.1. And there was you

(my light at the end of the tunnel)

There it is- the dreaded moment, the reminder, the fine line that narrowed everything into perspective. Thank kami he was drunk- fuck a line, fuck the rules- it was all bullshit anyway- and since when had he ever minded the damn things? How were you expected to know where the fuck that line was, when you were seeing everything in doubles?

'This isn't okay. There's absolutely nothing okay about this-' 'Fuck off.' 'This isn't right you little shit! You could get her in trouble you could-' Of course that sensible fucker in his head always made perfect sense. And what the hell was he doing right now? Holding on to her with all of the strength he had? Yeah what the actual fuck was he doing? She smelled like jasmine and happiness and home- the exact opposite of all the shit he knew was waiting for him when he eventually dragged his ass back to that same jank apartment he shared with 'uncle' Jiraiya.

He didn't even want to think of that hell hole right now- it was three am in the morning on a weekend, by this time that sad sack of a guardian would no doubt be in a three foot pile comprised of pussy, cheap booze, vomit and who knew what the fuck else- but no, not him! No siree! Naruto Uzimaki was most definitely (not) drunk at three in the morning (okay he was drunk) but she was here- she was here and-

He could feel her shivering involuntarily, in the way she always seemed to when he drew near. Her entire body would tremble, as if a chill had just raced down her spine. Even now he could feel it- her entire body seeming to tingle and squirm beneath him as if she weren't sure if she wanted to get as far away as she could (or as close as he dared). At first he had thought it was the same like always, the 'what the fuck is wrong with him?' 'Oh you haven't heard?' 'That's Naruto Uzimaki...and he is-' the same shit, the same cycle of shit on shit on shit-but she hadn't been like that. She was...different.

He...wanted to be close to her.

That was the weird thing about being drunk. It made you forget for a moment- it took you away for a moment- and then suddenly BAM! there you were staring in the mirror again, facing yourself again. But not now- he didn't want to deal with any of that shit right now-

She was staring at him with that expression. All soft and frail and haggard as if she was always on the verge of having some massive emotional breakdown, always anxious, fearful of everything he would or wouldn't do. Granted these were all extremely valid concerns considering he didn't have a cents worth of common sense, but it had never bothered him when it came from her. She never really seemed to know what to make of him. That was fair- he hadn't really known what to make of her at first either. Everything about her was so soft and timid and dark and weird and she was so awkward and shy and, and, and-

It hit him again. It hit him again while he was crumpled in her arms like some sad sack of potatoes, some pathetic drunken excuse for a person, outside of the apartment he had stalked her to at three in the damn morning. 'Holy Shit. I love you. I like really fucking love you.' It him with such unbridled intensity, with such force that he wanted...he wanted- 'Here we go again-'

Sluggishly he threw his arm loosely around her waist in some groping, fumbling attempt at an embrace. The swift intake of her breath at his ear made him want to pull her closer and closer and closer and CLOSER- as if smushing her body as tight against his as it could possibly get would let her feel the sweet hot flame of his scorching love for her.

...Or at the very least, the very real boner he was spouting. Both were expressions of love right? 'My god! What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?!'

-That should have been his line really. Damned voice beat him to it- she let out a breath again, a sweet gasping thing that made him want to hear it again. Her face- ah there it was- the flush filling her cheeks, turning them an intense shade of red. Her eyes could get so wide! Like some woodland creature caught in headlights- and she could give him such a look! As if he were a walking scandal, a headline waiting to happen, as if he were always on the verge of teetering over the edge of some abyss she couldn't begin to fathom. 'Stick around sweetheart. This one jumped ship a while ago.'

"Uzimaki-san!" That telltale tremble. She wanted to run from his arms in wide eyed embarrassment- she looked like she was going to faint- but as always duty kept her there. It made him smile drunkenly in the dark. She was a good person after all. And here he was, ungrateful little bastard that he was, taking advantage of this frail, pitiful excuse of a teacher, this woman who never quite seemed to realize that he loved the ever living shit out of her.

He wanted to laugh again. But he choked on it, and before he knew it he had thrown up all over her.

The good news- she lived alone.

Or so he was able to assume anyway, despite being head first in the porcelain bowl where he was sure Hyuuga-sensei did the most demure of poops. He hadn't really realized how much he had lost his shit until this moment- like who the fuck vomits in a toilet and thinks about the last person who pooped in it...and fondly at that!? Maybe the voice in his head was right after all- there had to be something seriously fucking wrong with him. Well there was but she didn't have to know that...

