Sorry for the extremely long wait! But here is (finally) a small update to the story.
Marie was quiet as they drove home. "Home… Weird… Why can't I remember him?" She thought as she glanced at Steve continuously. "Stupid brain… I mean look at him, he's a hottie and my boyfriend apparently, but why can't I pull up his face in my big fat head? It's not like I don't have a billion other memories in here..." Marie sighed. "You okay?" Steve asked her as he drove them home in her car. "Yeah sugar, just frustrated and annoyed that my head is coming up empty." She rubbed her head and winced. Yeah the healing was going a bit slow at the moment. "Well," Steve said trying to comfort her, even though the situation made him uncomfortable "Remember what the doctor said, don't try to force it. Everything will come to you in its own time." "Yeah, you're right." She agreed, but on the inside she felt less than confident.
It wasn't long until Marie sat in the living room curled up under a blanket, with a hot cup of tea in her hands. She watched with a small smile on her face, as Steve hustled and bustled around the apartment, accommodating her in any way he could. He hummed along the music playing softly in the background as he brought his own cup of tea and a plate of cookies, and joined her on the couch.
Marie draped the blanket over him too, bringing them closer together. For a moment they just sat in silence, enjoying the quiet. "Steve?" Steve was broken out of whatever thoughts he had pondered on. "Yes?" "How are you so calm about this?" she asked him. Steve sighed and placed his cup on the table. "I'm not calm. I'm actually mad, furious even." He took a calming breath before continuing. "I'm mad that you were hurt, mad at Fury for bringing you in, even though you wanted out, mad that neither you nor Phil called to tell me you were going to work together," He frowned as he spoke, and couldn't spare even a glance at her. "But mostly I'm mad knowing I can't be angry at you, because you can't remember me, and that wouldn't be fair to you." Marie placed her cup on the table too, and grabbed a hold of Steve's shoulder. "I'm sorry. It may not mean a lot to you right now, but I am. If could change what happened, I would."
Steve sighed angrily. "I just want to know why the hell you'd go back to S.H.I.E.L.D. when you constantly tell everyone that you want out." The anger bubbled underneath his skin, making him tense under her hand. Marie leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek without thinking about it and clenched his shoulder in comfort. Steve sighed and relaxed, all of his anger evaporating slowly. He stared at her for a second and Marie smiled at him softly. "You really don't remember me?" he questioned her even though he already knew the answer. Marie looked thoughtful as she took him in.
"I think…" she began before stopping herself. "Your eyes…" she said as Steve stared at her with his sky blue eyes. "You have beautiful eyes Steve," Steve smiled at her. "It feels like whenever you look at me, you see everything. Every deep dark corner, every pain, every shameful thing I've done, everything... And surprisingly I'm all right with that, because you don't judge me when you look at me. You make me feel loved and accepted, without having to say a thing to me."
She placed his hand on top of hers. "Your touch feels familiar. You feel warm and… safe. I don't know how or why, but you do." She admitted to him. Steve took his hand from hers and caressed her face. "When I think back on everybody else I've ever met, only you make me feel like this, and I can't even remember you Steve." Marie leaned into his hand before continuing. "All of this, all of these feelings and impressions, make me confident that I'll remember you, because how could I ever forget the man that I love." Steve kissed her as his heart swelled with emotion at her confession. "We'll be alright doll." He promised her pulled away from her. "No matter what happens, we'll be alright." Marie kissed him again believing every word.
...
When Marie awoke the next morning it was to a less painful head, and a lighter heart. She watched with a flutter in her stomach as Steve snored lightly, still in a deep sleep. She got up and started cleaning the apartment a bit. Steve had already called the institute the night before to inform them she was taking a sick day or two. Her nerves quickly got the better of her, and she didn't know what to do anymore. When she woke up this morning she remembered small parts of her relationship with Steve, and they made smile. She thought back on the question Steve had asked her the night before.
Why did she still want to work for Fury, when she told everyone else that she didn't? She felt shame just thinking about it. "Some things aren't meant to be shared." She muttered to herself as she was putting away some dirty laundry.
She sighed and thought about her options; tell Steve the truth that she was going insane and knowing Steve he would be concerned and tell her she was wrong, or she could keep quiet and count on Fury to figure something out. She thought back to the incident a few weeks ago.
