A/N

I've decided to have Edd's playlist added for a bit. Goddess knows I binge listen as I write. May I suggest My Demons by Starset, Hopeless by Breaking Benjamin nd Bother by Stone Sour?

Trigger-Self Harm

...

Kevin woke up to his alarm screaming, and an empty bed. Shutting it off, he looked around. "Edd?" he called out. Silence was all that answered. Uneasiness filled Kevin's stomach as he got up.

Walking down the hall, he stopped by the bathroom. Though the light was off, Kevin knocked anyways, praying for an answer as he said, "Babe, you in there?" Nothing. oh god he thought, heading downstairs something's not right

Thoughts wracked Kevin's head. "D? Where are y-" The jock stopped in his tracks as he saw his boyfriend passed out on the couch. Mr. Barr's sleeping pills and vodka lay open on the coffee table.

Kevin rushed to Edd's side. oh god he thought, kneeling down no not him too "dammit Edd" Kevin said, shaking the ravenette "wake up!" the jock felt utterly helpless as he stared down at the boy he loved. Tears streamed down Kevin's face as he shook Edd's shoulders again. oh god why

Edd stirred slightly. Blues eyes blinked slowly open. "K-kevin?" he said sitting up. Edd looked at the jocks tear stained face. "Kevin, what is wrong?"

"oh thank god!" Kevin practically yelled, as he wrapped the boy in a bear hug. "I thought I lost you! You scared the hell out of me dork!"

"Lost me?" Edd asked as Kevin released him. "Why would you think tha-" his eyes widened as last night flooded back. Staring at the worried redhead in front of him, Edd said, "Oh dear. I-i'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." the genius dropped his gaze as he trailed off. all my fault

Tears still stung Kevin's eyes as he spoke, "You didn't mean to scare me? I was scared almost to death! What were you thinking Edd?"

"I, I just wanted to get some sleep" Edd said, avoiding Kevin's terrified gaze. all my fault

The look on Edd's face was enough to break the redhead's heart. Kevin knew Edd had to be fighting himself as usual Sitting next to him, Kevin said softly, "I'm sorry I yelled, it's just I don't want to loose you"

Edd's voice was barely a whisper as he spoke, "I'm sorry." He felt defeated. never going to be ok "I j-just couldn't sleep."

Kevin gripped Edd's hand trying to keep the worry out of his voice, "I can't even imagine what goes on in your head, Edd. Just promise me you won't ever do this again." Edd didn't answer as numb depression crept in again

Kevin cupped his dorks face in his hands, turning it to face his own, he said, "Promise me that Edd." please

Edd felt alone as he stared into Kevin's green eyes. Trying his best to sound alright, he said, "I promise."

Kevin sighed in relief. Standing up, he held out a hand. "Come on, we better get ready for school. Wouldn't want to be late, would you?" the redhead said with a forced chuckle.

Edd couldn't care less about school at the moment, but he took Kevin's hand and stood up. "No, I suppose not."

...

For Edd, the week drug on. The normally enthusiastic bookworm was honestly tired of school. Wherever he looked, his friends were there, worried over him. The ravenette felt horrible. He knew in his heart that it was all his fault. Edd just wanted them to stop and be happy again, so he pushed on, as usual.

As Friday rolled around, so did Halloween. Nazz's parties were always the talk of the town, an then some. Edd hoped it would lessen everyone's stress over him. He hated seeing them so worried.

Marie caught up with Edd as the final bell rung. The bluenette knew Edd had been putting up a front all week. They all knew. The genius had always been stubborn, and worried about others more than himself.

Edd jumped as he shut his locker, finding the Kanker standing behind him. "S-salutations Marie. How are you?"

"I'm fine." she said rolling her eyes ever so slightly, "How are you. And don't lie to me!"

Edd was taken aback by the girls tone. "I'm ok." he replied slowly, "Really."

She didn't believe him for a second. "Dude, you can talk to me, you know that right?"

"yes I know." he said too brightly. Changing the subject, he said, "We should probably go home and get ready for the Halloween party."

The tomboy nearly screamed in frustration. She managed to keep her voice in check however saying, "Yeah, ok. Come on let's go."

Edd let out a sigh of relief as they headed out the doors.

...

Kevin and the Eds met the duo at the costume store. As the teens waited for the salesperson, Edd tried to advert his friends thoughts. The ravenette picked up a silicone brain. "Kevin" he said, "think fast!"

The jock turned, but it was too late, Edd had already tossed the prop. It hit Kevin in the forehead and everyone busted out laughing.

"So not fair!" Kevin said, turning crimson. "I wasn't ready."

"Excuses, excuses" Eddy said, picking up the brain, still laughing. "Guess you should use your head next time." The remark left everyone reeling with laughter again as the saleslady emerged from the back.

She raised an eyebrow as she said, "Here you guys go. Can I help you with anything else today?"

Marie tried to stifle her laughs before she answered, "N-no I think we're g-good."

Ed grabbed their bags from the woman's hands. The gentle giant smiled wide as he said, "Thank you and happy Halloween." The group left the store, laughter finally subsiding.

The party was due to start for another three hours. The teens decided to grab a quick bite to eat before heading home to get ready.

Pulling up to Burger King, Kevin and Edd got out and waited for the others. Kevin lit up a cigarette. Looking at Edd with thoughtful eyes, he said, "What're you thinking about dork?"

Edd put a small smile on. Trying to sound reassuring, he said, "Why, nothing really. I'm excited about Nazz's party however."