They were all right about him it turned out- besides not being shit, and being dumb as a box of rocks, along with the not so little known fact that he had failed to graduate like twice and...well...that whole thing...and now here he was thinking super inappropriate thoughts about his dear little Hina-chan, who was rubbing his back and holding back his hair with a cool hand as he continued to vomit unmercifully into her toilet.

It was kind of cute almost. Definitely a story to tell the kids- heck they weren't even dating yet and she was already helping him through a post drunk hangover! Even covered in vomit she was cute, although he had repeatedly and insistently offered to help her clean herself up.

And undress.

...And get naked.

...And maybe grope each other and make out, although he was beginning to realize that really wouldn't help her current situation much.

He had found out a while ago that some dark part of him had some sick, twisted fascination with watching her eyes go wide and seeing the heat rush to her face. He kind of liked the way she would gasp and tremble and stare at him in dumbfounded shock and wonder. At times it was almost painful to watch her struggle for words, then again at times like this all it did was make him smile goofily into the toilet. He could see the firm reprimand wavering on the edge of her tongue.

He knew a part of her wanted to do what was right, what was expected- 'He's my student- S-Should I call the authorities?-I should call his guardian- I shouldn't be alone with him. This...isn't allowed- ' but it was clashing with that frail heart he had come to know so well. That old enviable weakness. 'But I can't...leave him alone...not like this.'

'You're the worst kind of person there is.' Yeah, yeah he knew that already. Taking advantage of her kindness just so he could have an excuse to be in her house? Granted he also really had needed a toilet but that wasn't important right now...what was important was her cool, soft hand on his fevered forehead, and those wide, pitiful eyes watching him ever so carefully.

"A-A-Are you o-o-okay? D-Do you n-need anything?" She asked him anxiously, her eyes so wide and worried still that it made him want to laugh (but not vomit) all over again. His entire body was slumped heavily against the porcelain, where he was nearly purring, thoroughly enjoying the feel of her skin. And it smelled soooooo good in here. 'I could die right now I think. And I would be okay with that.' The same sweet, delicate scent that wafted from her skin was here in it's purest form. It was a comforting, gentle aroma. He could have lain on the floor and just breathed.

"CPR 'ould be niiiiiice...and 'ou coulda still 'ake me up on my otha offa Hina-chaaaan..." He was pretty impressed at his functionality right now honestly. Sure it was still a little hard to get his shitty brain to get with the damn program, but making the extra effort to get her as embarrassed as humanly possible seemed to have been ingrained into his DNA.

She flushed, her entire form going stiff and helpless again. She drew back from him, and he nearly groaned aloud. "Kiddin, kiddin H-Hina- Imma dwunk and being stoopid and-"-okay that was a damn lie he was drunk but not that drunk and secretly he had meant every word but the last thing he wanted to do was remind her for the upteemth time why boundaries were extremely important things in her line of work. She stared at him in that same way, unsure of what to say or do with him. He made the decision for her, slumping on to the floor and resting his head against the ice cold tile.

"Imma fine Hina-chan thanks. 'ont worry errything is fine imma jus' rest here for a minnut...Imma mess now but it passes fast and...go clean yoself up...sowwy bout dat Imma...Imma still kinda drunk..."

She was staring at him again, her mouth set in a single shaky line. Her eyes were pained. But he could read it in the lines of her face, her body, drunk or not. She wanted to comfort him, to be there for him. She opened her mouth- closed it. Why? It was unspoken but there it was, hovering between them. He smiled, the same old goofy grin to put her at ease. But inside things never really changed. And everyday that went by smiles began to feel like pulling teeth. Bitter and painful. She wanted to say something, anything- but there was nothing to say. He smiled for her, the only time it was real anymore. 'It's okay promise. I'm used to it already.'

"Go on Hina-chan." He freed her from it. This wasn't her burden after all. It wasn't meant to be shared. It was a hell of a lot deeper than Sasuke and Sakura playing tonsil hockey. It was 'you can't fight this, you never could. You've always been destined to wind up just like them, just like-' he blinks- was it a for a minute or was it an hour? And she was gone, leaving him to bask and doze unattended in the sweetness of her scent.

She left him water and aspirin, both things he would have kissed her feet for if she had allowed it, and if he was being honest he still would have even if she hadn't. It didn't take long for him to get over shit like this, that was the good thing- and the bad thing. In the half hour she had made herself scarce (to clean up no doubt) he was already able to rise. Scowling he had chewed on the tablet, gratefully gulping down the glass of water with a much needed sigh of relief.

