TWENTY-FOUR

I woke to an empty bed Monday morning, Ranger already up and working. I didn't know how he did it. I'd fallen asleep on the plane, then again on the car ride back to Trenton, and I still felt exhausted. I showered and dressed, not sure what I wanted to do with my day. I unwrapped my burnt hand, pleased to see most of the blisters had faded. I used Band-Aids to cover up the few spots that were still painful, returning myself to two handed mobility.

I knew I should call Morelli to see if there were any updates on Fortecelli, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Dread settled into the pit of my stomach every time I thought about telling him about Ranger and me.

Breakfast remained on the dining room table when I emerged from the bedroom. Ranger sat in his office, working on his computer. I spread cream cheese on a toasted bagel and ate standing up.

I stuck my head into Ranger's office. "I'm going to head to the bonds office to see who came in since Thursday."

"Have fun. Be careful." He didn't even look away from his screen.

I paused for a second. "You've already assigned me a shadow, haven't you?"

"Yes."

I sighed, but decided not to argue. "I take it that means Fortecelli is not yet in police custody?"

"Correct. And from what I've heard, they have less leads than you," he finally turned away from his computer to fix me with a serious stare. "Are you going to talk to Morelli today?"

I squirmed. "I'm not sure. Probably tomorrow." Preferably next decade, if I could manage it.

Ranger stood, walking to within an arm's length of me. "You can change your mind about us. I'd understand."

"I haven't changed my mind. I'm just not eager to break it to Morelli."

"Babe, I'm not going to hide our relationship. You know how word gets around the Burg. Morelli deserves to hear it from you, and to hear it today."

I sighed. Ranger was right. I did owe it to Morelli to tell him Ranger and I were dating before he heard it from someone else. "I'll talk to him today," I promised, hoping maybe Fortecelli would kidnap me before I got the chance.

Ranger closed the last bit of space between us, pulling me against him for a gentle kiss. "See you later," he said, stepping away and returning to his desk.

Scott waited eagerly for me in the parking garage when the elevator doors opened. He wore black cargo pants and a black t-shirt with a line of white Greek letters across the chest: Pi, Lambda, Upsilon, Mu. "Where we going today?" he asked.

"To the bail bonds office to start with," I replied, eying up his shirt. It didn't look like standard Rangeman attire.

"Cool. I'll be right behind you." He turned to walk to a black SUV and I saw the back of his t-shirt read 'security.' I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Ranger.

"Yo."

"Why is Scott wearing a t-shirt with 'Plum' written across the front in Greek letters?"

"Because he survived the hazing and initiation into the P.L.U.M. fraternity."

I went silent for a beat. "Is this another one of those office morale things?"

"The guys found the idea hilarious. Are you mad?"

"No. I want one too."

"If you don't break Scott by the end of the day, I'll get you one."

"Deal."

I climbed into my black Equinox and motored toward the bail bonds office, Scott close behind. He stayed in his SUV, parked at the curb, as I went in to see if Connie had any new files for me.

"Look at you," Lula remarked as I strolled in. "Not as white and pasty as usual."

Connie glanced behind me. "I see Captain America in the SUV at the curb. What's that about?"

"Ranger has one of his guys tailing me today, since Fortecelli remains at large and might attempt to roast me alive again. Any new FTAs?"

"Just two," she replied, handing me both files. "Neither is worth a whole lot."

I flipped through the files for Curtis Novak and Al Carpenter. Curtis went FTA on a public lewdness charge and Al for felony burglary and breaking and entering. That gave me three active cases, not counting Fortecelli.

"Do I want to know what Novak did to earn the public lewdness charge?"

"Standard pervert," Connie replied. "The cops caught him whacking off in his car while watching one of those hot yoga classes through the studio window."

"Lovely. And Carpenter?"

"Broke into a tattoo parlor and piercing studio and made off with a couple thousand dollars in gold and silver piercing studs."

"So who we going after first?" Lula asked. "The pervert or the burglar?"

"Carpenter. His bond is higher." As I put my coat back on, my cell phone rang. I saw my parents' number on the screen.

