First Person

1965

It was supposed to be tea time, but Sirius's mind was else where. There he was five years old, looking at his window with such wondrous awe. He was drawn to the sound guitars being strung loudly. He looked at the window and peeked into a very strange world that these muggle have made. Ipswich was such a strange world in the mid sixties, to a small child it was a magical dream. He smiled at the men and women dressed in bright colors, dancing and singing on the streets, while the scent of the flowers reached his window. The words of peace and love still clung to his little ear. He may have romanced this image, ignorance of the reality, for at five it just seemed to be a happy place. He was captivated listening to the hippies of London sing, dance, kiss, without grownups coming in telling them its time to go to bed. For him a world of peace and love was a far off paradise than in Grimaldplace.

"What is master Sirius doing?" he heard a voice behind him. He looked over and saw Fay, the house elf watching him. She glanced at the window too and saw the sight. "Fay has tea read and snack ready for Master Sirius." She then went to the window.

"Fay swears, these muggle have been becoming stranger and stranger." Fay said, shutting the curtains and putting her hand out. Sirius grabbed it. He smiled, giving Fay the dimples that always touched her soul as his big, innocent eye lashes blinked "Come on, Master Sirius, time for tea." He then followed her into the kitchen, where there was small table setting. Regulus, whom was two sat down as well as she sat a plate of cookies that were already smashed with his sticky toddler fingers while a sibs cup of milk was in front of him. Sirius, smiled, eagerly as Sirius gave him a small plastic cup. He started eating while Fay cut up a banana for the boys to shar. WIlburgha came into the kitchen.

"WHat is taking so long?" She said nastily. She then came into the window.

"Sirius was window wondering again, so I had to fine him." Fay explained putting a fruit bowl down.

"What are you doing, watching the filfthy muggle?" She said grabbing Sirius by the arm and yanking him away.

"Mummy, it hurts." Sirius cried as she held it.

"I don't care," She said, talking right to his face "We got your uncle coming any minute, what do you do, watch muggle all day. The filth, and the ones outside are even filthier than before."

"But I like them," Sirius pouted.

"What did you say," She said and grabbed Sirius by the ear. "You admire them? the Muggles?" She then pushed him to the ground. "They are trash Sirius," she yelled in his ear. Wilburgah than looked down, and notice his trouser with ripped and blood coming out of his knee.

"How did you get that?" She asked.

"He fell off a tree this morning," Fay explained. "I put some alcohol on it, he was doing what little boys do."

"Now, we'll have to get you knew. I swear Sirius, you are nothing but burden," she said, not even bothering to dressing it. She then went to Regulus, crested his head and kissed him.

"Your company is here and the tea is served." Fay said. WIlburgha nodded and left.

"Come Sirius, Regulus, Fay made you some crumpets." She said as she helped Sirius up.

"WHy does Mommie hate me?" Sirius asked sadly as Fay rolled up his leg pants and she used her elf magic to heal it.

"She doesn't hate you, Sirius," Fay said. "How could anyone hate such a wonderful boy like you." Sirius smiled and pulled a small flower from his pocket.

"The lady with the tamborine gave me this," Sirius said, giving it to her.

"Aww, Fay, loves it." She smiled at the boy in her care.

~X~

Sirius finally came to shore. He climbed the rocks and stepped onto the island. He felt as he was trapped into a time warp. Here he was, on his old street, he started to walk through it taking in the aromas of incense and fresh flowers. He could hear strums of the guitars along with the music of the Beatles, Bobby Dillon, and other artists of that era.

He knew it wasn't real, later in life, he read about muggle London in the sixties and found that the childhood dream world he used to stair out was far from a paradise. Yet, they seemed just like he remembered them. No drugs, protest or civil unrest, just the happy hippies Sirius mistook them for.

It all disappeared when Sirius spotted it. Staring out his old home, peering through the window, on the other side of the abusive hell he was trapped in for eleven years.

"Please, Mommy, please don't I didn't mean too." Sirius could hear a little boy cry. He felt a heavy air on his chest, hearing the boy cry. It was then he heard a soft, familiar singing that echoed among the boy's cry. Sirius decided to go in.

Sirius walked in, the house was clean just like it was when he lived in it. The fresh scent of lavender and chocolate chip biscuits arouse as Sirius went to the kitchen. It was there, he saw an elf, wearing a pillow case while darning socks.

"Hello, Sirius," She said. "Do you remember me?"

