"Cousin Elizabeth, if I may, I would very much wish to pay my respects to your fiancé tonight. As heir to Longbourn, it is but right for me to observe my fair cousins' future husbands. In fact, it is my most Christian duty to do so. Would you care to introduce us at the ball?"
The sudden stares Jane, Kitty, and Lydia sent her way made Elizabeth wish their carriage were five times larger than it was. Thank goodness Mama remained dazed by the window, distracted like a child by Netherfield's lights! Papa's snores indicated also that he would not remember this most peculiar topic.
"I - I do not wish to," Elizabeth muttered. She fleetingly wondered if unraveling her sisters' bewilderment would be a worthy enough cause to remove her sole defense against her persistent suitor. One look at said bumbling suitor quickly silenced the thought. "He would not be - present."
"Oh, surely all of Hertfordshire would attend tonight?" Mr. Collins continued his nearly one-man conversation. "With your limited dowry and finite appeal, one must surely assume that he resides locally. Men of the world hardly settle for what one finds easily in one's own neighborhood."
Elizabeth's clenched fists and growing ferocity seemed to elude him still.
"Pray, Cousin Elizabeth, do tell - "
"Yes, Lizzy, do tell!" Lydia's squeals interrupted their monotonous relative. "I did not know you were enga - "
"Hush, Lydia!" Elizabeth cried, worried that Mama's momentary distraction would not remain momentary. "I have not said that I were - officially betrothed."
For how else could she explain the obvious absence of a fiancé? It was by sheer luck that Mr. Collins deigned the cause of her rejection too shameful to repeat to her mother.
"You are not?" Mr. Collins - the ridiculous man - had to hear, of course, just that.
"I - not in - public," Elizabeth scrambled.
"A secret betrothal!" Kitty and Lydia exclaimed together.
"Hush!" Elizabeth cried again as the young ones giggled. Papa had begun to stir - and Mama to notice!
"I think it all very romantic that Lizzy is in love with someone at the ball." Kitty's voice softened into dreamy tones.
There was something in her sister's face, perhaps the particularly angle of her smile, that compelled Elizabeth to let her be.
"Please, sir, madame, I am Mr. Collins of Hertfordshire, honored parson to the great Lady Catherine de Bourgh - as well as a cousin to the local Bennets. If you would be so kind, sir, madame, may I please have the honor of knowing the rash young man to have achieved an understanding with my fair cousin Elizabeth? You see, I was but proposing to her yesterday morning when she - "
Elizabeth sighed as she turned away, no longer able to stomach yet another round of Mr. Collin's ridiculous behavior. It was fortunate, very much so, that his accosted victims proved so far to be relatives of the family - and therefore willing to understand any belated explanation she offered once the odious parson walked away.
"Ah, Mr. Bingley!" Mr. Collins' subsequent address had Elizabeth jumping on her toes. Surely, their cousin did not meant to - "How fairs your courtship with my fair cousin Jane? I must admit I was rather disappointed to learn that the prettiest of the girls had already been spoken for."
Elizabeth turned quickly at his words, anxious to quell any damage on its way towards becoming irreparable. Mr. Bingley replied, however, before she could approach the two men, "Miss Bennet and I, I'm afraid, have yet to possess the opportunity to clarify any - attachment between us."
She walked faster.
"While I cannot speak for her," Mr. Bingley went on, "I would gladly declare my intentions to any members of her family. Miss Bennet is - the most beguiling woman I have had the opportunity to meet."
Elizabeth stopped short, hearing every word as crisply as if the men spoke on a misty dawn rather than in a crowded ballroom.
"One ought not to profess intentions they do not possess, you see," Mr. Collins, again, refused to stop. "If my fair Cousin Jane has yet to achieve an understanding with your person, I would much prefer that she be granted the liberty to choose! One cannot be overly confident that one's suit be accepted without clear enunciation of intent."
Overly confident indeed! Elizabeth could almost cuff him for his audacity.
"I dare not speak for Jane," said Mr. Bingley, head held high, "but my heart shall not be swayed."
Elizabeth smiled her first smile in what promised to be a most eventful evening.
Mr. Collins, of course, had to bludgeon the fact. His voice rang unfortunately loud and clear, "I myself shall stand just as resolutely in my pursuit of Miss Elizabeth!"
The sight of the punch bowl, while colorful, yielded disproportionate result in flavor - and Darcy nearly spat the liquid right upon the ballroom floor. The thought of dancing or conversing with the silly members of this particular country crowd was tedious to the core. He could barely wait to hie himself to his bedroom.
Was it truly necessary for all balls to begin and end so late? Surely, such hours could not prove beneficial to one's health.
"I myself shall stand just as resolutely in my pursuit of Miss Elizabeth!"
The most unexpected declaration reached his ears - and he quickly spun around to trace its origin.
His eyes took mere seconds to locate the pompous parson gloating at his friend and host. Bingley, darn him, smiled at the parson - clearly offering highly undue encouragement.
Darcy could nearly hit the odious man himself - then perhaps Bingley thereafter.
"I'd proposed to her yesterday, you see," Collins' words emerged into his consciousness as Darcy maneuvered himself towards the corner the Bennets' bloody cousin currently occupied. Bingley had disappeared - and the stout man was muttering to the only two ladies within close proximity to his pudgy person, both clearly lonely matrons tonight. "The woman is quite overly liberal, you must understand. Mr. Bennet has done nothing to temper her character. So wild and impertinent - I shall have to tame her plenty."
Darcy's clenched fists neared the point of pain. He trudged onwards.
"Her mother had been ever so kind as to provide us ample privacy. As a man of the cloth, I could hardly be expected to say anything improper, however. You see, it was the lady herself who - "
"Oomph!" Darcy found himself tripping over a pair of highly distracted dancers. The lady he managed to avoid, the man unfortunately not - and he and what proved to be Sir William Lucas tumbled across the floor as ungracefully as a pair of sparring cats.
"I'm sorry, sir, so very sorry!" The portly man clearly had no strength to restore himself to his feet.
Darcy, groaning, collected himself until he stood - and lended a reluctant hand to aid the aging knight.
"I thank you, Mr. Darcy - perhaps you are not as harsh as folks believe around here." Sir William was chuckling the moment he stood upright, and Darcy frowned further. "You scowl, sir, but prove yourself quite the gentleman."
Darcy bowed before backing away. "I apologize for the interruption."
"No, no, sir - it is no trouble. If I had but noticed where we were - "
Darcy left with a quick greeting, and found himself sick to the stomach when he found the all-important corner empty - and Elizabeth and Collins on the dance floor.
A/N: Thank you for all the response to the first chapter! I hope this one keeps up the fun too :)