"Hello."

"Stephanie, it's your mother." She always said this. Just in case I had a sudden case of amnesia and forgot her voice. "I need a favor," she continued. "The school just called Val. They think Mary Alice has pink eye. Val can't get away from work, so I need to go pick up Mary Alice and take her to the pediatrician. Your father had a fare to Newark, but the flight got cancelled, so now he has to drive all the way to JFK. Your grandmother wants to go to the morning viewing for Archie Sidall and I need you to go with her."

"I don't need a babysitter," I heard Grandma Mazur shout in the background.

"It's closed casket and you're not going alone," my mother replied. My grandmother had a reputation for trying to peek into closed caskets.

I really didn't want to take Grandma Mazur to the funeral home. "Gee Mom, I just got back and I'm overrun with FTAs. Vinnie's breathing down my back." I was probably going to hell anyway for fornication, so why not just add in some lying to my mother to seal the deal.

"What will it take? I'll make you a pineapple upside-down cake a week for the next month."

"I don't know, I might get sick of that much pineapple upside-down cake." Like hell, but I knew how to drive a hard bargain.

"Fine. I'll alternate. A pineapple upside-down cake one week, and a triple layer chocolate fudge cake the next. For a month."

"Two months."

"Tell her I got some good chocolate cake from Miriam Bell yesterday," I heard Grandma Mazur add. "We can have some after the viewing."

"Deal." I said. "I'll be right over."

I hung up and looked at Lula. "Raincheck on Carpenter. I need to go babysit Grandma Mazur."

I filled Scott in on the new plan as I walked back to my SUV. He tailed me to my parents' house and parked at the curb. My mother and grandmother both waited at the door.

"Don't look, but I think someone is following you," Grandma Mazur whispered.

"That's just Scott. He works for Ranger."

"Why is Scott following you?" my mother asked.

"Because the cops still haven't found the guy who set the fire in my building, and there is a slight chance he's after me."

My mother crossed herself. "I'll be back as soon as I can, but this time of year, the pediatrician's office could be packed."

My mother got into her Buick LeSabre and backed out of the driveway. Grandma followed me back to my borrowed Equinox and got in so I could drive her to the funeral home.

"How'd Archie die?" I asked Grandma as we drove.

"Heart attack," she replied. "I heard he got a porn DVD from Pleasure Treasure, popped it in, and died right there in his easy chair."

"So why's it closed casket?"

"He lived by himself. When he didn't show up for Bingo the first few days, his buddies figured he was really into the porn movie. It wasn't until they hadn't heard from him for a week that anyone went to check on him. I heard he'd gotten sort of gooey already and kind of melted into his easy chair."

Ewwww. I instantly felt sorry I'd asked.

We got to the funeral home and I managed to keep Grandma from prying open the lid. An hour later we were back at my parents' house.

"Where's the cake?" I asked as we walked in.

"Isn't it early for cake?" Grandma asked.

"It's never too early for cake," I replied. Especially since I'd promised Ranger I would talk to Morelli later. I might need a lot of cake today.

We trooped into the kitchen and Grandma Mazur pulled a Tupperware container out of the refrigerator. Inside were three small slices of chocolate cake topped with a fudgy chocolate icing.

"I feel like we should invite that fellow outside in for some cake," Grandma said as she lifted one slice out and set it on a plate. "It's awfully cold to just be sitting outside in a car."

I went to the front door and waved at Scott, motioning for him to come inside.

"What's wrong?" he asked, jogging to the door.

"Nothing. We're having chocolate cake. You want some?"

Scott looked at his watch. "It's barely eleven. Isn't it early for chocolate cake?"

"It's never too early for cake," I replied. Sheesh. Did no one else ever eat leftover cake for breakfast?

Scott shrugged. "Sure. Thanks."

We all sat down at the small kitchen table and dug into the cake, washing it down with tall glasses of milk.

"This is really good cake," Scott said. "Did you make it?" he asked Grandma Mazur.

"No. Miriam Bell gave it to me. She got it from her neighbor."

