monk dead in the eye. "Master, I would like to go out and seek my fortune."

"Oh Krillin." The master said with something akin to pity in his gaze. "You are too ill equipped to go out on your own. Why, if you were to leave the monastery you would be eaten immediately by a bear."

Krillin gave him a very skeptical look. "A bear? Seriously?"

"Or wolves." Said the old monk. "Wolves would tear your little body to pieces."

Krillin groaned mentally. That was ridiculous. "Please master." He said aloud. "Let me go and try to build a ship for the Tsar."

"I'll consider it."

For the next few days, Krillin would not stop badgering the head monk to let him go. The sun would rise and Krillin would pester. The sun would set and Krillin would beg. His voice was incessant. Soon the other monks voiced their complaints to the head monk.

"Just let the midget go!"

"My ears are bleeding from his whiny voice!"

"Kick him out! He's not doing us much good anyway!"

Finally, between the nagging of Krillin and the complaints of the other monks, the old master finally agreed to let Krillin go. He was actually quite glad to be rid of him.

Krillin received the news with great jubilation. But his exclamations of thankfulness and cheer were stopped as he was turned out of the monastery immediately afterwards.

"Hold on just a sec!" Krillin was practically shoved out of the front gate. "Aren't you supposed to give me provisions for the journey?"

The old monk muttered irritably under his breath and went back to the kitchens. He threw a bottle of water into an old rucksack along with a blackened crust of old dry bread. When he went back to Krillin, he didn't call his fellow monks to see him off. He simply chucked the sack at the small monk before stomping back into the temple to see to more important business.

Krillin gaped at the empty gate for a minute before checking his meager provisions. He sighed. "At least they gave me this much." He slung the sack over his shoulder and started walking. As he went, he brightened. "You know what? It doesn't matter! I'm finally out of that place and off to find my destiny!" Sure he would've liked good food and nice clothes, but the main thing on a journey is to think positive! So he trekked merrily along the road, whistling a jaunty tune as he went.

He had not gone very far, actually just around the bend, when he came upon a curious looking man. Dark skinned and rosy lipped, he sat on a carpet on the edge of the road. A turban sat on his head and he wore a red vest with puffy white pants.

"Hello there." The man said. "Do you happen to have anything to share with a poor genie down on his luck?"

Krillin blinked at the man. "You're a genie?"

"Yes Mr. Krillin." He stood from his carpet and bowed. "I am Popo. Servant of Kami."

"Oh. Nice to meet you Mr. Popo."

"Now, where are you going so far from your monastery?"

Krillin snorted. "Forget that place. I'm headed to seek a new master. If I can't do that, I'll try to find or build a flying ship for the Tsar. He said he'd give his daughter to anyone who can give him one."

"How are you going to do that?"

The little monk shrugged. "Kami knows. Either way it'll be an adventure on my own terms."

Popo smiled. "In that case, why don't you take a moment and rest with me? Take some food out of your bag and we'll have a meal together."

"Oh, uh…" Krillin looked away, slightly shamed of his poor rations. "Mr. Popo, I'm afraid I don't have anything good enough to give you. I mean…"

Popo lifted a hand, silencing him. "If it's good enough for you, it's good enough for me. Come; let me see how the monks have blessed you for this journey."

Sighing, Krillin brought forth his pack and opened it. He reached in to pull out the dry crusts of bread and gasped. It didn't feel like scraps from the kitchen! His eyes went wide as he pulled out soft white rolls and tender cooked meats. He set them on the carpet and went to pull out the bottle of water. As he did so, he noticed that it was much heavier than before. Curious, he popped the top open and smelled it.

Vodka!

Krillin's eyes were round in amazement. The genie on the other hand, smiled pleasantly.

"How…"

"Even though your monks do not love you like family, you have not gone without your share of good things." Popo waved at the spread. "Because you stopped to share with those without, it's only natural that you be blessed."

So together, they dug in to the meal. They ate and drank and told jokes and stories. They even sang a song or two. All in all they made merry. When all had been eaten, Popo turned to Krillin with a kindly smile.

"Listen to me. You've done me a great service today so I wish pay you back in kind. As soon as I leave, go into the forest west of here. Go up to the first big tree you see and etch into its bark the shape of seven circles. Strike it with your strongest blow and fall back away from it. Lie there, full out on your back, with your eyes closed until someone wakes you. Then you will find the ship made and ready to fly. Sit down in it and go to the Tsar or wherever else you'd like to go. The only thing is, be sure to offer a ride to anyone you find along the way."

Krillin blinked, a little bewildered by the bizarre instructions, but nodded obediently. Then, on a ripple of wind, the carpet lifted into the air. He was astounded, but nonetheless waved farewell to Popo as he flew off into the sky.

