Guest (Purpledragon93)- :P
AmazingRrrachel- awesome username and I'm glad you finally made an account.
Ssgcp- thank you but you are part of the reason I reached 50 in the first place so congratulate yourself.
ActingLikeGarfeildOnaMonday- I'm glad you like my story that much.
Amazingfire24- I have eeeeeviiiiiil plans but I can assure you that Sam won't end up with Phil no matter how hard you ship them. Sorry.
Romanow- I'm really glad you like the flash backs because I have a lot of them planned in the future. You'll get to find out all about how Phil and Sam met and eventually became friends. I prefer reading the texts for yourself in stories, better immersion. Are you Psychic?
Chapter 20: Piano Keys and Crushed Dreams
I made my way to the café Lily and I went to on my first day back. Instead of sitting outside like last time, I found a table inside in a corner with an outlet in case I needed to plug my computer in and got to work on my blog post.
I told the waiter to keep the coffee coming and I'd let him know when I wanted something to eat. I got quite a bit of work done when I heard an all too familiar voice.
"Oh my god. Is that really Samantha Daven?"
I had to suppress the urge to roll my eyes and instead I planted a smile on my face.
"Hello Mel. It's good to see you." I said looking up at the blond haired blue eyed girl that ran the schools and now probably the town's rumor mill.
"I heard that you were in town but I just couldn't believe it until now. It looks like London has treated you well." She said with her all too fake smile.
I looked past Mel to see her loyal followers at either side behind her. Bella, a dark skinned, absolutely beautiful girl who for some reason would follow Mel to the ends of the world. I never understood why she followed Mel like a puppy. She could have easily been way higher up on the high school food chain but she always had hid in behind Mel's shadow.
Tina on the other hand was very plain. She had brown hair that hung limply just below her shoulders and she had muddy brown eyes. In school, it was rumored that she would do anything to get dirt on someone. Another rumor was that she was quite easy if you know what I mean. So it didn't surprise me to see that she was pregnant and had a little boy holding on to her hand.
"Yeah I thought I would surprise my parents with a visit home. I see you all are doing well." I said my eyes landing on Tina's very pregnant belly before looking up and meeting her eyes.
"Well we should be going. We have some wedding planning to do. Bret and I are getting married. You should come to the wedding." She said not looking sincere in the least.
"No, I won't be able to make it. I'm only here for a few weeks then it's back to London." I said thankful that I had the excuse.
I couldn't care less about going to that wedding.
"The wedding isn't until November. You could just come back." Did she actually want me to go or was she just digging for something?
"No, I don't make enough to be able to do that. I don't even know if I'll be able to come home for Christmas." I said.
"Oh well that's too bad. I guess I'll see you around then." She said.
Don't get me wrong, but I really don't like them. They have never done anything really bad to me like they have to some but that was because I flew under the radar my entire high school career, but they would love to get some sort of dirt on me. The town doctor's daughter could only fly so low under the radar.
Now that I think of it, I probably shouldn't have said a flight home was too expensive. I can just hear the rumors now. Town doctor cuts daughter off of from trust fund. Is it because she dropped out of college? Is it drugs? DID SHE HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRAGE?
Okay maybe not the last one but I could see her spreading the other two. That and while I was away in London for the first year I lost like twenty five pounds. She's gonna go for the drugs. The whole town is going to give me worried stares and they are going to say suggestively kind things. I'll be the town druggie.
"Hey Sam, the manager says you have to order food or something other than coffee or you have to leave. Sorry." Derick, the waiter said.
"Just give me whatever. A bagel I guess." I replied thankful that he had pulled me out of my downward spiral to who knows where.
I tried to get back into drafting another blog post but Mel and her growing group of girls continued to get louder and louder. Around one I had to pack up because I couldn't concentrate on the words. Why do girls have to laugh so obnoxiously?
I escaped to the only sanctuary I had left, the music store.
Ever since high school, my sanctuary was the music store and Gloria's studio of course. From the age of six, I've practically ate, slept, and breathed music.
When I started school, my brother used to pick me up and we would go to the music store. He had guitar lessons and I usually would sit and watch. It's because of my brother that I love the guitar so much but I never felt the same pull to it as I do to the piano. My brother actually offered to teach me multiple times but I never took him up on it.
When I went in to the music store, I nodded at the young girl behind the counter and headed straight to the sheet music. We had all of the piano books at home but you never know when they are going to come out with a new one. After striking out I went over to the grand piano that sat in the display window. I could see a few days' worth of dust on the fall board.
I checked to see if the girl at the counter was paying attention to me before putting my bag down and sitting at the bench. I ran my hand across the fall board to clear off the dust. I made a second pass of my hand on the fall board just to feel the glossed black wood of the piano. It felt like a handshake with an old friend.
I lifted the fall board and saw that there was even more dust on the keys. It made me a little sad knowing it hadn't been played in a while. I wiped the dust off each key without actually pressing it. When the dust was gone, the keys looked brand new.
