The lecture was long and Myka couldn't keep her mind focused on what she was doing. In the end she cut it off early, giving the students some further reading to do. She was clearing up her belongings in the lecture hall when she heard Claudia stomp in. She sat down in her chair, resigning herself to the verbal assault she was expecting.

Claudia dragged a chair from the corner and sat opposite Myka, searching her face for a moment.

"You slept with her."

It wasn't a question. Myka nodded, keeping her gaze even.

"Damn. Are you okay?"

Myka's mouth dropped open.

"What? Why are you asking me that?"

"I've known HG for a long time, Myka. I know she can compartmentalise. You, I'm not so sure about. You love her, and you guys spent the night together."

Myka nodded.

"And I'm guessing that you talked a little, and agreed that she's not ready for a relationship, and she doesn't want little C dealing with a new woman in her life either, especially not after Giselle?"

"How did you…?"

"We talk, Myka. A lot, actually. And I spend a lot of time at her place. I know her."

"Okay. Well, yes to everything you just said. She's right; the timing is all wrong. I just…I wish things could be different."

Claudia looked at her sympathetically.

"If it makes you feel any better, Myka, she cares about you a lot. I don't know if she loves you; I'm not sure she even knows that. But I think that, if you give it time, things might work out."

Myka sighed.

"I am pretty patient, Claudia. But this is so complicated. With Christina, and now with everything that Giselle did, I would be surprised if Helena ever trusted anyone again."

Claudia looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"She will never trust Giselle again. And it will be difficult for her to trust anyone new with Christina. But she already trusts you, Myka. She already trusted you with Christina. That's a big deal. She has only ever let you, me or Charles look after Christina. Other than Giselle, of course, who it seems was a big fat cheater as well as being a horrible human being. Helena sent me a message just now. A friend of Giselle's contacted her this morning and confirmed that she's been seeing some finance millionaire – that's why she was sneaking out and leaving Christina alone. And that's probably why she was dropping the act so often – she was planning to leave Helena anyway."

Myka shook her head in wonder.

"What a compete asshole. Seriously. All Helena ever did was care for her."

Claudia nodded.

"At least she's someone else's problem now."

"Yeah."

"So, you okay?" Claudia asked, again.

"I guess. I…I don't know, really. I guess time will tell. Hopefully things won't be awkward between Helena and I."

"I don't think you need to worry about that. She's been hiding her feelings for you for a long time. I think it's second nature now."

Myka stared at her.

"What do you mean?"

Claudia rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Myka. She has always been attracted to you, you know that. But she was with Giselle, and she was faithful and loyal, because that's how she is. She doesn't cheat. But it doesn't mean she wasn't thinking about you. She and I have talked about you a lot."

"I'm not sure how to feel about that. You two talking about me, I mean. I didn't tell anyone about how I felt about her, not until recently, anyway."

"Well, it's tough. She talks to me about everything, so if you two do get involved, you should know that going in."

Myka shook her head.

"I don't think we'll be getting involved any time soon, Claudia. The way she looked at me this morning – it was like she knew she'd done something wrong. I don't think her feelings for me are anywhere near as strong as mine are for her. Don't worry, I'll get over it."

Claudia looked at her sceptically.

"Sure, Myka. You keep telling yourself that. But if you need to talk, give me a call."

And with that she left the lecture hall, leaving a confused and lovesick Myka Bering in her wake.

Later that afternoon, there was a knock on Myka's office door.

"Come in," Myka called, distracted as usual by paperwork and assignments and endless marking.

"Good afternoon," Helena said primly, as she sat herself in the chair opposite, placing Myka's key carefully on the desk in front of her.

Myka laughed. Prim and proper, after what they'd been doing all night?

"And what, pray tell, is so amusing?" Helena asked, eyes crinkling at the edges as she smiled.

Myka shook her head.

"Nothing, Helena. How are you this afternoon?" she asked, mirroring Helena's casual attitude.

"Very well, thank you. I come bearing gifts," she said, putting a coffee on the desk in front of Myka.

"Thank you," Myka said, opening her coffee and taking a long swallow. She sighed in satisfaction at the now-familiar taste of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee.

"And how are you?" Helena asked, casually.

"Fine, thanks. Swamped with paperwork. My boss keeps coming up with inventive ways to increase my workload," Myka said, teasingly.

"Your boss sounds like a nightmare."

"You have no idea."

They smiled at each other for a moment, and something of the tension that had risen between them the night before raised its head again. Myka started to flush a little, and she coughed to cover it.

