So I'm back... kinda. I have a really good excuse for not posting yesterday. I was doing... research for a future chapter. My Lily got me drunk. I'm 22 and it was the first time ever so it legal but totally not advised. DON'T DO IT! Anyway it was totally for research. I see drunk Sam in the future. For most of today I have been fighting a hangover. I'll say again, DON'T DO IT. It's not fun but I now can accurately represent what Sam will be like while drunk and then later hungover.
DON'T DRINK. It may look like fun but not only does it taste gross, it makes you act stupid and then feel like shit the next day. And if you do drink be sure that you are of age (18, 21, whatever it is where you live) and never under any circumstances attempt to drive. I feel like I needed to add the little PSA to appease my morality.
HighHedgehog - Please not the Llamas. they don't deserve to die a fiery death while falling from the sky.
Thank you to AmazingRrrachel x2, freethinker1993, BluBlush, and HighHedgehog for the reviews.
Enjoy!
Chapter 32
I woke up to birds chirping loudly right outside my window. I mean I planned on getting up early but not this early. When I realized there was no way I was going to go back to sleep because of those stupid birds, I figured I should get out of bed. Bed… warm and cozy cocoon of fluffy- NO. No no no. Out of bed.
I decided on a shower first. I got my clothes ready and then made my way down to the bathroom. I checked for shower spider, which has now become a pre-shower ritual. There will be no repeat of the Shower Spider Incident. When I was sure it was all clear, I undressed and climbed in.
While in the shower I just let my mind wander. I mean I do it every time I shower but this time my mind didn't stay on one subject for very long. Today though I felt like I was just on auto-pilot while showering and then getting dressed because I was stuck up in my head
I didn't bother with makeup when I got back to my room. Instead I just climbed back into bed and pulled my laptop onto my lap. My soft, comfy, I just wanna go to sleep… no, no, no. I have to stay awake. I've got to finishing up my blog post about Tanya's products.
I don't really like lip gloss because I always end up getting my hair stuck in it but I really loved Tanya. I Found Nemo and Lunch Date were my absolute favorite lip glosses out of them all and I am in love with the individual lashed. I go along with each of the products I inserted a picture of what they looked like on. They were all close ups on either my mouth or my eyes.
I sat writing until about noon then I sent the rough draft to Tanya to see if she liked it. Almost instantly I got a reply saying to hurry up and post it so she could see the finished product. I laughed to myself and posted it. I'm assuming she was eager to see the pictures. When it was fully posted I sent her the link.
As always, I closed out of the browser and shut my laptop so I didn't sit refreshing the page. I recently connected my blog email to my phone's email app so now if I got a comment or a new follower I would get a notification on my phone. I was hoping that this would keep me from the constant refreshing and I could just read them as they go. I grabbed my laptop and my phone and made my way down to the lounge where I found Phil on the sofa.
"Hey Phil." I said sitting next to Phil in Dan's sofa crease.
"Finally finished your blog post I see." said Phil.
"How did you know I wrote a blog post? I didn't tell you, did I?" I said confused as to how he could have known I posted today.
"Tanya tweeted the link to your post, I thought you knew about it." said Phil looking at me worried.
Tanya has over a million followers on Twitter. Over a million people just got sent the link to my blog. She just basically told a million people to read my blog.
I grabbed my phone to go on Twitter so see exactly what she had said but before I even put in the password, my phone started vibrating and made a beeping sound notifying me that I got an email.
I ignored it and went to twitter.
TanyaBurr: One of my favorite blogs wrote a post reviewing some of my products. You should all go and check it out.
Then at the end there was the link to my blog. I was slightly freaking out at the fact that so many people just saw the link to my blog. It already had 100,000 retweets. My heart started beating really fast like it was trying to escape my chest.
Okay calm down, just because a whole bunch of people saw the tweet and retweeted it doesn't mean that they are all going to go to my blog. It doesn't mean they are all going to read it.
Then it did it again. I got another email notification. I went to go and see it and then I got another and then another. I sat my phone down on the couch beside me. I never get this many notifications this quickly when I've just posted. I looked at my phone like it may blow up at any minute.
And blow up it did. Soon my phone was constantly buzzing and pinging. I looked at Phil with horror and panic plain on my face.
"What the actual fuck is going on with my phone. Fuck." I said.
"Sam, you're getting a ton of comments on your blog. I'm on it now and every time I refresh there's an entire new page of comments." said Phil.
"I need to call Dan." I barely managed to say.
Phil handed me his phone as mine was currently having a seizure on the couch between Phil and I. I went to contacts and found Dan's name and called. He picked up on the second ring.
"Phil, what do you need?" he said answering the phone.
