Chapter 4 Her optimistic
Subaru POV
It's been awhile since I had a day off. With the S4 selection and graduation coming up it's been non stop with work.
Unlike S4, M4 is a permanent unit. We have the freedom to choose if we want to continue after graduation as part of M4. Both Nozomu and Kanata chose to still stay. Asahi is a year younger from all us so he doesn't get to decided just yet. But for me I'm not sure if I want to continue. I heard from the other third year that they are deciding to study abroad to improve their aikatsu. That idea has come up to me for a while but is still too early to decided. For now I need to focus on my idol career.
Usually on my days off I normally go train but today I feel that I should relax. I can't overwork myself.
Speaking off training I wonder how Tomato is doing. Since the S4 selection is almost one week away, my guess she's training hard at this very moment.
Wait! Why am I thinking of her now?!
She's hasn't been on my mind since I last saw her. Which was a few days ago when I went to record a new song with the rest of M4. I can still remember how she hold my hand. It stay on my mind for the rest of that day.
Just thinking about it makes me blush. Even worst the guys didn't stop teasing me for the rest of the day.
Could it be that I may have feelings for her?
I'm still confuse with these feeling inside me. There are times when I find her a bit annoying but there are times when I can't help to admire her as an idol.
When I see her struggle, I get annoy that I can't help her. But when I see her overcome those struggles I just feel relief.
She can be very optimistic at times which is the part I admire from her.
I remember the time she's been a sour boil octopus for a while. I was forbidden to go near her by the headmaster. I watch from the sideline as she struggle. But when I heard she was going to do a solo concert I decided to see her. Unfortunately, I had a concert that day. Instead I went to wish her good luck
Flashback
"Yo, pickled octopus" I enter the room after she gave me permission. I didn't want her to know that I was worry about her. So I decide to tease her like I'll normally would.
"What are you calling me?" she was annoy of course but it was true what I said.
" You'd been looking so sour lately." still annoy she asked me.
"So why are you here?'
Trying to be cool I answer her casually.
"We're doing concert next door in the Horizon Hall."
She was still annoy on what I said. As if she wasn't satisfied with my answer. My cool had gone. Not wanting her to be mad before the concert I told her what I came here for.
"And, you know… We'll put our best show, so you'd better do it too."
I was way to nervous when I said that. But her expression change at least.
"I will I'm going to be confident and sing the best I can!" she smile like her usual self . Don't know why I blush when I saw her smile like that.
"R-Right"
End of flashback
She was herself after that day. Her optimistic came back since she decided to hold a Christmas concert with her friends.
I need to stop thinking about her. Maybe going to town wouldn't be a bad idea. I'm in the mood for some chocolate cake.
I put on my disguise and headed to town. As I was walking, I was thinking which cafe should be the best place to eat. I guess I was to distracted that someone had bump into me.
Without looking at the person face I knew who it was.
"Gomenasai" she apologies as she bow down.
"Is fine Tomato. I got use to it from you." she look up to me.
It's no surprise that it was going to be Tomato. She's usually clumsy.
"Don't call me Tomato!" like always she tells me not to call her that. I couldn't help to smirk. I was about to say something to her until she beat me to it.
"Anyway what are you doing here in town?"
I looked away from her before answering her. I can feel a blush coming up. Why does it happen when she's around?
"I have a day off. So I decided to come to town to relax a bit.,"
Curious of why she would be in town I couldn't help but to ask her the same thing, "What about you?"
Just this morning I was thinking that she'll be training. Great, my face is turning redder. I kept my face away from her.
"I wanted to take a bit of a break before continuing with my Aikatsu" she didn't sound like herself. I look at her to see what's wrong. Her face look like she was worry about something.
Wanting to know I asked her
"Hey, are you ok?"
She was surprise that I was looking at her since she turn around. Which was good cause I don't know how red my face can turn.
"S4 selection is coming up. I'm not really confident on myself."
Listening to her answer reminds me when she did the unit with Yuzu-san and her friend. I kept looking at her not knowing why. Even though she didn't look at me I know by the tone of her voice that she needed someone.
"You're scare? Is that was you feel?" she didn't need to answer I already knew. I could kind of feel it.
"Yeah…" she answer me either way. Wanting to see her face I made her look at me. She's having downfall like before. Her face say it all. This time I'm going to help her unlike before when I had to stand on the sideline.
Remembering the movie we did I decided to use that to cheer her up.
