Zoo Part 1
On a water bus on the Regents Canal...
"We chose a lovely day for this, didn't we?"
"I know, I can't believe how warm and sunny it's turned out".
"How about when we've been to the zoo we get some lunch and walk up Primrose Hill, eat it there, like a picnic?"
"Sounds nice. I've never been to Primrose Hill you know"
"If you climb to the top there's amazing views across London. How come you've never been there, you've lived in London for years?".
"I know but London's a big city, there's lots of it I haven't seen. I've never done this before either, been on a boat on this canal, it's relaxing isn't it?"
"Yeah it is".
The boat cruise started at Camden Lock and their surroundings had soon changed from bustling crowds to peaceful greenery lined water, edged with grand houses and crossed by pretty bridges. Despite being in central London, there seemed to be more ducks and swans than people here. They alighted at the ferry stop next to London Zoo and headed to the entrance.
"Look at the queue, we won't get in for hours at this rate, it's half way down the street".
"Don't worry, I booked advanced tickets online, our queue is over there".
"There isn't another queue".
"Exactly, we get to go straight in".
"Well done Luce, I'm glad you're good at forward planning, what would I do without you?"
"Considering some of the things you've done since I've been in your life, quite frankly I dread to think".
...
They went to look at the penguins first, as the penguin beach exhibit was quite close to the zoo's entrance. There were a lot of people lining the fences and glass that surrounded the enclosure, but they managed to find a spot next to a fence.
"I love the penguins, they're my favourite", said Lucy, almost running towards them.
"Mine too, I could watch them all day, so comical".
"Look Lee, that one's coming over to us".
The small penguin waddled towards them, then started to tap its feet and flap its flippers.
"Aww, it's so cute, I want a pet one. If I just reached over now, I bet no one would even notice if I smuggled this one into my handbag, it's only little".
"Please tell me you're joking, you know this isn't a pet shop right?".
Lucy was amused by the slight look of alarm on Lee's face.
"Of course I'm joking. I do know that stealing the livestock is frowned upon in zoos".
"I think you'll find the word is illegal. I know they're cute but I don't think you'd want one in the flat somehow anyway. They stink", Lee added.
"Well, I've already got you at home, I probably wouldn't notice the difference".
"Ouch. I'll get you back for that later".
"And how are you going to do that?".
"I don't know, I'll think of something. Why, are you worried now?".
"I'm more worrried about the fact you thought I might actually be serious about stealing a penguin. You are gullible at times".
"I didn't really think you were going to do it. Now I'm concerned that you think that I thought you were being serious. Now who's gullible?".
"Maybe we should forget it and just watch the penguins. I think that family next to us can hear our conversation. We're getting funny looks now".
Lucy had become aware of the eyes that seemed to be on them now, and had turned to see a teenage boy sniggering with his sister. She didn't want them to be one of those couples who had 'lovers tiffs' in public. Not that this was what this was. This was just a normal conversation for her and Lee.
"What's that noise?", Lee suddenly exclaimed as they walked away from the penguin exhibit.
Lucy had heard it too. A sort of low croaking mixed with laboured breathing.
"It sounds like..."
"I know what it sounds like, but what's making it?"
"Judging by how many parents are quickly moving their children away from that enclosure, I'm guessing over there".
They walked towards the sound to be confronted with two giant Tortoises vigorously mating, making disconcertingly loud grunting and heavy breathing noises. Then there was the face of the male, strained neck and open mouthed. It was both fascinating and disturbing at the same time.
"Wow, he's really getting into that isn't he?", said Lee.
"Yep, he's going for it. Do you think we could move away now? I feel like a voyeur right now and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it", Lucy replied.
"Yeah, maybe we should leave them to it".
They briskly walked away, until the sound faded.
"Did you hear those noises though?", Lee asked rhetorically.
"I know, I just need to unhear them now", Lucy said, still sounding a bit disturbed.
"Here we go, the lemurs are that way, do you want to go there next?"
"Yep, I really like the lemurs exhibit. You actually walk around in their enclosure so you get really close to them. And they're very sweet, especially the babies".
"Come on then, as long as you can resist the temptation to sneak one into your handbag".
Lucy rolled her eyes and took hold of Lee's hand again, pulling him towards their next destination.
...
After seeing the Lemurs, Reptile House, Otters, Giraffes, Hippos and Tigers, Lee and Lucy went to the Meerkat exhibit.
They were quietly watching the Meerkats, when a group of children next to them started being silly and acting out the 'Compare the Market' advert, much to Lee's annoyance.
"Why is it that everyone seems to think it's hilarious to say 'simples' in a Russian accent every time they see a Meerkat?", he asked.
"It's because of that advert".
"Yes I know that, I just don't know why everyone feels the need to copy it. It's not funny, and it's such a cliche".
"They're only children Lee".
