I don't own OUAT. One day, I will edit all my stories( like operation out) and react to every individual comment. Today, I sadly do not have the time for that (school tomorrow& I kind of already didn't have time for this oops) but I really, really appreciate the favorites/follows/comments. You guys are the best!
She doesn't want it. She wants it desperately. She can't want it.
There is still a slight iron tang, an aftertaste- there is first warm & perfect Ambrosia, taste of cider and adrenaline and chocolate melting on her tongue. The taste of cheese cake and cappuccino is more powerful than the bitter tang that follows. It is maddingly addictive.
The dream is a sequence of fast-flying images, sensations. It is cold hands buried in her hands, that helpless anger she fears from her evil queen days, the revulsive mixture of want and nausea, air tickling at her neck, fog clinging to her skin, the musky earth, the flap of wings and – her ears throb at the sound of what seems to be a howling wolf.
When she wakes, her chest feels like that wolf is laying it and she gasps shakily. Pushing herself up has never been so difficult, and the world is suddenly only colours. A yellow blur in front of her moves and she is vaguely aware of her own name breaking the silence in the room. It leaves her with a sense of vertigo and nearly has her dry-heave, how suddenly the world forces itself into focus again.
Closer. Regina didn't mean to think it. She definitely did not mean for Emma to immediately lean in. the nausea and vertigo is fading, leaving only a feeling as though she has been spinning around too many times. But- the idea that she just may have forced her will on Emma is-
"Emma" she gasps, feeling Emma's heart race beneath her hand as she places it on her chest. How far they have come- that Emma is hardly faced with her hand there, only glances at it briefly before smiling at her.
Clos- no! I am not forcing my will on her. It is difficult. Her teeth feel like they're submerged in water from the Pole's, and her gums like the dentist's hand slipped and the dental explorer sunk into them. The last time her throat was dry and painful like this, she had a dangerously high fever. But she could've dealt with all of that.
Were it not for the smell.
She has had whiffs of Emma before, when they were fighting or during family hugs. She knows what Emma smells like sweaty after a workout and what she smells like when she has just showered. That was already bad sometimes, making her scold herself at how completely infantile it is to blush and feel butterflies.
This is much worse. This is a sudden awareness that Emma smells delicious, a hint of something she cannot identify intensifying the ache in her teeth, the unconscious leaning forward, the way that jugular looks embarrassingly and frightening inviting. Her head actually starts to hurt and her hands trembling as she clenches them into fists, fighting against the urge to suck on Emma's neck and break the skin there.
" Regina?" her hand is gently pulled away from Emma's chest and she manages to yank her eyes away from her neck to look at the frown that is kind of – for the sake of your pride, stop imitating a lovesick adolescent. She scolds herself, but it is more out of habit than true anger. Any of the things she catches herself doing around Emma- such as smiling like a fool- is embarrassing, but she has to admit it is also slightly amazing that she can feel like this. She still remembers the years of the curse, where feeling anything was an impossibility until Henry.
" Are you all right?" Emma says, still frowning.
" I am perfectly fine"
" Uh good. Mind explaining why you are suddenly in my bed then?" Emma voice is rough- probably from sleep- and her cheeks are slightly flushed and she smells so delicious that Regina has to bite her tongue not to lean forward and make a dreadful mistake.
" I beg your pardon?" she feigns confusion, tries to force her slightly sluggish and single-minded brain (Emma, Emma's neck, Emma's smell, Emma) to come up with a reasonable excuse for why she had been curled around Emma, her head pressed into the woman's shoulder before waking and hovering above her. Their legs are still tangled.
" You. In my uh bed?" there is a tiny grin and an arched eyebrow. " I am pretty sure that I would have remembered if we had decided to finally have a sleepover".
She stares at Emma with her patented 'what are you blabbering about, you idiot' for a moment before she remembers. The woods, a lost soulmate and Emma trailing behind her. She smiles without thinking, scolds herself again. It is still lacklustre- why should she not smile when Emma's eyes are slightly mischievous and her hair is tangled and she is smiling like that?- but she does it anyways. It might ruin this relationship the two of you share. For Henry's sake, at least, do not reveal what kind of impact this woman has on you.
She manages to shrink her smile and take on a semi-disinterested air. "I must have gotten into the wrong bed when I returned from the toilet".
Emma doesn't really believe her , she can see that. Wretched lie detector. But she just shrugs and smiles. " Okay".
