Zoo Part 2
"Where are they all? We've been standing here for at least five minutes and we've not seen a single lion yet. The amount we paid to get into the zoo you'd think at the very least the livestock would come out to say hello", Lee said, getting bored of waiting for the lions to appear.
"Perhaps you'd like to go in and say that to their faces? If we're patient we'll see one in a minute".
Just then they noticed a group of people around the corner pointing into the enclosure. Assuming they had spotted a lion they moved towards the group, hoping to see one too.
"There you go, there's two. I told you if we waited they'd come out".
There was a male and female, the male closely following the female around as she paced up and down the enclosure. Then, seemingly without warming, the male mounted the female and began mating with her.
"Blimey! Either the zookeepers have been putting aphrodisiacs in the animal feed or there's something in the air today", Lee exclaimed.
"Maybe there is...something in the air", Lucy replied, her slightly flirtatious tone of voice making Lee's pulse race.
"They don't really go in for foreplay do they, animals?"
"That one certainly doesn't. Blimey, it's over already, that was quick!"
"Do you think?"
"Yes I do! and I hope you thought so too. I had a boyfriend like that once, he didn't seem to understand that women need more than just a quick kiss before and after the main event, needless to say he wasn't my boyfriend for very long".
"I was joking a second ago by the way. I don't really think that going from zero to thanks love can you pass me a cigarette in under a minute is acceptable".
"You don't smoke".
"Exactly, that's why it's not acceptable".
Lucy rolled her eyes.
"Seriously though, you know some men need and want more than just kiss before the main event too. The way I see it, sex is like Christmas, the build up is half the fun", Lee added, redeeming himself.
"As long as the main event isn't an anti-climax. Christmas day feels like that sometimes".
"No, I usually go for he opposite of that".
"Tell me more".
Lucy had that suggestive look in her eyes again, and Lee felt his heartbeat start to increase. He wasn't sure he could handle this new cranked up level of flirting.
They headed towards the monkey enclosure, continuing their conversation as they walked.
"Actually...maybe we should change the subject".
"Are you not comfortable discussing sex with me?".
"It's not that. Well, actually I'm not completely, the truth is I'm trying not to think about too much when I'm with you".
"Why?"
"Isn't that obvious?".
"No it isn't. I think when it comes to sex we should be able to discuss it without being embarrassed. We should be open and honest".
"Okay then...Luce...is it still on the cards between us?"
"What?"
"Sex".
"I'm not ruling anything out. What about you?"
Lucy knew she loved Lee now, and she was pretty sure he felt the same, but she needed him to hear him say it, needed to know this wasn't just going to be a fling before she was willing to consummate their relationship. There was too much at stake otherwise. Their living together, their friendship.
"Of course I want to, I want you. But that's why I don't find it easy to talk about sex with you. My mind starts to wander and it's hard enough just being around you and not being able to touch you all the time...when I say it's hard I don't mean my...you know. I mean hard as in difficult. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to think I'm some sort of pervert but you said we should be honest and open...and the honest truth is can't think about anything else a lot of the time, but I'm scared as well...".
Lucy interrupted,
"Scared?"
"Yes, scared that if or when we take that step I'll disappoint you".
"I'm sure you won't".
"The thing is...although before I knew you I...there was a few women, so you'd think I would be all casual when it came to sex but the thing is, those other women...and there wasn't as many as Tim would have you believe by the way...didn't really mean anything to me, or at least nowhere near as much as you do. And I've wanted you for so long that I've dreamt up this perfect love scene in my head and I feel like I'm putting pressure on myself, because what if you've created a scene in your head too and I don't live up to it, to your expectations?"
"Lee...".
Lucy hadn't realised Lee felt this way. He always seemed so confident on the surface, she never thought he'd have similar insecurities to her own.
"Wait, I haven't finished...and then there's the sexual tension between us. I'm sure you must agree it's always been there, and I'm a bit scared of what might happen when...if...we finally release it. What if I can't control myself, physically? What if my body betrays me and I...let you down?"