"That was nice of her neighbor," Scott said, using his finger to scrape the last bit of icing off the plate. He chugged the milk.

I polished off the last bite of my cake. "You should see if she can get the recipe for mom. There is just a hint of an earthy flavor that goes nicely with the chocolate. What do you think it is? Nutmeg?"

"No, it's not nutmeg," Grandma replied, thinking for a few seconds. "I can't place it. I'll have to ask Miriam."

Scott went back to the SUV. I washed the plates and glasses from the cake, then joined Grandma to watch TV in the living room. Half an hour later, I felt hungry. I went back to the kitchen and dug through my mother's pantry. I found half a box of TandyKakes and an unopened bag of BBQ chips. I toted both back to the living room.

"Good call," Grandma said. "I'm feeling a little peckish."

We annihilated the TandyKakes and chips.

"Those TandyKakes tasted even more peanut-buttery than usual," I said. "Too bad we don't have more." As I stood to go on another kitchen raid, the doorbell rang. It was Scott.

"Sorry," he said, "but I'm getting really hungry. Do you have anything I can eat?"

"Sure, Grandma and I were just getting something for ourselves. Boy, your eyes are really big." His pupils were so big I could barely see the blue part of his eyes.

"Really? Weird. So are yours."

I let Scott in, then ran up the steps so I could look at my eyes in the bathroom mirror. I tripped half way up the stairs, falling hard on my knees, but I laughed it off. "Oopsie daisy! I'm okay," I shouted.

I got to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My pupils were huge, just like Scott said. Somewhere in my brain, alarm bells went off. Something wasn't right. I felt okay. Actually, I felt better than okay, I felt fucking great. I didn't have a care in the world. I should have cares. Someone had nailed my window shut and set my apartment on fire. I giggled, then clapped my hand over my mouth. Where the hell had that come from?

I had felt like this before. Years ago, in college, my roomie and I would share a joint in our dorm room, get high and giggle our way through Disney movies and piles of junk food. And a while back, I'd been in a house full of pot when the place caught fire and gotten a pretty good second hand high off the smoke.

I ran downstairs and into the living room.

"Where does Miriam live?" I demanded to know from Grandma.

Grandma Mazur looked at me, her eyes huge as well, and seemed to think for a minute. "I know you just asked me a question, but I can't seem to recall what it was."

It took me a few seconds to remember my own question. "Where does Miriam live?"

Grandma answered this time. "Chestnut Street."

Frankie Rossi lived on that street. Miriam told Grandma a neighbor gave her the cake. I suddenly had a strong suspicion to Cookie's identity. And I was pretty sure the cake from Miriam was laced with pot.

Shit. I was high as a fucking kite. And so were Scott and Grandma. I giggled again.

"What's so funny?" Grandma asked.

"Nothing. Where's Scott?"

I found Scott in the kitchen, cleaning out the refrigerator. He had all the leftovers he could find spread out on the kitchen table, stuffing his face.

If my mother came home and found us like this, she would kill me. She might also kill Grandma and Miriam Bell. I pulled out my cell phone and called Ranger.

"Yo."

I giggled as soon as I heard his voice.

"Babe?"

Shit, keep it together Stephanie! "There's a problem. I think Grandma served me cake spiked with pot."

Silence reigned for a few seconds. "Run that by me again?"

"I'm at my parents' house. And Grandma had chocolate cake from Miriam Bell. Except I think Miriam got the cake from Cookie, because we're all high as kites right now." I giggled again.

"I'm coming over. In the meantime, I'm going to send Scott in to check on you."

"Scott is already here. We were nice and shared our chocolate cake with Scott."

"Shit."

I giggled. Ranger didn't swear very often. It was funny when Ranger swore.

"Babe, just stay in the house. I'll be right over."

I found a bag of M&Ms in the pantry and took them into the living room, where I settled into the easy chair. The bag lay empty and crinkled on the floor, hours later, when Ranger finally walked in. Tank and Bobby followed him.

"Where have you been?" I inquired. "I called you hours ago."

"It's been ten minutes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He sat down on the arm of the easy chair and looked me over. "Your eyes are like dinner plates. How much cake did you eat?"