Although he was lax to leave his sweet smelling haven, there were far more pressing concerns on his mind. Chances like this didn't happen to often right? It would be such a waste not to take advantage of the opportunity right? Right?! Of course his conscience was in no mood to follow him up on anymore shit, so sulky silence was all that seemed to echo in his head- which he was perfectly fine with of course.

It was a cute, neat little house, a little sparse in some ways, but decorated in a carefully detailed way that reminded him of her. He could see it all now really- here Hina-chan would probably make dinner in some cute frilly aprons- there she would grade assignments, maybe lament over students driving her batshit insane (was he one of those? There was an extremely strong possibility-) there she would lounge, weary from a hard days work. He mulled over creeping upstairs to see where she slept (okay that might actually be crossing the line, although if she invited him up that was another matter entirely) but again that was on that very fine line between kind of not okay and WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK NOT COOL. But then again, he had probably river danced all over that line the minute he had thrown up on her.

And he was a young lad, so there was the very real possibility that he would somehow find his way to her underwear drawer. But honestly she could blame 'uncle' Jiraiya for that, whose continued diligence to his education had successfully fucked him up from youth. 'And what kind of shit head adult gives a young kid porno to read instead of picture books anyway!?'

Not that he was extremely interested in finding out if Hyuuga-sensei was the type to wear lacy lingerie or anything...it wasn't like he would be looking for it but sometimes things just kind of happened and he just kind of let them. 'One of the many, many reasons you can't be trusted you know.' But he shrugged that off. That was all noise on the surface- there was more deeper, closer to the heart of him.

He wanted to- there was so much he wanted- he wanted to lay where she lay. He wanted to- he wanted to be closer to her. He wanted-

'Don't be stupid. Don't forget. You would break her. You would-' Yeah he knew all of that shit already. Like a child too rough with his toys, it was always there in the back of his mind, the reality of how things were. 'You have to keep things in perspective. You can't forget. You are-' He knew, even though he didn't want too. He remembered when he wanted to forget. 'She doesn't know.' Shut up. 'If she knew-' Shut up shut up 'Would she still-?'

He hadn't realized he was hunched over, clutching his head in his hands, hadn't realized he had lost himself somewhere between here and there until-

"Uzimaki-san?"

He blinked, coming to himself. He turned- and she was there, coming down the staircase in clean clothes, hair still wet from her shower. She stopped, realizing that she doesn't recognize him for a moment- not with that odd pained expression on his face. For a moment he just stares at her- while his brain sputtered stupidly, his heart jumping straight in his throat so that he was forced to gulp harshly to send it back down.

Her charm was hard to explain- hell half the time it was impossible too. She was easy to look over somehow, easy to miss. That timid, creeping way of hers let her blend in, made her somewhat forgettable. You had to look, you really had to look. It had crept up on him at first, kind of slowly. So slowly he hadn't even been aware of it. And then next thing he fucking knew it had hit him harder then a pissed off Sakura- and then love and fascination and everything had all gotten scrambled in his head so fast he didn't know down from up or right from wrong.

Then he realized he rather liked the pale of her skin, the dark of her hair. It was actually very pretty taken care of hair, unlike the mangled mop on his own head. And he didn't mind those pale eyes so much, eyes like the moon suited her even though a month before just thinking of her shitty cousin Neji was enough to make his stomach turn. And he rather liked the way she shied from people, her quiet, timid nature, her odd stutter, the way she'd poke her fingertips together when she got nervous, how she tried so hard despite her failings, the way she didn't understand but wanted too, the way she wanted to ask but was too scared too, the way her thin neck disappeared into the neckline of her shirt, how delicate her hands were, how cool her skin was, how good she smelled, how absolutely delicious she looked when her cheeks got all red and flushed kind of like right now and-

"U-U-Uzimaki-san?"

..."What?" He blinked.

...What had he just been doing?

Oh that's right staring blankly at her like the lovesick chump he was. Well shit. 'Uhhh say something you idiot! Don't just stand there looking stupid!' Right- he definetly couldn't afford to stand here and mentally check off all of the reasons he had decided marrying Hyuuga-sensei was his new goal in life right? It was probably a good thing that she'd stopped him, otherwise he could have stood here and stared at her in slack jawed wonder all night. She had this great post shower glow right now too- 'I wonder if she'd let me brush her hair if I asked...' it was hanging in heavy damp strands against her shoulders...and there were these magnificent droplets of water cascading down the pale column of her neck, down, down, down-

"Um...U-Uzimaki-s-san?"

