The sun was finally over the horizon. It was a bright morning, especially for a dull winter. I sat on the futon with a kunai knife being flipped between my fingers. And with it being completely sharpened just a few hours ago, it cut my fingers, making both my hand and the blade bloody. But that didn't make me want to stop.
"Kotaro?" The girl's voice finally spoke up this morning. But I didn't answer her as I continued to slice my fingers in silence.
Slowly opening the door, she walk into my room and noticed the blood all over my hand. From her expression, I could tell that she tried hard to hold back and not get near me to try to stop me.
"When you do it long enough, it stops hurting." I tell her blankly.
Nodding to my words, she looks to the ground and spoke again. "When was the last time you ate anything?" I didn't reply after as I just sat with the knife twiddling between my fingers.
The girl left the room and made her way down the hall towards the kitchen. She then came back a few minutes later with a bowl in her hand and a cup of steaming green tea in the other. Setting them down near me on the ground, she looks at me for another moment before bowing and walking out of the room. But before she completely closed the door, she runs in and takes the kunai knife from my hand and drops it a ways away from me. Running out of the room, she closes the door and I could hear her sigh out in the hallway as she leans against the wall. Making her way down the hall, I can hear her begin to wash the dishes in the kitchen and a quiet hum being sung.
I looked down at the food she brought me. In the bowl was some warm miso soup and in the green tea, there was some full Lemon Balm leaves with a few crushed lavender plants. Picking up the cup of tea, I inhaled some of the steam and smelt the mix of flavors together. Taking a sip, a warm feeling went down my throat and into me as I felt a strange sensation of calmness surface in me. I shook my head and set down the cup of tea. I couldn't eat because of my extreme loss of appetite and the tea didn't make me feel any better.
~Push Me Away~
It was late in the afternoon as I watched the sun begin to set over the horizon. It was a quiet day, besides for a few sounds and songs that the girl made throughout the day. She hasn't bothered me since this morning. I would have thought that she would be coming in and out of my room and asking questions obnoxiously. But she didn't disturb me once.
Maybe Goemon was right. Maybe I did need someone else to be here at the house. Or even around me. I didn't feel as lonely as I did when it was just me. I did enjoy listening to some of the girls singing. Most of it was humming though.
The girl doesn't seem to talk much. I watched her feed some of the birds outside with some crumbs and seeds and even then she didn't seem to speak much. She said a few words but that was it. She reminds me of me a few month back. After Shizukas death. I barely spoke. I spoke in my mind more than I did with my tongue. But then again; I was always a man of few words. Even when I was a child.
The girl feeds the last of the seeds to the birds before she walks back inside. I hear here footsteps make their way towards my room before I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door. Walking into my room cautiously, the girl looks up at me as I sat on the window sill and looked out into the blankness of our surroundings. None of us said a word as she walks up to my still full bowl of miso soup and half cup of tea left untouched on the ground. Her shoulders drooped as she picks the bowls up and begins to walk out of the room.
"I have to admit," I quickly call out before she left the room. "The tea was pretty good."
I saw the girl smile slightly and blush as she walks out of the room. Closing the door, I hear her walk back to the front of the house and stand a ways from the door. Using one hand to cup around her mouth, she makes something like a bugle call for the deer. And before long; a doe and her fawn appear from the distance. The two cautiously walk up to the girl as she sat on the snowy ground and held the bowl out in front of her. Making their way up to her, the doe sniffs the miso soup before taking a drink from it. When the fawn saw his mother drinking the soup, he shoves his nose into the bowl and began to drink it up. The girl laughs to herself as she saw the fawn wrestling to get more of the soup.
The doe and fawn finished the soup after a few minutes. The girl gives the fawn a little rub on the cheek before she puts a hand in her jacket pocket and pulls out some sweet candies. Giving some to the fawn and doe, they walk away in delight. The girl walks back inside and I could hear her begin to hum again. Leaning my head back onto the window sill, I relax against the wall and felt myself begin to feel drowsy from lack of sleep. And before I knew it, I had fallen into deep sleep with the sweet melody replaying in the darkness.