Chapter 2: Confrontation

POV (Nick)

I left the police precinct, and started walking back to my apartment, grateful that Chief Bogo sent me home. He was right, I was in no real shape to work. At best, I would have been distracted and at worst, a liability to the other officers. It was my hope that the walk would give me a chance to think things over, and find a way to make things right with Judy. The problem was, I couldn't muster the effort to care. It was just so easy to let her go. I had convinced myself it would hurt so much less that way. It didn't strike me until I got back to my apartment that I even realized that I left without even saying anything to my partner. Hell, I knew she wasn't in the briefing, and I hadn't even bothered to look for her. I pulled out my phone, thinking of just sending her a message. My fingers hovered over the screen. "Eh," I thought, putting the phone away. All I could think was how much she must hate me, and I wasn't in the mood to get into another screaming match.

"Huh" I sighed as I walked in my front door. That terrible feeling of loneliness returning, waiting for me like a faithful pet. I could hear laughter of my neighbors. The sound mocked me. They sounded so happy. "Perhaps I am meant to be alone." I said to the empty room. "Meant to be? When did I become a believer in fate and such bullshit!" I scolded myself. "No Nicky old pal, you did this to yourself." I hung my head in shame as I knew it was true "I did do this to myself. I put us in that situation, I made the decision. Because of me she suffered and I must live with the guilt. Haunted..." I reasoned with myself, not talking about the events of this morning, well not just the events of this morning. It didn't matter the reason I did what I did, all that mattered was my actions of the past meant I didn't deserve anyone, especially not Judy. She deserves so much better than me. I have my chance, and it cost me everything. I could feel the tears starting to form again.

Shaking my head, I looked around... a sudden burst of anger overtaking me. "Why? Why me?" I asked aloud. "I was a good enough person, right? Polite, hardworking, kind. Sure, I skirted the law at times, but did that justify this?" I wanted to lash out. I wanted to break things. I wanted to break people, cause them the pain physically, that I felt in my heart. My paw tightened on the handle of my pistol. It was so inviting, so soothing. "Use, it!" the taunting voice said. I let out a pained scream, clearing my head. It was then that I noticed I had drawn my gun... there it was in my paw, finger on the trigger. "What are you going to do with that?" my brain sneered. I honestly didn't know. It scared me, though, to think that just a minute earlier I was looking for a target to vent my pain. I was worried what would have happened if someone walked in my door at just that moment, or if Judy had decided to come check on me. I stood there looking at the pistol. It felt welcome in my paw. In that moment, it seemed like it was my only friend and as I stared at it, it seemed to offer to help end my misery. Hurriedly, I ejected the magazine from my pistol and cleared the chamber. I dropped it all on the table and stared at it. Fear was evident on my face as I pondered what just happened. I didn't like where I went. Could I do that? Or is that just a dark fantasy to vent my emotions? What exactly am I capable of doing? "You already know that answer, don't you?" I did. Terrified, I got up and locked my weapon away in my safe.

On my way back to the couch, I passed the mirror hanging in the living room. I stopped and looked at my reflection. My eyes were wild, a feral look set on my face. "What am I becoming?" I asked the face in the mirror. Dismayed, I checked the time on my phone. "0934," It read. I was confused. It was only a 20-minute walk from the station and I just got home. I was missing hours. I shook my head and turned to the couch. Sleep. I just need sleep. Crossing the room, I threw off my clothes and laid down on the couch, the whole time thinking. My dark thought continued to dominate my mind as I slowly drifted to sleep. I remembered that I intended to text Judy, and reached for my phone. I picked up my phone hoping to see a message from Judy…... Nothing, but I expected that. As my eyes were closing, I typed in a simple text. It never made it. Sleep taking me before I could hit send, with the dreams starting almost instantly. As I sank into the depths of my dreams, my phone slipped from my grasp landing on the floor beside me. The screen showing my unsent message.

"We need to talk."

1430

POV (Judy)

"Finally the day is over.'" I thought as I walked back to my cruiser.

I was tired, both mentally and physically. My job itself wasn't awful, but trying to put on a pleasant face for the public when you felt anything but happy is… trying, to say the least. Plus, it was incredibly dull and did nothing to keep my mind off this morning and the fight with Nick. "Fight? Yeah right, I was totally ambushed by him." I corrected myself. To make matters worse the whole day I was constantly looking at my phone. I didn't know what to expect, but not seeing a single text from Nick worried me. It worried me a lot and it fed an ever increasingly volatile amount of anger. At one point I decided to try to call Nick, but the call just went to voicemail. When I hung up, I set him a follow up text, and waited for a response. It never came. I was frustrated, hurt and angry at my partner and presumed "friend". I tried my best to hide it, but that is a problem when your co-workers are cops, we tend to notice strange behavior in people. Especially each other.