I touched each key of the cord I intended to start with and the music just popped into my head. Before I could stop myself I started pressing the keys. I didn't recognize the song until after I played it, but it was one that a friend of Gloria's wrote for me in high school. If I hadn't chickened out at the last minute, I would have had a music scholarship.
"You can't play that! The sign says no touching!" said the girl from behind the counter.
She had come running over. I ignored her and just continued to play.
"Don't interrupt in the middle of a song Ellie." I heard a deep voice say.
I was so swept up in the music that I didn't recognize the voice until I was done and it spoke again.
"Why couldn't you have done that six years ago?" said the deep voice.
I turned recognizing the voice instantly.
"Ben!" I said jumping off the stool and running to hug the very tall man behind me.
When I say that Ben it tall, I mean he is very tall, like 6'7". His skin was the color of coffee before you put the milk in. He looks very scary but he's far from it. I don't think I've met a nicer person in my life.
"How is London?" he asked with a smile and hugging me back.
"Good but I don't have a piano so I'm kind of going through withdrawals. Sorry by the way." I said looking back at the piano.
"You are the only one that I've ever let play that thing. Don't worry about it. Instruments are made to be played." He said guiding me over to the counter.
"Now I see you've put a guitar on hold?"
Well I knew I couldn't hide it from him for long, he does own the store and all.
"Yeah, but Ian and Lily won't teach me how to play plus I don't know how I would get it back to London." I said.
"Oh so you're going back?" he said looking a little sad.
Yet another person who was hoping I would be coming home for good eventually.
"Yeah, I have a job and friends I don't feel like leaving yet." I said mentally kicking myself.
I couldn't bring myself to admit to Ben that I wasn't coming back. Have you ever seen a very scary looking black man cry? Well I have and I never want to see that again. Of course it was when he found out a family member had died but ya know, it's the same thing.
"I wish you had shown interest sooner. I thought you would be incredible on the guitar but Gloria would never let me steal you away." He said.
"I probably would have turned you down then. I had no interest in any instrument besides the piano." I replied.
"What with the way you used to watch your brother, I don't think I would believe that." said Ben with a laugh.
"So what brings you here? Run into someone you didn't want to see?" Ben asked.
"Kind of. You know this is one of my safe places. Well the only one left now that Gloria isn't at her studio anymore." I said with a small sad smile.
Gloria's studio held so many memories in those walls. The way the old hard wood flooring would creak and how the skinny boards felt under my hands when I used to sit in the hall before my recitals. The smell of new sheet music and the smell of the old sheet music. Even the musty smell of the storage room brought me back to when Lily and I played hide and seek when we were supposed to be looking for new reeds for the saxophones.
"You do know I bought that place right?" He said.
"No! I didn't know!" I exclaimed, my eyes going wide.
"Yeah, she sold it to me for a good price. Figured I'd take better care of it than someone off the street. I use it for my lessons now." said Ben with a smile.
"Does it still smell the same?" I asked.
"No matter how hard I try, it smells the same. It's like Gloria's perfume is imbued into the walls and the floor of her office." said Ben with a hearty laugh.
"Hey, I happen to like that smell. I would never wear it but I like it." I said mock scolding him.
"Yes but how is anyone supposed to take me seriously when it smells like an old lady in my office?" He countered.
I laughed at the picture I got of Ben in a meeting with someone in Gloria's perfume smelling office. Come on picture a huge, scary black man in an office that smelled like old lady flowery perfume and tell me you don't find that at least a little funny.
I stayed at the music store for about an hour longer then I figured I should go home before Lily got worried. On my walk back to her apartment I thought back to my big recital.
I knew there were representatives from Julliard in the audience. This was my big chance to get out of this small town. Lily and Adam had applied for college in New York so the three of us could be together. They were going to go to the same school for convenience sake.
I was so happy and grateful that my best friend and boyfriend had agreed to go to school with me so I didn't have to be in a big city all by myself.
I was sitting in the hall of Gloria's studio. It's where they held recitals like this. The feel of where the skinny floor boards had warped from the weather were a calming familiar feel under my hands. I could smell Gloria's perfume coming from somewhere but I couldn't place where.
Ben's hand written sheet music sat on the floor next to me. I studied his handwriting and how he made his "i's". He simply named it Sammie's Song. He said he wrote it when he was drafting the song and when he was done, he didn't have the heart to change it. The title fit the song too perfectly.
I couldn't hold back the flood dam of pressure everyone was putting on me for much longer. I hope they call my name soon.
"Samantha Daven?" said a female voice that was unfamiliar to me.
Kind of perfect timing don't you think.
I stood and bent down to pick up my sheet music when I noticed my hands were shaking, a lot. Okay deep breaths. You're going to be fine. You're going to go on the stage like you've done a million times and you'll be okay. It's just going to be you in that room.
I followed the woman into the left wing of the stage. I could hear the piano playing from behind the curtain and they were good. I felt my confidence get knocked down a peg. Then when they finished, the entire audience applauded. Well I guess pretending you're alone in there isn't going to work now.