"Guess he really was a genie." Krillin mused to himself. "I really should've gone adventuring a long time ago." And off he went into the western wood. He walked for a while until he came to the biggest tree he could find. Setting to work, he found a sharp rock and etched seven circles into the tough bark of the tree. Then, mustering his energy, he lashed out with his strongest attack. As the tree began to fall, Krillin fell back as well. Both the tree and the monk fell with a crash to the forest floor.

Krillin stared up at the blue sky and treetops. "This feels ridiculous." He muttered, but obeyed the genie's directions. Time passed, the forest quiet but for the birdsong in the trees. Peaceful warm breezes caressed the land and slowly Krillin's eyelids grew heavy. He finally fell asleep there on the plush forest floor.

Hours later, Krillin was roused from sleep by the distinct feeling that someone was jostling his elbow. He sat up and yawned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

And his jaw dropped.

In the exact spot where the tree had fallen floated a beautiful boat the likes of which he'd never seen before. It wasn't a very large boat, but it had a great mast that held up a billowing sail. There was a tiller and comfortable seats for people, but the best part was the dragon figurehead. In fact, the dragon design wrapped around the ship to look as if the dragon was carrying the boat itself! Intricately carved and inexplicably floating in midair, it was like a dream.

"Wow." Breathed Krillin. He looked around. There was no sign of anyone around. In fact, the entire tree was gone! The only evidence that there had even been one was the stump left over.

Krillin immediately went to the boat and jumped aboard. It didn't even flinch under his weight. He looked at the rigging and scratched his head. He didn't know a thing about sailing. How was he supposed to captain a ship that flew when he couldn't even sail a rowboat? But then, as if the boat heard his thoughts, it effortlessly lifted off and soared high above the trees.

"Sweet!" He almost couldn't believe it. "I've got a flying ship! Time to go see the Tsar!" Was he actually going to get married to a princess? Then he paused. "But how do I get there when I'm this high?" Truly all he could see now were clouds. He nodded to himself and grabbed the tiller. Best to go down and stick to the road. He'd be at the palace in no time.

He steered the little boat down and down until he came to the road that he'd been following prior to going into the woods. He flew above it, knowing he'd lose his way if he sailed over open country. He kept a fair enough distance above the road so as not to smack into the heads of anyone beneath him.

Krillin sailed the flying ship for a good while until he came upon an unusual sight. There was a man sitting perfectly still in the middle of the road. That wasn't odd in and of itself, but the man was tall, green and had large pointed ears.

Remembering the genie's instructions, Krillin guided the boat down to hover beside the man.

"Hello there!" Krillin called out.

The man said nothing.

Krillin felt a little uneasy, but cleared his throat and tried again. "Excuse me, but what are you doing down there?"

The green man grunted. "Listening."

"Listening? To what?"

"To the world."

Krillin's eyes widened. "The world? You can seriously hear everything in the world?" The man nodded and he whistled. "Wow. That's impressive." Then he winced. "Bet you heard some stuff you'd rather not hear."

The man grimaced. "You have no idea."

Krillin nodded sympathetically. "Hey, I'm going to see the Tsar. There's plenty of room in the boat, want to come along?"

The green man finally looked up at the flying boat and Krillin. To his credit, all that showed his surprise and awe was the slight widening of his eyes. He stared at the boat for a moment. Then he nodded and jumped aboard.

Krillin watched him land and grinned. "I'm Krillin."

"Piccolo." Said Piccolo.

And off they went.

"You know," Krillin said casually to his guest, "If you want, I could sing to get some of those sounds out of…"

"Don't." Piccolo cut him off. "I recognize your voice. You sound like a dying cat when you sing."

Krillin sighed. "Everyone's a critic."

They flew for a good while in companionable silence until they came upon another odd sight upon the road. There was a man, hopping down the road on one leg with the other tied to his head.

They stared for a while. "That's… unusual."

Piccolo blinked. "That explains the odd thumping noise."

They were both a little weirded out. Nevertheless, Krillin remembered Popo's instructions and lowered the boat to fly alongside the hopping man.

"Uh… hey man." Krillin called over to the unusual person. "What's up?"

"Huh?" The man looked over and squawked in surprise. He promptly lost his footing and tripped. He fell flat on his face on the dirt road.

Krillin winced. "Sorry. You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I've had worse." He looked up at the flying ship sheepishly. "I've just never seen a flying ship before."

"This is the only one as far as I know." Krillin quirked an eyebrow at the man. "Can I ask why you have your leg tied to your head?"

"Training." The man said simply. At the deadpan look Krillin gave him, he blushed slightly and replied. "You see, I have this habit of running away from pretty girls. Cept I run so fast I'm practically in the next country before I realize she just was asking for the time." He gestured to the leg. "So to keep me from doing that, I have to tie myself up like this so it's harder for me to get away."

"You're really that fast?"

"You bet." The man grinned. "But only if a pretty girl is around."

"Huh." Krillin grinned in kind. "Well, we're off to see the Tsar. Wanna come?"