I hope you're really ok Kevin thought puffing on his cigarette. Out loud he said "Yea, so am I. It'll be fun."

"I am sure it will." Edd said as everyone else pulled into the parking lot. Marie couldn't help but smile when she saw the couple. She may not have had a chance with him, but at least Edd had Kevin to look after him.

"Come on shovelchin," Eddy said, "Hurry up, I'm starving."

"yea, yea," Kevin said, finishing his cigarette, "I'm done."

"good, now lets go." the shortest Ed said.

...

Edd looked in the mirror. Thankfully his wig covered his scar. The ravenette had decided on Albert Einstein. He usually hated Halloween and all it contained. Charles had drilled into his head that it was the day of the devil since he was young. This year was different however. In so many ways The boy was actually excited, for once. Satisfied with his appearance, Edd headed downstairs.

Kevin was in the kitchen when Edd came down. The redhead was dressed as Kyo Sohma. Edd could not hide his surprise when he saw him.

Kevin took notice of the shock on his boyfriend's face. "What?" he said.

"n-nothing," Edd stammered. "It's just I didn't know you liked anime is all."

Kevin felt a blush creep onto his cheeks. Rubbing the back of his neck he said sheepishly, "Yea, well I do."

Edd couldn't help but smile. Leaning forward, he said "Watashi wa anata ga kawai to omoimasu." before kissing him. Kevin's blush only deepened as he kissed Edd back. The kiss broke apart at a knock on the door.

Edd opened the door to reveal Ed and Eddy. Ed was dressed as the Cyclops while Eddy had decided on Daniel Bryan. "Salutations." Edd said, letting the two in.

"Hi Double D." Ed said, "Do you like my costume?"

"It's wonderful, Ed" Edd replied.

"Are you and shovel chin ready to go?" Eddy asked grabbing a coke from the fridge. Eyeing the football player, he continued, "Who the hell are you supposed to be?"

"I am Kyo Sohma." Kevin said, nervously.

"whoever that is" the wrestler said, "Are you ready?"

"I do believe so, yes." Edd said.

"Ok, come on lets go then!"

Edd quickly scrawled a note to his mother and the teens left. Music could be heard thorough out the cul-de-sac as they approached Nazz's. They headed around to the blonde's backyard where the party was already in full swing.

Nat and Rolf were the first to see the newcomers. "It's about time you guys got here!" Nat said. He was dressed as Princess Leia.

Eddy snorted when he saw him. "Why are you dressed as a chick, dude?" he asked.

Nat raised an eyebrow, "I'm not just a chick. I am Princess Leia" he said with seriousness.

"That doesn't answer my question tho-" Eddy was cut off as a thin Han Solo walked up.

"He's dressed as Leia, because I refused to wear a dress." the stranger said.

"Eh, my legs look better in it anyways." Nat said, shrugging. Turning back, he continued, "this is Rave by the way."

Edd smiled and said, "It's nice to meet you, Rave. My name is Edd."

"Kevin." Kevin said inclining his head. Pointing at Eddy he continued, "The shortstack is Eddy, and that's Ed."

Rave raised an eyebrow at the introductions, but said, "Nice to meet you too."

"yea, good." Nat, "Everyone knows eachother now. Come on lets dance!" Rave just rolled his eyes as he was pulled onto the makeshift dance floor. Edd laughed outright at his expression.

Eddy and Ed departed leaving the two alone for the moment. Kevin was about to ask Edd if he wanted to dance, but Marie and Nazz walked up. Marie was decked out in Kiss makeup, and Nazz wore a Cleopatra dress.

"Why are you guys always the last ones to arrive?' Nazz asked, teasing.

"My apologies, Nazz. We got lost!" Edd joked.

Marie nearly choked on her drink as she laughed. Grabbing a napkin, she said "At least you're here now. Come on let's party!"

They joined everyone as Thriller started playing over the speakers. Kevin laughed as Rolf tried to dance. The son of a shepheard still had yet to understand the ways of this land, but it didn't stop him from having fun. It didn't stop any of the kids, including Edd. The ravenette genuinely enjoyed himself.

Relief washed through everyone's minds as Edd danced, laughed, and smiled. finally

...

The night ended all to quickly for Edd, but he didn't let it deter him. He had had fun. His depression was kept at bay, for now. Kevin and Edd made there way back to the genius's house. His mother wasn't home yet, but that was to be expected. Edd headed upstairs to take a much needed shower, while Kevin got a horror movie and popcorn set up.

As Edd began to undress, his phone rang. His stomach fell as he recognized the police station's number. what now he thought answering. "H-hello?"

"Eddward Vincent?"

"Yes?"

"This is Officer Lucas. Your mother has been in an accident."

Edd's face paled. "What't happened?" he asked quietly.

"I'm afraid Your stepfather and another man ran her car off the road. She's in critical condition. I think you better get down here asap."

"yes of course." Edd said ending the call. He stared at his reflection. all my fault he thought never going to be ok all my fault Edd felt himself spinning as he opened the medicine cabinet. He stared at the contents, unfeeling. all my fault it's all my fault.

His mind was blank as Edd grabbed the straight razor that still lay in there. It was second nature by now, releasing the numbness. Edd hadn't realized he sat on the tub. The only thoughts resonating through his mind were release and guilt. His eyes clouded over as he pushed the razor into his flesh. There was no pain as the blood flew. No tears, just release from one cut after another. Edd watched hazely as the tile changed from white to red. all my fucking fault

END OF CHAPTER 31

I have no words myself, I'm sorry...