Marie stared at her reflection in the mirror feeling relived that Steve wasn't home. The feeling was quickly replaced by one of horror. Some strange male creature replaced her normal reflection. His skin was blue with lines marking the body, his eyes cold and heartless. He spoke to her in a language she didn't understand, and Marie was too paralyzed to run away.
"You are the chosen one, the only one worthy of this honour. It is by your hand that En-Sabbah-Nur shall rise once more and rule these lands."His voice was ominous and instilled fear in her.
When she finally blinked he was gone and her own reflection was what stared back at her in the mirror. Marie started shaking before falling to the floor. "This isn't happening. It isn't real! Come on Marie! It's just a figment of your imagination." She tried calming herself down. It didn't work. She decided to get out of the bathroom before she nearly started hyperventilating.
She grabbed her phone from the living room table and called Steve before immediately hanging up. She paced the room knowing there was nothing he could do besides think that she was crazy. "Maybe, I am." She muttered to herself. She tried calling Phil, but the man was somewhere overseas and didn't answer her call. "Fuck!" She sat on the couch.The phone in her hand started screeching lightly from the pressure she unknowingly applied. She sighed and let go a little before dialling the director's number she called up from memory.
"Fury." The man answered his phone. Marie sighed. "I need a favour." She replied a little disheartened. "What is it?" Fury asked his interest peeked but not letting it show. Marie rubbed her head. "Do you have any prison that can hold super powered people who are insane?" There was moment of silence on the other end. "I might." Fury answered. "I need you to make cell specifically for me … Just in case." She said and she heard the heavy sigh on the other end. "Should I be concerned? Because you know what happens when something deserves my concern." He asked her cautiously. "No, not yet. But I need to know that you have it ready in case I need it." "Fine… Swing by my office in a couple of days and we'll talk details." He said before ending the call.
Marie heard the soft squeak from the floorboards indicating that Steve had finally decided to join the land of the living. She sighed before she finally decided that worrying Steve would at this point do more harm than good. Marie walked into the kitchen seeing him shaking his head at the captain crunch box before filling up a bowl. "Good morning sugar." Marie smiled to him and Steve instantly smiled at her. "Good morning." Marie decided to join in on the sugary breakfast choice and sat down next to Steve.
"I'm getting some memory flashes already, so I'm guessing my memories will be completely back in a day or two." She said waiting for his reply. Steve looked surprised and happy. "That's amazing!" "Yeah well I do have your healing now." She stated a bit distracted and Steve noticed it right away. "What's wrong?" he asked her, and Marie thought back about telling him about the deal she made with Fury. She sighed and doubted anything good was going to come from telling him, but she did promise him more honesty. She wasn't stupid; she knew that everything would at some point bite her in the ass again. Marie took Steve's hand in hers and decided to come clean. She prayed that he wouldn't be too pissed… And that he would understand her. "Steve." She said hesitantly. "Yes?" he asked her. "I'm trying to be honest now, and I hope you'll let me tell everything before you react." She said and Steve clenched her hand a bit. "Sure, anything you need."
Marie took a deep breath before starting. "You asked me yesterday why I would work for S.H.I.E.L.D. when I keep saying I don't want to go back." Steve nodded encouragingly. "I made a deal with Fury some time ago." Steve's eyes hardened. "What deal?" he asked trying to hide the concern in his voice. "I want S.H.I.E.L.D. to make a containment unit… for me." She admitted. Steve dropped her hand. "What? Why the hell would you want that?!" Steve exclaimed angrily.
"Just let me tell you the whole story okay?" she asked him, and Steve angrily exhaled before gesturing for her to continue. Marie proceeded to tell him about the blue man in the mirror and what he told her. As she continued on she could see that Steve was more and more disbelieving of her. When she finished Steve was clearly mad at her. "Do you honestly want me to believe that? That's insane!" Steve told her and Marie felt the shame and anger bubbling inside her right then and there.