"Sure." He shrugged. "Ain't got nothin' better to do." And he jumped aboard. He was startled as he came face to face with the tall green man.

Krillin watched the sudden fright appear in the man's eyes and he coughed. "I'm Krillin and this is Piccolo."

"Oh." Yamucha stuck out his hand nervously. "I'm Yamucha."

Piccolo ignored it. There was an awkward silence between the two before Yamucha pulled his hand back. Krillin himself laughed nervously and set them on their way.

They flew for about an hour, the tension between the men lessening as Krillin began teasing Yamucha for being afraid of girls. Piccolo even cracked a smile at one point. They had gotten a bit more comfortable with each other when they saw yet another man on the road.

This man was standing off the side of the road, aiming a gun at something none of the passengers of the boat could see. He was shirtless, body obviously built for power, and as bald as Krillin was. Krillin lowered the boat and stopped beside the man.

"Hello there!"

The man looked away at what he'd been sighting and stared at the boat. In the center of his forehead was a third eye. The man was amazed at the ship. "Woah. A flying boat. That's not something you see every day."

"Woah!" Krillin took an unconscious step back. "You've got a third eye!"

The man rolled all three eyes. "Thanks for telling me." He turned back to sighting along the barrel of his rifle.

"Sorry, I've just never…" Krillin trailed off. "What are you aiming at?"

"There's a rare bird about a thousand miles out." The man grunted. "If I can just wait till he settles in his nest…"

"A thousand miles!?" Krillin's jaw dropped. "That's incredible!"

"What can I say? I have great eyesight." And he fired the gun. He stared in that direction before turning to Krillin. "Anything else I can help you with?"

"Well, we're going to see the Tsar." Krillin squinted in the direction the man had been looking. "A thousand miles is a long way to walk. Need a ride?"

The man shouldered his gun and smiled. "I'd appreciate it." And jumped aboard.

He quickly met Yamucha who was relieved to have a slightly more normal looking companion. The man made no comments about the leg tied to Yamucha's head, but he looked at Piccolo and said, "Nice ears."

"Nice eyes." Piccolo countered.

"You got a name?"

"Piccolo."

The man grinned. "Tien."

"And I'm Krillin." Said Krillin, hauling on the tiller. "Let's go!"

They quickly got to know Tien. While rather serious, he poked fun at Krillin and Yamucha and soon the whole boat, barring Piccolo who just smirked, was laughing quietly. They flew for many miles until on a whim he looked down and saw another man on the road. Krillin almost didn't think about it as they swooped down next to him.

The man wasn't as strange as the other companions had been, but he had black spiky hair and a huge sack full of bread on his back.

"Hey there!" Krillin called out to him.

The man turned and beamed brightly. "Hello!" He called back in a chipper voice. "Nice boat!"

Krillin decided that he instantly liked him. "Where are you headed?"

"I'm going into town to buy food for supper!" The man said.

Krillin was confused. "But you have that huge sack of bread on your back. Why don't you just eat that?"

"Are you kidding? That little mouthful is barely enough for a snack!" The man sighed. "I don't think I'm gonna make it to town before I get hungry again." He gave Krillin a rueful look. "My wife said I have the biggest appetite she's ever seen. She's probably real mad that I emptied out the fridge again."

Krillin chuckled, finding it a little hard to believe. "Well, we're going to see the Tsar. Why don't you hop aboard and we'll give you a lift to town? It's way faster than walking."

The man's face split into a wide smile. "Really? That's great! Thanks!" And he jumped aboard.

Introductions were made. The man wasn't even the slightest bit weirded out by anyone. In fact, he looked particularly excited to learn that the men had such incredible talents. He dropped his bag of bread on the deck and proceeded to devour every crumb in the sack.

"So uh…" Krillin tried not to feel grossed out by was the man was pigging out on bread. "… What's your name?"

"Oh." The man swallowed and grinned sheepishly. "I'm Goku. Nice to meetcha."

Yamucha watched Goku eat with amazement. "How are you not morbidly obese from eating that much?"

"I exercise a lot." Goku said with a smile. Then he dove back into his snack as the boat lifted up and started back on its journey.

The four companions only became merrier as they went along. Goku certainly made them laugh and joke more than they had before. He even instantly warmed to Piccolo and got the sober man to talk some. They were becoming better acquainted when another figure on the road caught Krillin's eye.

A man stood beside a lake, glaring angrily out over the waters as though its very existence insulted him. He was muscular, short, though not as short as Krillin, and had black hair that spiked up in a flame. As before, Krillin guided the boat down to greet him.

"Hello!"

The man stiffened and turned sharply. He took in Krillin and the flying boat with a sneer. "What?!" He said bad-temperedly.

Krillin was taken aback slightly. "Tou-chy." He muttered. Then he said, "What are you doing out here?"

"It is none of your business, fool!" The man said angrily. Then he seemed to reconsider. "But if you must know, I am searching for a drink."

