I think I'm becoming obsessive.
I read over last month's entry, and the month before. Rick always said I was one minded. I guess I haven't changed much.
Depression does odd things to one's mind, or so I've heard. Nicky had a lot to say about it, I remember. Said it almost made you bipolar half the time, oddly focus or without passion, depending on the person. She was no expert on the matter, just another young adult with a big mouth. She apparently had experience though, her best friend, her roommate, and to a lesser degree, herself. Of course, there's no two cases that are alike. Everyone has their vices, their reasons. A chemical imbalance, a horrible home life, insecurities, doubts. The death of a loved one.
Dad used to call me soft hearted. It's not a bad thing, he said. It means that I can relate to people, emphasize. Nicky used to say I cared about people too much. That was, before she started calling me a little shit-for-brains.
So, maybe I transferred some of my will to live onto Micah, which is unfair of me. My tenious grasp at life has nothing to do with her daily activities. I need to refocus. Make a goal for myself. Not for Rick or Ricks ghost, or for a girl I barely know. I can't become obsessed with a person, for multiple reasons other than the whole creepy/ stalker aspect of it.
It's been a year. I've survived this long. I'll go back to my old goal, to be able to stand toe to toe with my father. I'll leave my past behind me. My parents haven't bothered to write me anyways. It's time to move past what I was.
Heh, easier said than done. I know it won't be easy. I know I'll probably take one step forward and two steps back. I'm prepared for that. If nothing else I know Lorry and Ruto will watch over me.
Filming starts today. My third project since coming to Japan. Though the filming for Mars Cluster should wrap up soon, Life Steps still has a few months to go. City Hunter is promising though, an epic of sorts. I'm looking forward to the challenge.