"Just a small slice."

"Where's Scott?"

"In the kitchen."

Ranger turned to Tank and Bobby. "Take Scott back to Rangeman and lock him in an isolation room until he comes back down."

Tank and Bobby disappeared into the kitchen. A few minutes later they reemerged with Scott between them.

Scott looked at Ranger and me and gave us a goofy smile. "Hey, boss. Bombshell's grandma gave me some really awesome cake."

"She sure did," Tank replied, grinning. "Come on, Scott. It's time to go back to the office."

"The office? But there isn't anything good to eat at the office. Just wheat bread and granola and apples and shit."

"We'll stop at a drive through on our way," Bobby promised.

Scott's face lit up. "Yes. We can get fries. And one of those chocolate shake ice cream things. And then we can dip the fries in the ice cream."

I stood up and Ranger grabbed my arm. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"With them. They are getting fries and Frostys. I'm starving."

Ranger looked at the empty M&Ms bag, the chip bag, and the TandyKake wrappers strewn on top of the coffee table. "I think you've had enough junk food, Babe."

"Grandma helped eat some of that," I replied, watching longingly as Scott, Tank, and Bobby left the house.

"I'm going to clean up," Ranger said. "Then I'm taking you home."

"But I need to babysit Grandma."

"I think your grandmother will be fine without you." Ranger nodded toward the sofa, where Grandma Mazur was stretched out, fast asleep and snoring.

Ranger started cleaning up all the junk food wrappers. I grabbed the chip bag before him and tilted it upside down. A few BBQ chip crumbs fell into my mouth. Ranger gently took the bag from my hands. "Babe."

While he cleaned up after Scott in the kitchen, I watched Sponge Bob, giggling through an entire episode.

"Have you ever watched this show?" I asked when Ranger reappeared. "It's hilarious."

"Time to go, Babe," he said softly, turning off the TV.

It was a cold, overcast day, but the minute I stepped outside I turned around and went right back in the house.

"It's too bright. I'm staying in here."

Ranger reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a set of black sunglasses. He handed them to me. "Put these on and we'll stop at Wendy's to get you fries and a Frosty."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

I put on the sunglasses and allowed Ranger to help me into his Porsche 911 Turbo. I ran my hands down the sides of the leather seats, admiring just how buttery smooth the leather felt under my finger tips. The interior smelled like leather and Ranger.

"Did you know this car is really sexy?" I asked as Ranger slid behind the wheel. "We should do it in this car."

"We tried that once, remember?" he replied with a hint of a smile.

I concentrated for a second and a blurry memory finally floated into my mind. "Yes! I made the horn go beep, beep, beep, with my ass. Want to do it again?"

"I thought you wanted fries and a chocolate Frosty?" Ranger replied.

I thought for a second. "Fries and a Frosty," I agreed.

Ranger ordered me large fries and a large chocolate Frosty from the Wendy's drive through window. I inhaled the aroma of fried potatoes as he handed me the bag. I took two fries, scrapped them across the top of the Frosty and popped them in my mouth.

"Did you just moan?" Ranger asked as he merged back into traffic.

"This is soooo good. This is better than sex."

"If you weren't stoned out of your mind right now, I'd take offense to that."

I was half way through the fries and Frosty by the time we got back to Ranger's apartment. I plopped down on the couch, found more Sponge Bob on Ranger's big screen TV, and continued to eat. This really was better than sex. Unless, of course, you combined the two. I looked over at Ranger and licked my lips.

"Whatever you are thinking, no," he said from his perch on the edge of the arm chair.

"But you didn't even listen to my idea." I got up, bringing my Frosty with me, and walked over to Ranger. He watched me warily. "If fries taste so good dipped in chocolate Frosty, imagine how good other things will taste?" I grabbed his hand, dipped one of his fingers in the Frosty and then sucked the ice cream off.

Ranger drew in a ragged breath and his eyes darkened. "Babe, I'm trying really hard not to take advantage of you."

I dipped another of his fingers into the Frosty. "I want you to take advantage of me."