Throughout the day, McHorn kept giving me stares like he was silently asking me when I was going to tell him what was wrong. For my part I just ignored him. I tried to bury myself more into work and did everything I could to avoid talking to him. However, keeping up a solid front is hard work, and he took the opportunities to try to get in. Twice throughout the day, when I let my guard down, McHorn asked me if I was OK and if everything was good between Nick and I. I kept telling him everything was fine, but he didn't buy it.

"I saw how you two were at the station this morning. The whole station noticed." He stated after asking me for the second time.

Great I thought. The whole first precinct is getting front row seats to the implosion of my friendship with Nick. My ears burned with embarrassment... and anger, lots of anger, as we walked along. McHorn must have noticed my face because he turned to say something else. But I cut him off before he could.

"Look, I appreciate you wanting to check up on me, but everyone just needs to butt out of my business." My voice cold and eyes narrowed. The message was unmistakable... DROP IT. At first I thought McHorn was going to protest, his mouth opened, but he quickly shut it thinking twice. Instead he just turned back and we continued our patrol.

After a few moments, he turned facing me and stepped right in front. His large size effectively blocking any way out. He looked down at me with a stern look on his face. He was determined to say something. I knew I couldn't avoid it forever, so I decided to just let him get whatever it was off his chest.

"Are you two dating?" He asked.

I was caught off balance by the question that seemly came out of left field. "Why would you ask that?" I replied a bit confused.

"Hopps, its ok if you are, the department doesn't really have a regulation against it and I won't tell anyone either way, but I have to know." He continued.

I just looked up at him and sighed. "No, we are not dating. I promise you." I said flatly before continuing, "Nick and I had a really bad fight today on the way in. Something is up with him, but he won't tell me what and I am afraid that he is pushing me away."

"I see. Look, Hopps, people argue. I've had arguments with my partner. It happens. But, if you want the truth, here it is. You and Wilde are good. You are good together. You are probably the best pair of partners I have ever seen, more than partners. He just needs time; I am sure he will come around." He said reassuringly.

"What if he doesn't?" I countered.

McHorn, just shrugged and turned to continue walking down the street again. We walked in silence for several blocks before he finally turned to me and offered to beat Nick up for me, if I wanted of course. I am ashamed to admit it, but the sight of the giant rhino going after the fox was satisfying. I was particularly amused when I pictured McHorn sitting on Nick, and Nick screaming uncle. I knew the massive officer walking beside me wasn't serious, but all the same, thinking of his offer was enough to get a chuckle and slight smile out of me at least. He just nodded his approval. The rest of our shift passed with hardly a word spoken between us. However, when we pulled up in front of the precinct, he turned to me and gave me some advice.

"I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you this…. Friends come and go, and despite your best efforts things change. While you can't control it, you can't just give up. You must try, and you must fight. You will not be able to live with yourself if you do not. I know you Hopps, you are a fighter."

I thought about what he said the whole way home. Honestly, his words didn't make me feel better. I know you lose friends, but that is just the problem, I didn't want to lose Nick. He wasn't wrong though. I couldn't just sit by expecting things to fix themselves, or wait for Nick to talk to me. I decided that no matter the outcome, I had to confront Nick again. I made a U-turn at the next light, I started to head to Nick's. I had to speak to him. I needed him to explain it to me. And if for nothing else to give him a piece of my mind.

