A/N: So, you guys are awesome and frustrating at the same time. Y'all said such lovely things in your reviews and are happy to read whatever I want to write, which is very cool, but I kinda wanted more ideas from you, 'cause I don't have as many as I'd like right now! lol If anybody comes up with anything, please let me know, in the meantime, here's something you probably weren't expecting that I just really felt moved to write...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Goodbye and God Bless - 9th June 2022

He played it cool. That was pretty much Kwan's way with most things. He was all for everyone thinking he was laid back and easy going, that nothing bothered him at all. For the most part it was true, and when it wasn't, it was mostly only his parents, his brother, and the Lord that got to hear about it. Today was just a little different.

"You're quiet," said Tori, looking across the diner table at him. "That's just weird."

"Very weird," Jack agreed, nodding his head.

Kwan didn't even seem to hear them at all, just stared out of the window some more, in total silence, not touching his food. This was not usual behaviour for him, that much was for certain.

"And I thought I was going to be the depressed one today," said Tori then, shoving a second doughnut into her mouth.

"Well, it's good that you're not eating your feelings or anything," her brother teased, bumping her shoulder.

"You're lucky I love you," she replied, though the words were decidedly muffled by all the doughnut in her mouth.

Jack laughed as he tried to duck imaginary flying crumbs.

Kwan still didn't react. The truth was he wasn't listening at all. His mind was completely otherwhere. Some might assume he was missing Doula. He didn't love that she had gone away but it was only for a couple of weeks and they could deal with the separation, no problem. That didn't mean he wasn't suffering, but how to talk about it, how to put it into words, he had no idea.

Eventually, his eyes focused on Jack and Tori, bickering and shoving each other the way siblings tended to do. Steve and Kwan were like that. Not exactly the same, all families were different, but they did that. They teased each other, wrestled around in fake fights, but mostly got along like best friends. At least, that was how it used to be.

Lately things were different. The older they got, the more different the twins seemed to become. Kwan knew it was inevitable, everybody said so, and honestly, he didn't want to be a carbon copy of Steve and didn't expect him to want to be Kwan #2 either. They might look identical, give or take, but they were supposed to be separate people. Kwan just wasn't quite ready for the separation to be physical for so long.

"Seriously, Kwan, what is going on?" asked Jack then, his minor battle with Tori apparently over. "I've never seen you like this before. Is it Doula?"

"No, it's not Doula!" he snapped at his friend, realising too late that his tone was out of order. "I'm sorry, man. I wasn't... I'm not havin' the best week."

"And yet nothing to do with Doula leaving?" Tori checked. "Seriously, I'd get it if it were. I'm missing Dax like crazy and he's only been gone two days," she sighed, contemplating a third doughnut.

"Toria, come on," her brother warned, pushing the plate further away. "You do not want to be pre-series Monica Geller by the time Dax comes home."

She looked unimpressed by that and huffed out another sigh.

"I'm going over to Aunt Sookie's," she said, getting up to leave. "Martha and Jaime invited me to hang out. Besides, at least the snacks there are healthy thanks to Uncle Jackson."

"I'll see you later at home," her brother assured her, watching her go.

Jack's attention went back to Kwan then and he stared at him until the other guy caved. Something was going on here and he wanted to know what.

"Can't help you if you don't talk to me, man," he advised.

"You love Tori, right?" said Kwan all out of blue. "I mean, she's your sister, and even though you guys are pretty different, you love her and she loves you."

"Sure." Jack nodded. "You know that's not even a question."

"Not for you." Kwan shook his head, confusing Jack even further and he knew it. "I don't... Steve is the other half of me, literally. Identical twins. We all took biology class, we know how it works," he tried to explain.

"We do."

"So, we should be the same, or at least similar, and we should be inseparable, bound together." He made gestures to show what he meant, interlacing his fingers, making one whole out of two hands.

Jack really wished he knew what was getting his friend so upset. It wasn't like him to be this way and Kwan was way too smart to think that him and Steve spending some time apart changed who or what they were to each other. Still, he said it anyway, just to be sure. He had no idea what else to do.

"Kwan, just because Steve is going away to Bible Camp for the Summer-"

"This isn't about Bible Camp!" said Kwan, hand slamming against the table. "Or maybe it is, I don't know. I don't know." he repeated, getting up from the table to walk away.

He stopped by the door, looking out across the square. He could see the antique store from there and his brother bidding Grandma Kim goodbye for now. Something in his heart pulled tight enough to hurt.