"Dan something happened." I said in a monotone voice.
"What happened? Are you okay?" Dan asked worriedly.
"It won't stop buzzing. One million people. Tanya tweeted. I can't do it anymore. I quit. Too many people. Why won't it just stop? Dan, make it stop." I said on the verge of hysterics.
Okay not on the verge. I was totally hysterical.
"Wait, what?" said Dan confused.
"My phone won't stop ringing. People are commenting and stuff on my blog." I replied slightly annoyed that he didn't just get what I was trying to say.
Once he finally realized what I was talking about, he found it hilarious. I heard him on the other end of the phone laughing. How could he be laughing when I was sitting her losing my shit?
"Sammie, it means that people like you. Tanya was only trying to show people someone who has a good blog. You wrote a good review on her products and she is just paying you back." said Dan now trying to comfort me.
I know he was trying to help but I was so emotional that it didn't help in the slightest. I don't remember hanging up with him but I do remember him saying something about having to go back to work.
I slid down the couch and just sat on the floor. I ended up lying face down in the lounge contemplating the meaning of everything. Oh god, I sound like Dan. Eventually the need to move took over me. I didn't have the energy to actually get up and pace so I just rolled around on the floor.
"Sam," said Phil trying to hide the laughter in his voice. "What are you doing?"
"I need to move but I'm too lazy to stand and pace. So I'm rolling." I replied like it was a totally normal thing to be rolling around on the floor like you were having a mental breakdown, which I totally was.
Phil literally dragged me into the kitchen when I refused to go eat. When I say literally, I mean he grabbed my arm and dragged me into the kitchen. Once there I somehow found it in me to stand and then sit up on the counter.
"Okay, yes you obviously aren't used to all of the attention, but isn't this what you wanted. You wanted this to someday be your job so don't you think that having a lot of people read what you write was eventually inevitable?" Phil asked while he made me food.
"Yes, but-" He cut me off.
"So doesn't that mean you should be at least a little happy about so many people reading what you have to say?" He asked again.
"I am, but-" He cut me off again.
"Good now you can stop rolling around on the floor and suck it up. You can handle this. It's only a fraction of what Dan and I have. Imagine three million people reading what you have to say." He said.
Phil had a point but so did I and I was going to make sure I voiced it.
"You're right about everything but I thought it would have been much more gradual. It happened all at once and freaked me out a bit. I don't know exact numbers but I have a feeling I just blew through so many milestones for followers and comments. You were there when I reached a hundred. I hid under the covers on my bed. I would say I handled it much better this time." I said bringing back all of the memories of when I hit milestones.
"Didn't you hide in your closet at one point?" Phil asked with a smirk.
"We will not bring that up." I said pointing at him.
"Whatever, just eat your food. I think all these new people would be very disappointed if you died of malnourishment." said Phil handing me a plate.
I sat there thinking about the other milestones that I hit and how I had reacted to them while I ate.
My first was when I got one person that followed my blog. I was actually really excited. I remember Dan picking me up and swinging me around which of course ended in disaster as we both ended up on the floor but I didn't care because one person liked my words enough to read more.
The second was when I reached ten. I had a mini panic attack where I called Dan but he made me see reason. It was just ten but it was a good thing. I still laugh at myself for thinking that ten was a lot of people to be reading my story.
Next was when I reached a hundred. The guys had plans to come over later that day. I had checked my blog that morning to find that I reached a hundred followers. Dan and Phil found me in my room hiding under the blanket on my bed. I do admit that I over reacted a little but Dan has turned it into a joke so I don't feel too badly about it.
Then when I hit a thousand I was ecstatic, had a full on panic attack, then Dan and I had one of our music nights. That was probably the easiest number to reach. By easy, I mean it was very gradual and I knew it was coming so I had a little bit of time to prepare myself.
Lastly was when I hit ten thousand which was just before I had moved in with the guys. Once again the guys were coming over because we had plans for a movie night. When they got to my flat, they could find me. They looked in every room but I was nowhere to be found. They actually thought about calling the cops until Dan found me hiding in the closet in my bed room. We don't talk about that.
After talking to Phil, and eating, I felt so much better. I felt so good that when I went into the lounge I opened my laptop and then my email. I had so many emails that the number was 999+ for the amount of emails I got.
I next opened up my blog. I didn't look at the comments or anything because that just scared me way too much to look at for now. I did however look at the subscriber count. Before I posted my blog the number was 10,116. Now the number of people following is 693,899.
I made a little squeaking noise and Phil came over to look. His eyebrows shot up. I was physically and mentally unable to comprehend that number.
I went back to my email and opened some of the comment notification emails. There were so many "new follower" and "new comment" that I just started deleting them all. Amongst all of the blog notifications, there was one email that stood out.
