I laid in my futon in the morning as I saw the sun brighten my room. I didn't sleep last night because I kept repeating the conversation in my head.
"But it's sad to hear what you've been through."
"You've been through worse."
Both of us did lose a loved one. She lost two of her unborn children and I lost two of my girlfriends. Both of us went through a lot but I was the one who was the victim of PTSD. Wakana is a very strong girl if she has been through that and still is able to stand next to me.
"Kotaro?" Wakana's voice came through the paper door and she opens it slowly. Walking in, she walks up to me with a tray of miso soup and green tea. "Made you breakfast."
"Thank you." I sit up from bed and accept the tray, putting it in front of me on the floor. Wakana then begins to walk out of the room while I look up at her in confusion. "Where are you going?"
"I'm gonna take a bath." She simply answers as she closes my door. I hear her footsteps walking down the hallway towards the bathroom.
Sighing to myself, I drank the miso soup before I drank all of the tea. And it was the same kind of tea that Wakana gave me a few days back. Lavender and lemon balm. It gave me a relaxing feeling in me this time instead of me just not trying to feel relaxed at all. Sitting on the futon in silence for a little bit, I began to hear the beautiful hum of Wakana's voice. It sounded like a siren song. The way the mermaids lured in the pirates to their deaths. And that's what it felt like with her songs.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was standing in front of the bathroom, ready to open the door and see Wakana. Am I really entranced by her singing? Or is it that I need her by my side 24/7? I don't know. Sliding the door open slowly, I walk into the bathroom and see Wakana standing in the tub facing away from me. She seemed to be in her own state as she continued to sing. I walked up to the tub and sat on the edge, listening to her sing passionately. But I didn't sit for long before Wakana turned around, making our eyes meet. She blushes red as she gasps, covering her breasts with her hands and going under the water. I lightly laugh when I saw her reaction.
Leaning down, I extended my hand out and reached under the water to find her. Gently pulling her face out of the water, I made her look up at me as she continued to redden. She finally jerks away from me and scoots back to the wall of the tub and looks away from me in embarrassment. I stood up from the edge and stripped all of my clothes in front of her.
"What are you doing?!" Wakana notices me stripping in front of her and covers her eyes.
For a woman who has had sex many times, she sure is innocent.
"I'm gonna take a bath." I tell her coolly.
"Could you please wait till after I'm done?"
Not replying to her, I jump into the tub and lean down to pick her up by the waist. She lets out a little scream as I picked her up and made her wrap her legs around my torso. Looking up at her face, she held her eyes closed and looked down from my face.
"Wakana...Look at me." I tell her in a quiet voice. Wakana slowly opens her eyes and meets them with mine as the both of us stared at each other for a moment.
I look down at her lips as I neared my face towards hers. Softly locking our lips together, I immediately felt Wakana begin to tense all over but she still forced herself to kiss me back awkwardly. Letting go of her, she looks away from me as though she did something wrong.
"I can't do it." She mutters.
"What?"
"I can't have sex with you." I stared at her in silence as I heard her begin to sob. "I don't want to feel used again."
I lightly caress her cheek as she began to cry. "I don't want you to feel that way, Wakana. I want you to feel loved." Then it hit me; hard.
My feelings didn't see Wakana as Akane. My feelings towards Wakana is real.
Wakana doesn't respond as she continued to cry while I kissed her all over her face. She's never felt love before. And now, I want her to feel it. I don't want her to only feel used love all these years.