"A drink?" Krillin gestured to the lake in front of them. "But there's a huge lake right in front of you! Why not take a drink from that?"

The man scowled at Krillin. "You dare to believe that this mere drop of water would satisfy me?!" He motioned angrily at the lake. "This is barely enough to wet the back of my throat even if I drink it all at once!"

"Woah. You must be really thirsty." Krillin shrugged. "We're off to see the Tsar, but you can come along if you want. We'll probably pass a few more lakes or something."

"The Tsar?" The man smirked again and Krillin felt a shiver run down his spine. He nodded and jumped aboard. "I accept your offer. I shall pay a visit to this 'mighty' ruler. You should feel honored to escort…"

"Who're you?" Tien interrupted.

The man glared imperiously at Tien. "I am Vegeta! Prince of all…"

"Woah you're a prince?" Goku interrupted, spraying crumbs from the last loaf of bread all over Vegeta's face. "That's so cool!"

Vegeta went absolutely quiet for a minute. When he spoke, his voice was an angry growl. "How dare you!" Then he launched himself at Goku and they started fighting right there on the deck of the small ship.

Yamucha leaned over to Krillin. "That went well."

Krillin sighed heavily and set the boat back to sailing. Luckily, the two men were broken up by the other passengers aboard. Vegeta was standoffish, but the more that they joked and talked, they eventually pulled him into conversations. He sat beside Piccolo and for some reason got along well with the tall green man. When they finally got around to playing stupid games for fun, he was immediately ready to compete against Goku.

The journey stretched into the afternoon. Krillin was enjoying the good company and fresh air when he spotted another person on the road. He swooped down and was surprised to see a stooped little old man carrying an overly large fan on his back.

"Excuse me sir, but would you like a lift?"

The old man looked up at the ship. Sunlight glinted off his sunglasses as his eyebrows went up. "A flying ship. Wonders will never cease." He wore a Hawaiian shirt and a rather large turtle shell on his back. A long white beard and mustache completed his look. "Where are you headed young man?"

"To see the Tsar." Krillin thumbed over his shoulder. "We've got some passengers on here already, but I'm sure we've got room for one more."

"The Tsar eh?" The man gave a very perverted leer. "He's got that pretty daughter of his right?" He rubbed his hands together excitedly. "What I wouldn't give to set eyes on that beauty! Heh heh!" He looked up at Krillin and nodded. "Alrighty! I'll come along."

As he jumped aboard with surprising strength and agility, Krillin couldn't help but wonder about the item he carried. "Sir, what's that on your back?"

"This? Why, this is the bansho fan." The old man said. "It's powerful enough to blow out the strongest fire. One wave, it blows a mighty wind. Two waves, a storm. Three, a blizzard." He shrugged. "I heard that a village south of here needed some rain and I was headed that way to help."

"What is your name?"

"I'm Master Roshi. Teacher of the Kame school of martial arts."

Immediately there was a huge scramble to meet the old man. Master Roshi was one of the most famous masters in the world. Tien, Yamucha, Krillin, and Goku all wanted lessons from the revered old man. Vegeta and Piccolo however, merely scoffed and waited until the scuffle calmed down.

And so they went on their way. They didn't meet anyone else along the road, but that was just fine. The boat was almost crowded with the seven companions. Krillin chatted and laughed with all of them, happier than he'd ever been in his life. Sure they made height jokes, but they also made fun of Vegeta's height and he looked ready to stab someone with a rusty spoon. They teased Krillin's nose-less-ness, but also Tien's third eye and Piccolo's ears. And everyone picked on Yamucha for being afraid of girls and Goku for being a glutton. The teasing was all good-natured and fun. Never before had Krillin felt such acceptance from anyone. He just couldn't keep the beaming smile off his face.

Eventually they sailed far enough over the land that they came to the palace of the Tsar. They flew down and hovered in the courtyard right outside the main doors.

"Do we have an anchor?" Krillin looked around.

Vegeta scoffed. "Just tie a rope around Kakkarot and drop him. It would work the same."

Goku let out an indignant squawk. "Hey!"

"Nevermind." Krillin sighed. "I guess we just wait here until someone shows up."

Meanwhile, sitting in the royal palace, Tsar Gero sat eating his dinner peacefully. He heard a racket from across the table and was angered to realize that one of the robotic servants was speaking to him.

"My Tsar! There's a…"

"SILENCE! You should know better than to address me directly!" He spat at the unfortunate servant.

The robot continued. "But your majesty…"

"I SAID SILENCE!" The servant went silent. Tsar Gero sneered at what he perceived a waste of good technology. "I will not be disturbed during my meal!"

The robot servant then pointed to the open window. Tsar Gero glowered angrily before rising, dealing a swift backhand to the servant, and walking to the window to see what was going on. He looked down into the courtyard and sucked in a sharp breath of air.