"So," she said, aiming for a conversational tone, "How is Christina holding up since Giselle left?"

Helena's smile tightened a little.

"She is surprisingly good, actually. It appears that she was rather glad when I threw Giselle out. She says that Giselle hates her and she is glad she's gone. She also speaks very well of you, and wants to know when you will be babysitting again," Helena said, smiling indulgently.

Myka's heart raced a little after that. She loved Christina to pieces, but it couldn't possibly be a good idea for her to babysit, not after what had happened between them.

"I…uh…is that something," she coughed, "I mean, do you want…" she trailed off helplessly.

Helena chuckled.

"Are you okay, Myka?" At Myka's answering nod, she continued. "Christina likes you. If you are ever free and are so inclined, I would be more than happy for you to look after her."

"You trust me to do that, even after everything with Giselle? And even after I didn't tell you what Christina told me?" she asked.

"Well, I admit I was angry that you didn't tell me yourself, but Claudia spoke to me about it a few times and after last night, I understand why. You were trying to protect me, I think, in your own way. From your own possibly less than pure intentions. Am I right?"

Myka considered that.

"I suppose that makes sense, yes."

"I should probably be thanking you," Helena said quietly, looking away.

The silence grew thick. Myka finished her coffee and began pulling the paper cup to pieces, her hands needing something to do. When she looked up, Helena was studying her carefully.

"Are you okay, Myka?" she asked, finally.

"I guess so," Myka said.

"What does that mean?" Helena asked, gently.

"It means, I guess I'm okay, yes. Last night – it was amazing. But I can't help but wish it wasn't a one-time thing. And I shouldn't be telling you that, because now look at your face, and you're going to feel guilty, and I should shut up."

So she did. Helena stared at her for a moment with that guilty expression, and then she moved to Myka's side and wrapped her arms around Myka, holding her tightly.

"I do feel guilty," she whispered.

"You shouldn't," Myka replied, holding Helena tightly in their awkward position.

She rested her head on Helena's shoulder, breathing in, enjoying the scent of her hair.

"Is that my shampoo?" she asked, smiling.

"Yes," Helena chuckled. "I didn't have time to go home. And your hair always smells so nice."

Myka squeezed her again and then let go, drawing back.

"Get back to work, Dr Wells. I have a lot to do. I'll see you tomorrow. Give me a call any time you want me to look after Christina, okay?"

She smiled as Helena stood up uncertainly.

"Are we okay?"

Myka nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then."

And she was gone. Myka closed the door behind Helena's retreating figure and sat down, putting her head on the desk. They might be okay, but Myka was not. Myka was madly in love and last night had just made it worse. There was no going back, not now. But she had chosen to let last night happen, even though she knew how difficult it would make things, so she allowed herself a few tears and then turned to her paperwork, picking up where she had left off before Helena arrived in her office.

The next few weeks were business as usual, for Myka at least. It was exam time and that meant long hours spent in her office or invigilating. She didn't have much time or energy to expend on thinking about Helena. She barely saw the woman, apart from at a distance, occasionally. Helena had her own students, her own examinations, her own marking. And her own daughter. The Caretakers didn't play during examinations - the union was practically deserted at this time of year. Myka was too busy to arrange what to do after the exams were finished – that meant Christmas time, which meant her parents would want her to come home. She'd already missed Thanksgiving – the exams had coincided nicely with that – but she didn't have an excuse for Christmas. She found herself wishing that she actually had a family she wanted to spend time with. Helena might have broken up with Giselle, but she still had Christina and Charles, and from the little time she'd spent with them all, they seemed like the kind of family Myka would have envied as a child. Myka's childhood home was filled with silence and tension and that feeling in your gut when you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Her sister Tracy's childhood had been very different to Myka's – she was the golden child. Myka never really worked out why her dad treated her the way he did, but as a child she had decided that it was probably her fault, that something about her was bad and wrong. She spent her years in the Bering household filled with shame and guilt and fear. Looking back, she still couldn't be sure what it was about her that enraged Warren Bering so, but she was also quite sure that she'd never done anything to invite his ire. She was hardworking, quiet, did everything she was asked and never talked back, not once. She sighed as she tried to think of an excuse for missing another excruciating Christmas and New Year with her parents and Tracy and her husband.

Her salvation came in the form of Rebecca Martino. She got a phone call during one of the exams, which she noted only as a vibration on her hip because she was busy keeping her eye on a student at the back of the hall who she was sure was trying to cheat. (She never did catch him at anything, but it came as no surprise to her when she heard that he was marched out of the music theory examination the following week with a mobile phone concealed in his underpants on which he had been receiving the answers from an unnamed third party.)