I pulled into his building's lot and almost ran to the elevator. My stomach in knots as my anxiety level reaching maximum. "How was it I could face down criminals, but when it came to confronting my partner, my legs turn to jelly?" I thought. I watched as the elevator reached his floor. My breathing increasing as I tried in vain to steady my nerves and do what I needed to do. I anxiously waited for the doors to open, time seeming to slow down. When the doors first opened, however, my police senses started tingling. Right away I sensed that something wasn't right. Mammals were hanging out their doors looking down the hall. My sensitive ears heard a struggle, shouts and breaking glass. Someone was in trouble. Cautiously I started moving down the hall, hand on my Glock, urging everyone to get back into their apartments lock the doors. I moved slowly as I assessed the situation and looked for the source of the sounds. With each step, my ears picked up more detail of what was going on. The sounds of raised voices, stress and fear easily detectable. When I finally made it far enough down the hall to make out the voice, my blood ran cold. It was Nick. He was pleading, begging to an unknown assailant. Without thinking I drew my pistol, throwing caution to the wind and ran down the hall, frantic to reach my partner before it was too late. I had just reached his door, when I heard another loud crash, followed by a pained scream. "Hold on Nick. Just hold on." I thought. I hesitated slightly as I only heard silence. "Oh no." My mind raced. I gave the doorknob a questioning turn just to find it locked. Panicked, I grabbed my key ring to use the spare key to Nick's apartment. I heard a faint whimper from inside, Nick was hurt. The lock clicked and the tumbler activated as I turned the key, my heart pounding in my ears. I brought my pistol up and turned to knob, pushing the door open. Suddenly, my ears were overwhelmed by the sound of Nick screaming. I entered the darkened room, moving as fast as I could to avoid being silhouetted by the light from the hall, the dreaded kill box. The door swung shut behind me and I was thrown into blackness. The silence was deafening. I blindly groped for the light switch, trying in vain to see in the dark, my senses making me keenly aware that I wasn't alone in the room. I could hear the faint rustle of someone near me, moving in the dark. Fear was starting to take hold of me.

"Nick" I whispered shaking, still not sure what I was up against.

After what seemed like an eternity I found the light switch that I was looking for. I flipped it on and began to survey the scene before me. Nick's uniform strewn around the room, a broken glass next to a flipped coffee table, a smashed lamp, and finally Nick. He was sitting bolt upright, clad in only a white T-shirt and pair of boxers, with a shocked and angry expression, looking straight down the barrel of my pistol.

POV (Nick)

"No! No! Please! Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!"

I bolted upright screaming in my living room. I was drenched in sweat, reeling from my latest nightmare. However, I wasn't greeted with my usual empty apartment. Instead, to my surprise, I was staring down the business end of Judy's gun. At first I just sat there, but slowly I felt an out of place anger building and it was directed at this bunny holding a gun on me. Finally, I snapped and lashed out.

"What the hell are you doing here? Who said you were wanted here!?" I asked venom dripping from my words. "And why are you waving a gun in my face? Either pull that trigger or put it away. I said put it the fuck away Hopps! Shit!". I didn't know why I lashed out at her, but a part of me had hoped she would pull the trigger. My mind was still foggy from just waking up, and some of my pain, and guilt, and anger had bled through I was sure. Or maybe I had reached my limit, either way I watched Judy tremble and wilt before my eyes. Her arms went limp, gun falling to her side. Her head sagged and ears drooped over her face. She stumbled backwards a few steps like she was reacting to a physical body blow my words seemed to have delivered.

"N…. nothing." she stuttered. "Sorry." She turned to leave, defeated.

As I watched, I swear I saw that bunny starting to crumble before my eyes. She began to shake uncontrollably and just as she reached the door she collapsed to her knees. She hung her head, beyond defeat, and began to sob. Through it all, my rage quickly faded, only to be replaced by guilt and shame. I sat there frozen. "This was all just another nightmare. Right? I am going to wake up any minute." I desperately hoped. Only I didn't wake up. I opened my mouth several times, trying to say something, but I couldn't find the words. Through it all, she just sat there sobbing, not looking at me, just staring at the floor, gun still in her paw. I was fixated on that gun.

With one more glance over her shoulder, Judy started to get off the floor, as she looked back, I was startled. Her eyes, her amazing amethyst eyes were completely dead. No light shown in them, no feeling visible. As I stared into them, they seemed to only grow darker, the color in them fading. She got up, slowly. Trying her best to regain some of her composure. As I watched, I knew what I needed to do. I stood up quickly and covered the distance to the door. If Judy heard me move, then she didn't react. She kept moving, heading out of my apartment, heading out of my life. I moved as fast as I could, but I couldn't seem to make up the distance. I watched as her paw touched the door knob, turning slowly. Terrified, I lunged, putting my paw on the door keeping it shut coming up beside her. I watched her tense and pause, waiting, bracing, expecting a blow to fall. It never came. Instead, I gently reached down and took the gun from her and laid it on the shelf by the door. She looked up with eyes that were cold, barren and tearless. Her pain replaced by a cold fury, a hatred. My heart was shattered. But I couldn't blame her. I again opened my mouth to speak, only making slight gasping sounds.