"A ship?!" He noticed it did not rest on the ground and his eyes widened. "A flying ship?!" He whirled on the poor servant. "What are you still doing here!? Go now and find out what great prince has brought me so fine a treasure! He can have my daughter, but I want that ship!"

The robot servant hurried down to the courtyard. He peeked through the open door and saw not a prince, but Krillin and his companions sitting around cracking jokes. The robot beeped a few times, then turned on his wheel and went back to the Tsar.

"My Tsar!" The robot said. "There is no prince aboard that ship. It is filled with moujiks!"

"Moujiks? Simple peasants?!" Tsar Gero was furious. "How did such dirty peasants get their hands on a ship like that?! It's maddening!" He paced the room. "No! I will not give them any reward for this! I will simply take the ship and force them away!"

Then he paused. "But if I do that, then my intricately made false reputation as a good ruler will crumble. No. I must trick them out of it. I will give them tasks that they won't be able to perform and they'll be glad to get out with their lives. I will get this ship for nothing!"

He turned again to the servant robot with a smile. "Here's what you must do. Go and tell them that they must bring me some of the magical water that increases a fighter's power tenfold before I am finished with my dinner."

And the robot went off to meet the ship and its occupants.

Now while the evil Tsar was giving the orders to his servant, Piccolo, with his magnificent hearing, was listening to everything that he was planning.

"Krillin." Piccolo interrupted the monk's jokes gravely. "The Tsar knows you aren't a prince. He is refusing to give you a reward."

The monk gaped. "Are you serious?"

"He plans to take the ship for himself if you cannot complete the tasks he sets before you." Piccolo scowled. "He called us all dirty moujiks. Even now he is sending a servant to order you to get the magical water that increases a man's strength tenfold before he finishes dinner or else your life is forfeit."

"What a jerk!" Yamucha cried.

"That's not very nice!" Goku agreed.

"He called us peasants?!" Vegeta took offense. "I'll kill him!"

"Guys, what am I going to do?" Krillin said. "If I had a whole year, heck even if I had a whole century I wouldn't be able to find that water. Much less bring it back before the Tsar finishes supper."

"Don't worry young Krillin." Master Roshi came to stand next to the monk. "We'll figure something out."

"Yeah." Goku nodded. "I mean, the water of super strength is only the next country away at Korin's tower. We'll find a way to get it for you."

There was a pause.

"Goku, you know where the water is?"

"Sure I do." Goku nodded. "I got to taste it when I was a kid." He shrugged. "It tasted like plain old water to me. I don't know what all the fuss is about."

Krillin was cheered a bit, but said, "Even if we know where it is, I doubt we can get it before he's done eating."

Now it was Yamucha's turn to grin. "Leave that to me." He said and started untying his leg from his head.

Krillin thought about that for a moment. Even if what Yamucha claimed about his speed was true, they didn't have a pretty girl handy to make him go that fast. At that moment, the little robot servant arrived and announced the Tsar's command.

"Tell him he shall have it." Krillin said to the robot. "Oh, and before you go, do you happen to have a picture of the princess?"

The robot beeped. Then it printed out a picture of the princess for Krillin. The young monk looked at the picture and blushed. Blond hair, pale blue eyes, she was gorgeous. She wasn't smiling in the picture, but Krillin was sure that if she did, she would be even more beautiful. The image would certainly work to startle Yamucha into motion.

Yamucha, meanwhile, was shaking out the tingles from his leg and doing light stretches. Krillin approached him casually. "You ready to go?"

"Almost." Yamucha grinned. "I mean, there aren't any pretty girls around, but I'll do my best."

"What do you mean?" Krillin pointed behind Yamucha. "There's a girl right behind you."

Yamucha stiffened and whirled around. When there was no pretty girl, he sighed in irritation. Turning he said "Krillin, there's no one…" but trailed off at the picture shoved suddenly in his face. He took in the pretty blue eyes and turned a vibrant shade of red.

"Hey! Is that a picture of the princess?" Master Roshi was suddenly grabbing for the photo. "Let me see!" He snatched the picture out of Krillin's hands and gazed at it. "She sure is a looker! Heh heh!"

"Master! Give that back!" Krillin scrambled for the picture. "Yamucha can't run without…" He looked around. "Wait… where is Yamucha?"

The man had disappeared. The companions looked out over the horizon to see a cloud of dust rising from where the speeding man had gone.

Faster than words can describe, Yamucha had reached Korin's tower and had some of the famed water in a bottle.

"Oh man… oh man oh man I did it!" Yamucha panted triumphantly. He looked at his watch and grinned. "And it's only been a few minutes! Boy is Krillin gonna be happy." He yawned widely and stretched his arms. "I bet I could even take a quick nap and still get back in no time." So he settled down under a tree and went to sleep.

