Anonymous asked:
Anna suddenly came to New York while Britt was on set of Bushwick.
"I'm going to New York, are you coming or are you staying?" In context, this looks like a simple question but in reality the words were harsh. They were spat at Anna while Brittany stood in her doorway suitcases in hand. That was three weeks ago. Three weeks of crying herself to sleep every night, three weeks of not being able to call the one person she ever would willingly talk to on the phone, and three weeks of feeling like absolute and complete emptiness.
While she admits, she is one to cry at almost everything and anything, it came to the point where she couldn't even cry any more. Every last drop of salt water was rid of her body leaving her eyes dry and puffy. She was empty, she was lost, and she had no idea why she let her go. One night she called their old answering machine just to hear her voice because that was all she had left. It backfired, leaving her feeling even more bare and distraught than beforehand. Brittany had packed her things and gone to New York, and Anna was the dumbass who stood dumbfounded in the doorway when she threw the ultimatum at her.
—
"Can't we just sit down and talk about this?"
"What is there to talk about, Anna? I have to go to New York for three months and I don't know, I guess I was stupid to enough to think that you'd actually want to go with me. I'm going to be across the country for three months and you say, 'Oh, I'll have to think about it'? That's not how this works, that's not how we work and you know it. What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?" Brittany threw on her coat, wiped the tears from her cheeks, and headed for the door before Anna stopped her. "Please can you just calm the fuck down for a sec and talk to me?" Brittany gave no reply and put her shoes on. She reached for the door handle, through gritted teeth and tears, "Don't follow me." and slammed the door behind her.
— —
She spent the first five days replaying it over and over (and over) in her head. Every night laying in bed staring at the ceiling, on her way to work, in the shower, she couldn't get rid of it. She'd thought about calling, thought about texting, wrote her three letters but never put them in the mail. They'd never had a fight this big, at least not in the three years they'd been together. Obviously they'd spent time apart before, but it never hit them this hard, nothing had ever hit them this hard at all. Of course she saw why it was such a big deal to Brittany, but how was it any different from when she had to go to London for a few months and Brittany stayed in LA? It's not like she wasn't going to just not visit, she already planned out a few weekends to fly out and surprise her between work and everything. What, was she still supposed to go? Cancel her flights? She could have, probably should have, but she didn't. She had had enough of this whole 'no Brittany whatsoever' situation and was sick of it (emotionally and physically, she even lost her voice because of crying too hard. That girl, I tell ya). Too impatient to wait and too scared that she'd cancel last minute and chicken out, she caught the red-eye out that night to JFK.
She called Brittany's mom when she landed that morning, they were still talking despite, and got her information from her and knew where to go and exactly what she needed to do. Brittany would still be on set for a few more hours thankfully so it gave her plenty of time to work with. After throwing the door man a couple twenties, he let her upstairs to the small studio apartment the blonde had been staying in. She didn't really think this plan through very much because at this point she had no idea what she was going to do. She settled for fixing her makeup and hair (no thanks to the 3am flight) and paced back and forth in the small room. Her palms were sweaty, her head was spinning, and she still had absolutely no idea what she was going to say to Snow. She double checked with Mrs. Snow, who double checked with Brittany, the time she would be coming home. Three hours. What hell does someone do for three hours in someone else's apartment? At least she still had some time to kill and mentally prepare herself as much as she could, which wouldn't be much. She kept herself and her mind occupied by continuously pacing, ordering a pizza (that would hopefully be eaten and not thrown at her), and starting to clean before she realized that probably wasn't the best idea. She'd already done enough. With twenty minutes to spare she sat on the edge of the bed picking at the skin around her fingernails (a nervous tick) just staring at the door waiting to hear the deadbolt turn.
Five minutes had passed and she heard someone walking down the hall. 'What? Already?', the panic set in, her palms regained their previous moisture, and she suddenly forgot how to breathe. This was it, it was hit or miss. She'd either tell her to stay or to go. To be completely honest, she didn't care. She just wanted to see her. The door opened and she swears to God her heart stopped. The blonde walked in a few paces before looking up to see Anna perched on her bed.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" her voice level, temper clearly not kicking in yet.
"I uh, I came, to, to New York. For you." she slowly got up from the bed and started to walk toward the tall blonde in front of her. "I'm an idiot, okay? I'm so stupid, so fucking selfish and I don't know what the hell I was thinking." she started to do that thing where she talks with her hands. "Brittany, I, I don't even know where to begin other than with an I'm sorry but that isn't even enough. I should've came with you. I should've dropped everything and just went, but I didn't. I was scared and I didn't know what I had going on back in LA and ugh, I don't know. I don't even have a good excuse." the last part through the tears that started to roll down her cheeks, "I have spent the past three weeks, the past 20 days, four hours and seventeen minutes, completely kicking myself over this." She started to walk closer to Brittany, who still hadn't moved a muscle despite the fact that her eyes were starting to gloss over. "If you uh, if you want me to leave, I will. I get it."
Brittany still didn't say anything but stare at her, felt like she was boring into her fucking soul. They held eye contact for a few seconds before Snow broke the silence with a sniffle. "No, you - you don't have to go." She wiped the end of her nose with her sleeve. "You can stay. Just, give me a sec to process this." A couple seconds went by again, "So, you're telling me that you regret staying in California, you regret making me feel like an idiot, you regret making me feel like I was so much more into this, into us, than you were. You regret," here come the tears again, "You regret the fact that I just asked you to come spend time with me while I worked and turning it down? Anna, do you not fucking understand? Do you not.. do you not know how much you mean to me? How much I love you?" The tears started to fall harder, and Brittany could barely make out full sentences. "I have never, ever, felt so low in my entire life. But ya know, I will say, I didn't think you had it in you. I thought we were done and by the time I came home you would be gone. I told myself day in and day out that I deserve better, and that I deserve someone who loves me almost just as much as I love them, and so I tried to move on. But now you, you show up here? and for what? For me to just say, 'Babe, it's okay, I still love you, I forgive you'? Because it sure as hell ain't that easy, Kendrick." at this point they were both blubbering with anger and hurt. Brittany hadn't called her Kendrick ever since they got together and it stung. It was more of a nick-name they used only at work, but since they resorted to either babe, hun, or sweetheart rarely even saying their first names.
"I don't know." Anna mumbled eyes floating to the ground.
"Yeah, well. Neither do I." she threw her hands up and walked past Anna without saying a word and then stopped took a deep breath and turned around.
"Ugh, who the hell am I kidding. Get your ass over here." Anna's was caught by surprise but quickly turned around and caught the other girl in a hug that lasted longer than they both probably realized. "I love you, so much." Anna whispered into the other girls ear through her hair. "Yeah, I know. I love you too." Anna leaned out of the embrace to pull Snow into a passionate kiss, 'damn I missed this', and they stood there and held each other before Brittany pulled away.
"Wait… did I see a pizza?" Anna just chuckled into Snow's shoulder and threw her head towards the box sitting on the counter, "Yeah, come on." and she led her to the pie, hands intertwined.