If You Love Me

Summary:

"If you love me in anyway, you'll come back!"

"Clara, I'll come back for you, I swear."

Because of course he loves her.

When it started, it had all gone pretty great. The Daleks were destroyed and so was Skaro (although you could never ensure that those little bastards remained dead), Clara was safe and alive and right there beside, just like he'd asked: I want Clara Oswald, safe, alive and returned to me immediately. You bring her bring back, you do that, you do that now. Unharmed. Unhurt. Alive. (and also, oh so beautiful, oh how she took his breath away).

And he, he was alive and safe as well (and oh so lovely, how she wished to always keep him like that, always there with her). It was all back to normal just same old, same old, the Doctor and Clara Oswald in the TARDIS travelling the Universe and saving lives as if it were their job.

And Clara, she wanted more adventures. She yearned it, and well, it reminded him of when she played Doctor. And although 'Doctor Oswald' really did make an extraordinary Doctor, he knew being the Doctor was nothing good for the soul. And so he worried, because for all that he did not care for the rest, he cared about her.

But they were underwater and there were ghosts. And it was thrilling and mysterious and fun. But he still worried, still cared so much for his Clara. And so he told her, he asked and listened and hoped.

"Oh, this is my own fault. I like adventures as much as the next man. If the next man is a man who likes adventures. Even so, don't, don't go native."

"What do you mean? I'm not."

"Look, there's a whole dimension in here, but there's only room for oneme."

"Doctor, I'm fine."

"I just felt that I, I, I had to say something."

"I know. And I appreciated it."

"Because I've got a duty of care."

"Which you take very seriously, I know."

"So can I stop now?"

"Please. Please do."

And goodness, what an awkward conversation that had been, really this why he didn't do social interactions and required those flash cards Clara made for him to have some semblance of human decorum (well, that and the fact that he really couldn't bother with himself to care for every single ache and hurt of every single creature in the Universe and needed a reminder of proper behavior).

But this was his Clara and he did care and so he echoed her words and hoped she was truly okay. And well, for a while it was fine. They fought ghosts, tricked them and trapped them using his Clara hologram (of course now Clara wanted an explanation for that and well, he better to find other words than 'I love you' or 'I adore you' pretty soon to be able to do that).

Yet, as it always is with them it all went downhill. The ghosts flooded the base, trapping Clara and keeping him away from you. And so he begged for her to wait and trust. And Clara, even if she had been betrayed by him so many times, trusted (because, really what else could she do when she loved that crazy, old alien so much).

So he went off to save her and she stayed behind and then the worst happened. Another ghost, this one in the lake, the Doctor, he was dead. But he called, the past him called her, and he figured out something was wrong and she could not hide it anymore, the pain of losing him, she could not lose him (not after her mom and his previous face and Danny, she couldn't do it, not again). And so she confused and she was selfish.

"I'm going to have to die."

"No, you can change things."

"I can't it's already happened. Gotta go sometime."

"Not with me! Die with whoever comes after me. You do not leave me! I'm not ready yet. I don't want to think about that, not yet. And anyway, you owe me, you've made yourself essential to me. You've given me something else to… to be. And you can't do that and then die, it's not fair…

No, Doctor, I don't care about your rules,if you love me in any way, you'll come back."

And he, he couldn't hold his own against that because, of course he loved her.

"Clara, I will come back for you, I swear."

But really, he was without hope, certain he was dead until he heard what his ghost said.

"He's repeating names, our names mostly: Moran, Pritchard, Prentiss, O'Donell, Clara, Bennet, Doctor, Lunn, Cass."

And then he figured it out, he had to change the past. Because that was the order of their deaths and Clara was in that list. It wasn't about him now, but Clara, always Clara.

"This isn't about saving, I'm a dead man walking. I'm changing history to save Clara."

And so he did. Change history, break Time Lord rules, all in the hopes of saving Clara. All for a human girl he could not help but love, flaws, selfishness, and all. He took that 150 year-old sleep for the woman he ultimately adored more than anything. And when he woke, oh her face relieved, happy, adoring, awed face was a sight for sore eyes.

"Don't kiss me, morning breath."

He couldn't help but flirt at seeing her, feeling very much like Sleeping Beauty being woken by her prince (or rather Sleeping Time Lord being woken by his human Queen, ruler of his hearts, centre of his Universe, literal cause of existence, in so many ways).

And then, he was able to explain and remove all memories of those damning coordinates. And he couldn't stop staring at Clara's face. And she couldn't stop beaming at him, so happy that her love returned to her. And his hands on her face (he couldn't help himself, he had to touch her to make sure she was truly, properly real) were heavenly. But really, it was Bennett that drew some light to them.

"What do I do know?"

"You keep going, you have too. Take it from me, there's a whole world out there, a galaxy, a life. What would have O'Donnell wanted?"

She had spoken from experience, so much heart ache (even if many not as much as the Doctor, but he did tend to be a bit dense). So many losses: her mother, her friend, his previous face, Danny. Oh, the pain she'd live through.

But really, Bennett was not done, not yet.

"Tell her you're in love with her, and always have been. Tell her there is no point in wasting time because things happen and then it's too late."

And by the broken look in the younger man's eyes, he knew that this was not only directed to Lunn, asking him to take action with Cass before he lost her too. No, Bennett was also clearly urging him on too. And for once, the Doctor decided to take the chance.

"Here's the thing, the messages my ghost gave, they weren't for you, they were for me. That list, everyone after you was random, but you being the next name on the list, that made me confront the Fisher king."

Because, of course, he loved her…

…and of course she loved him, too.