Sirius opened his mouth to say something. He remembered her, it was Fay, the house elf who served as his nanny during his boyhood years. He started to speak but couldn't, nothing came out. "Of course you don't, Sirius. I couldn't speak when I first came here too. You start out as you came, unable to speak, so you just listen."

Sirius winced at her.

"You wonder wear you are?" She asked. "Why, your in heaven."

Sirius was stunned, he blink but couldn't say anything. How could this place, filled with bad, painful memories be heaven.

"You enter your death with pain and sadness," Fay explained. "You have to get rid of it, before you find your heaven. You are to meet with five people. Each of us have a lesson to teach you and a way of guiding you before you reach your paradise. We will meet with you at different stages of your life and help you understand the lesson that each part of life's bring. I represent your childhood." Fay explained.

Sirius smiled at that, 'You were more of a mother to me than my own.'

Fay smiled. "Your mother cared for you, but she was distance for a reason. She carried her own burden."

'My Uncle got drunk and told me how my father forced himself on her. That was why they had to get marred.'There was times she could barely look at me.' Sirius said. 'I was nothing but pain.'

"That is why when the same happened to your cousin, Andromeda, you aided her in getting the potion she needed. You didn't want to see her becoming your mother." Fay said with sympathy. "Compassion is a strong suite for you, Sirius. You feel for others, you've had since you were young. That is one of the reason why you are here. You showed empathy when people needed it. You saved your cousin from the same fate of your mother."

'You taught me empathy.' Sirius said. "I remember one time you made me look at the window and said 'you never know a strangers story, or a random person's struggle. You don't know if your passing them in the best day of their life or their worse day. That is why you need to show kindness to people."

"I so wanted you and your brother to be gentlemen," Fay said. "I used to daydream about you two full grown, holding doors for people, pulling out your wives chairs. I wanted people to walk past you and say 'that boy is really polite, someone raised him right'

Sirius smiled at that. He haven't thought of Fay in years, but seeing her again made him remember that he missed her.'

"But you still existed, it isn't our place to dwell on the past but to make something of it. We find our place by moving forward." Fay explained. "That is why you are here, to move forward. You will meet five people who've been waiting for you." Fay explained as she served him tea. Sirius felt like a child again, drinking tea and eating cupplets and cake with Fay. She should him more love than anyone has before. "We have milk and cookies, sinkerdodoe and chocolate chip." she smiled.

Sirius sat with her.

"You raised me, you knew me better than anyone." Sirius said speaking in a whispering voice. "I remembered thinking you were the greatest, most powerful thing."

"But I was an elf, you were above me." Fay reminded.

"I was a child, things were different." Sirius said. "You knew me and loved me."

"That is true, I loved you Sirius, no doubt about that.

"You called out my name when you had a nightmare and I knew which songs to sing. You asked for me when you were sick and I knew your favorite story, how you liked your tea, which toy you slept with and even what you didn't like." She went on. "Now, can you say the same for me?"

Sirius was silent. "You were an elf."

"I know," Fay went on. "Amazing how our lives were so entangled, yet you still so little about that person. I will tell you now. It's amazing as a child we see everyone and everything as equal until the world poisons us until believing different."

"To tell you about me, I was born to the Weasley family in 1920, my father died of dragon pox and I worked with my mother. After some poor investments, leaving the family in poverty, I was sold to the Black family. Your mother was a teenager when I met her. The Weasleys were nice, but the Blacks weren't. Your grandfather beat your grandmother and she would beat me in retaliation. It wasn't a pleasant home, but your mother was my friend. She had dreams at one point. She was ten when I met her, after the beatings, she would come into my room and said that when she becomes Minister of Magic she would make laws to protect elves like me. I liked her."

"My Mum never thought like that, she didn't care about making anything better. She was too soaked with her own misery."

"She was young and innocent once too, Sirius, and not strayed from life's mission. We are all come into the world with a desire to be better and make a difference. Then the realities causes that to go away. Your mother wanted to become a healer and go to third world countries, she wanted to see so much and do so much. She wanted to then work for the ministry, improving the lives of everyone. She once reminded me of a alive girl that came to your house…Hermoine Granger…she even had a friend who was Muggle born."

"Really?" Sirius said shocked.

"His name was David Brown, he was your mother's first lover and your brother's….father. He was then killed by Death Eaters."

Sirius stood there, shocked.

"You were a product of rape, he was a product of an affair. That is a family secret that needed to become light in death. I never cared a I loved you both very much."