Judy had had enough and just shook her head while pushing my paw from the door attempting to leave. Without a word and without thinking, I did the only thing I could do. I grabbed her and pulled her in tight wrapping my arms around her, holding her close. She began to struggle and fight, trying the throw me off, but I just held tighter. Finally, she stopped fighting and just stood there. I held her as close as I could and broke down. I began to cry as all the pain I had bottled up inside came out. I laid my head on her shoulder, tears beginning to stream down my face.

"I…Sorry...Please... I..." I managed to choke out.

Judy stood there listening to my struggling apology. Then slowly she looked at me. Tears forming in her eyes as she returned my embrace. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest. Every emotion imaginable came pouring out. She alternated cursing my name and beating my chest, too shaking sobs and muffled words I couldn't make out. I moved a paw to the back of her head gently stroking it while I laid my head on hers.

Slowly our embrace began to loosen as we each started to gain control of ourselves. When I finally felt that I could speak without choking, I pulled Judy off me. She looked at me questioningly, as I simply said, "We need to talk."

She just stood there, face blank.

POV (Judy)

Holding on to him, and crying into his chest felt good. I didn't know what exactly happened, but all my repressed emotions from the day were coming out. I wasn't ready to let things go, since I was still furious with him, but I was so happy to be near him. As we calmed down, he gently pulled me away. Part of me didn't want to let go, but I knew that I had to. I looked up at him, my face blank, not sure what to expect. When I heard him say "We need to talk," I lost it.

"Talk? We need to talk? That is all you have to say to me asshole?" I screamed at him. "You put me through hell today! Not a word since you blew up on me this morning, bailed on me at work, and ignored me all day. Then after I come to check on you, you shout at me again." He just stood there head down and ears pressed against his head as I continued to vent my anger at him. "We are supposed to be partners, more than that we are supposed to be friends."

At that he quickly interjected, "We are friends!"

"Are we?" I asked

"Carro..." He began, but I cut him off.

"No! You don't get to call me that. That is something a friend would call me. After today I'm not so sure, that is what you are." I spat. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel like I felt. My words seemed to have the desired effect. I watched Nick's head snap up and saw a fierceness in his eye. "Here it is," I thought, "I put him in a corner and pushed too far. This is the moment Nick tells me to get lost. Well if that is what he wants fine. I'm ready." I balled my fists waiting. "So much for fixing things."

As I watched, however, Nick's demeanor changed. The fierceness was still in his eyes, but his face had softened. For a while, he just stood there, like he was making up his mind. I was about to turn and leave, when he finally spoke.

"Judy wait." He said softly, causing me to pause.

"What?" I asked coldly.

"Is it normal procedure for you to check on friends by drawing a gun on them? He asked smug grin on his face.

I saw red. "I came over and you were yelling and screaming, the whole floor was out in the hall. It sounded like you were being murdered!" I screamed launching myself at him, knocking him onto his back. I was swinging wildly, trying to hit anything I could. He just let me swing, not attempting to get free. "I... I...thought I was going to lose you. I was so scared." I continued, punches becoming a weak pounding as I began to cry again.

Nick simply put his paw on my back and soothingly rubbed it, trying to calm me down before speaking. "You're right. The way I treated you, is unacceptable and I am sorry. I... I don't deserve to be your friend. No friend should be treated like that. I lashed out at you simply for the fact I could. Nothing can change the way I acted, but I hope you can forgive me, and give me a chance to try to explain myself. And after, if you still don't want to be friends I understand. Please Judy, give me this chance."

I sat there still on top of Nick listening to what he had to say. He seemed to so weak and fragile before my eyes and it broke my heart. Climbing off him, I just nodded and wiped the tears from my face. For his part, Nick just stood up and walked over to the couch. I hesitated a moment before following.

I sat down next to him and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to begin. At first, he seemed nervous and looked around briefly. When he finally spoke, it was with that grin of his, and he made a lame attempt at a joke. "Hey who broke my lamp? No wonder you are here Fluff, I've been vandalized." I just gave him an icy stare; did he think this was a time for joking?

"OK. OK. Sorry. Joking is just kinda how I deal." He said. Slowly he reached back and rubbed the back of his head. His ears were down and I could tell he was conflicted. Like he wanted to tell me something, but at the same time he didn't. I decided to try to help him along.

"Nick, just tell me what is bothering you. Did I do something wrong? If I did I am really sorry I didn't mean to." I told him in a soft, meek voice. I was almost pleading with him. "Just tell me Nick. Trust me." I thought to myself.