"You don't think I don't know that! Maybe I'm going insane Steve!" she yelled at him. Marie was honestly afraid, she'd never told anyone, not even Steve that mental illness ran in her family, and that her biggest fear was going insane. She'd seen it happen with her grandma when she had been a child, and the experience had traumatised her. "Or maybe you just ate a bad piece of lasagna and hallucinated Marie!" Steve yelled back at her. "It happens to everyone!" Marie felt like she had been slapped, Steve not believing her was a horrible feeling, but Steve continued, "You always do this Marie! You go and blow up a small situation into something massive and over dramatic! Instead of talking it out like normal people, you always have to make everything worse! Jesus Christ I feel like I'm in a relationship with an insane person!" He yelled at her.
Marie pursed her lips before coldly replying, "So I'm crazy, that's it?" before turning and leaving the kitchen. "-that's not how I meant it and you know it!" Steve yelled out after her while throwing his arms in the air in despair. Marie, who had now re-entered with a S.H.I.E.L.D. file in hand, and smacked it into Steve's chest. "I'm going for a walk." She said angrily as she put on her shoes and jacket and left the apartment.
...
Outside the apartment Marie grumbled out angrily "I'm crazy? I'd rather be crazy than a too trusting idiot…" and then sighed hating the fact that the only negative thing she could say about Steve was that he was too trusting. She jumped in her car and decided to drive around the city until she'd calmed down again. Marie hadn't even noticed that Magneto's powers had been calm during her fight with Steve. She stopped the car next to a small grocery store after some time and started punching the steering wheel, while every honk the car emitted perfectly covered the swears exiting her mouth.
After the eight or ninth honk she'd finally calmed down a bit. Marie then noticed a man stood next to her car window. He knocked on the window and Marie opened it and looked up. "Bonjour Chere." The man said and Marie recognised him as the swamp-rat that had apparently saved her life. "Umm… Hi?" She asked while wondering what the odds were for her to run into him in this run down part of the city. The swamp-rat smirked and leaned down on the car and closer to Marie. "Chere, a beautiful woman like you shouldn't be in these parts of the city." Marie snorted. "I can handle myself swamp-rat." She said lifting an eyebrow at him.
"Remy isn't saying you can't, just that you shouldn't be out and about already – you were hit pretty badly, and what kind of a man would Remy be if wasn't concerned for your health?" he asked while grinning. Marie rolled her eyes, but felt a little bit better and happier than before. "I know what kind of a man you are swamp-rat, my momma always warned me about your type." She said her accent starting to show and Remy smiled honestly at her.
"Well Chere, Remy can't fathom why any mother would warn their child against a perfectly well-behaved gentleman, but Remy won't judge their parenting." Marie felt another eye roll, but refrained from doing it. "How about this," Remy continued; "we go grab something to eat over there," He pointed to the Chinese restaurant next to the grocery store. "and you can get to know the gentleman that saved your life a little better." Marie bit her lip, she knew she shouldn't, but what harm was there. He could distract her from the anger she felt at Steve at the moment. Marie got out of the car and locked it. "Lead the way, but let me make this clear – I have a boyfriend." She told him while crossing her arms. Remy laughed. "Remy's not worried about that Chere," he offered his arm and Marie took it. "Should he be?" Marie grinned "Probably." Remy smirked and the two entered the restaurant and quickly found a small table in the back.
"So," Marie began as they were served their drinks. "Who are you? And knowing that you somehow know Natasha makes this much more interesting." She grinned. Remy smiled "Well, Remy and Natasha go way back – she once tried to kill and for whatever reason she decided that Remy was too handsome to kill so here I am." Marie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I think I'll get that story out of her instead." Remy faked a shocked look. "Don't believe Remy? Chere, who would want to end this beautiful face? It would be a crime against humanity." Marie snorted a bit. "Right. If you say so." The waitress served them their meals, and the two started eating. "But no really, what's your deal?" Marie asked him seriously. Remy took another bite before answering.
"Well, Remy is not a dishonest man, but he does work in a dishonest trade. You're from the other side of the river – ever heard of the thieves guild?" he asked and Marie nodded. "Who hasn't?" She said rhetorically and remembered some time a go when a valuable blue jewel had been on loan to the Mississippi Museum of Art. Within twenty-four hours it had been stolen. The papers had gone mad, and while everything pointed at several not so secret guild members, nothing could be proven. "You might see how my path has crossed with Natasha's now. We both work high risk trades." Marie nodded understandingly.