"Do you remember when we did the movie Rock!Rock Girls?" I kept looking at her seeing her expression.
"Yeah"
"Do you remember our scene we did together?"
"I do" I see a bit of a blush on her face. I can't tease her right now since I also remember our scene. It was the first time I hug her. Part of the memory makes me laugh a bit but blush also.
"Even though you were in character, but the thing you said came from your heart" is true I trick her into character. I tease her like I normally would to get her to act. But I didn't expect for her to say these words, "But if you run away because you're scared, your dream will never come true. As long as you don't give up and do your best, you'll realize your dream for sure!"
"Huh" she look a bit surprise that I said those exact words she said a few months back. I never forgot them. Which was a good thing for this situation.
"Follow your own advice. Don't give up and keep doing your best. Your goal is to make it to S4 right?"
I know her dream and I want to help her reach for that dream even though she made me her rival. I want her optimistic to return. I want her to be confident on herself. I seen her overcome many struggles that came toward her way.
Why am I doing? Is this...Love?
Not wanting to leave her alone I decided to ask her to come to a cafe with me. I look away from her before asking her since my face is a bit red.
"Do you want to go to a cafe?"
"Why?"
Still not looking at her I answer her, "Is better to spend a day off with someone than to be alone"
Is true that is better to be with someone instead of being by yourself. Plus I honestly didn't want her to be alone. She is still not confident on herself. I wanted to cheer her up some more.
"Sure"
After she answer we started to walk toward a nearby cafe. We kept being quiet not saying a word. This is a bit awkward since we never hung out on our own. We usually meet up for a few minutes and that's it. This is the longest we stay together. But now that I think about it, the first time we came to town, just me and her, was when she had her first solo concert.
That day was one of her struggles. Just like today she didn't feel confident to perform at the same stage that was suppose to be for Hime-san. But after our talk she seems to have the motivation to perform.
I wanted to remind her about that day. To show her that she overcame a struggle.
"You know this isn't the first time you were like this." I broke the silence.
"Nani?" I know she look at me but I kept looking straight ahead.
"When you had your first solo live. You weren't sure who you'd be signing too. You were between giving up or to continue." Still looking straight.
But with the corner of my eyes I saw her expression change. I guess she remember about her first solo concert. I couldn't help to smile a bit. I know she's capable to be in S4 but I want her to believe in herself.
I saw the cafe near. I look at Tomato to see if she notice but I guess not. She looked like she's in deep thought. I stare at her for awhile. I'm not sure why?
I look away quickly calming myself down.
After calming down I decided to get her attention.
"Yo, we're here" I pointed at the cafe in front of us.
After she notice we went inside. There's not a lot of people today which was good. I didn't want to run into some fans. We sat down near the window and waited for a waitress to come.
After the waitress gave us our menu I looked at it.. I already knew that I wanted a chocolate cake but didn't know what drink yet. I peek a bit to see if Tomato made any decision. To my surprise she was looking at me. "Why is she staring at me?" I mumble to myself. I can still feel her eyes on me. This is making me uncomfortable. I decided to break her stare.
"What are you going to get?" she quickly look at her menu trying to make it look that she wasn't staring at me. Geez my heart is beating hard right now. At least her head is on the menu and not at me. If not she'll be laughing at my face.
How many time did I turn red today?
"Um…I think I'm going to get the strawberry cheesecake and a latte. What about you?"
"I'm getting a chocolate cake and coffee." I look at the first thing at my menu for the drink.
I called the waiter to make our orders. After she left, there was the awkward silence again. I don't have the menu to hide my face and I can't keep looking around that going to be rude. Maybe I needed to start a conversation with her.
But she beat me to it. I was surprise what she ask me.
"Hey, what are you going to do after graduation?"
Was she curious about my plans or is this just small talk. But either way I need to answer her so this won't become another awkward silence.
"I'm not sure yet. Some of the guys are thinking about studying abroad and the others are planning to stay at Four Star High. I really don't want to worry about it just yet. " is true that I'm not sure what to do.
I looked at Tomato to see if she was going to say anything. But to my surprise she look a bit upset.
Do I mean something to her?
What is this feeling in my heart?
Even with my own answer, I wasn't satisfy. I felt a bit hurt and more hurt when I saw her expression.
Could it be that she needs me?
True that today I wanted to cheer her up. I wanted to bring her optimistic side that I admire. But could it be that I had help her out before.
