"To move my body, use the arrow keys on your keyboard. To interact with the environment, use the spacebar or the enter key."
"Thanks for the tutorial," said I.
Zone 0 was a strange looking place. Everything was some shade of yellow. Four blocks floated around us. We walked up and saw a tall building.
"So, if we're going to find the "Judge," we'll need to be ever vigilant. Look everywhere, keep eyes peeled. This search may take a while, but-"
A voice interrupted me. "There cannot be any other living beings in zone 0, so I must assume you are a figment of my imagination." It was a small, white cat... with a mouth full of really sharp teeth. I must have jumped when I first saw that. "Nevertheless, I will introduce myself. I am the Judge, and I am aching to know your name, dear elusory interlocutor." Well, he's got quite the extensive vocabulary, I thought to myself.
"I'm the Batter. I've been assigned to a sacred mission."
"It is a pleasure. However, it is not the puppet I was addressing, but the puppeteer controlling it. What is your name, dear puppeteer?"
Before I could answer, The Batter rudely jumped in. "His name is Puppeteer. He can't talk to us. However, he can hear and see everything."
"Even though you too are but an inexistent apparition in my eyes, let it be said that I am delighted to meet you as well, dear Puppeteer." Uh, thanks?
"I believe we're in need of your services," said The Batter, presumably eager to get down to business.
"Many people are in need of my services, you know. Everybody loves cats. We rub ourselves against their legs and purr in the most insistent matter. They adore that." I smiled. The Batter just clarified, "I'm not talking about that kind of help."
"I see..." said the Judge, "but what sort of service could I offer to an ectoplasmic entity?" Come to think of it, what are we doing?
"I am on a sacred mission. I must purify the world."
My eyes widened. That's typically the kind of thing my enemies would say. In hindsight, perhaps I should have seen it coming...
The Judge snickered. "There is no objective more laudable than yours," he said with barely disguised sarcasm. "I accept to serve you as a guide through this area, if it is of any help to you." Seems he wasn't buying this either. The Batter just gave a "Thanks." A man of few words... like quite a bit of my clients, actually.
We followed The Judge up a ladder, where he continued the conversation. "Allow me to confess that I find you quite tangible for a phantasmagorial being. Might you in fact be a creature of flesh and blood?"
"I think so, yes," said The Batter. You think? Are you some kind of fucking alien?
"So I have been mistaken from the beginning. You did not even interrupt me in my deluded phantasms. This is relatively bizarre, I must say, for you are the first living being I was given a chance to encounter in this lieu." That's odd. Already this is pretty damn weird.
So the two of them offer me a combat tutorial. I decided, why not?
"Purification in progress," said The Batter.
The Judge went on to explain how battling works in this world. I have a basic attack, "competences," items, the usual. Interestingly though, I was given the option to just let my "puppet" do as they wished- the "Auto" option. Despite The Judge's warnings, I decided I just had to try it out.
"No no no. You really have not understood one bit. It is enough to damn one's self. I will repeat it anew for you. Open your ears widely." Didn't listen. I'll admit, seeing him plead like that while getting hit again and again was amusing to me.
"Poor imbecile. You have drained my health points... I am going to die in this empty land, where your sacred mission ends."
I burst out laughing. It was so worth it.
Oh, you're shocked? Well, don't be- I've done this kind of thing before. Hurting my clients and allies like that for a quick laugh, I'm now ashamed to admit, is something I did often. But you see, being The Puppeteer gives me a special ability- I have the power to rewind time. With this, I can undo any damage I do. Or so I thought...
So I went back and did the tutorial correctly this time, and the Judge assured me I was ready. Then I went back again, just to see his reaction if I refused.
"I hope that what you state is more than hot air meant to impress me, because that would be taking a high risk." I love everything this guy says.
Inside the building were some basic "touch the blocks in the right order" puzzles. Pretty easy, nothing I couldn't handle. Then we got to the bottom floor.
"Ahaha, finally! After all that exertion, the eagerly awaited recompense makes it's entrance to the scene!"
Cat food. We went through that for cat food. I laughed again, the idea seemed ridiculous.
Finally, we went outside and saw a red box. The Judge informed us, in his usual wordy manner, that the box takes us to "The Nothingness." Sheesh, is everything here called "The Whatever?"
He gave us the Leo card, which is needed to access zone 1, and left us to our devices.