-had he really forgotten to add her mouthwatering body to the list of reasons she was perfect? He didn't know shit about poetry, but just watching those tiny droplets of water disappearing into the neckline of her top made him want to write a sonnet. He kind of...wanted to...wipe them away...maybe with his tongue...'uhh her skin looks like it tastes as good as she smells'... Touching her was always at the forefront of his mind, although granted most of the time it was for no other reason than to see her squirm. 'And speaking of squirming, high on the list of things I have to do before dying is most definitely all 5 ft'1 of Hyuuga-sensei's delicious soft limbed bod-'

"U-Uzimaki-san are you a-alright?!"

"Huh?" He came out of whatever odd fantasy he had been dreaming of, too find her closer than he remembered. He had been staring at her again- accompanied this time by the always timely nosebleed. Weird. As much fantasizing as he did of Hyuuga-sensei, you would think his body would have gotten the memo by now...he scrubbed it away haphazardly with the back of his sleeve.

"Ehh nothing to worry about Hyuuga-sensei! I must have...uh...it might have been all the drink I had...eheheh..." He could be a piss poor liar sometimes and it was a damned good thing Hyuuga-sensei didn't drink, otherwise she would have realized a pretty shitty excuse when she heard one. "B-But hey don't you worry about it! After all the times I've been shit faced you wind up getting over things kind of quick!" He added immediately, already seeing her expression tighten with worry. Granted she kind of looked like she was trying to estimate how many times he had been shit faced...'smooth kid. real smooth.'

"A-Anyway!"- he continued abruptly, scratching the back of his head rather sheepishly. "Sorry about that! And um...you know...er...about that other thing-" he didn't really want to remember that he had just thrown up over her but then again...c'est la vie...

"But I'll make it up to you I promise! I really owe you one for tonight sensei! So thanks for everything, you could have just thrown my drunk ass out...but I appreciate you not calling the cops or telling me to fuck off or-ya know. Especially considering all of that shit I was spouting earlier er...I wasn't myself..." He had actually been very much himself but she didn't have to know all that...

It was a good thing word vomit was one of his specialties, and thankfully he could talk Hyuuga-sensei's ears off and she would listen patiently. It helped that she wasn't a chatty person, everything she said she stated with hesitation, as if she always overthought every word before it ever left her mouth.

Im many ways everything about him kind of overwhelmed her- his rambunctious energy, his too wide smile, his too easy laugh, his straight forward affection- he could tell it was always almost too much for her to handle.

"A-Ah...i-it's...q-quite a-a-alright...I'm...I'm glad I-I w-was a-able to help..." She stated carefully after a moment. She didn't want to offend- but she was always worried- she wanted to show she cared- but would that be too much? She didn't want to sound too formal, but she wanted to be sure he was alright...but he couldn't afford to keep being so reckless..."Y-You n-need to b-be more c-careful Uzimaki-san. Y-You could have g-gotten h-hurt or...or-"

She fumbled with the words, the things said and the things unsaid. The both of them knew his track record, and of course he knew what she was thinking. 'Okay so maybe the last time I got drunk things got a little out of hand...okay but honestly only kami knows how I managed to spray paint mustaches on all of the faces of the Hokage monument while stark naked...' That had just been a...miscalculation on his part...'Then what about the time before that? What do you have selective amnesia or something? You don't remember the time you-' 'Woah hey there! DO NOT want to be thinking about that right now...'

Good thing for him that Hyuuga-sensei was such a worry wart, already thinking about what she had just said. He could tell because her eyebrows would always crinkle just so. As always he decided she didn't have (much) anything to worry about! Naruto Uzimaki always managed to get his shit together somehow right?!

But her fretting face was so cute-'like a cute little rabbit- look at how worried she is for me- I'm a nightmare student from hell and I showed up drunk on her doorstep and I even threw up on her and in her toilet and instead of calling the cops she still has it in her to tell me to be careful and and and-'

"I REALLY WANT TO HUG YOU RIGHT NOW."

There was an odd beat of silence.

'Wait...'

Had he just said that out loud?

She was flushing again, beet red. She stumbled backwards away from him, and it took him a half second to realize that unconsciously he had stepped towards her, arms a little too wide. Oh. Damn. Awkward. He stumbled back himself with a little too much haste, idly scratching the back of his head as he laughed a little too fiercely.

"Haha! Kidding Hyuuga-sensei! Kidding! You've got to stop being so fun to bully, or else those little shits at the academy are going to really start pressing your buttons. But if they ever do you just let me know and I'll beat the brakes off of 'em! Although if you wanted to take me up on the offer my arms are always open..." He just managed to mumble the last part of that sentence underneath his breath, sighing to himself at a missed opportunity. He hadn't been able to appreciate the sweetness of her embrace earlier and looks like he wouldn't get too now either...damnit he was never drinking again after this...'Although I would gladly give myself alcohol poisoning if it meant I had another chance to lay on the floor of your bathroom...'