Thinking back I remember the times I have giving her advice. I didn't realize a smile was forming on my face. Just thinking about those times made me realize how much I seen her grow. But I wonder.
Does she remember my advice?
Does she still use them?
Will she be ok if I decided to leave?
Even though it happens by coincidence that I'm there it doesn't change that I never hesitate to help her.
Curious about her plans I asked her the same question
"What are your plans for next year?"
"I can't say for sure just yet. First I need to focus on the S4 selection before figuring out my next step. Thanks to you I'll do my best when is my turn" she smile like her usual self when she answer me. I tried to hide my face because of my blush. But I'm glad she smile. Is the first time I saw her smile today.
I looked at her after knowing that I wasn't blushing. Wanting to tease and encourage her I told her, "I know what ever goal you put yourself, you'll be able to accomplish it. Remember between us is a race of who becomes the first-star idol."
Which is true.
"I remember. You're my rival after all but also…." she hesitated a bit. I kept looking at her waiting for her to finish, "You're my friend."
I was confused on why she said that. I kept looking at her waiting for her to explain but the waiter came with our orders.
I was about to eat my cake when she call my name.
"Subaru-kun?" it rarely that she will call me by my name. Since I'm not use to it from her I couldn't help to blush. But I couldn't look away this time. She seems to have something on her mind to say. What is this feeling? It feels like a confession. I probably looked nervous in front of her.
"Subaru-kun, gomenasai and arigato" she looked away after saying that.
"Nani?" Why is she saying thank you and sorry at me? I kept looking at her.
"Gomenasai for not appreciating everything you have done for me. Whenever I was down you were there giving me helpful advice. Maybe by coincidentally that you were just there but either way your advice had help me a lot. Even today, I used them when I have a concert or an acting career. You help me so I just want to say, Arigato for everything." Before I know it she got up and hug me. This is the second time we hug. I didn't move because I didn't know what to do. I just let her hug me.
"Arigato Subaru-kun for always being there" after saying that she let go and went back to her seat.
Even though I wanted to called her boil octopus I couldn't. I was being a boil octopus also.
This feeling again, what is it? Only she can make me feel this way.
She does realize that I was part of her idol career. She does appreciate those helpful advice I have given her in the past. I'm glad she kept them in mind when she needs them.
Part of me was happy but part of me was hurt. She thank me as a friend. She gave me a thank you hug as a friend.
Why does it bother me?
I guess I should let her know what I think about her.
"You're less of a tomato and more of an idol now" is true that I see her as an idol than when I first met her.
We didn't say anything after that. We just ate our cakes and avoid eye contact. After finishing our sweets we pay and left.
The awkward silence never left as we walk to the academy. Thinking of what she said, thanking me for the help I have giving her. Help me make my decision. This morning I was thinking if I should stay as a M4 or study abroad. Meeting her today wasn't a coincidence. I don't think she knows that but I know we had to meet today. She needed someone to cheer her up and even though I didn't think about graduation that often I knew eventually I had to make a decision. She help me make that decision.
But she's not going to know that until she makes it to S4.
Either way I don't want her to worry that she won't be able to count on me after graduation.
"Hey, even after graduation you can still count on my support. It doesn't matter where I may be, I'll be there to help you out when you need me" I didn't look at her. I just kept walking.
I know she stop walking since I didn't hear her footstep. I just continue walking knowing that she will follow soon enough.
Even without looking at her I can feel her smile. I can't help to feel a smile forming on myself.
Today wasn't a bad day off. Even though I normally would be training I'm glad I decided to relax today. Is something we both needed.
Although Tomato doesn't help me as I help her. Hearing her gratitude and seeing her always giving her best is good enough for me.
I can't wait to see what next year will bring.
I want to see her grow as an idol. Help her if she needs me. Be the rival that can help her improve.
But I also want to explore these feelings. I can't keep lying to myself. I probably do have some sort of special connection with her but I still need to explore them.
I need to remember to tell the headmaster my decision. That I'm staying as a member of M4.
I heard her steps coming towards me. We didn't say a word just enjoy the moment that we had. I want to keep enjoying the this day with her. I want to have other days like this with her.
Tomato I'm slowly understanding these feeling.
Thank you for reading.
Just to let you know his admiration for her is not as in a romantic way. He admires her as an idol for now. But don't worry he soon going to accept those feeling he has for Yume. Just wait a little longer.
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