" O- yes. Fine. Do you wish to have breakfast?".
Emma grins. " Will you make it?".
" Naturally. You do not honestly believe I would allow anyone who is related to you in my kitchen, do you?".
Emma rolls her eyes. " what is that supposed to mean?".
" I cannot trust against my kitchen applications, when slight frustration will make you take apart my toaster".
Emma snorts. " Slight frustration. Yeah, right". She gets out of bed, stretches. Regina pretends she is not staring at the way her shirt rides up, tells herself there is a perfectly normal explanation for this, one that has nothing to do with feelings thank you very much.
Emma smiles. " I will wake our resident teenager. See you in ten minutes?" and she is gone.
Damn. Regina tries to curb these feelings, the easy smile and the fond headshake and everything as she calls out " Do give the right example, NO RUNNING " and only hears Emma laugh. It is really difficult, however, when she knows Henry will be grumpy with Emma – only to brighten as he sees the stack of pancakes- and Emma will shovel food in her mouth while teasing Henry and complimenting Regina's cooking and even Snow and Charming are no longer the plight they once were.
She secretly loves mornings like this (even – or maybe especially because- she doesn't deserve them), finds them calming and even enjoys how three people might be talking at once and David is prone to knocking things over when he is recounting a story and it just chaos. It is things she had so little off growing up and now she knows how much she has missed it.
It is family. It is hers.
It is perhaps two weeks later, weeks during which constant exposure to Emma Swan has made not smiling oddly difficult and her body has to suffer. Her heart rate triples sometimes, her mouth gets too dry and worst – her gum is constantly throbbing and her teeth feel like they're dipped in ice cream for artificial blood is apparently not enough. No, apparently she needs warm blood that preferably comes from a knight that sometimes( often) trips over branches in the woods when she is chasing things and hardly leaves Regina's side because "it is too dangerous , no fucking way".
Regina still has dreams with whispered voices, and fog and sometimes horrible nightmares that lead to nights of whispered conversations and hands almost touching, nights they never talk about. She has cravings that means she tried artificial blood which she nearly spat in Emma's face, her dignity the only thing avoiding that particular disaster ( Emma still laughed at her expression though). She has had fights with vampires, their influence on her (and Emma, who she had spotted slowly bending her head back obediently as one of those vampires had obviously cornered her) tampered by the magic shared between them. Or that's Regina's theory for why she feels less frozen, less liable to be controlled by them when she is around Emma. The evil queen hasn't shown herself… but there have been rumours that make Regina tense and thinking my fault my fault my fault.
Despite all this, these two weeks have been quite wonderful. Even with the years she has possibly lost with how her stomach and heart and basically all her useless organs sometimes( always) react to Emma Swan and Henry still has not managed to find all the information on Dracula, their family- including the two idiots, Snow and Charming- have been some of the best of her life.
Now, she is alone for what feels like the first time in those two weeks.
She had tried to stay away, she had. But like a small child, lost in the forest and hearing sounds, she had been unable to resist, unable to stay away. Every time she had raised her foot, told herself 'do not be foolish, leave" she put it down again. When she attempted to walk back to where she knew Emma was waiting for her, she had instead suddenly found herself in an unfamiliar part of the forest. It was frightening, this loss of control- the slight blackouts or trances that went with it
But she couldn't fight it.
And after a while, there was that strange sense of tranquillity again. Her own voice was screaming at her to leave, that it was a trap and she knew but her entire body felt numb. It was difficult to describe even, this sensation of knowing you were making a grievous mistake but not feeling the usual reactions to danger. Her heartbeat was calm, her hands were not clammy and she could almost appreciate the dark beauty of overgrown plants , thorny roses and wood giants around her.
She arrived at a house. It was not small, but it was also not truly grand. However, it seemed like it was trying to be grand, like it was intimidating a great castle overgrown by roses and such that kept a slumbering princess inside. It definitely had the stillness of such a place though.
When her hand pressed against the door, it swung open quietly. She did not hear it slam closed, but when she forced her too-heavy head to turn ( and she only managed to turn it enough to glance at the door from her eye corners) she saw it was closed. It should have installed a sense of panic in her- or at the very least made her tense and wary. Instead, she felt that same odd tranquillity as she glances around the room she was in.