Time passed in a leisurely way. However, the royal dinner was coming to an end and there was still no sign of Yamucha. The companions waited in tense silence. Neither songs nor jokes cracked on the flying ship. A mood of anxiety settled over everyone as they waited for the fleet-footed man to return.

"He's not gonna make it is he?"

Tien looked over a Krillin with an uneasy smile. "He may be a bit of a wimp, but he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to bail on you like that."

Piccolo snorted. "From the sounds of it, he's taking a nap."

Krillin's jaw dropped. "A nap?! Who takes a nap in the middle of a crisis?!"

"Weakling." Vegeta muttered.

"I can hear him snoring." Piccolo said. "There's a cicada buzzing on the tree right beside him."

Goku scratched his head. "How're we gonna wake him up?"

Tien sighed and hefted his gun to his shoulder. "Don't worry, I got this." He carefully aimed at the cicada on the tree, but then he stopped. "Krillin, could I have the picture of the princess?" The monk had to wrest the picture away from the old master, but he gave him the photo. Carefully, the sharp eyed man put the image inside a hollow bullet and re-loaded his gun. Then he aimed once more at the cicada. He fired the gun with a sharp crack and nailed the cicada with a loud smack.

Yamucha was instantly startled awake. "Who?! What?! Where?!" He was bewildered to see a piece of paper flutter down from above him. The shell of the bullet had popped open and the picture fell out. He saw the photo of the pretty girl that had startled him earlier and immediately took off, running as if his life depended on it. He was back at the boat in minutes. Blushing at the teasing from the other companions, he handed the bottle of water to Krillin, who in turn handed it to the servant who took it to the Tsar.

"SHENANIGANS AND MALARKY!" The Tsar cried angrily as he saw the bottle of water. It was stamped with Korin's special seal to show its authenticity. He hadn't left the table yet, so technically his orders were still properly carried out. "That was supposed to be impossible to do!"

After raging for a solid five minutes, the Tsar calmed enough to think. "There's nothing for it! I must think of something harder for them to do." He turned to his servant with a smirk. "Tell the captain that if he's so cunning to get the water, he must have quite the appetite. Tell him he must eat at a single meal twelve oxen roasted whole and as much bread as can be baked in forty ovens!" He snickered as the servant left to deliver the news. "No one, companions or not, is able to eat that much and not throw it back up."

Meanwhile, the companions were laughing in relief. That was a close one. They picked on Yamucha mercilessly until Piccolo interrupted them.

"The Tsar has thought up another challenge." And he told Krillin all he had heard.

"Eat all that? Are you kidding me?" Krillin gestured to himself. "I'm a monk! I can go without food for as long as it takes, but I can only manage one loaf of bread at a sitting! How am I going to eat all that food?"

Goku, who had been arm wrestling Vegeta, suddenly perked up. "Food? Did someone say something about food?" In response, his stomach growled long and loud. "I'm starving!"

At that moment, the servant arrived with the next task. He described all the food they were to eat and Goku nearly bounced with anticipation. Krillin glanced at the drooling man behind him and said. "Send it along then. We'll know what to do with it."

So twelve oxen roasted whole and as much bread that could be baked in forty ovens was brought out to the flying ship. It was all piled in the middle of the boat. When all had been brought aboard, the ship was so full that all the companions had to sit on the railings. Everyone aboard had just settled down to eat when Goku, the bottomless pit, set to the meal like he'd been starving for the past year. It was gone in seconds.

"That," said Tien, "had to be the most disgusting minute of my life."

Goku rubbed his rounded stomach and sighed happily. "That was good! They didn't bring out any dessert did they?"

The servant told the Tsar all of what happened. Tsar Gero threw the servant out the window. "CURSES!" Then he hatched a new plan and told another servant to give them the task of drinking forty barrels of wine each holding over forty bucketfuls in one sitting. He figured that they would drown themselves trying to drink it all so quickly.

Piccolo heard it all and relayed it Krillin.

Krillin sighed. "Really? Wine? I can barely manage a single bottle without having to pee." He was about to protest the demand further when Vegeta laughed aloud.

"Finally! This foolish Tsar wishes to pay homage to the mighty Prince of all saiyans!"

There was silence. Vegeta snorted at the stares the others gave him. "You forget that I am thirsty. It will be nothing of a drink for me." He sneered at the castle, as if it was responsible. "However, this measly offering will not make up for the slight against my lineage! He will pay for calling me a moujik!"

Then the servant came and announced the Tsar's command. The forty barrels were rolled out and piled up on the ship. Vegeta scowled at the servants the entire time. When all had been loaded on the ship, he tapped each barrel with a single punch and gulped them down one after another like it was nothing.

The companions watched in awe as the final barrel was emptied and tossed over the side. Vegeta wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smirked. "He called that a challenge? It was barely enough to sate my thirst."

Goku laughed and thumped the surly man on the back. "Wow! We should have a competition sometime!" He ignored the death glare Vegeta gave him and babbled on about who could eat and drink more.