"U-U-Um...?" She stumbled uncertainly- she didn't seem to know what to say to that. "I-If you g-give me a m-moment I c-can...c-call your g-guardian. D-D-Do you n-need h-help g-getting home?"

He vetoed that course of action immediately, the look of disgust so apparent on his face that it caught her by surprise. 'Ugh Jiraiya. That shitty old man wouldn't come to the phone even if you paid him...and he's probably so shit faced by now he's forgotten where we live again...God I hope he's not wandering naked through the neighborhood again... and what is it with us and getting naked while drunk? I really need to go back to seeing my therapist...'

"Eh...You'd probably be wasting your breath Hyuuga-sensei. Don't worry I can see myself home from here, I'm feeling a lot better thanks to you! And just between you and me er...can we not tell that old hag about this?" He confessed, putting his hands together in a petition for mercy he knew he had already been granted. She would have his balls in a jar if she knew he had been running around town losing his shit again...and he liked them right where they were thankyouverymuch.

The corner of her lips twitched- but she covered the smile before he was blessed with an image of it. She was trying to be firm again, but her eyes were still twinkling.

"U-Uzimaki-san...t-thats no w-way t-to r-refer to Tsunade-sama..."

"Eh? But she is a crazy old hag isn't she? But...well...if it's for Hyuuga-sensei...I SUPPOSE I can refrain..." 'For a day or two anyway.' "But only because you asked!" He stated firmly, with the utmost seriousness. She covered her mouth again, and it took a lot of will power he wasn't sure he had not to grab her hand. He wanted to see it, Hina-chan's smile- but he had done enough shit for one night...it was high time he took his ass home. He sighed, throwing his hands behind his head as he made his way to her door, listening to the soft patter of her steps behind him.

'Wonder what she would do if I-' What if he grabbed her and kissed her? What would she do? Would she scream? Faint? Or maybe think he was a gross shit since he had just thrown up? 'I don't think my breath smells that bad...' He even gave himself a breath check just in case. 'I stand corrected. Smells like day old shit.' He sighed. Looks like another day had gone by where he hadn't found a way to get his tongue inside of Hyuuga-sensei's mouth. Luckily for her, he might not always be the most patient, but he could damn sure be persistent. Times like this graduation didn't seem like it would ever come fast enough.

'Just wait for me,' He thought with another sigh, letting his gaze rove over Hyuuga-sensei's sweet, sweet lips. 'It may not be today...or tomorrow...or hell anytime soon...but one day!'

"U-U-Uzimaki-san...?" She interjected softly, and he stopped immediately, gulping harshly at the soft murmur of her voice. He paused, turning to find her face closer than it had been before, turned upwards towards his. This close, he could see the dark, delicate fringe of her lashes over her pale eyes, close enough to place a kiss on the dark of her hair. Oh and close enough to- 'Stop looking you damn pervert!' 'Fuck. You.' He couldn't help it that she was such a shortie could he?! It wasn't his fault he was a growing young lad who'd hit his growth spurt early, and it certainly wasn't his fault that from this angle he was blessed with the glorious sight of her cleavage.

'Forget all the shit I said about you earlier Kami. You are the fucking man.' And here he thought this shitty evening couldn't get any better than it already had! But her lips were moving- and with a supreme force of will he didn't believe himself capable of, he hurried to suck up what felt like a waterfall of saliva back into his mouth.

"-What?" He asked with some difficulty, still struggling with the urge to shove his face into all of that glorious, wonderful, delicious looking fles-'Focus dammit!'

"YEAH!" He stated, a little too loud, too firmly for her lowly murmured question. She took a hesitant step back, her form back to that odd trembling again. 'Shit.' He really needed to stop acting like such a fucking psycho around people, then maybe he would have a lot more friends. "Sorry Hyuuga-sensei my mind started to wander there..." Oh it had been wandering all right. All up and down her wonderful- 'For Fuck's sake!' -"My bad! What did you way?"

She paused, her large eyes hesitant and soft again. "W-Wil you...be in c-class on M-Monday?" She asked sweetly, so gently that his very breath seemed to rattle and choke in his chest. Truthfully, all of his other instructors could rot in hell- and while he was hard pressed to gather enough of his shit together most days to make it through until lunch time, he would be damned if he let her down.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." He states fiercely, honestly. And the small smile she gave him in reply was more than enough to make up for a relatively shitty start to his evening.