It was – not dark exactly, but kind of like it was twilight even though she knew the sun was still shining brightly outside. There was furniture carefully placed around the room -sofa, antique table, armchairs- and papers with symbols scattered around the room. She automatically stepped towards the long wall that consisted of bookcases, her magic automatically started an itch-like feeling along her arms before she shivered. Magic. Part of the books were obviously magical ones. She wondered whether it were the ones she recognized to be made from human bones.
When she reached out for one book that made her arm tingle – the kind of burning tingle that your feet get after they have fallen asleep- , she only felt the warmth and slight nausea for one moment before she pulled and the bookcases 'opened'. She would have expected a long, swivelling staircase or at the very least a small one. Instead, it looked more like a ravine.
She glanced around, then made a motion. She clutched the stone she had transported from outside for a moment before throwing it in the mostly dark abyss before her. She should have heard nothing, at first. Instead, she heard something faint. It could be the air, it could be breathing far below. She still could not feel anything about it.
She did a quick calculation after the stone hit the ground. If her estimations were correct, she could not just jump. Not without most likely breaking her leg, that is. She decided to teleport , even though it was also dangerous. She could tell her body where to go- except she had no idea whether there was a wall or perhaps an object. Then again, she had done more dangerous and unpredictable things- such as stopping the diamond with the saviour on her side.
Roughly ten seconds later, Regina's heels land on what sounds like stone. She has heard horrifying stories about people who blindly teleported, getting stuck in walls or breaking bones or even transfiguring their skin and bones (all told by a gleeful Rumple) so she moves very cautiously, finally managing to feel something. The relief is only brief- soon there is that empty tranquillity again.
The fireball that was spluttering to life in her hand dies when she realizes she doesn't need it. It is all perfectly clear. She can see the stalactites, the slightly iridescent pool in a corner, her own breath before her, the cabinets against cave walls – the outline of the horrors floating in the pots that they hold- , the claw marks on the tables.. there are so many different colours- from the magic powders that are held inside the pots on a line of shelves, for example- and smells that she staggers back a little at sensation overload.
It is the far back that finally makes her feel the cold , though.
The heart has a part called the tricuspid valve, which looks like strands of (red) spider web pulled taut. That is what it looks like, and beneath- there is – she doesn't remotely know what it is. It is fat, and sort of round and it pulses . She gasps when there is an outline of and hand, the material moving wildly. Her heart finally gets the memo of 'danger. Danger. DANGER" and she steps back-
The cold fingers pressed against her neck make her freeze. She wants to rip herself away from this creature, and curses her body as it instead sinks into the embrace and the touch manages to make her skin heat despite the fact that there is a cold arm wrapped around her.
She tries to push back, screams at her arms to push up, her legs to move, any muscle to do something – but there is a hand brushing away her hair and pressing lips to the side of her neck and she can't move. Can hardly even breath. The lips touch her feverish skin, drag over it and she shudders. She can feel the chuckle against her ear, and the fangs that sc-
Somehow, she manages to free herself. Her skin is burning, her mind is sluggish and walking if pretty much like treading through mud- or even quicksand- but she manages to put some distance between her and the woman. Feels the fire spark automatically at how she is looked at. In the struggling light of this odd room, she does not see any details- she just sees the woman's bared teeth, the way she keeps licking her lips, the eyes with the very wide pupils.
The last time she felt like this, her mother was threatening all she loved once again.
There is no thought , it is all instinct when she runs away. She can feel her heart now, thrumming against her chest and the burst of adrenaline makes sure that she is faster than usually- halfway there, she calls on her magic, the air around her already turning purpl- she weakly fights against the arms that wrap around her like an iron band and pull her back into soft body.
" I am not allowed" the woman whispers, lips pressed to Regina's ear. She can feel a sharp-nailed finger stroke her cheek. " But you won't tell, will you? " that hand is buried in her hand now and Regina pants as her head is pulled back, her eyes wide with fear and another feeling that makes her disgusted with herself.
There is already slight pain, those fangs starting to dig in when the woman lets out a terrifying growl and is pulled backwards. Regina hears sounds, but they don't register. Whatever meagre energy she has left, goes to keeping herself awake. The sounds are weakening, the dark increasing when a slight coldness on her arms makes her wrench her eyes open.
She looks perhaps six, seven years old. She has chubby cheeks and bright eyes- caramel ones- and long, curly brown hair. Regina automatically smiles, the girl giving a faint smile back. When she lets herself fall to her knees and presses against Regina, sighing softly as she pulls at Regina's hair. " Pretty" she mutters.
