A/N

I realized I haven't been exactly good with trigger warnings. Sorry about that y'all. I'm going to try to warn you better. Unfortunately the next chapters are coming with them. I love you still!

This chapter contains drug and alcohol abuse.

...

Mike froze as he realized he'd let everything slip. not good he thought not fucking good fight or flight sunk in as he stared at his mother.

Flight won quickly as he stood up and said briskly, "I, uh, I need to get some air." Mike rushed out of the trailer, ignoring the calls sent after him.

As he reached his truck, the boy started to panic. "Shit," he said to himself, "what the hell is wrong with me?" Mike knew there was no excuse for what he did. Sighing heavily, the boy pulled out his lighter and a joint Normally he'd never light up around people but at the time he wasn't thinking straight.

Mike took a long hit. Holding the smoke in, he thought grimly, dad's right, there really is something wrong with me Mike choked and coughed letting the smoke out. "Fuck, he's not even my dad." He saidas he took another hit, nearly jumping out of his skin at the knock on his window.

Looking out, he saw Edd standing outside. Rolling down the window partially, he said, "uh, hey Edd. Er, sorry about that." Mike fanned the air trying to keep the smoke away from the raventte.

Coughing, Edd said, "it's quite alright. I'm used to it."

"What do you mean?" Mike started to say, before being interrupted.

"Would you mind if we talk?" Edd said. He needed to find out a few things. this is not good

"uh, sure." Mike said tentatively, "hop in." He unlocked the passenger side door.

"Thank you," Edd said as he got in.

"What did you want to talk about?" Mike asked as he took another hit of the joint.

"Well," the genius said slowly, "I wanted to know what you meant back there."

Mike groaned. Dammit not now the last thing he wanted to do was talk about Nikolas or his father

Edd could only imagine what Mike was thinking. His own nerves were a wreck. oh dear he thought might as well catching Mike's eye, Edd said fidgeting, "would you mind if I hit that?"

Mike stared at tthe raventte incredulously saying, "uh sure, I guess not." He handed him th r joint and gawked at the boy as he expertly inhaled the smoke.

As Edd passed the joint back to him, Mike said, "dude I wouldn't take you as someone who smoked."

Coughing, Edd said, "it has been some time since I have, but like I said, I'm used to it."

Mike shook his head. "Who'd of thought." He said as he passed the joint back to Edd.

"There are many things people do not know about me." Edd said shrugging.

Without thinking, again, Mike said, "I get it same here."

At Mike's comment, Edd said, "and what would that be exactly?"

Mike sighed. It was pointless. He'd already outed himself anyway. Finishing off the joint he said, "look, it's complicated ok?"

"Obviously," Edd replied, "but if anyone will understand, I think I can."

Mike looked at the raventte. He'd never been able to admit it before, but he understood completely why Kevin liked him. Looking away, he said, "yea ok, I guess you would. The thing is my dad, er rather John, has always knocked me down with whatever I've done. Nothings ever been good enough. I knew he'd flip out if he ever found out that I like guys." Mike stopped for a second. it's now or never he thought as he continued, "after the game Saturday I tried avoiding home as long as possible. I couldn't face him. I knew it would end badly. Nikolas showed up and we went to get coffee. I tried not to think anything of it." He stopped again, trying to muster up the courage to continue.

Edd felt for Mike as he talked. The raventte knew all to well what he went through with his so called father. Luckily for Mike however, his mother had no qualms about her son. She was just worried about his safety. She had said as much after Mike had ran out. Edd looked at Mike and realized he had started talking again.

"I'm sorry," Edd said, "what was that?"

Mike sighed again and said, "I said, after we had coffee we took a walk. I really didn't wanna go home. As we walked, Nikolas kept getting closer to me. I didn't know what to think. Honestly I thought it was all in my fucking head. It wasn't though." Mike's eyes glazed over in thought. why the hell did he have to be my dam brother his voice was quiet as he finished his story, "he told me he liked me, had for awhile. He kissed me and we ended up in the alley. Of course my dad, not my dad , walked by. It, it didn't end well."