Nick turned to look at me. His gaze was so like this morning and I was preparing for the worst. I even started to get up from the couch, but he just shook his head and looked at me, stopping me in my tracks. His big green eyes were kind, and a small smile, a dreamy smile, spread on his lips. "No Judy. You never could." He said softly. My heart skipped a beat. Though simple in content, the meaning was enormous and the feeling behind it told me all I needed to know. I smiled at him as a couple tears rolled down my cheeks.

POV(Nick)

I looked at Judy sitting on the couch and sighed. This was going to be tough. I could tell that she was on edge, and guarded. Normally, I could read her like a book, but now I was left in the dark. I saw pain, anguish, compassion, anger, rage, guilt and... love? On her face. She looked at me intently with those eyes. Those amazing eyes... "Get it together Nick!" I screamed in my head, shaking myself out of my reverie.

"Judy, I don't know where to begin." I started.

"You could start with an apology and explanation," Judy snapped.

"You're right. And I am so incredibly sorry. Nothing I say can excuse my behavior." I continued, Judy giving a short huff in agreement. This didn't seem to be going well. Struggling to contain my emotions I pressed on.

"Judy, since we met, you have become my closet friend and the most important person to me in the world. It has been such a long time since I felt that comfortable with anyone." As I spoke I made sure to keep my eyes locked on hers. I watched as Judy began to relax, letting her guard fall a bit. "But there is something you need to know. There is something from my past that I want to tell you."

"So tell me," she encouraged in a firm yet gentle voice.

"I... I can't." I dropped my gaze to the floor, not able to keep eye contact. I looked up after a moment, Judy looked hurt. "No, its not like that. It has nothing to do with you. Please, I don't want you to think that it is you." I pleaded. "I want to tell you, but I am just not ready. It goes deep, to a blackness that I have inside me, a time that I wish I could forget. I'm just not ready." I was silently sobbing now. I didn't know if at this point I was talking to her or mostly myself, but the thought of my past was stirring the monster within.

Judy reached out and tenderly touched my arm. "Nick," She said in a half whisper, "You can tell me anything, what are you so afraid of?"

The tenderness in her voice instantly quieted my demon. When I looked up at her it was like seeing her for the first time. I could feel a difference but I couldn't put words to it. Her concerned face, soft touch and loving eye... man, those eyes... they were telling me everything was OK, and I believed them. "Come on, Nick, your drowning here."

"What am I afraid of?" I repeated. "I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid of what you would think. How you would see me. I know that your friendship is better than I ever deserve. I don't... no I can't lose you, Carrots." That was the final straw, I couldn't hold it together anymore. My sobs came in torrents, as did Judy's.

Without hesitation, Judy reached over and pulled me into a hug and held me tight. We sat there and cried together for what felt like the hundredth time that day. My head was on her shoulder as she did her best to comfort me.

"Sshhhh. Its OK Nick. You don't have to tell me till you are ready. And when you are, I will be here for you." She whispered in my ear while stroking my head.

Slowly I began to calm down. My breathing slowed and tears lessened. Eventually, I stopped crying all together and just sat there, head on her shoulder enjoying the sensation of being close to her. For her part, Judy simply sat there, stroking the back of my head comforting me. Soon, Judy laid her head on mine, as I nuzzled into her neck relaxed.

After a few minutes, I stole a glance at my partner. I noticed her eyes were closed and her breathing had become slower. I couldn't help but grin. Here was my partner, always wanting to help and make the world a better place, holding me. I didn't know if she was asleep or not, but as the exhaustion from the day went to take me again I couldn't help but think how cute she was. As my eyes closed I whispered one last thing to her, "Thanks."

POV (Judy)

I opened my eyes when I heard Nick whisper in my ear. I smiled warmly as I felt him drift off to sleep. I still didn't know what was going on, but I was happy that he was at least talking to me again. I thought about getting up to leave, but I decided against it. I didn't want to leave him alone, not right now. I glanced over at the clock as a yawn escaped my mouth.

"17:47," I read aloud. "Well a little nap wouldn't hurt I am pretty beat."

I gently laid nick down on his side before I crawled next to him. I grabbed his arm and wrapped it around me again as I snuggled into his body. I sighed contently at the feeling. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

Several Hours Later

POV (Nick)

"Mmmmm... aaahhhh." I yawned, slightly shifting to see the clock. 0315... "Good, I can sleep for another hour."

As I lay back down I pulled the pillow I was holding closer to my body.

"Mmmmm... that's nice..."

My eyes shot open. "Pillows don't talk... Uh oh."