"Are you talking about premature ejac.."
Lee didn't let Lucy finsish her sentence.
"Well, I wasn't going to to be that blunt but yes, I suppose so. Sorry, I'm just being stupid. I really shouldn't be saying all of this, the last thing I want to do is put you off".
"You're not putting me off. I'm pleased you're being open with me. That's important in a relationship, that we're able to share our feelings with each other. Is premature ejaculation a problem you've had...in past relationships?".
"No, luckily all the women I've gone out with have had short attention spans so...".
"Be serious Lee".
"No, it's not a problem I've had before"..
"Well them why are worried about it now?"
"I don't know. I guess I'd just want it to be perfect. Look...I've been honest with you. Can I ask why you want to wait, what's holding you back? I mean I respect that you do but I just wondered...if there's anything so specific in particularly stopping you?"
"It's a big deal for me too. I haven't let anyone in, you know let them get that close to me since Guy and you know how that ended. And it was ages ago. So I'm scared too, it's a massive thing".
"Well, I've never had any complaints and I'd say it was bigger than average but I don't know if I'd describe it as massive, that would be boasting".
Lucy sighed. She wished Lee could stop joking for one minute so they could have this important conversation.
"I wasn't talking about the size of your...thing".
She gestured towards his crotch as she spoke.
"My thing? I thought it was me feeling uncomfortable about discussing sex with you. You can say penis".
"Okay...I wasn't talking about the size of your penis. I meant taking that step is a massive thing".
Lucy was blushing a deep red now.
"I know what you meant, I was joking. That's what I do when our conversations get intense remember? That's partly why I'm so scared of disappointing you, because I know how big a deal it is for you".
"Have you ever thought that maybe I'm scared of disappointing you too? It's about confidence partly for me, in myself, in my body. After Guy I lost that a bit, a lot actually".
"You don't need to worry about that. You're beautiful, I've never met anyone as beautiful as you. You have an amazing body".
"Thank you. But to be fair you haven't seen all of it".
"Actually I have pretty much remember, that time when that stupid bathroom lock didn't work. Not that I was purposely looking".
Lucy blushed even deeper, if that was possible, though she found herself smiling too.
"Either way, we're talking about me sharing my whole self with someone else, I have to be able to trust that person completely".
"Don't you trust me?"
"Yes, but I have to be able to trust us...our relationship...too, if that makes sense. I wouldn't want to spoil what we already have, us living together and our friendship. I wouldn't want to lose that and if we jumped into bed and then it all came to an end it would be too awkward to carry on as we were. I have to feel certain that this isn't just a fling".
Lee had suspected this, and not only did he understand the way Lucy was feeling, he felt almost exactly the same.
"What would make you certain of that?"
"I don't know, time I suppose is part of it, and working out...you know...understanding how I feel and knowing how you feel, whether we both feel the same".
"How do you feel?"
Lee wasn't sure whether he was ready to hear the answer to this question, but it had just fallen out of his mouth.
"I...I...ergh! That monkey just threw poo at the other one! What is it with the animals in this zoo and throwing poo. Maybe...maybe this isn't the time or the place to have this conversation. Maybe we should talk about this back at home".
If she was going to declare her love for Lee she thought it should be just the two of them, at home where they felt comfortable and not surrounded by screaming children and animals that were either getting frisky with each other or throwing their own excrement around, that wasn't the setting she imagined as she played out the scenario in her head.
"You're right, let's just enjoy the day out, and we'll talk about this later".
Lee felt almost relieved, as although he wanted to know how Lucy felt, he knew the conversation would inevitably lead to him having to tell her how he felt and that terrified him.
During the rest of their visit to the zoo, the pair talked about everything other than their relationship, the animals and the other zoo visitors providing plenty of topics of conversation. Afterwards they bought some lunch and took a leisurely walk up Primrose Hill...