It wasn't as simple as being sad that Steve was going away, although that was the catalyst for his feelings, Kwan was sure on that. He didn't verbalise well. It wasn't only Kwan that thought so, he heard his mother say it about him enough times over the years. She said he got it from his dad and that was easy to believe. There was nothing Zach Van Gerbig couldn't say in lyrics, but stating his feelings out loud never had come all that easy to him, even in their family home. Steve didn't have those problems. Sure, he kept the whole dream of being a preacher thing to himself for a while, but that was understandable, Kwan supposed. Steve never had a problem telling his family or friends that he loved them, that he would miss them while he was away this Summer, that he had feelings.

Jack watched Kwan watching the view, then winced for his friend when he both saw and heard his forehead hit the glass of the diner door. He was hurting, that much was clear, and it had to do with Steve going away. Unfortunately, Jack had a feeling that was only the half of it.

"You can't live in each other's pockets forever," he said aloud, catching Kwan's attention. "It's tough, I know. You think it's not weird for me watching my little sister grow up? To know she's dating and everything? You don't think sometimes I wish we were still little kids playing together in a blanket fort or something? Those were good times, but things change. Next year, I'll be headed off to college, leaving Tori behind, and man, that'll hurt, but that's life."

"So I'm just supposed to live my life and not care that Steve isn't around?" asked Kwan bitterly. "We were gonna be famous. The band and everything... It was supposed to be our thing, our dream."

"You're still mad at him for wanting something different."

Jack's words were a statement, not a question, but it was very clear to him now what the problem was. Kwan and Steve never talked it through, never got over the issues between them. When one brother chose a life devoted to God over a the rock star dream, the other didn't take it well, and though he seemed to have adjusted now, he wasn't completely over it. The loss of his brother from his future was probably hurting him more than the loss he was feeling in the present. Jack couldn't really help with that, save for one small piece of advice he knew his mother would give him in a similar situation.

"Talk to him. Now," he advised. "Seriously, Kwan, if you don't figure this out before Steve goes away this Summer, you might never figure it out. Then there really will be a rift between you guys and you might never get back to what you were before."

After a few beats of apparently silent contemplation, Kwan stepped back and pulled open the door.

"Thanks, man," he said to Jack as he left the diner, striding purposefully across the town square.

Steve had moved away from the antique store now, headed back towards home, and Kwan had to change course at the last minute, rushing to catch up to him.

"Hey, bro!" he called, jogging the last few steps to his side.

"Hey," Steve replied. "I was just saying goodbye to Grandma."

"I saw that." Kwan nodded. "You're headed out pretty soon, huh?"

"Pretty soon," his brother agreed. "I didn't know where you were."

"Just hanging out at the diner."

"Right."

It was so awkward, and that made Kwan mad. Him and Steve, they were never like this before, never stuck for things to say to each other, never feeling like there was anything off limits to them. They were brothers, blood, twins for God's sake. They should be able to share anything, everything. They should be able to tell each other what was up, that was for sure.

"Look, Steve," said Kwan, stopping walking and pulling on his brother's arm so he stopped too. "I can't... I want you to know that it's cool. You going to Bible Camp and all. I know this is what you wanna do, and you'll do it and be great at it. I mean, yeah, I'm not... I'd've liked it better if you still wanted to be in the band. Dax is great and everything, but he's not my brother. It's not the same. I guess what I'm saying is that it sucks not doing what we love together anymore, but I get that this is your dream now. I don't want you to not do what you love just so I can have what I love, 'cause you're my brother, y'know?"

He rattled it out so fast, Steve was sure Aunt Lorelai would've been real proud, but he caught all the important parts of what Kwan said. This was tough for him, to admit that he was wrong to fight against Steve's dream in favour of his own. Also to say what he was feeling, they both knew that, but he had tried his best, because he loved him. That meant a lot.

"Thanks," he told Kwan then. "And y'know, I could say the same thing. I would love for you to have the same dream I have, because going to this camp would be a lot more fun with you there, but I guess we can't always be where the other person is all of the time, at least not physically."

Kwan nodded that Steve was right, and they both smiled. They both knew what the other meant, and it felt better to have said it, shared it all, before it was too late. Before he had a chance to overthink it, Kwan threw an arm around his brother and pulled him into a hug, slapping him on the back for good measure.

"You're gonna be great, Steve, at whatever you do."

"So are you, Kwan," his brother promised him. "I know it."

It was always going to be tough to be apart. The big adjustment of no longer being side by side in everything would take time to get used to, but they could do it. Nothing changed the fact they were brothers who loved each other, nothing ever could.

To Be Continued...