Edd nodded, he could only imagine. Charles was bad enough. "I understand. But I have one more question." The raventte said cautiously.

Mike looked at him and sighed. "What?"

"Why did you two come to the dance?" Edd asked with extreme caution.

Mike felt horrible as he answered. "I don't know honestly. I-I guess I felt it was Kevin's fault my dad, er John, acted like shit towards me. Only me too."

"What do you mean?"

"He waved Nikolas off, as usual."

"Why?" Edd asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.

"I honestly have no idea." Mike said defeated.

"Oh." Was all Edd said as he saw Kevin and Marie come out of the trailer.

"Aw shit" Mike said as the two teens approached the truck.

"Dude that reeks." Marie said as the driver's side door opened.

"Yeah sorry about that." Mike said averting his eyes.

Kevin was shocked when Edd stepped out of the truck. "Since when do you smoke, well anything?" The redhead said, eyebrow raised.

Edd felt very self conscious as he spoke, "E-eddy thought it may help me cope with everything." and how is that working for you now the genius thought as everyone looked at him. "Its been awhile since the last time." He said failing. All he could think of was how it would be too much for Kevin to handle. he's too good for me

Kevin looked at his boyfriend. He saw the worry forming in his blue eyes. The redhead's heart sunk again at the sight. Out loud he said, "hey I don't care babe, why would I? Edd mean hell I'd be a hypocrite if I did." Kevin laughed slightly as he finished.

Marie rolled her eyes as she said, "yea yea, y'all are potheads whatever. Did you find out what my cousin meant Double D, or not?"

Before Edd could even answer the tomboy, Mike spoke up, "yea I'm sorry I ran out. I just kinda freaked, ya know?"

"Yeah not really." Marie said, rolling her eyes again. "Talk."

Mike sighed again as he relayed Saturday's events for the second time. He was exhausted by the time he finished.

Marie's face softened. She had no idea how bad Mike's home life had been. She felt bad for her cousin as she said, "fuck dude, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Yeah man." Kevin said.

"No I'm sorry," Mike said, "look I know I shouldn't have blamed you for my dad's shit, Kevin, but I wasn't thinking straight." Looking at the redhead, Mike continued, "sorry about your eye man."

Slightly taken aback, Kevin said, "eh, it'll heal."

...

Later that night, Kevin and Edd sat in the jock's living room. They had been studying but neither boy could concentrate. Edd's mind was reeling from everything, as usual. He closed his history book and sighed.

"What is it, babe" Kevin asked, looking up.

"I don't even know anymore, Kevin. I just do not know." Edd replied sadly. I don't understand anything he thought a I'm such a screw up

Kevin did his best to keep his voice from breaking, "I know, nothing makes sense anymore. We'll get through this though. I know it."

"How, Kevin, how?" Edd said, slightly frustrated. "I don't even know what to think anymore." Numb depression sunk in again as Edd leaned back into the couch, broken.

Kevin grabbed Edd's hand and pulled him close. "I don't know how, but we will." we have to

...

As usual, Edd ccouldn't sleep. Careful not to wake Kevin up, the raventte got out of bed and headed downstairs. tea usually calmed him down enough to get a few hours of sleep. This was not the case tonight, however. Edd's mind was strained and exhausted.

As he sat on the couch, Edd contemplated the bottles in front of him. The genius had heard of people having a drink before bed. He had always been against alcohol. I mean I did scold Nat Saturday he thought. Edd was at his wits end though.

Casting all rational thinking away, Edd opened the bottle of sleeping pills, popped four into his mouth, chasing them with Mr. Barr's vodka. As drowsiness overcame him, Edd thought, I'm sorry I'm so sorry.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTY

Ok I'm going hide now...