"Hello Sam,
My name is Amy and I work for BeautifulLifeCosmetics. We at BeautifulLifeCosmetics have seen how much you love our products and we were wondering if we could send you some new products for you to try and review. If you like them and do write a review, we are more than happy to pay you. Please reply immediately so we can set everything up for you. Thank you for enjoying our products and we hope that you enjoy then for years to come.
Sincerely,
Amy Watman CEO if BeautifulLifeCosmetics"
The CEO of one of my favorite makeup brands freaking emailed me asking for me to review some of their products. I didn't even care about the money I just quickly sent her an email and right then and there we set everything up. I gave her the address to the flat because I didn't have a PO box yet. Maybe I should look in to that soon.
I told Phil about the email and his reply was that I had an actual shot at turning this blog thing into my job. I mean that was my dream but I didn't think it would happen like this. I made Phil do a happy dance with me. He just laughed and went along with it.
Last on my agenda was to thank Tanya So I opened the Twitter app on my phone, which was finally still.
SamDaven: TanyaBurr I cried, had a panic attack and almost peed myself when my phone went crazy. Thank you for tweeting the link to my blog.
A few minutes later I got a Twitter notification.
TanyaBurr: SamDaven I love your blog. I was so excited to see you reviewed my product I couldn't help but share it. Thank you for the review.
Then Tanya followed me and so did Jim. I knew that my friends following me on Twitter would eventually be inevitable. They were my friends and while I did follow them, they still didn't know that I even had a Twitter. Well Zoe did but I made her promise not to just follow me. Now that Tanya and Jim follow me, it wouldn't be long until my other friends followed me too.
It was like thinking that made it come true because within minutes I got a ton of notifications. Zoe, Niomi, and Louise all followed me. I can only assume that they saw Tanya's tweet to me.
I PMed Tanya.
SamDaven: I swear to god, I am not kidding about the panic attack. I'm still kind of freaking out a little. Not kidding, I gained like 5oo thousand followers. I don't know if I'll ever be able to post on there again. Or repay you.
TanyaBurr: I'm sorry, I should have asked first. I thought you would like the promoting. I didn't know you have anxiety. If I had I would have warned you. I'm sorry.
SamDaven: It's okay. I'm better now. It's just my phone's email notification was causing my phone to have a seizure and I just panicked. I swear I'm better now. I don't want you to think that I'm not grateful because I love that you like my blog enough to recommend it to your followers. It's just that I really don't like attention. I mean, there's a reason I'm not in the guy's videos already or have my own channel. Anyways, thanks for the shout out and next time warn me. Love you.
Tanya Burr: Okay, I will warn you first next time. Love you too. Oh, Jim and Martha say hi.
Next I PMed Zoe, Niomi, and Louise.
SamDaven: Thanks for the follow but just remember I'm not a YouTube and people don't know about me knowing any of you. Love you.
All of the messages that I sent were about the same thing.
Soon after my phone died so I brought my phone and my computer upstairs and plugged everything in. I needed a break from the internet for a night. I made my way back down stairs and collapsed on the sofa next to Phil.
After all of that, I was just kind of numb. So many emotions ran through my body that I couldn't feel anything anymore. Phil and I sat watching something that I wasn't paying enough attention to to know what it was or what was happening. A part of my brain that I thought had gone dormant for now suddenly sprang into action. The anxious, over imaginative part.
I was thinking about how the day that I show may face in the guy's videos was soon to be approaching. I know Dan isn't going to want to wait a year for me to be ready. He will because he's never been one to push too hard but he won't like it. If he had his way, I would have already been in a video.
When that day came for me to finally show my face, I don't think I'll actually be able to do it. I don't know if I ever will be able to go through with it. This is when my over active imagination really kicked in and started to spiral out of control.
"It's been sixty years coming, but today Roomie will finally be revealed." said Elderly Dan. "Roomie passed away late last night. This is Roomie."
A picture of what I assume I'll look like when I'm old flashed across the screen.
"Now it's just me. This is sure to be the last video I do because I am going to die of loneliness." He said.
Then he just started to cry. It turned more to sobbing and then the video cut off. The end screen had the birth and death dates of the three of us. Before I could go any farther into my imagination, Phil shook my shoulder. I turned my head in his direction seeing him holding his phone out to me.
"You phone is apparently off or dead. Dan tried to call you but he couldn't so he call me." said Phil.
I took the phone and answered it.
"Hey Sammie, how you holding up?" asked Dan.
"I'm okay. I don't know if I'll ever be able to show my face on the internet again, but I'm okay." I replied. "Um, can you call me on my phone? I have it upstairs charging. I need to lay down."