Meanwhile, the servant who had given the news about the success of the men in the boat to the Tsar was disassembled. Viciously. With a sledgehammer.

"Fine!" Tsar Gero was nearly mad with rage. "If they can manage all that, then I'll just have to make sure they won't survive the next trial! This way they'll be gone and the ship will be mine!" He hit a button and another robot servant came out of a panel that opened in the wall. "Go and tell the captain of the flying ship that he is indeed worthy of my daughter and needs to get ready for the wedding! Tell him that he must bathe in the iron bathhouse around back. But before you do so, let the bathhouse be made so hot that the man will burn to death as soon as he sets foot inside. Make it hotter than the surface of fry-pan plains in midsummer!" He cackled. "There's no way he's getting out of this one!"

As before, Piccolo heard all this and relayed the information, stopping Krillin in the middle of one of his terrible jokes.

Krillin went white. "Well, I'm dead. I'm positive I can't survive that."

"Well now." Master Roshi got to his feet, patting the oversized fan on his back. "You forgot about me. Don't you worry, I'll handle this."

Well, the bathhouse was made red hot. Sure enough, Krillin was called to go bathe himself to get ready for the wedding. Master Roshi went with him. They stood before the iron bathhouse and immediately broke out into a sweat. It was so hot.

Carefully, the old master unstrapped the fan from his back and waved it once as they went inside. A strong with blew through the bathhouse, cooling it down.

Roshi wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Still too hot in here." He waved the fan a second time and immediately clouds formed inside the bathhouse and rain drenched them. Steam filled the room from floor to ceiling from the water hitting the hot iron floor.

Krillin yelled over the din of the rain. "It's still too hot in here!"

"Third time's the charm!" Roshi hollered back. He waved the fan a third time and the rainstorm immediately became a snowstorm. The temperature cooled significantly and Krillin, pleased that the water in the bathhouse was no longer broiling hot, started to wash himself. But the water quickly turned so cold that he barely got clean before it turned to ice.

"M-maybe th-the fan w-was a b-bad idea." Krillin chattered. He had to keep brushing snow off his head and shoulders.

"N-no kidding!" Master Roshi climbed on top of the water heater. "W-we'd best get c-comfortable. Th-they w-won't let us out until m-morning."

Together, they spent the night on top of the heater to keep warm. In the morning, the servants opened the doors to the bath house to find the pair of them alive and well. They reported back to the Tsar.

You can imagine his response.

"OUTRAGE! INFAMY! CURSES AND WHATNOT!" He threw things about in his rage. "Is there no getting rid of these pests?!"

"Father, why are you throwing things around?"

Tsar Gero looked over to see his son and daughter watching him with cold eyes. He scowled at them angrily. "I have not summoned either of you. Return to your quarters immediately!"

Prince Seventeen rolled his eyes. "Sure thing, Dad." He turned to leave and muttered to his sister. "I swear I could make a better Tsar than that old man."

"A dog would make a better Tsar." Princess Eighteen replied before turning and following him. As she did so, she looked out the window and caught sight of the companions in the flying ship. Her eyes landed on Krillin as he sat there, laughing and joking with his friends. She smiled to herself, thinking he was cute.

Tsar Gero watched them go, eyes narrowed. He had to think of something. Maybe he should just have them killed outright. After all, none of the trials seemed to work. Then he snapped his fingers in sudden revelation.

"That's it! I'll challenge him to a contest. A fight with my champions! I'll claim that I must know if he can defend the princess before I marry her off. Then, when he goes to fight, I'll just kill him!" He cackled some more, pleased with his plan. Then he set off to figure out where he put those robot warriors he made a while ago.

Piccolo heard all this and was slightly astonished at the Tsar's audacity. A slow smirk spread across his face. At least it would be a decent challenge. He turned to Krillin and relayed the message before the Tsar's servant arrived.

Krillin sighed in frustration. "All this testing and he still wants me dead? He's bound to have an army of soldiers ready in no time." He turned to his companions with a sad smile. "Guys, these past two days have been the best days of my life. You all have saved me time and time again. Friends like you are more than I could ever ask for, but I'm not willing that any of you should die fighting alongside me."

There was a pause as Krillin's words sunk in. Then everyone aboard the ship burst out in protest.

"We're not letting you get killed!"

"You can't give us a speech like that and then go to your death!"

"You're our friend! We won't let you fight alone!"

"HA! As if he could ever defeat me! I'll show him who's the most powerful!"

"A man as evil as the Tsar won't go down without a fight!"

Piccolo shook his head and grinned at the awestruck little monk. "Face it Krillin. You aren't getting rid of us that easy."

Krillin had to turn away so they wouldn't see him wipe away his tears. "You guys…"

Goku slung an arm around the short man's shoulders. "Aww Krillin! Don't get all sappy before the fight!"

