The Contradiction

Summary: He knew he was contradicting himself, that he was being awfully hypocritical, but when it came to one Clara Oswald, the Doctor had never been able to stop himself.

It was all very ironic, really. When he had changed, his feelings had alongside him. As it was, he had been truthful with Clara when he had told her he wasn't her boyfriend. Because it was true, he was no longer that silly man with the ridiculous bow tie and enormous chin that had so helplessly fallen in love with her.

He never expected that this him would do the same. But that was the power that Clara Oswald had, has, and would always have on him. His Clara, his Impossible Girl managed to steal his hearts once more.

He shouldn't have been all that surprised, really.

Weeks pass before they meet again. He leaves her without much thought, just like he did when he left her to face the Half-Man in Victorian London. He knows he will be back, so he does not worry. She is furious when she sees, obviously not keen at being left behind. Nonetheless, she is still Clara Oswald who promised to stay with him, so she follows him anyway.

She remains as clever as always. He expects her to be and she doesn't disappoint, like she never does and never will. She helps him, makes him see, reminds him of those two good Daleks he once meet. The Dalek that got mutated by Rose's DNA and Oswin, her echo, who sacrificed her life for him. Both were Daleks that held a piece, a tiny little part of the two single most important beings in all of his existence.

It is then that he realizes that he cares, deeply.

He knew he was contradicting himself, that he was being awfully hypocritical, but when it came to one Clara Oswald, the Doctor had never been able to stop himself. He had been ensnared once more by the mystery wrapped in an enigma, squeezed into a skirt that's just a little bit too tight and he was jealous.

Jealous of every man that gave her attention, be that Robin Hood, or the Sheriff of Nottingham, or that mysterious boy of hers. He wanted her for his own.

And so he had fought Robin Hood, trying to make himself look amazing at only using a spoon against a man who held a sword. Or to try and show himself to be the leader of the group (and be extremely grateful for the fact that Clara was not there to see his and Robin's horrid attempt at freeing themselves, he wants to look good, after all).

It all fails, really. He tries to save her, but like always, she ends up saving him. (And to make matters worse, Robin Hood, her favourite character, helps her do so.)

She almost dies, too, a death that resembled that of her Victorian echo far too much for his liking. It is then that he realizes just how much she really needs her.

The situation only worsens after that. Clara goes on a date with this mysterious man. He grows jealous, and so he begins to drag her around more. He makes her go mystery solving. They never do solve it, but he does discover something new, something even more impressive about Clara Oswald. And he had thought he had solved the mystery of the Impossible, Souffle Girl, of the Women Twice Dead.

But she surprises him once more. Keeps him on his toes like she always does. (It's one of the many reasons he can't help but love her.) It's the toy soldier that reminds him. He begins to recall a far away time. He remembers being scared, frightened. He remembers a strong grip to his foot, then a soft voice. It turns into a soft hand on his head, carding it's fingers through his hair as whispered words accompany it. They are the words that give him hope, that make him brave, that give him his promise and make him no longer afraid.

"This is just a dream. But very clever people can hear dreams. So, please, just listen. I know you're afraid, but being afraid is all right. Because didn't anybody ever tell you? Fear is a superpower. Fear can make you faster and cleverer and stronger. And one day, you're going to come back to this barn. And on that day you're going to be very afraid indeed.

Fear can make you kind. It doesn't matter if there's nothing under the bed or in the dark, so long as you know it's okay to be afraid of it.

You're always going to be afraid, even if you learn to hide it. Fear is like a companion. A constant companion, always there. But that's okay, because fear can bring us together.

Fear can bring you home. I'm going to leave you something, just so you'll always remember, fear makes companions of us all."

And it is then, as he recalls all of this, that he realizes once more that without one Clara Oswald he would indeed be nothing. She helped create him, through her words, through leading him to the right TARDIS, through a promise long ago given to him, one he sought to fulfill. It is her that has been his most constant companion, always there for him, always saving the Doctor.

It is then that he begins to fall in love with her again.

Soon enough, they are off again, this time, to rob a bank. Like always, it is thrilling, all filled with excitement and pumping adrenaline, that is until he almost lost her twice, his Clara. It was one of the most terrifying moments of his life.

He cannot loose her, he cannot live without her. And he doesn't, she lives. He is forever grateful to Psi and Saibra afterwards, not that he would ever admit it. In the end, he doesn't even wonder what his reward was, he knows. It has always been her.

"See you. Don't rob any banks."

"Don't rob any banks what?"

"Without me."

"Course not, boss."

And she leaves to go on that date with that mysterious guy.

"Robbing a bank. Robbing a whole bank. Beat that for a date."

And, as he accepts once more just how much she truly is the boss, he falls in love with her even more. In the end, he can't help but wish to keep her there, right next to him.

That is why he is grateful when he gets the chance to become the Caretaker. Oh, if only he'd realized just how heartbroken this adventure would leave him.