"So what kind of family life did you have growing up? I mean aren't guild members all family?" Marie asked her curiosity peeked. Remy shrugged. "A pretty normal one Chere, father, brothers and aunt Mattie – now there was a woman who new how to swing the rolling pin." He laughed a bit. Marie felt jealous as he continued telling her about his family, and all the great and funny stories from his childhood. Marie wished that her childhood had been the same. They laughed when Remy told about the time his brother had to dress up as a woman to seduce a guard, and saddened when he told of Aunt Mattie's passing due to an illness that had no cure. To Marie it seems like the rest of the world had disappeared while the two of them talked, and she loved every minute of it.
Remy was about to tell another story when her phone pinged.
The name Steve popped up on the screen with a small message under it that read: "Could you please come home – we need to talk about this." Marie sighed not wanting her dinner to end. "Is it your Beau?" Remy asked her knowingly. Marie nodded. "Yeah, sorry but I have to go." Remy smiled "No problem Chere. " He handed her a small piece of paper with his number on it. Marie raised an eyebrow at him. Remy grinned. "It's only what you make it out be." He said vaguely before pulling out some money and placing it on the table. "Let me pay." Marie tried convincing him but Remy would have none of it. "Non. You can pay the next time." "Who says there's gonna be a next time swamp rat?" She countered back. "Like I said, the number is what you make it to be; a friend, a lover or brother – Remy been told he's good at all the parts." Marie shook head in comical disbelief. "You're something alright." She said laughing before saying goodbye and leaving Remy in the restaurant. Remy, grinning widely, never took his eyes of her as she left the restaurant.
...
Marie texted Steve back that she'd be there in twenty minutes while she was getting into the car. The lack of traffic on the roads bothered her as she got there earlier than expected. She took a minute to breathe inside the car, and in her hand was the number from Remy. She didn't even think it through when she saved the number in her phone. She left the car and threw the card into a trashcan outside the building, before entering. Walking up the stairs she couldn't help but feel nervous. A million scenarios played out in her head, but she shook her head and ignored them. She hesitated at the door for a second before opening the door and entering the small hallway. "Steve?" she called out hesitantly. "Living room." His voice answered back neutrally.
When Marie entered living room she saw Steve sitting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table with papers all over the table and even some of them on the floor. She leaned against the doorframe crossing her arms not bothering to take of her jacket or shoes. Steve let go of the paper currently in his grasp, sighed and rubbed his tired face with his hands. "It feels like every time we solve a problem a new gets slapped in our faces." Steve said quietly. Marie sighed and sat down next to him. "I know." She said sadly. "We can't tell anyone about this. Not yet at least." Marie said. "I don't want to lie to our friends Marie." Steve said harshly while Marie rolled her eyes. "And you think that I want to Steve?" she asked him. "After everything we've been through together, after you've made it clear to me that honesty is the only way we can be together, do you really think that I want to lie to the people I care about the most?" She said hurt.
Steve sighed. "No, I… So what? We're supposed to ignore this until it becomes a problem? Why not deal with it right away?" He questioned Marie. This time Marie rubbed her face tiredly. "Steve… It's not my decision to make. Besides, at this point, I agree with Fury. The more attention S.H.I.E.L.D. puts on this thing, the more likely it is that someone is going to find out about – because they always do sugar. And that's a risk no one is willing to take right now. Not when we know so little about it." Steve exhaled "Jesus Christ." "Language." Marie berated him but without any heat.
Marie took his hands in hers. "Steve. Like I said. This is me being honest with you. This thing, whatever it really is, could probably destroy the world. And that's the reason why Fury is so adamant and unsure on how to handle it. And when Fury is unsure all of us are." Steve clenched her hand. "So we really are just going to pretend that this doesn't exist." He said gesturing to the papers all around them. Marie nodded. "Do you understand why I made that deal with Fury now?" "I don't like it." He stated. "But I understand." Marie kissed him on the cheek. "I don't like it either, but it's a necessity. Better to be prepared than sorry." Steve grunted. "I don't like you being in the middle of all of this. It doesn't feel right. Why you?"
"I honestly think I must have been evil in a past life, it's the only thing that could explain all the bad karma coming at me like a racoon at a restaurant dumpster." She joked trying to lighten the mood, but it didn't help much. Steve rolled his eyes. "Impossible. In what universe is it possible for you to be a bad guy?"
