Chapter 3: Interlude

Six months earlier

Kathryn stood at the door, both of her hands clutching the PADD against her stomach, as if the feel of it helped her damper her excitement.

The door to Chakotay's quarters slid open, revealing the man himself with a curious, albeit guarded, smile curving his lips when he saw her. "Captain!"

Kathryn forced herself not to glance over his shoulder and into his quarters. She knew for a fact that Seven was in the Astrometrics lab – she had checked before coming over – but it was almost overwhelmingly tempting to check that he was indeed alone.

Instead she met his eyes. "Is this a bad time?"

"No, not at all. Please, come in," he said as he moved aside to let her through. "Sorry the place is a mess, I was packing."

Kathryn gave a small smile as she took in the boxes, clothes, uniforms and various objects lying all over the main room."I haven't had a chance to get started myself yet. I think I'm still having trouble believing that our journey is really over, and that we'll be back on Earth in a couple of days," she replied as she stepped more fully inside. "If I start packing it'll make it real, somehow."

He nodded, hands on his hips, as he gazed at her pensively for a moment. "I know what you mean." When she didn't reply, he gestured to her hands still clutching the PADD tightly. "Is everything okay?"

Kathryn startled from her thoughts. "I come bearing gifts. Of sorts," she said, injecting some humor into her tone as she bowed forward and extended both hands with a flourish to present him with the PADD.

Amused at her formal gesture, his brows furrowed together curiously as he took it. He glanced at her before he looked down and started to read. He tensed and kept still for a few, long seconds, before he glanced back up again. His expression was more confused than happy. "I don't understand."

"It's a pro-"

"Promotion," he finished with her. "Yes, I see that. I just find it hard to believe that Starfleet would want to give me a captaincy not 24 hours after they begrudgingly gave me a pardon, unless…" His eyes narrowed. "It was you. You did this, didn't you?"

Kathryn recoiled slightly at the accusation in his words, not understanding why this seemed to upset him. She'd thought he would be pleased by the idea of a promotion to captain! After all of the help and service he had provided her over the years, she wanted to give something back, show him that she was proud of him. And he certainly deserved it.

Schooling her features she gave a small shrug and walked to the nearest chair, resting her hands on the back of it as she turned back to face him. He hadn't moved from his spot, but his eyes had followed her across the room.

"You may remember that it is the privilege of a promoted commander to offer three promotions, one of which is commander to captain."

Kathryn saw it the moment he understood what she was saying.

She nodded, pointing at the PADD he was still holding. "I got one of those myself, about an hour ago. In fact my reaction wasn't that different from yours."

He blinked before brightening up a little. "Kathryn, you got promoted? That's fantastic, congratulations!" he said at last. "Admiral Janeway… Has a nice ring to it," he added.

Kathryn nodded her acknowledgment as she started moving again, walking toward him, one hand on her hip. "I'm still getting used to it myself. But, with me out of the picture, Voyager will need a new captain. I admit I would feel better about my promotion if I knew that Voyager was in your capable hands. There's no one I trust more than you, and there's no one more deserving."

His eyes held hers before he looked down. It didn't bode well that he seemed to be hesitating.

"I admit, I thought you'd be pleased, Chakotay," she said softly to his bowed head after his silence stretched a little too long.

He looked up from the PADD. "I am, of course, I'm flattered – honored – that you would entrust Voyager to me…"

"But?"

"But, now that we're back, I'm not sure this is what I want – I'm not sure Starfleet is what I want."

Kathryn could only stare at him in shock. How had she not known about this? How was it that they had never seriously discussed what he would do if they returned home? How was it that she had never thought to ask? Or was this sudden lack of interest in a captaincy a recent development, because of his relationship with Seven?

"I see," she lied, her eyes still fixed on his face, too stunned by this revelation to say anything else.

"I'm not saying 'no,'" he clarified at her expression, "I just need some time to think on it."

"Right. Of course," she rasped, still stunned that she could have missed something so important, so vital to understanding him. It suddenly struck her that, without noticing, they had started drifting apart recently. How could she have let that happen? She forced herself out of her surprise. "You have a couple of days before we reach the solar system. Will that be enough time?"

He nodded. "You'll have my answer by then."

"Alright." With one last glance, Kathryn nodded then turned toward the door.

"Kathryn," he called just as she was about to open the door, and she spun back around. He was still standing in the same spot. "What made up your mind? About your own promotion? Giving up Voyager, exploration… I know it couldn't have been an easy decision."

She considered this in silence for a moment, before she met his eyes again. The answer was almost too simple. "I need a change, Chakotay. It's time for a change."

He must have heard something, some kind of emotion in her voice, because his expression shifted with new understanding. "Finding a new sense of purpose is not easy." He paused and he inhaled, his eyes studying her for a moment. "I really hope you find what you're looking for, Kathryn."

It struck her how, only a few weeks ago, his reply would probably have been closer to "whatever you're looking for, Kathryn, we'll find it together."

No longer.