Myka listened to Rebecca's message after the students had filed out of the hall at the end of the three hour exam. She called her back straight away, and Becky asked her if she wanted to spend Christmas day with her and Jack. Their other son, Andrew, had been called away to a conference in Australia. He was a doctor and he'd been offered a prestigious speaking engagement at a conference that he couldn't really turn down.

"I hate to ask, Myka. But I just know I'm going to miss the boys so much. And you know Jack – he'd never say anything, but I know he's gutted about Andy. If you were here I think it would give us all something else to think about other than who's not here."

Myka thought for a moment. She could definitely use this as a valid excuse – even her dad couldn't argue with her spending the holidays with her husband's family. And more than that, she wanted to spend the time with Jack and Becky. They were much more of a family to her than her own had ever been.

"I would love to, Rebecca. You may have just saved my life, actually. I thought I was going to have to go to my parents' for Christmas."

Becky made a disparaging noise on the other end of the phone. She was well aware of how difficult Myka's childhood had been, and she had expressed her opinion on both Warren and Jean Bering's behaviour on more than one occasion. She knew a surprising variety of swear words.

"Okay love, well that's settled then. I'm so glad you're coming. I'll let you know times nearer to the day."

"Looking forward to it," Myka said, and then they ended the call. She smiled as she thought of spending a Christmas day with Jack and Becky – having a pleasant, warm family Christmas rather than a lukewarm meal in the frigid atmosphere of her parents' apartment.

She turned around and was presented with the vision of Helena Wells, all in black, smiling at her.

"Hi, Myka. You look happy," Helena said, head tilted quizzically.

"Oh, hey, Helena," Myka said, still smiling. "I didn't see you come in, sorry. I am happy, actually. I just got an invite from Sam's parents for Christmas, which means I don't have to go home to Colorado. I really, really didn't want to spend the holidays with my parents. Or alone," she said thoughtfully.

Helena's face fell slightly.

"Oh."

Myka looked at her in concern.

"What's the matter?"

"Well. I was just coming to invite you to spend Christmas day with Christina, Charles and I. But I see I have been pipped at the post by the Martinos. Never mind!" she said brightly.

"Oh," Myka said. She was a little upset herself, now, too. She would have loved to spend the holidays with Helena and Christina.

"I'm sorry. I would have loved that," she said, sadly.

Helena was looking anywhere but at Myka.

"Hey," Myka said softly, moving closer, "I really mean that. I love your kid, she's awesome. And Charles is a terrible flirt but I could have put up with that," Myka smiled, tilting her head to try and catch Helena's gaze.

Helena looked up.

"Really?"

"Of course!"

"Well in that case, what about Boxing Day? We don't make as much of a fuss but it would be lovely to have you there."

Myka grinned.

"I would love to."

"Great." Helena's grin was bright enough to light several neighbouring buildings.

They wandered back towards Helena's office (via the cafeteria with its awful coffee) and fell into their normal routine of chatting about everything and nothing, and for a while things felt normal. Until Myka spilled some coffee on her hand and licked it off, quite innocently. Helena fell silent, and when Myka looked up she was staring, her eyes dark and her bottom lip caught in her teeth. Myka's heart stuttered for a moment. She knew that look, and it was all she could do to hold herself back. She took a deep breath, her eyes on Helena's. Helena visibly steeled herself and then looked away. There was an awkward silence, and after a beat or two, Myka decided to go before she did or said anything irreversible. She finished her terrible coffee and stood. Helena looked up at her, eyes dark and somehow fiery at the same time. Myka gestured at the door awkwardly.

"I should go."

"Yes. That would probably be wise," Helena said, her eyes never leaving Myka's.

Something in her eyes, something predatory and terrifying, but in the best possible way, made Myka want to take a step back and a step forward simultaneously. Because, tall as she was, Myka towered over Helena in her chair, and she couldn't help but think about another time when she was towering over Helena against the door in her flat, gripping the top of the door sill convulsively.

"What would happen," Myka asked, conversationally, "if I were to kiss you now?"

Helena was still staring, looking almost demure with her hands folded in her lap. But as Myka spoke her breath became more of a gasp, just for a second.

"I think some very pleasant and very unprofessional things would happen. I think that Claudia would be very upset with me. And I think that I would probably hurt a friend."

Myka looked down at her regretfully.

"Thank you for being honest," was all she said, before leaving the office and closing the door behind her.

She made it to her office before she started crying.