All I could think was that I really wish Gloria was back stage. She gives the best pep talks. She could get me over this mild bout of stage fright. It's not like my entire future depended on my performance tonight.
Oh god my entire future is depending on my performance tonight. What if I hit a wrong key? My hands are shaking pretty badly, it could happen. What if I forget a line? I mean I have the sheet music but once I start playing and getting into a song I close my eyes. What if I get out there and vomit all over the stage? Oh god I think I'm going to be sick.
"Are you ready?" asked the woman.
She sounded very far away and I could barely understand what she was saying let alone respond. I could feel my heart beating in my ears. My throat was closing up and my chest felt tight.
"Samantha, are you ready?" she asked again sounding even farther away.
My breathing was very shallow and if I didn't do something quick I was going to start hyperventilating.
"Sam, if you don't go on, you'll be disqualified." She said and all I saw was her lips moving.
I understood what she had said but I couldn't get my feet to move. It was like they were cemented to the floor. Then black spots started to cloud my vision. Before she could say anything else I fainted.
The next thing I remember is waking up to Gloria, Ben, my parents, Ian, Lily and Adam all looking over me. I felt my heart sink and I knew I was never going to get in to my dream school.
I clung to Lily and cried into her shirt. New York was just not in to cards for us I guess. Adam rubbed my back while I sobbed. My parents hugged each other. Ian just sat there dumbfounded.
For as long as I could remember, I wanted music to be my career and up until that point, it was going to be. You could say that all of us were heartbroken.
I spent the next week in bed. Lily and Adam tried to come over but I wouldn't see them. I felt ashamed. I didn't even play all week. I had decided I was never going to play again. A bit melodramatic, I know, but my dream was crushed.
Eventually, Ian couldn't stand me being holed up in my room and he tried to drag me out but I wouldn't go willingly. In the end her threw me over his shoulder and then sat me in front of the piano.
"Sammie, I know you're sad and disappointed but you can't live like this anymore. I want my sister back. You have never gone this long without playing the piano. Just play me something." He said pleading with me.
"No." I whispered.
Ian's patience was short. He lifted up the fall board.
"Play."
"No."
"I swear to God Sammie, play." He said picking my hand up and putting them on the keys hard enough to push the keys down making a horrible noise. "Please."
With that I couldn't hold back anymore. I started to play and it felt good. It felt good to just play because I loved the sound and the way the music made me feel as opposed to the constant practicing I had been doing recently.
I still went to lessons the rest of my senior year but I stayed out of the spot light. I didn't participate in that year's studio recital. I refused to do Gloria's showcase where she picks her best students to play in order to get people to send their kids to her. I wouldn't even help her teach the class I had told her I would help with because I just didn't want to play in front of anyone.
I made my way up the stairs to Lily's apartment. I will never get used to the amount of stairs. When I went in I found Lily on the couch watching reruns of What Not To Wear and stuffing her face with popcorn. I had to laugh at the image.
I joined her on the couch and she changed it to some show I didn't even know the name of and she handed me the popcorn bowl. We stayed like this all night. Not really talking at all. Just sitting and watching TV.
Around three am Lily decided to go to bed but I couldn't sleep. I decided to call Dan. Yes I know, I am a horrible friend waking him up at eight am. I dialed his number before I could talk myself out of it. It rang twice before he answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey Dan."
"Oh Sammie." said a half asleep sounding Dan.
"Sorry to call you so early, I just couldn't sleep." I explained.
"No it's okay. Wait isn't it like three am there?" he asked.
"Yeah kind of."
"What's wrong?"
"Why would you think something is wrong?"
"Sam… You can't sleep. What's wrong?"
"Nothing, just I ran into some girls that I graduated with today. One of them has a kid and is pregnant again and the other is getting married. I just kind feel weird." I said flat out lying about what was really bothering me.
I couldn't tell him about the music thing because he didn't know I could play.
"If anything, you should consider yourself lucky. I've seen you with Darcy and you are not ready to have a kid yet." said Dan.
"Hey, Darcy loves me. Sometimes." I said causing Dan to laugh. "Yeah I know I'm not ready but I just kind of feel like my life isn't moving forward like everyone else around me."
"If it makes you feel better, I think you're at a good place. You have a job, a place to live, somewhat of a social life." said Dan causing me to laugh this time.
"Can I just come home now? I don't want to see all of the people I left here that I didn't want to see." I said lying down on the couch.
"You book the flight and I'll meet you at the airport." said Dan with what sounded like a smirk in his voice.
"You really do need to go to sleep Sammie." said Dan after a few minutes of silence where I had had my eyes closed.
"Will you stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?" I asked sounding like a little kid that wanted one of their parents to sleep with them.
"Of course I will." He replied.
"I feel kind of home sick." I said my voice getting softer as sleep started taking me over.
"Well home is here whenever you want to come back." said Dan.
That was the last thing I heard before drifting off to sleep.
Just a few more chapters and Sam will be home with Dan and Phil. I'm really excited for you to read the next chapters I have in store for you. See you all on Thursday.