Regina tightens her grip on the girl as the woman growls. "Yes, very much so. Now move, so I can- ".
The girl raises her head briefly, shakes her head. " No mama".
" Not your 'mama'. And you- ".
" No ".
Regina has to fight her instincts when the girl raises her head and she is just able to see the dried blood on and around her mouth. She freezes, is confused. The girl is not really cold and she could swear there are no sharp-
" What do you want, then?" the woman growls, stalking towards them. Regina flinches slightly when the woman snarls, and reveals those teeth that had nearly buried in her once again.
The girl in her arms frowns, worries at her lip. Suddenly, her voice brightens. " Keep!" she says and Regina melts slightly at the expression on her face, so proud. She glances at Regina, who gives the approval this girl obviously seeks by smiling brightly (if weakly).
" Keep, ma-".
The girl pouts as the woman grabs a large stool and throws it against one of the cabinets, the oddly loud sound of glass shattering making Regina hiss at the slight pain in her ears. " Don't call me that".
Regina manages to push herself up and throw a fireball when the woman stalks closer. The vampire laughs and when Regina blinks – there are very dark green eyes with specks of light brown very close to her own. She watches the pupils expand, the green slowly pressed away by black as the woman comes closer and licks her lips. " Just one taste" she mutters.
" I will never allow it" Regina croaks, trying to summon up the arrogance and cruelty of the evil queen. She just feels lost and tiny and embarrassingly afraid (and mad that she would ever try to be anything like the queen again). She might have even done something like whimpered , if it were not the for the girl still pressed against her and playing with her hair. " Stop it, mama".
The vampire growls. "last warning. Otherwise- snapped neck".
And that apparently gives Regina the strength she needed.
She smirks , then flicks her hand. The pained growl is satisfying, but the woman is already pressing the heavy bench away from herself so she snaps her fingers. The girl in her arms claps her hand with mirth as several pots explode and what- are those human embryos is inside them slaps the woman in her face. She wipes at the trail on her cheek, plucks several bent, pink things from her hair.
The girl throws her arms around Regina's neck as she teleports, careful to not go outside even though every instinct in her body is berating her for not doing so. " Will the sunlight harm you?" she asks the girl. She gets a blank look. Her English is not that good yet. She doesn't discern an obvious accent, but-
" Sunlight? Pain?" she asks the girl, who narrows her eyes in concentration. " Su-?"
" Sunlight, the- " she nearly curses as the bookcases slam open. She glances at the door- can she risk. The girl struggles, so she puts her down, grabs for her again when she starts to run towards the obviously irate vampire stalking towards Regina.
Already, she feels her muscles stiffening. She hates it. She hates the sluggishness of her mind and the rebellion of her limbs around these creatures. She hates how easily it is to give into the lure, how she has to use whatever little muscle control she has to bite on her lip to keep it from letting a soft sigh escape.
She stares at the woman with that hatred as she approaches Regina, the girl holding her hand. She is pulling at it as the woman leans in , pulling and hissing slightly and saying "no! No!" she is still pulling at the woman's blouse when there is a little smirk. Regina only feels breathless and weak and faint for three seconds- that tongue is lapping at the blood on her lip – before the door explodes.
She really should tell Emma that battle cries serve no purpose, apart from telling the enemy that you are coming.
She would- but she is falling and tired and swaying. She catches a glimpse of a familiar look, the same fury and then coldness that she had seen when Emma had pointed a gun at a childhood friend. She struggles to reach her, she can't. she cannot ruin herself like that, can't be like me , to tell her to not be a moron but she is already slamming into the woman with a furious scream.
Never thinking about consequences. As the vampire easily throws Emma off her, Regina uses the distraction to throw another fireball. This one has the hissing woman stumble back, glare at her before smirking. She coos 'come here pre-tty" Regina almost does, her foot already moving forward, when she suddenly regains all control as Emma screams " YOU LEAVE HER ALONE " and fires a blast of light magic that throws the woman back and into a gargantuan fridge behind them.
She reacts without thinking, her only thought EMMA! When she recognizes the woman is ready to lunge for the brave idiot that is using magic with one hand and fumbling for the stake in her belt with the other.
The world is blurred for a moment, her muscles burn and then she is on the other side of the room , with Emma in her arms. She arches her eyebrow a little, looks at the open-mouthed woman in her arms, then drily remarks "well, that is new".