I hung up and handed the phone to Phil before he answered and I really hoped he didn't call back. At the same time, all I wanted to do was talk to him. I went up to my room and turned my phone on. Within seconds it was ringing.
"Hey." I said answer Dan's call.
"Hey." He replied.
It was silent for about a minute until Dan broke it.
"I can tell by your voice that something is off. Tell me what's wrong." He said.
He knew me way too well. I sighed into the phone.
"I'm having second thoughts about the whole being in videos thing and the blog thing. I don't think I'll ever be able to show my face in a video and I don't think I can post anymore. A ton of people are reading my words and I don't think I can have three times that many see my face let alone like six million." I said in a rush of words not being able to hold it back.
"Sam," he said with a sigh.
"No, I know you think I'm stupid or something but… I'm scared." I said my voice growing smaller at the end.
"I don't think you're stupid. It's just… you're my best friend. I love you and I know everyone else will too. I want people to know my other best friend." said Dan softly.
I got butterflies when he said that he loved me but I knew it was meant as friends which made my heart hurt a little. I couldn't say anything so I nodded my head. Then I remembered that he couldn't see it. He must have known that I needed a minute because a few seconds later he was speaking again.
"So Phil told me you had some good news about your blog. Are you going to tell me?" he asked.
"One of my favorite makeup brands contacted me asking if I would review some of their products. If I like the products they send me and I write a post about them, they want to pay me. My first sponsored post. It's really exciting." I said.
Once he brought up the news, my excitement over took the fear.
"Hasn't this been your dream since you started your blog? You wanted it to someday be your job." He said almost like it was a question.
"Yes." I replied.
"So you're going to continue to write because Tanya basically talked you up and now you have to deliver." He said getting to the point.
"I don't want it to seem like I'm ungrateful and of course Tanya asked me to review some of her products but I just… I just wanted to do it myself. I kind of feel like I'm cheating because Tanya promoted me. I already know her but people don't know I know her, and if they ever find out, which they will, they are going to think I asked her to do it but I totally didn't." I said in a rush forgetting to breathe.
"So… Both you and Tanya will say you didn't ask her because you didn't. Anyone that doesn't believe you isn't worth your time." He said.
"There isn't any arguing with you is there?" I asked smiling at the fact that he seemed to have an answer for everything.
"Nope." He said with what sounded like a smirk on his face.
After talking to Dan I felt a little better. He always just has a way of calming me down and making me think rationally. It may have something to do with the crush, but honestly, ever since we met he has just had a way of calming me down I mean just look at the day he introduced me to Phil. The whole London underground fiasco.
I felt good enough to open my laptop and go to my blog. For only a second did I have second thoughts but I ignored them and opened the comments on my blog. There were so many new comments. Thousands of comments.
"OMG I love Tanya's products."
"You're such a good writer. Can't wait to read the rest of your blog."
"You should make YouTube videos. I would totally watch them."
For the most part, all of the comments were good. There were a few bad ones of course but most of them were the same as always.
"U R DUMB."
"That thing/pic/product sucks."
All easily blocked out or ignored.
Along with the new comments there were new commenters but at the same time all of my regular commenters were all there. Even Violet, whose comment read something like this:
"ASDDFGGHJJKKLLLL OMG TANYA BURR TWEETED ABOUT YOU!1!11!111! OMG CONGRATS. I LOVE YOU!1! OMG!"
All of my regulars were congratulating me on my blog blowing up. I thanked a lot of them for sticking with me for as long as they had. The more comments I read, the more excited I became to start writing more posts.
I had a few idea of some posts that I wanted to do. A lot of them were ones that I wasn't sure about posting. They were so different from the makeup reviews and beauty things I normally post about.
I've been thinking about posting new content like this for a really long time but now that I have more readers, I'm even more reluctant to post not beauty or product related posts because I feel like it's my branding now. Being a beauty blog. Much like Dan, I have a whole word pad full of blog ideas. Most of which I don't think I'll ever be able to post.
After all of the excitement of the day, I just wanted to rest. I went down to the lounge where I found Phil.
"Hey Phil, can we watch something? Preferably not a horror something." I said.
"Yeah, sure." He replied getting up and looking though the movies.
In the end we decided on Attack on Titan because none of the movies sounded good to both of us and it was the only thing we could agree on watching. I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I vaguely remember Phil trying to get me to go to bed but I just rolled over and snuggled further into the couch.
This is where I stayed for the night. Luckily I managed to have a dreamless, or should I say nightmare-less, sleep.
p.s. I will now continueto fight off the vodka headache. Just don't do it. Bad decision. Evil Lily. No more shots. Yuck!