Chapter 10

Back in his room just before dawn, John couldn't believe how the night had turned out. She'd actually come outside in her nightgown! She still loved him! He loved her! He'd kissed her and she kissed him back!

He hadn't intended to. Things were going so well John didn't want to press his luck, and really, just having her there against him was enough. More than enough.

John had released her hand long enough to wrap that arm around her and draw her to him, and then took the hand in his other. Her felt her quiver and sigh as she settled against him. He kept his hand on her shoulder, but the temptation to wander was strong. It just didn't seem right. It seemed very right, just not then, not that first night. They'd been sitting in blissful, companionable silence for a while, John stroking Anna's fingers and running his coarse thumb over her smooth palm, when she said, her voice a little shaky again, "I still love you, Mr. Bates. I know you have reasons and you don't have to tell me…."

He'd have none of that tonight. It had been his intention ever since to the party to come completely clean, but the night had taken such a dramatic turn he wouldn't spoil it with his anxieties.

John pulled Anna even closer, marveling at how well she fit against him. His mouth was on hers before she finished her sentence. Her mouth was soft and moist and welcoming. He pulled back so their noses were touching and whispered, "Oh Anna, I love you too." John smiled as her eyes widened as he leaned in to kiss her again. There was nothing tentative about her response. It was like they'd been doing this their whole lives. John was glad he'd brushed his teeth before coming outside. Each kiss was slower, longer, and more luxurious than the one before. John didn't want anything to feel fast and frantic. He wanted to savor, in case it had to last. He moved his lips to that spot he'd been contemplating at the garden party. She did seem to approve. He heard the owl again, and somewhere in the distance a shot was fired. All the while Anna's supple body was pressed closer and closer to his. John realized, now that his hand had left her shoulder, he could slip it between her sweater and her nightgown and feel her even closer. .Feel the heat off her body, the tension in her muscles…He wasn't sure if he should. He did. She moaned softly into his ear. He kept his hand firmly just on her side where his thumb could graze the swell of her breast. He realized she wasn't wearing a corset. Of course she wouldn't wear a corset to bed; he knew she wasn't as soon as he saw her, but the physical knowledge was something else entirely from the mental awareness.

John swallowed hard and looked into her eyes. They tacitly agreed to come up for air, and Anna rested her head against John's chest while he ran his hand down her back and kissed her firmly on her head. Her hands were still; John knew she wasn't sure what to do with them, and he felt a twinge in his chest for it. Much as he hated to invite reality, they had been outside for hours and his leg was starting to throb and they should attempt a little rest before facing the early day. He put his mouth to her ear and whispered, "Much as I hate to say it, we should consider going back inside." She agreed, and they walked in silence through the dew back to the house. The sky was starting to lighten to grey, and John thought he could hear the sounds of approaching dawn from the birds and leaves. He kissed her hand at the back door and said "Goodnight Anna." She put her hands on his chest and said "Goodnight Mr. Bates" and disappeared upstairs. John followed, hoping they hadn't left obvious footprints.

He stretched out on his bed, reliving each blissful second, not expecting to sleep at all, not with the taste of Anna on his lips, when suddenly he jolted up. It was nearly half an hour past his usual time to rise. He readied himself for the day as quickly as he could and tried to stifle the boyish grin that kept appearing.

When John arrived at breakfast, Gwen met his eye knowingly over her teacup. Mr. Carson was muttering about muddy footprints at the backdoor. John hated the encroachment of reality. For his own sake, he didn't care what they thought. For Anna's sake, he cared deeply. He would not have her talked about. He doubted Lord Grantham would actually dismiss either of them, but John didn't want to put him in the position to have to consider it.

John was on his fourth cup of tea by the time Anna arrived at the table. She met his eye shyly and looked down to hide her own foolish grin. She looked tired, but radiant. Almost feverish. Mrs. Hughes asked her if she felt alright. As Anna slid into her place next to John she answered that she hadn't slept well. It must have been all the excitement of the previous day. John rubbed his leg against hers. Excitement indeed.

He still needed to apologize for Vera. He wondered if that would be different now. There was still so much to say.

John found her later in the morning while she and Gwen were making Lady Mary's bed. Gwen looked from one to the other of them, smiled, and left the room. Anna kept working as he asked, "Did you tell her anything?..."

"I had to. She'd been up and saw I was gone. She approves."

John wasn't sure now that she said if he liked people knowing. It was nice to have a secret. Gwen was a nice girl though, and discreet, and Anna needed a confidant.

John watched her work. He loved how the ties on her apron accentuated her narrow waist.

"Is there a time later when we could talk?" He lowered his voice. "Alone?" He bent over the bed with her to smooth the blankets. Anna did it with such grace. Her wrists and fingers were so dainty and so capable. He'd never considered how strong she was and yet how seemingly fragile until he'd actually felt her. She did everything with such grace.

Her eyes turned to him, large and sparkling, he grinned at her grin. "I could meet you later tonight when everyone is asleep."

Temptress.

He took a step closer. And another. His chin was resting on the top of her head. Her breasts were brushing his chest. They could wander further into the woods, or maybe take a blanket to the temple. They could throw off all social convention and set up housekeeping. He could lead Anna into a life of ruin and shame while she led him into a life of happiness and contentment and bliss.

"We can't make nights like last night, wonderful as it was, a habit. You need your rest."

She dropped her eyes. He shouldn't risk kissing her in the house. He shouldn't risk touching her in the house. He shouldn't be helping her at all. He kissed her between her eyes. She smiled.

"The ladies are going out and Mrs. Hughes said we're all to take it easy this afternoon after all the excitement yesterday. I'll be free until they dress for dinner."

"Excellent." John smiled. "I had planned to walk to Crawley House and find Mr. Molesley to clear up a misunderstanding we had yesterday, but that no longer strikes me as a priority. Perhaps you'd care to join me for a walk?"

"Perhaps I would," she replied with a wicked grin.