The sound of a fridge being thrown makes her look at the vampire again. She is baring her teeth, clenching her fists and looks seconds apart from killing them both. She makes a quick decision, mutters " Hold on to me" to Emma.
Emma's eyes widen. "Regina, don't you da- " she clenches Regina's arms as she starts to run. She feels ridiculous at first, as her speed is nothing to write home to, then the world starts to blur slightly and stomach sorts of lunges and when she blinks, they are at the edge of the forest. She blinks at the sudden (if, fortunately, weak) sunlight, takes deep breaths of that earth/ wet leaves smell, and generally just basks in no longer being in a musky, eerie vampire nest.
There is just one thing. I will have to go back for the girl. The girl did not seem malnourished or unhappy, but she is not going to leave her with a creature like that woman. Even if – is she one of those creatures? She seems to require blood to-
" Uh Regina?" it is Emma's voice that forces her to focus on the present. When Regina looks at her, she is surprised at how close Emma is. Their lips are very close, close enough that Regina only would have had to lean a little forward to taste Emma's tongue as she licks her lips. " Why did you not let me- ".
" foolishly risk your own life?".
" I almost had her".
"Emma, we are not even aware what these creatures are capable off. You really have to be more-".
" I am not going to- damn it, Regina put me down, this is really weird". Regina is almost tempted to keep Emma in her arms- no matter how hazardous it would be to her physical and possibly mental health, when it means they're close enough they could 'accidentally' kiss, or she would only need to turn her head to slide her-
" Fine" Regina actually drops her when the tingling in her gums start again, trying to be subtly about pressing her lips together. Hoping Emma will take it for displeasure and annoyance. This plan slightly fails when Emma lets out a startled " what the – OUCH. Regina".
Regina doesn't know whether she wants to laugh or apologize several times as Emma falls on the floor and glares at her. She offers her a hand – " Can I trust you not to suddenly let go and let me fall again? " . " Do not bite the hand that feeds you, dear, or are you forgetting I have those brownies you love that are waiting in my cupboard" – except she keeps forgetting about how she is stronger now so when she pulls…
Emma stumbles into her and Regina gasps as they end up pressed together, with Emma's hands on her hips. She smells Emma's lunch as she worriedly asks " are you okay?" and is acutely aware of how fast Emma's heart is beating. And how that makes her smell even – for the sake of all the entities in the Enchanted forest, exercise a little control.
She manages to grit out "I am fine. Are you?".
" Eh, my ass just slightly hurts. That's all".
" Right" Regina really tried. She really, really tried but whatever awful poison is in her blood wins from her for a moment and her eyes drift to Emma's jugular. It is Herculean effort, but she manages to yank her eyes up. Step away, before you do something that you cannot blame on this illness. She would have. She would have stepped away. Except then she hears Emma's breathing stutter and her smell changes- to something even better, which is just unfair.
Karma. Always messing with me . She thinks absent-mindedly as she automatically presses even closer to Emma. She is only half-aware of the startled gasp and the " what the fuck Regina, what are y-you- " , which is not half as interesting as the soft skin of Emma's neck or that –
Lately, Regina will insist it was the poison in her blood, or momentary insanity or just the only way she could keep herself from sinking her teeth into Emma again. She will claim a lot and Snow will smile gently and patronizingly, David will just laugh and briefly squeeze her arm and Henry – Henry will give her a look that she would see in a mirror if she hang one behind all the morons that somehow became council members.
It is not. It is just how she has started to want Emma Swan- how she had wanted to nearly break her at first, had wanted the challenge and excitement the infuriating woman brought, later had wanted her support and magic and finally had wanted everything of this flawed, occasionally thick-headed, brave and wonderful woman. Every shy see-that's-a-start smile and every eye roll after her sassy remarks and every weak joke and – just everything.
That is why she kisses Emma Swan. That is why her hands are trembling as they take Emma's face between them so she can press her lips to that mouth she has had too many dreams about. It is why she doesn't mind sighing this time, why she smiles against those lips as the hands on her hips tighten and slightly chapped lips are moving against her, the taste of hot chocolate in her mouth and she loves-
She nearly screams when Emma staggers back, pales and presses her hand to her lips before saying " I am sorry"
And runs.
I have my reasons for this ending (but sorry, honestly) which will be revealed… possibly the next chapter.