Marie snorted. "Please sugar, if I hadn't gotten photographic memory as a kid, my life would be very different now. I might even have joined Magneto willingly." The both of them shook at the mental image it created. Marie clenched his hand again. "What did I do to deserve you Steve?" she asked him honestly. "I could ask you the same," He said kissing her forehead. "Just know, that when this plays out, whenever and however it might be, I'm with until the end of the line." Marie hugged him as his words comforted her.
"So now what?" Steve asks her still unsure of where they stood on the matter they couldn't and wouldn't discuss anymore. "Now, " Marie says with a sad smile looking at all the papers. "We clean up this mess."
It didn't take them long to fall back into the same patterns as before the fight, Marie went to work and Steve went on missions. The times they were together were spent in comfort but Marie knew that the elephant in the room would at times suffocate them.
Both of them wanted to talk about the secret that they shared with Fury, but neither of them wanted to initiate the conversation out fear that the other would become angry. There was nothing that they could do with the knowledge they had. And it bothered them both, and after a while it started bothering Clint and Natasha that their friends clearly kept a secret from them that they weren't willing to share. But even they knew that there were certain secrets that they weren't entitled to learn, that belonged only to the couple just as Clint and Natasha had theirs.
Natasha had a cup of coffee in her hand as she and Clint strolled through the park a beautiful and quiet morning. "It bothers me. I need to know." Clint, Natasha had learned a long time ago, was very persistent. "It's their secret Clint, not yours. You have to respect that." She countered back at him. She would never admit it, but she was just as curious as Clint was. These last couple of months had been weird between Steve and Marie, and that left Natasha and Clint feeling weird whenever they were all together. "I'd tell them to fuck it out of their systems but clearly they're already doing that." He said with a grimace on his face with Natasha smirking at him "That's what you get, " She told him "For breaking into people's apartments." "Okay, I didn't break in, the door was unlocked so I let my self in. There's a pretty big difference there. It's not my fault they were going at it like rabbits on the couch." Natasha muttered an "I'm sure." before taking another sip of the lukewarm coffee.
"Whatever it is, it feels like it something that will potentially ruin their relationship, and I feel it's our duty to help them overcome it." Natasha rolled her eyes at him. "Uhuh, and you have no ulterior motive, you really want them to be together?" She asked him and this time Clint wanted to roll his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean Nat?" They stopped when they reached the lake and sat on the grass enjoying the view. "Clint, I know you better than you do." She said and Clint muttered a quiet "Don't remind me." "And I also happen to know when you fall in love." Clint snorted. "Please. That wasn't love. Yeah, I had a thing for Marie when I first recruited her but it was clear it wasn't both ways. She fell hard and fast for Cap. Who wouldn't, he's quite dreamy." The last part was said jokingly, but they both new it was to cover up some lingering pain.
"If you say so. I'm pretty sure that you haven't been with anyone in some time." Natasha commented and Clint shrugged. "So, I'm not celibate but I'm no man whore either." Natasha snorted into her coffee cup. "I'm just saying, I think it's time for you to focus on someone else, and if works out great, if not – nothing ventured nothing gained." Clint sprawled out on the grass. "Laura did call me up some time ago, talked about giving marriage another chance." Natasha grunted, "That wasn't really what I meant but whatever floats your boat Clint." "Come on, it wouldn't be that bad." Natasha rolled her eyes. "Then why do feel like if you do this, then you're not coming back." She said. Clint laughed. "You make it sound like Laura is planning to murder me and hide the body."
Natasha shrugged. "I've never been a fan of hers, and she never liked your job with S.H.I.E.L.D. I just wouldn't put it past her to figure out a way to convince you to stop working with us." "And me." Natasha thought sadly, though she didn't let it show. "Please, it would take more than just Laura begging me to stay for that to happen." Clint said as he stood up, while Natasha joined him. Their phones vibrated telling them to gear up for new mission. Clint looked at Natasha. "I love this job more than I love Laura. And that ain't gonna change. Only she will, if she wants our marriage to work again." Clint stated and Natasha shook her head but refrained from commenting.
Fun fact: When I wrote operation Rogue my main pairing was always, from the very beginning Hawkeye/Rogue. But the more I wrote the more natural it was to pair Rogue and Captain together. ...