Yamucha ribbed him from the side. "Yeah man. You can count on us!"

At that moment, the servant came out and delivered the Tsar's ultimatum. But before Krillin could say anything in response, the companions shouted out threats and retaliations.

"Tell the Tsar he can stick it where the sun don't shine!"

"We aren't backing down."

"He'd better put out after this one or else!"

"Tell that crook to give us the reward!"

"Tell him if he puts us off again, I'll make war on his country!"

"We'll take the princess by force if we have to! He doesn't deserve a babe like that!"

Krillin shot them all a panicked look as the servant tore back to the palace, fearful for its little robotic life. "You guys are nuts."

Fortunately, the little robotic servant was spared when he told the Tsar ad verbatim the companion's reply. Tsar Gero merely laughed at the threats. He thought that there was no one to defeat his creations. So, puffed up and dressed in his oddly colored finery, he strode out in front of the palace. Behind him followed large robotic soldiers. They practically bulged with muscles and sharp things.

Krillin saw them approach and swallowed. They looked tough. Then he looked back at his friends aboard the ship and his spirits lifted. He wouldn't be facing those robotic soldiers alone. Setting his jaw, he hopped over the side of the boat. The companions quickly followed him as they made their way over to meet the Tsar.

"So, my dear moujiks, if you are able to defeat my warriors, you prove that you are worthy and capable of protecting the princess." Tsar Gero said imperiously.

Vegeta bared his teeth and gave a feral growl. "I'll kill him!"

Tsar Gero sneered at the group. "However, should you fail to defeat them, your pathetic lives are forfeit. Understand?"

Piccolo scowled fiercely. "We understand, but you should likewise be warned."

"We don't intend to lose to the likes of you." Tien said, shouldering his gun.

"So watch out." Goku settled into a fighting stance. "We're going all out."

There was a pause between the two sides. Krillin stood there among his companions and felt his confidence soar. They could do this. They would do this.

And the fighting began.

Each companion entered into a duel with one of the Tsar's fighters. The fighting was fierce, but it was obvious that the ship's companions were winning. Goku and Vegeta tore through their opponents as if they were made of tissue paper. Yamucha practically ran circles around his opponent before dismantling it. Tien fired his gun into the robot's core. Piccolo heard out the robot's weaknesses and exploited them. Master Roshi used the bansho fan to blow his enemy into the next country. Krillin used all the martial arts he had learned, surprising himself with his strength and agility, and defeated his opponent as well.

When the dust settled, the companions stood over their defeated enemies victoriously. And of course, Tsar Gero threw a royal fit.

"How can this be!?" He raged. "You are nothing but dirty moujiks! Do you hear me?! NOTHING!" He whipped an odd looking gun out from beneath his robes. "I will NOT give my creations to you! I will take the ship for myself! You will die and I WILL WIN! I WILL NOT LOSE TO YOU!"

"You already lost a long time ago, Father." The companions turned to see the prince and princess come out of the palace to confront their Tsar. Krillin blushed as he watched them. The princess was much prettier in person.

Gero pointed the gun at his 'children'. "Get back in the palace at once! OBEY ME!"

Princess Eighteen rolled her eyes. "Ugh. I'm so tired of you ordering us around like this." She looked over at her brother. "What do you think?"

"I wholeheartedly agree." Prince Seventeen strolled casually forward and ripped the gun from Gero's hands. "It's about time for a change in leadership around here."

"WHAT!? I am your TSAR! Your CREATOR! How DARE you talk back to me!" He whipped out a small remote control. "Shoot me and I'll kill the both of you with the bomb I implanted within you while you were asleep!"

The group was stunned. Did the evil deeds of this man know no bounds? Krillin felt anger bubble up inside him. The princess and her brother should not have to pay for their father's terrible issues. Reacting quickly, he darted forward and snatched the remote out of the Tsar's hand. He immediately crushed it under his boot.

Tsar Gero was shocked. "What."

"Nice." And the prince fired the gun. The former Tsar Gero was instantly dissolved in a beam of light so strong, everyone had to look away to keep their eyesight.

And so ended the reign of the evil Tsar Gero. As for Krillin and his companions, they were immediately made welcome guests of the palace. The new Tsar, Tsar Furry, threw out the notion that the princess would have to marry anyone. The kingdom was ushered into a new era of true peace. Not the uneasy false peace of the Tsar before.

The companions made merry, celebrating their victory. Each, barring Piccolo and Vegeta, promised openly to keep in contact with their friends. Then they went their separate ways.

Krillin, however, stayed at the palace longer than he intended and fell hopelessly in love with the princess. The new Tsar liked him very much and insisted that he stay for as long as he liked. He did great services to the kingdom with his strength and good common sense, proving his worth time and time again until all appreciated him. As for the princess, needless to say that she loved the little monk to distraction. After some cute, albeit awkward attempts at proposal, the two were married and lived happily ever after.

THE END