"I know but the advert is annoying enough as it is, I don't need to hear people doing impressions of it all the time".
"Come on Mr Grumpy, let's move on before you actually say something to these children and end up getting kicked out of the zoo or arrested".
"I got kicked out of Chester Zoo once".
"Why? What did you do? Or would I rather not know?"
"I was a teenager, I was there was some mates. We were messing around and I tried to feed the ducks".
"Oh, are you not allowed to feed the ducks there?".
"Not to the crocodiles, no".
"What!...oh...that's a joke, right? And probably an old one at that", Lucy said, noticing Lee was smiling.
"Yes it was a joke. The real reason wasn't actually my fault. My mate tried to nick a chocolate bar from the shop and got caught. My mum was so angry that the money she'd spent on my entrance fee had been wasted that she banned me from hanging around with him after that".
"That's probably not why she banned you from hanging around with him. I'd imagine that was more to do with the shoplifting".
"Oh no, it was the wasted entrance fee, she hated spending money".
"Oh, so that's where you get it from!".
"Some would call me tight, others would say I'm just careful. I go with the latter".
"Okay, if you say so. Right, I think it's the chimps next".
...
Lee and Lucy made their way to the chimpanzee exhibit.
"Reunited with the family at last eh Lee?", Lucy teased as they watched the apes swinging from the tyres and ropes that were part of the 'playground' within their enclosure that had been created by the zookeepers to keep them occupied.
"Hey! I'd expect that from Tim or your dad but not you".
"Sorry, it's all those years of teasing, I just comes naturally now, I can't help it".
"I know, I've noticed. Woah! What's that?"
They heard a loud drumming sound.
"There's a chimp look just to the right you, it's tapping on the glass. I think it's trying to get your attention. See, it must recognise you, one of its cousins".
"I thought you fancied me".
"I do".
"Then if you think I look like a chimp, what does that say about you?"
"I never said you look like a chimp, you act like one sometimes maybe..."
"I do not..."
"Ergh! Charming!", Lucy exclaimed, screwing up her face in disgust as the chimp picked up some poo off the floor and threw it.
"See, I don't do things like that for a start!".
"You say that, but the mess I'm sometimes greeted with when I clean our bathroom would suggest otherwise".
"You're on a roll today with the insults aren't you? It's a good job I'm thick skinned".
Lucy was worried she'd gone too far for a second, until she noticed Lee still seemed to be smiling.
"You love it really don't you, me teasing you? Anyway, you give as good as you get".
"I wouldn't have any other way. I think it's just your way of flirting with me anyway".
"Maybe".
Tim and Daisy had often suggested to Lucy that her and Lee's constant witty banter and exchange of sarcastic comments was because they were attracted to each other, and she had always vehemently denied this. Now she realised this observation was one hundred percent accurate.
...
Lee and Lucy walked towards the Bonobos in the next enclosure. They were greeted by the sight of a pair of the Chimpanzee-like apes having sex.
"Not them as well! I hate the phrase 'get a room' but in this case I really think they should", Lee exclaimed.
Lee was sure some higher power was doing this on purpose. He was trying not think about sex, though it was on his mind a lot at the moment. Now all of these animals were shoving it in his face.
"Scientists believe that Bonobos are the only animals which separate sex from reproduction, other than humans".
"Really? How do you know that?", Lee asked, impressed as always with Lucy's knowledge.
"I saw it on a BBC wildlife documentary once".
Lee usually zoned out when Lucy was watching anything he considered to be educational on television.
"They're the nearest animal to us genetically apparently", she added.
"They're very blatant aren't they?", Lee said, wanting to look away but a bit too fascinated to do so completely.
"I guess they don't feel any shame about it. Or maybe they're doing it on purpose because they know we're watching".
"You mean they're exhibitionists?"
"Not exactly, I'm not suggesting they're getting off on us watching. Maybe they just like to see people's reactions, like when monkeys wee on people and chimps throw poo, maybe it's attention seeking".
"Or maybe those Bonobos were just so horny that they couldn't stop themselves".
"Or there's that I suppose".
"Do you think the animals in zoos have any concept that they're being watched, or do they look at us humans as though we're the exhibits?".
"That's a very philosophical question Lee".
"Yeah, I have layers you know. I have deep thoughts sometimes".
"I think they know they're being watched. I read an interview with Sir David Attenborough when he talked about that. The great apes in particular, they're very intelligent, that's why they can get a bit agressive when children tease them and stuff. We should be respectful of them. I do think they watch us as well though, maybe they're intrigued by human behaviour. I suppose we'll never know".
"True, you can't actually ask them after all...oh wow, that Bonobo's trying it on with another female now, impressive recovery time".
"Shall we leave them to their...orgy and go and see the lions? Last time I came here they were all hiding away, hopefully they'll be outside today".
"Yep, lead the way...".