"Was you knowing this…why you were killed."

"No, Sirius….you were."

November 3, 1968

Sirius and Regulas were indulged with a Quidditch set Sirius received for his birthday. Sirius had the beaters out and was ready to go. He saw it flaying towards him, he hit it. It ran into the through the window, but didn't brake it.

The adult Sirius was in the stair case now, he saw Fay before him, caring a tea tray up the stairs. She heard the sound of the ball hitting the side of the house. She is caught by surprised and drops the tea tray.

Wilburgah comes out, looks at Fay.

"You broke a family hairloom.' She said cooly. She then grabbed Fay by the sholders, dragged her beloved childhood friend down the stairs. Sirius saw his mother grabbing an ax before he left.

Present

Sirius stood there staring at her, now unsure if he should trust her or not. He never knew that she caused his death. It was on his birthday when she died. He remembered clear as day coming in from playing and finding her head on the wall while Fay's son, Kreatcher cleaned the blood. He never loved Kreacher, scared to get attached. He was scared to love anything after Fay's death.

"Are you here to punish me?" Sirius finally asked.

"Why?" Fay asked.

"How could I? You did nothing but love me and in the end, it was I who killed you." Sirius said.

"Sirius, it was my time, simple as that. During my life, there were others who went instead of me, just like I was the one who went instead of you. You had no control over what happened on your eighth birthday any more than what happened in the Department of Mysteries. You and I, we may have been of two different species, but we had such love and devotion to each other, making us more connected.

"I never knew too much about you, I've always remembered you with love."
"And why would I taint that memory with guilt?" Fay asked. "During my life there were other who went in my stead."

"It just wasn't fair, I was the one who broke the window."

"Death isn't fair, but some good came from my death." Fay said.

"What good is that?" Sirius asked. Fay then took Sirus outside, Sirius saw his eight year old self, oblivious to the murderous act in the kitchen. He had moved on from Quidditch and was now rough housing with Regulus. "Another lived." She answered.

"I barely knew anything about you, during my time alive I never bothered to know more, you eventually became just a head on a wall." Sirius said.

"Well, now you will." Fay then pressed her hand into Sirius, all these memories came flooding back to him. She then touched his arm, suddenly these memories of Fay;s life came flooding back to her. Fay's parents, the harsh, abusive training of elves, meeting and befriending his mother, falling in love, having Kreacher, and finally holding a tiny, human baby boy in her arms that Sirius recognized himself, causing the elf to smile as she rocked him. When it was done, they were in a park. Fay was in a meadow, on a picnic blanket.

"Were are we now?" Sirius asked.

"Heaven," Fay answered. "I am at Heaven right here, in this park, having a picnic on the grass. You are the one who is going. You still have four more people to meet.'

"Fay," Sirius called again. "My godson, Harry, I felt his hand, he was tugging at me…is he alright?"

"Sirius," Fay said. "It's time to go." It was then, he felt a force pulling at him before Fay disappeared.

~X~

1975

"Here, Sirius, you can stay in my room." James said, opening the door to what seemed to be a mess. James's Border Collie, Holly, followed the boys as always, excited to see Sirius. It was late that night Sirius moved in, causing Holly not to show her usual abundance of energy and instantly go to her dog bed in the corner of James;s room. James sat on the bed, Holly jumped up next to him, using her master's leg as her pillow. She snuggled up next to him, showing nothing but love.

"I thought she wasn't allowed on the furniture."

"She doesn't care," James explained, stroking her head. When he stopped, she pawed at him to continue. It was then Sirius noticed an odd poster. It was of this strange painting full of blue swirl skies and a tall green plant along with a peaceful village. Nothing was moving, but it was so peaceful.

"James, what is that?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, its called 'Starry Night' by Vincent Van Gough.

"Vincent who…."

"He was this famous muggle painter, Mum took me this muggle museum in Pairs once, she likes art. I saw it and I don't know, I was mesmerized by his work so I got a poster of it to hang up." He answered. "Nothing quite like it, so peaceful. Looking at it makes me feel at home."

~X~

Sirius looked around, to realize he was in the painting. He was walking through Starry Night. He then heard some rustling, followed by a bark. Suddenly, he felt something, a strange noise and wet under his hands. Sirius looked down to see Holly Potter, unable to stand it much longer, left her master's side and burst out with she wagging tail to see Sirius. Sirius smiled, as he bent down and the dog kissed his face. He looked up, smiled, ready to meet his second person, whom he missed so much.