What was inner strength?

That was a question he grappled with, that all hunters did when they attended the academies. The question was posed to them at all times, in ways that he would never have thought to ponder. A hunter had to be strong, but the ways that strength manifested varied drastically from person to person. In fact, in retrospect, the academies were not there to teach students how to slay Grimm. They weren't even there to issues licenses upon graduation.

Those were only the surface level arguments to be made for them. They had their place, sure, and they did do those things. Yet, that wasn't the reason itself for those academies to exist.

An adult hunter knew better.

For a small handful of years, he had been groomed to do battle against Grimm. That was surface level too. A hunter's real reason for being wasn't to simply cull the Grimm. It was to eliminate the reason that the Grimm attacked at all. The darkness found within the peoples of Remnant, that was the cause. A hunter who could not bring peaceful resolution only promised to make more strife.

More strife, tantalized more Grimm.

Ruby was right about the Grimm. You couldn't tame them, generally they were dangerous beasts. They were unpredictable, and shouldn't be trusted. However, they could be mollified enough to stay away from civilization. Only a truly powerful hunter could tame their own emotions enough, to pacify a wandering Grimm. Failing that, killing the Grimm was the only was. It was the latter that was the most common, not the former. Knowing this only proved to him how weak people truly were.

So, what was inner strength to him? What did it mean for him to have it? The thought was a constant struggle.

Sun had to force a smile like never before, and it bothered him. It was late at night before he finally admitted it to himself, and to Ruby, who sat near the fireplace, prodding the logs with a stick. "Seeing Zhu, I thought it would make me want to drink less…stupid idea really." He sighed, his palm ruffling that short, messy head of hair. "Just makes me want more."

Ruby only continued to gaze into the warmth in front of her. "Wanting it, and doing it, are different things, Sun."

Sun laughed bitterly then, his voice low so as not to wake the small child. "I'm pretty sure I'm a lost cause."

"I don't think that." She said, her eyes focused on the fire.

What she saw in the embers were anyone's guess and Sun wasn't in the mood to try. Instead, he looked at one of the discarded and forgotten toys that Zhu had abandoned before falling asleep. It had seen better days. He never was the best craftsman around. He cut away at wood for hours, aimlessly making shapes until something looked right. Often on missions he did it just to pass the time.

His son had gotten use out of the toy.

He played with it until the wood cracked from rough and tumble abuse. The wheels didn't turn anymore, and it was nothing like what Sun had originally made. He smirked at that, berating himself. He own father could work magic with a slab of wood and a carving knife, but Sun had never really learned. Never took the time. His youth in Vacuo had been spent chasing the girls around, and has he got older, his ability to fight was truly his only strong suit academically.

He flunked his way through more than one class, his ability to battle carrying him farther than his textbooks ever would have. He grew into his intellect when it became unavoidable, having his textbooks bashed into him by Neptune. Even after graduation, he wasn't the mastermind that other team leaders were known for. It was his common sense and easy going attitude that kept his leadership strong. He never used to let things get him down, and because of that, his team always came home in one piece…more or less.

Now, depression was all that he felt. Worthlessness was all he knew. Without those few key qualities that made him a great leader, he couldn't even consider taking missions. He couldn't lead his team, hell, he couldn't even lead himself.

"Ruby, why do you care so much?"

She paused, the stick in her hand digging into the ash rather roughly. She snapped it in half, and tossed it into the fire. "I don't know."

"Oh…"

"I guess I just…" Ruby shrugged. "Never mind, it would sound insensitive."

"Maybe I deserve that." Sun said.

"You don't." Ruby sighed.

"Tell me anyway." Sun pressed as he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "I want to know."

"I've never really been on the other side of the fence before." She said, one hand weaving into her hair, her forehead resting against her palm. "This puts a lot of things in perspective."

Sun flicked his tail curiously. "How so?"

"I don't really remember much from my mom. Little things come to mind, but I wonder if they're actually my memories, or just the things I've heard over the years. I was so little, and the older I get, those sorts of things get blurry." At that she grabbed another stick. "What doesn't get blurry is the aftermath. The things that everyone else in my family refuses to let go of. Good things, bad things…the harder they hold on, the more complicated it gets."

"Sounds like a shitty situation, if you ask me."

"It's not bad, it just is, what it is." Ruby sighed so deeply that it hurt. "Summer Rose was my mom, but I'm the outsider. I don't remember her, Sun. Yang has all of these memories, but all I have are stories, old pictures, and what's left of her things in dad's attic. That's it. I only have what others will give me." She sighed again, her voice uneven. Struggling to find purchase. "I'm not satisfied with that."

"I guess I never really thought about it." Sun admitted softly.

"As Zhu gets older, he deserves everything you can give him about his mom. The stories, the mementoes, pictures, anything he can get...because that's all he's ever going to have anymore. Satisfied or not, that's just how it is." Ruby told him, knowing that it was just the cruel truth of the matter. "Her memory has to become part of you and Zhu, as a family. As a fellow huntress, I have to make sue that happens. I owe Octavia at least that much."

"You don't owe her anything, Ruby." Sun murmured. "You're not the reason she's gone...we all...did our best."

"Yeah, well, here's a news flash. I'm not satisfied with that either. I never will be." She told him. "You're not going to screw this up, Sun. I won't let you. To me, it's like a mission that's gone personal. It hits too close to home for it to be anything else."